happy 4th

Sons will be here around 5. They're going to grill out with daughter, boyfriend and me. I bought some delicious looking New York strips. Not sure yet what I'll serve with them.


I spent the morning prepping the bathroom walls for paint, and I have almost all of the first coat of paint applied. So YAY!

I was sitting on the deck with daughter yesterday. She told me she's feeling a little down remembering the past 4th of July celebrations. It was a huge celebration for our family back when I was married. I don't try to recreate the old celebrations. It was how we did it back then.,,,,and it was great. But our family has changed........everything changes...even when we may not want the change................I felt badly for her.

vacation day 9

About once a month for the past 4 years I've made it a point to drive past a house that I'm kind of in love with..............each time I drive by, I cross my fingers and hope there's a for sale sign in the yard. This past Father's Day, while at my mom and dads house, my older sister told me about how she fell in love with a house, has been driving by it each time hoping there'd be a for sale sign in the yard. She finally tired of waiting, so the last time she drove past it, she stopped, put a note on their door asking them to call her if they were interested in selling...............the nephew of the owner of the house called my sister and told her he had just placed his aunt in a nursing home, &was planning on listing the house..............................................it's not "my" house, bbbut it's the house next door to my house.............apparently there are 3 sisters who lived in 3 separate houses next door to each other........nephew has placed 2 of the sisters in nursing homes, and plans on placing the 3rd sister (the one in "my" house) in a nursing home in the next several months. My sister gave him my name and number. He said his 3rd aunt is being stubbbbbbborn(my B key is sticking) but as soon as he gets her moved, he will call me to have a look. If I like the house it's mine. So we'll see! ( I think it's weird that sister was driving past the house right next door to the house I'd been driving past.............and 2 boot...2 other sisters were living in the houses. weird huh?) (not sure i want to live next door to my sister........she's probably not sure she wants me to buy the house next door to her) :O)

Boyfriend and I went out to dinner this evening. We ended up getting chili cheese footlongs, and ice cream. Talk about heart attack on a platter...................but it was so good..................we ate at a park while we watched a soccer game.............it was a beautiful evening.................................daughter, as always, was invited........but she wanted to go to Coney with a friend to celebrate the 4th. She had a great time.

Boyfriend and I have decided to combine households/move in together..............daughter and sons are all for it..................this is not a decision made on a whim...............I've been considering it for several years ..........he's been ready for several years, but has patiently waited for me to catch up. So there you have it, like it/agree with it or not!

daughters art work

Penny on the wall...

on lending money

My long distance friend called the other day. He's the guy who called several weeks ago to make amends, and then to tell me he planned on killing his self, and to ask if I would loan him some money. He'd recently lost his job and would at the end of June lose his car and be evicted from his apartment...........So he called a few days ago & told me he has 2 in person interviews scheduled. He also told me he hasn't thought about hurting his self for a week. He also asked if he could still borrow some money, 2 thousand dollars.......and he also told me that I was probably the love of his life.
He doesn't want to borrow the money if one of the interviews doesn't pan out into a job offer. I guess he's going to kill his self if he doesn't get the job.
When he first asked for the money I thought here's a friend who needs help. If I don't help him he will kill his self.... I truely thought he was suicidal. After giving the situation more thought though, I wondered
why a person would call someone, make amends to them....and then tell them you're going to kill yourself. Why put that burden on someones shoulder? I worried, lost sleep trying to figure out just the right thing to say to stop him from taking his life..............I mean if you're truely going to kill yourself, if your mind is made up, why torture someone by telling them you're going to do it......and then after you die, the person you told the suicide plan about prior to carrying out the act is left living and wondering what they could have done to save your life. So why bother to tell them your plan?...................unless of course you're planning on asking them for money......and you know they're a good person with a good heart.....and maybe a little too trusting..................................but the topper is when you end the conversation with "you were probably the love of my life."
My thoughts on that is this..........if I was the love of his life, why would it take 5 years after the break up to figure it out? It's not a difficult thing to figure out. Either you love someone and want to be with them, or you don 't. It's really quite simple. Don't you think?....so to say it to me right after asking for money is kind of insulting...................but I guess more than anything, I'm angry at myself for not saying "NO" I can't loan you money. I was afraid to say no. I was afraid I'd be contributing to his suicide. I was afraid to say no to a friend. I was afraid to say to him I'm paying sons college tuition & raising a daughter who will be going to college in 2 years, and the money I have tucked away (which isn't much) ensures I can continue to take care of my home and my children should I be faced with some sort of catastrophe.
He was probably making, based on what he told me, about 50 grand more a year than what I make......his children are grown, so he's not paying any child support....................how in the world does a person piss away their whole paycheck from month to month, especially making the money he was making, without any consideration for the future?? How do they not think about saving money for just in case? ....................... I remember a conversation with him from many months back where he told me he was quitting his job.........and I said to him "DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER JOB? FIND ANOTHER JOB BEFORE YOU QUIT YOUR PRESENT JOB!" He dismissed what I had to say.
I'm confused. Is he a desperate man reaching out to a friend for help.............or is he an irresponsible, manipulative man looking for someone to save him because it's easier than putting in the work it will take to save hisself.
DOes it matter? Because the reality is this...............I said yes when I should have been honest with him and told him I don't have money to give......not now, not when I have other priorities.

Would I be a terrible person if I told him I've changed my mind. Because if my 2 thousand dollars is enough to "save" him, and if he really doesn't want me to loan it to him unless he is offered a job, and if he's really making 50 grand more a year than what I'm making..............then it should only take him a couple of months to get his finances together, without my help. Right?

vacation day 8

Tha carpet guys came yesterday and installed the carpeting. They did a good job. It looks better than I thought ti would. I spent most of yesterday helping daughter move back to her old room. Seems moving into her big brothers room wasn't as grand as she thought it would be. She missed HER room. So we moved her brothers belongings back to his room, and visa versa.
This morning I baked some banana nut bread, cranberry muffins, and sugar cookies. My house smells good! The sugar cookies were sort of an after thought. I make them for the little girl up the street. She loves them....
Daughter has a mirror that came as a set with her dresser..........she didn't want to use it anymore. I thought it had potential if it was separated from the dresser. So that's what we did................ we took it out back this morning and painted it a bright yellow.................daughter usually sits on her bedroom floor when she does her hair..............so I thought we could sit the mirror on the floor propped against the wall for her to use when she's doing her hair.......it turned out cute......I'll try to get a picture.
I was checking out the paint job in the stairway hallway today. Daughter and her boyfriend painted it, and I hadn't really taken a good look until today. The first thing that caught my eye was what looked like a penny stuck to the wall, and painted over.............closer inspection revealed that indeed it was a penny stuck to the wall and painted. I asked daughter about it. She said she put it there for luck. My first thought was "dammit, Emm!" But then it made me smile cause that's my Em!

vacation day 5

I made myself get out of bed this morning even though I really didn't want to. I went out to the deck and read for awhile and then went back to bed. I slept until 3:30 in the afternoon. When I woke I stayed on the couch and read some more....I wanted to go back to sleep but I felt guilty to do so. I forced myself up....
I showered and then turned on the grill. I made ribs, and corn on the cob........and I also made a cake. Boyfriend, daughter, and daughters boyfriend had dinner with me on the deck.....it was nice.
Daughter and daughters boyfriend volunteered to paint the stairway walls for me.....I was so greatful, and of course I encouraged them to go ahead and paint....so while they painted I scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen.
As I type they continue to paint. I'm trying to stay away and let them do their thing. I'm sure they'll do an okay job. I feel guilty because it was supposed to be daughter and I working together.........I was going to buy a new rail, or whatever you call it, for the hall stairway, but boyfriend said I should just restain/paint the old one. Daughters boyfriend unscrewed it from the wall for me.....tomorrow I'll do something with it..............we also have to paint the bathroom, put in the new toilet, vanity, and floor......the carpet people will be here Wed. morning and I want all the work done before they get here.......I "picked" a bad time to come down with whatever the heck it is that's making me so tired and unmotivated.

monday

I didn't do a darn thing today except for watch tv.
I wanted to get up and paint. I wanted to get up and pull weeds. I wanted to get up and measure the banister, and repair a piece of woodwork. But no matter how hard I tried to get up off the couch, I just couldn't.....until around 8pm. So I got off the couch at 8p, took a shower, and did some grocery shopping. I asked boyfriend to go with me............and since I had to pick up daughter from a friends house, she also went with me.............and that's all I've managed to do today....oh, I also dropped a book off at the library drop box.
Boyfriend told me he thinks I'm depressed and he thinks I should go to the doctor. I don't feel sad...........but I agree with him that something is wrong.............and just because I don't feel sad, doesn't mean I'm not depressed............I also know I don't like feeling this tired all of the time. I have shit to do, and it's not getting done!

day 4 of vacation

DAy 4 of my vacation and I've yet to do anything around the house. I have had tons of sleep, watched 2 movies (he's just not that in to you, and nights in rodanthe), and read 2 books....dean koontz, a door away from heaven...atleast i think that's the name........and then i read "for lacey"...about the girl who was killed by her husband scott peterson..written by her mother.....i really didnt want to read another true crime book.....but this one didnt focus so much on the crime. i think the mother wanted to tell the world how much she loved her daughter, the enormity of her loss, and the type of person her daughter was............it made me cry. I hugged my daughter a little longer and tighter when she came home last night.
So yeah, that's what I've spent my time doing over the last 3 days..........I did manage to get back out to Lowes to pay for, and order the carpet for the upstairs bedrooms and landing, and stairs................hopefully they'll install it in the next several days....

i'm not sure what i'll do today. i'd like to paint the stairway walls that lead to the upstairs bedrooms...and replace the banister. i'm having a very difficult time though motivating myself. i hate to paint.

oldest son moved back in yesterday.
he moved into the messy room.
so it's not messy anymore, for now.
he needs to regroup, get his finances together.
his hours at work have been cut. like most americans, he wasn't prepared.

daughter is pouting. she wants me to take her to buy a new bathing suit. "i wear the same one everyday." Now I know that wearing the same bathing suit everyday is reason for national concern, but i told her no anyway. so then she offered to buy the suit herself if i'd just take her. the whole money issue aside, i dont want to shop today. so again i told her no. she rolled her eyes, and made a production of leaving the room. :O) cracks me up!

vaca day #1

day 1 of my vacation.......

woke early, stayed in bed and read awhile

went back to sleep

daughter woke me
showered
took daughter to work

came home and read a little more
took a 2 hour nap

picked daughter up from work

started supper (lasagna, veggie salad, garlic bread)

chit chatted with boyfriend and oldest son

had supper with boyfriend and oldest son

sat around and chit chatted with both my sons, and watched tv coverage of michael jacksons death

read for a couple more hours (dean koontz.....one door away from heaven)
finished the book

enjoyed it


that's it for my first vaca day

tuesday

One more day to work and then I'll be off for 11 days. So......YAY! I have so much to do around the house and yard. I've been putting it off though. So I'm determined to get it all done while I'm on vacation. Daughter said she'd help out. I'll try to make it fun..........mom and daughter working together, hanging out talking while we work....bonding and stuff. She'll probably ditch me after half a day! :O)

friday

I went to Lowes after work today to pick out carpeting for the two upstairs bedrooms, landing, and stairway. Daughter went with me. I wanted her to help me pick out the carpeting.
She picked out a shaggy like beige carpet. It's soft, and thick. I think it will look nice.

We also did a little Father's Day shopping, and went out to dinner. It was a pleasant evening.

When I got home from shopping my neighbor that works at the library sent down a bag of true crime books. I rarely read true crime anymore. It's too depressing. But it was nice of her to think of me.

Boyfriend screamed at me this evening.
It hurt my feelings. But now I feel hurt and pissed.
So screw him.

It's my weekend off of work.
I need to get started on finishing the work on daughters bathroom.........so that's what I might do with my time this weekend.

monday

Today is my off day.
I got up early to see my daughter off for her 2nd day of work.
She looks so cute in her little work clothes.
After her first day of work I asked her to describe
what it was like. She said "long & dreadful." :O)
Yesterday was her first day on the cash register. Her older cousin Mike came through her line. He was buying stuff for his baby. He said to her "how's it going".......daughter said she was concentrating on working the register and didn't realize right away that it was her cousin she was waiting on..............and then a boy she had a crush on last year came through her line..........he figured it was her first day.........so he says to her "I want to pay for half of it with cash, and the other half on credit card." lol........he was just trying to fluster her. I thought it was sweet.
I've been thinking about getting daughter a little used car.
I feel like I'm constantly driving her here and there........so it's kinda for selfish reasons...................on the other hand I think about the cost of insuring her, and paying car repairs ect....... just something I'm throwing around in my head....
I need to do some work around the house and yard today.
My car is in need of a good washing inside and out. So there's that to do............and then there's a flower bed under the deck stairs that needs to be cleaned out...........and some freakin honeysuckle trees/bushes that need to be pulled, again!.............and then of course I haven't cleaned my house in weeks.......so I have a choice of things I could do. I guess the best way to get it done is to start. So that's what I'll do.

thursday

I was off of work today.
Any day off is a good day in my book.
I haven't done much....still feeling a little run down, but much better.

Daughter had her interview, and it went well.
She starts orientation tomorrow. So Yay!


I have a pot of butter beans flavored with garlic and onions cooking.....bbq'ed ribs, corn bread, and a cucumber/ onion salad marinated in a sweetened vinegar sauce.
I feel like it's been forever since I made a nice home cooked meal. Smells and looks yummy.

I have a new neighbor. The house was a forclosure bought by a 30 something guy. He's a really nice person, and has been working non stop to fix up the place. The guy that used to live there hasn't touched the house or yard in years. It already looks 100% better.

tuesday

Daughter called me today at work to tell me K-mart called her to come in tomorrow for an interview.
It's her first ever interview.
She's excited. Awww!

Ex-husband called me today at work to ask me a couple medical questions and to ask for some medical advise.
He was quite nice.

Boyfriend called me at work today to say hello.

Ex-boyfriend called me Sunday to make amends , and to tell me he was checking out of life. He's not the depressed type...............not that depression can't affect everyone........but he always seemed like the type to solve problems & get on with things....he wasn't the type to get lonely, or to be down.....or to stay stuck. For the most part he was optimistic...............I don't know.....I'm confused and a little more than worried. He's 600 miles away. I feel helpless.

monday

I've spent the last week sick in bed/on the couch. The most I've managed to do is read blogs, watch tv,go to the doctor, and some of the time shower.
The good thing though about being sick is that I haven't had to work for the past 7 days, and I feel zero guilt.
Today I feel some what better. So my time off came to an end and I did go to work today. Bummer.

friday

I was so frustrated at the end of the work day.
I wanted to scream......cause I thought that if I didn't scream then my head and chest would just explode. My thoughts were racing. My stomach was in knots. I had a lump in my throat. I felt restless, manic, frustrated, and angry.
But while I was thinking about how good it might feel to scream like a raving maniac, I also gave some thought to how boyfriend was sitting in my living room, and how it would freak him out if suddenly from the kitchen came crazy, horror show screams.......... I didn't want to freak him out...and I didn't want my neighbors calling the cops.so instead I talked to boyfriend about my day......I cried a little, cursed a lot, and even yelled a little.......................would have felt better I think to be able to scream and scream and scream until I had no screams left.

off day

Today is my off day. I got up early to shower, took daughter to school, then came home and took a 5 hour nap. After my 5 hour nap I watched a little tv, picked up daughter from school, chit chatted with oldest son, cooked supper on the grill, hugged and kissed daughter goodbye (she went to her dads), took a ride with boyfriend, came home and watched Nancy Grace.
I'm still tired and will probably go to bed early tonight.
I thought about calling off work for tomorrow, but decided to be responsible instead.

I still haven't finished the upstairs bathroom, and I haven't touched the "messy room"............I'm hoping to have a burst of ambition and energy come over me soon.

wed

Boyfriend took me, daughter, and middle son out for supper this evening.We went to our favorite steak house. We've never had a bad meal there until tonight.
My steak was grossly under cooked and cold, and the shrimp smelled bad.
I hate complaining, truly I do. But what I hate even more is paying for something and then not getting what I paid for. (boyfriend was paying, but still...)So I spoke with the manager.
She subtracted my meal from the bill and she gave us a $25 gift certificate.
It mADE ME FEEL BETTER!

i JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE rEDS BEAT THE aSTROS.
I love baseball. I don't follow the reds like I used too.....but I still enjoy it every now and then.
My house is close enough to the stadium so that I can hear the fireworks when we hit a homerun, or we win a game.

tuesday

Oldest son called this evening and asked if he could move back home for a few months. His hours at work have been cut back and he's struggling.
I know it wasn't easy for him to ask for help. He's an independent guy.....and takes pride in handling things on his own.
So we'll see how things work out.

Work is going ok I guess.
I wish my time was really my own though....I hate when people say that if they won the lottery
they'd continue to work. I don't believe them.

My oldest sister had a Memorial Day picnic. All of my sisters and their families were there......as were my parents...........we had a nice time.

sunday

Middle son went to his dads house atleast several months ago, and hasn't been back. I mean he's been back for family cookouts, and Mothers Day, and stuff like that, but he hasn't spent a night here.

It's what his older brother did too......... whne he was 20 he stopped coming home from his dads house, and then stayed with his father until he moved out on his own.

Middle son is 20, so he's old enough to decided he doesn't want to float between mine and my exhusbands house anymore..........and we told him after he turned 18 he no longer had to float between the 2 houses, but he did anyway.... at 20 he's more than old enough to decided which house to park his self at while he finishes college, and until he makes a move out own his own.

The thing that I have the problem with is that I feel like they left without saying good-bye. Because I didn't know they didn't plan on coming back................and maybe they didn't know it either.................maybe they just postponed coming home a day or two....and then that day or two turned into a month, and so on. I still feel cheated. I feel like I deserved a good-bye....a thank you maybe.

So lastnight daughter moved from her bedroom to her older brothers bigger, better bedroom. The room was filled with sons trophys, books, clothing..............we moved all his stuff to daughters room.............and visa versa. I cried.

A mother should know when her child is moving away from home. She's earned the right to tell them good-bye, to help them pack, and to cry if she feels sad.

And that's what I did lastnight.

I cried.

Because when I was boxing up all his old trophys I was remembering my little, skinny, mischievous boy....and I found an old GI Joe tucked away in one of his dresser drawers.....and a hot wheel box with a handful of hot wheels still in it.........and I missed my little boy........ I couldn't help but wonder where the time went........and when did my little boy that I loved so much become a young man.

PS

the lottery is up to 170 million......i'll probably be a multi millionaire this time tomorrow. :O)

tuesday

Worked, cooked, took daughter to baseball, walked, pet We-Ping, watered tomatoes, watching American Idol.
That's my day in a nutshell!

monday

Today was my off day.
I took daughter to school then came back home and slept until noon.
After my 4 hour nap I went to the grocery store.........and then boyfriend and I drove past a few house that are for sale.
I saw one that I love but I'm certain it's way out of my price range. I'm not going to bother to call.
SOns came over to grill with me, boyfriend, and daughter.
We had steaks and pasta salad...............and then boyfriend, daughter, and I went to the lake to walk.
AT mile 2 boyfriend said he was finished, that he'd sit and wait until I was finished..........but then he changed his mind and did another mile. Yay! Oldest son was also at the lake. He was there to jog but joined us in our walk instead......it was a nice evening.

sunday

I worked today. It wasn't manic.
Actually the last 2 work days have been rather nice.

On my way home from work I called boyfriend to see if he'd go walking
with me. He doesn't exercise ever. I worry about his health.
I was surprised when he said yes.
After the first mile he said he was finished, that his legs were burning. (rolling eyes)
I pushed him, encouraged him, pleaded with him to continue to walk........and so he did, for another mile.
I let him off the hook after his second mile.
It's a start, right!
He's already agreed to walk with me again, tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to it!

friday

Nothing new happening.

Daughter is at her dads.

We-Ping is in my bed looking at me as I type.

Boyfriend is on the couch. I think I hear snoring.

My tomato plants look good.

I really do wish I'd win the lottery. I suppose I should buy a ticket every now and then....

It's my weekend to work. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on paper work.

wed

My new unit at work is manic busy everyday.

I have mixed feelings about it.

The day flies by, and that's a good thing, but I'm running on adrenaline all shift

because of the pressure to keep up with the never ending demands.

Throughout the work day I find that my stomach feels tied in knots, like I want to scream, want to cry, want to walk out.................................................and then at the end of my shift I look back at all I accomplished and think " how did I do that?".................and I'm pleased with myself.

THat good feeling at the end of my shift though isn't worth the prior 8 hours of emotional turmoil........................................................................and to boot, we're going to be starting 12 hour shifts soon. I don't know how I will manage to survive it........ if I even want to. Honest.

What's a girl to do?

It's always something, huh?





American Idol tonight...........

Randys bottom teeth do look yellow on TV.

My 2 fav in the top 3 are......Danny and Adam.

Alicia Keys looks pretty.

Simons tee shirts always look stretched out at the neck.

Danny is at home, he's crying(must be bittersweet for him).....I'm tearing up too. :O)

Kris is hugging his father and crying. Makes my eyes water!

I don't like Jordon Sparks the performer.

The granny peeking through the window of the limo to get a look at Adam made me laugh.

I'm disappointed that Danny wont be in the finale!

tuesday

I find that I'm worrying almost constantly.
What's wrong with me? FUCK!

I'm sick of it!

mother's day

It was a nice day.......
I spent time with my parents at their house.................. and then spent time at home with my sons.
Daughter spent the day at Kings Island...........but before she left she gave me a picture she drew. It was from the day her and I went shopping and tried DD bras on our heads. The picture cracked me up.

Grilled steaks, ribs, and corn on the cob with boyfriend and sons. We had fun.
After the boys left I spent time planting the trays of flowers my middle son got for me.........and I watered my tomato plants.
Boyfriend bought me some tulips, and a card from We-Ping. Made me smile. :O)
Oldest son got me a aromatic ready reeds diffuser kit. It's supposed to smell like the seashore. I hope it does!

And that's about it!

saturday

I slept in today. I hadn't planned on it because I had many chores to do. But I didn't wake until 11:30 this morning......................so the day was pretty much shot........or atleast that's the excuse I used to get out of doing stuff that needed to be done.
I did manage to cut the grass...............and that's it..........the rest of the day was spent just hanging out really not doing much of anything.
Daughter is babysitting and boyfriend is playing poker..........so the evening is pretty much mine to do as I please. So far...........................
I've shaved my legs, gave myself a pedicure, and conditioned my hair.
I'm going to order a couple of books from B&N's...................and then I'm not sure what I'll do.....................the bathroom upstairs is calling out to me "PAINT ME!" I'm calling back "FUCK YOU! IT'S MY DAY OFF!"

I tried to get all my sisters together to do something special for my mom for mothers day................but because we're all nurses working all different shifts and days, I wasn't able to pull it together................... I guess each of us, together with our own families, will visit mom at different times throughout the day on mothers day. After I visit mom I plan on firing up the grill @ my house for a backyard cookout with boyfriend and my kids. I'm looking forward to it.

friday

I went shopping after work today to buy my mom a Mother's Day gift.
I ended up getting her 2 pair of Vera Wang sandals (they're very cute), and a purse. Called my sister when I got home from shopping to ask her what she bought mom for Mother's Day. She bought her 2 pair of sandals. Figures!

I stained the new wood trim around my front door this evening. It looks pretty good but it still needs a little touch up work.

Work was crazy busy again today. I liked it.......
The nursing students were there today. I love working with them! They make nursing seem fun.....or maybe they just take me back to when I was in nursing school...............they're so proud when they perform any nursing task for the first time....................so I always make a big deal out of it.
They're sweet.

tuesday

My new unit at work is in worse shape than I had anticipated.
How we ended up with a perfect survey is beyond me.
I felt so frustrated and resentful today at work............I mean come on people, do your fucking job.

sunday

Tomorrow is my off day.
The only thing IHAVE TO DO is go for my annual physical.
I scheduled it for 10 am so that I get the benefit of sleeping in if I so choose........and I also get the benefit of being out of there and back home before noon. After my appointment I'm going home, putting on my pajamas, and watching movies all day. I went to blockbuster this evening and rented 4 movies to choose from to watch tomorrow........I also got some popcorn and Raisinets.
I'm looking forward to doing much of nothing.

I went back to Lowes this evening and picked out the vanity, mirror cabinet, and toilet for daughters bathroom.....also got the paint..........the old toilet and vanity are outside waiting to be picked up by the garbage man. Presently the room is painted the ugliest blue I've ever seen. I mean it's gross.
I'm painting it a nice off white and calling it a day!

friday

Start work on my new unit at work tomorrow. I like fixing shit, and I'm glad boss lady has faith in me.......but I'm just not in to it no matter how hard I try to fake it. So what can I say. I wish I'd win the lottery.

thursday

Today was my off day.
I got up at 5am. I fell asleep lastnight at 8 and slept on the couch, through the night like a baby. So I got up at 5am.......boyfriend was here, and awake.........we chit chatted awhile, he cooked breakfast, and then I filled out deposit slips, balanced my checkbook, and paid off my one and only credit card that had a balance.
When it was time for daughter to be up to get ready for school she called to say hello. For about a year and a half, she for the most part stopped going to her dads. She'd spend a night with him here and there........or they'd go out to dinner.......but she tired of having to move from my house to his every other week....plus he had spent so much time in China that she kind of got out of the habit of going....so she stopped. A few weeks ago she started going back.........usually for 3 nights. It's weird having her gone.......it's not something I've ever gotten used to.......I worry about her, and I miss her while she's gone.

Boyfriend and I went to Lowes today. I love that freakin store.
I'm going to put a new floor in in daughters bathroom.........and a new toilet and vanity. ........ the main bathroom needs a new floor too. I wanna save money and do it myself with help from boyfriend.......so I thought I'd practice on hers first. We'll see how it goes...

My boss asked me if I'd move to the skilled nursing unit. She said business isn't being taken care of over there, and that it's a mess...............would I mind moving to that unit and getting things in order.............this is the type of crap that I like. I like going to a mess and getting things in order..............but what I think would be even better is if boss would let me show the nurses that work over there what it is they aren't doing, how to do it, and a plan for managing their time & getting it caught up....................or pay me more money if I have to keep doing the work that others should be doing but aren't.....................just saying....

wed

The Kentucky Derby is Saturday!
My picks are...................

1.Hold Me Back
2.Chocolate Candy
3.West Side Bernie

& because I like the name, I'm going to place a bet on Summer Bird!

saturday

It's been so freaking beautiful in Ky. I mean you couldn't ask for better weather. We hit 86 degrees today........I spent the whole day and evening outside.
We celebrated oldest sons birthday today. A few of the guys son grew up with joined us for a grill out. It was good seeing them.....................it was funny because when they got here they called us to come to the front yard..............in sons jeep they had placed a blow up doll (Mary), their birthday gift to him..... all of them had signed the doll and they had a 6 pack of beer between her legs..............it was funny........

Daughter made the varsity squad.........so yay! for her.

We-Pings paw/leg looks much better...........there's only slight swelling.......and she's able to bear weight. A couple days ago she was in the front yard chasing/playing bumble bees. I suspect she may have been stung.........but would that cause pain? I don't know.....I'm just glad she's feeling and looking better. I opted not to take her to the vet.

I have a huge maple tree in my back yard. I used to love that tree. It's part of the reason I bought this house. I thought the kids would have fun climbing the darn thing......and they did............and they spent hours on the tire swing that their dad hung from the tree..................but now........well now I'm constantly having to sweep leaves, helicopters, & dead branches from the yard, gutters, roof, deck and grass........plus I think the poor old thing is half dead.............................I'm tired of it.............and so I have a tree guy coming to the house Tuesday to talk to him about cutting it down.

friday

I left work a half hour early to attend the child support mediation thingy. We came to an agreement that I can live with...........so now it's on with more pleasant things.............not rehashing in my mind things that were said, things that I could have said....things I should have said....or any of that crap.......not going there.......just going to go forward........anything else is a waste of time.

Daughter had cheerleading tryouts this afternoon.
She was #4 of 41 to try out(not sure if that's good or not)........but she did get out of there pretty early........she'll find out tomorrow whether or not she made varsity.

We-Ping's left paw/leg is about 3 times it's normal size....and she can't/won't bear weight on it.
The Vet was already gone for the day when boyfriend called him.......so she has an appointment for 9a tomorrow. I feel badly for her.

wed

Today is my oldest sons birthday. He's 24. When he was born I remember thinking he was the prettiest baby I'd ever seen.................. he was a great child......and is a wonderful, hard working, young man. He always remembers his little sister on Valentines Day, and is his younger brothers best friend.

I love him with all of my heart......and I'm very proud of him.

Monday

I spent 3 hours doing yard work this morning.
It's chilly, and drizzling, but I still enjoyed myself. There's something about digging in the dirt that I find cathartic.
I could probably do 100 hours worth of work in my yard and still
have more to do.

Exhusband and I went to mediation the other day. He requested a reduction in the child support that he pays. Rather than tie up the courts, we did the mediation thing.
According to the child support charts, according to the mediator, he's paying exactly what he should be. So I'm finding it difficult to negotiate. Needless to say we didn't come to an agreement....... we go back this week and try again.

I celebrated my birthday last week with my sons and my boyfriend.
They made the day special for me and it reinforced what I already knew.........and that's that I have a great family.........I feel very fortunate.

My mom and dad sent me a check and note in the mail saying they want to send daughter to driving school. I don't accept money from my parents, ever...............until now.............they really want her to go to driving school, and I think it's a good idea too.........I could have paid for it myself, and I feel a little guilty for accepting the money...........but I did.......and today I called the school to set things up.......I think I'll worry a little less if she does the whole driving school thing....and I guess I'll live with the guilt I feel for accepting the money.

wed

After work today I had a routine appointment with the gyn. I HATE going to the gyn. The only pleasant thing about the appointment is that it ends. I'm glad to have it out of the way for another year.

After my appointment I took daughter to have her sports physical and then dropped her off at her dads girlfriends house where daughter will have dinner with her dad and his girlfriend.

That's about it. I'm tired and am going to bed.

tuesday

Lowes came today and hung my new front doors.
I'm 100% satisfied.
I forgot though to tell them to put in a peep hole.......................they had to re-do the inside frame..(I had to kick the door in one time and was never really able to put the frame back the way it was supposed to be.)..so I need to stain the frame. All in all I'm pleased! YAY! I have my new front door!

monday

I had a wonderful Easter Day with my family.
It was great having my parents spend most of the day at my house..............loved listening to my mom and my daughter chit chat....................and had fun watching, on and off, the Masters with my dad, sons, and boyfriend. (A kentuckian placed 2nd!)
It truely was a fantabulous day. I didn't want it to end!

saturday

SO I've scoured the bathroom and kitchen sinks, scrubbed both floors, windexed all mirrors, tv screens, computer screen, scrubbbed the toilets, dusted all furniture and vacuumed.

I've made the potatoe salad and 2 pies...............and daughter and I colored Easter eggs.......and I've put together 5 Easter baskets.

Scrawny neighbor boy cut the grass in my front and back yard and he raked and bagged some leaves for me. SO most of the work is finished. All I have left to do is cook the turkey breast, ham , and baked beans.



I have a list as long as my leg of things I need to get done around the yard. Most of it I don't want to do. Scrawy boy promises to come back next weekend to earn more money.

He lives down the street and around the corner. He's a foster child. I don't know much more about him. Son and daughter tell me he's trouble in that he smokes pot, cigarettes, and he steals. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.

I feel sorry for him.

If he wants to earn some honest money doing chores around my yard..............then so be it.

I'll keep an eye on him.



I slept on the couch lastnight. I didn't wake until morning. :O)

friday

It's my weekend off! So, yay!
Tomorrow I'm going to clean up the house and start some cooking for my Easter dinner...........and I'll put together Easter baskets......and then daughter and I will color eggs to put in the baskets.
My parents are going to come over on Sunday to have dinner with me, boyfriend, and my kids...it's my first Easter off in 8 or 9 years ....I'm looking forward to it.

I went to the couch at bed time lastnight. It's much smaller than my bed.
I read somewhere that small spaces help reduce the anxiety in people with Autism. I thought maybe it would help reduce the anxiety that wakes me and keeps me awake at night if I slept on the couch. I'm not Autistic........but I'm obviously bothered by anxiety.
So off to the couch with my big comforter and pillow I went..................I woke once through the night. But I didn't lay there and worry. Instead I went back to sleep. SO maybe it worked........or maybe I'm through worrying.

Thursday

I took daughter driving today after work.
We went up to the church parking lot. It's a huge lot. There's plenty of room for her to make really wide turns. And she did!

Work is going well.
We're filling beds like crazy, and our staff has almost doubled. I like the people they're hiring........hopefully we continue to do good.

I'm going through a weird phase where I wake up more than several times through the night worrying that I've forgotten to do some really important task...........or just worrying about life in general.
I wake and worry "OMG did I pay my mortgage this month?" ANd I know darn well I paid it.....but I have to get out of bed and check my checkbook to prove to myself that I did pay it, otherwise I can't let it go.............and I wake up and think "Oh no! Did I miss the child support hearing?" And I know darn well I didn't miss it.............but I get up and check the calendar to make sure I didn't miss it.........or I wake up to worry about finances, health, my children, my sister, my car, doctors appointments, relationship with boyfriend, stocks, ....................... I'm tired of worrying but I can't seem to turn it off. Especially at night while I'm in bed. What is wrong with me? Why is this happening? FUCK! I can't stand it!

monday

Today was my off day.




I renewed my drivers license, paid my car taxes, and renewed my tags.

I also took daughter to take her drivers temp test.

She missed 3 questions, but passed the test. She's thrilled.

She's required by law to have her temps for 6 months before she can take her drivers test. I'll probably make her wait a year. Probably. I'm not sure.



I just finished reading a novel that stirred up a bunch of feelings that I probably usually bury, swallow, or ignore...............and I do those things to keep peace, or out of my own personal fears............and damn I'm so sick of it because in the end it just makes me angry, or frustrated, or just unhappy.....................................and I think to myself why are you such a coward...............

thurs.

I didn't do my taxes today. But since the child support hearing scheduled for tomorrow has once again been canceled, I'll probably do them tomorrow.

Daughters sports banquet was this evening.
We had a nice time.
Boyfriend and I sat across from a couple we sat with 3 years ago.
They're the couple who believes it's wrong to use your sick days at work..............and she's a very competitive mother. If your daughter scores a 98 on her chemistry exam......then you can bet her daughter scored a 99........or atleast that's what she'll tell you.................and if your daughter has done 40 hours of community service, she'll tell you her daughter did 80.
So tonight she made the mistake of telling me how her daughter made $250.00 worth of sales on the latest cheerleading fund raiser.......................the fund raiser was canceled so who really knows how much each girl sold....and who really cares........my daughter sold $45.00 worth of stuff....to me. :O) ......................but because boyfriend was listening and he knew daughter only sold a few things , and just to make him laugh, I told competitive mom that my daughter sold $349.00 worth of stuff. She was pissed...................boyfriend cracked up when we got to the car and talked about it. Daughter thought it was hysterical.

Ex-husband is in the hospital, thus the hearing was canceled.
He has some sort of infection in his foot that he's been taking antibiotics for for a few days. The doctor sent him from the doctors office to the hospital for direct admit this afternoon.................and he was in surgery by 5 this evening.
We talked to him on the phone after the sports banquet nad he says he's already feeling better.........so hopefully everything will go okay for him.

In 5 days I go for my 2nd hiv test. I'm optimistic.

wed

I'm watching American Idol.
The only 3 that I really look forward to seeing perform is
tatoooed girl, rocky horror meets prince, guy, and red haired girl................oh! and I like the guy with the thick frames around his glasses.

I'm off work tomorrow and the next day...................and daughter is at her dads.........so I get to sleep in tomorrow. That makes me happy!
I'll probably do my taxes tomorrow.........and then boyfriend and I are going to daughters sports banquet tomorrow evening.

tuesday

I gave up caffeinated soft drinks 3 weeks go.
I was drinking too much of the stuff. Now I'm off of it.......I allow myself to have hot tea though if I want it. But I usually only have about 3 hot teas a week.
I feel better that I'm not drinkng all that caffeine anymore.........and I don't miss it.

My mammogram was normal. So Yay!

I ordered daughters yearbook today.
I like yearbooks. It's a great way to document
a little bit of history.

monday

SOme guy on tv just said "brown chicken, brown cow.
I don't know why but it reminded me of being in the car with boyfriend, daughter and daughters friend on our way to Tenn. for a vacation......................at some point traffic was backed up, and we were practically at a stand still.........we were bored...........daughters friend had a rap cd.......we put it on, and turned up the volumn.........then me and the girls put on our sunglasses........and as our car passed other cars at like 5 miles an hour we'd send gang signs out to the people in the cars we'd pass........and we'd do some upper body dancing....like we knew how........we even got boyfriend to throw out a few signs............you had to be there.........we cracked ourselves up.......:O)

sunday

The child support hearing for last week was canceled.
It was rescheduled.
I just want it over.
I'm not good at dealing with this type of stuff.

Daughter and I got up early yesterday and went to have our hair
washed, conditioned, cut/styled............and had our eyebrows waxed. She's been jogging 5 days a week trying to lose a little weight. She's feeling better about herself, and so I wanted to do something to help her feel even better.....and to pamper her a little for all her hard work. It was fun. :O)

After the beauty shop we went shopping.
We both got new purses, and sun glasses.........and then
Daughter bought a bikini.............. I bought some shirts and a couple bras.
After shopping we went out for lunch, and chit chatted.
It was a great spending time one on one with daughter. She's a pretty neat person.

I went to Lowes last week and ordered a new front door and new front storm door.
I've needed to replace the present one since the day I bought the house. It's painted over a hundred times, you need a butter knife to work the lock........the frame is loose......it's dented, and out and out ugly! Can't wait for it to go!
SO queer as it sounds, I'm excited about the new door..........and I'm anxious to get it installed.

Daughter and I had a meeting at her school lastweek with the guidance counselor, english teacher, and the coordinator of the special ed. program.
the meeting was to discuss whether or not to test daughter for learning disabilities.
I tired to have her tested at childrens hospital on my own. i was tired of dealing with the school, and jumping through their hoops to no avail. but the hospital no longer tests children over the age of 15. so once again i found myself at the schools mercy.
the meeting was horrible to say the least.
the guidance counselor was unprofessional, inappropriate, and down right cruel i think.
at one point she says to daughter "how will you feel if we test you and we find no learning disability? TELL ME HOW YOU WILL FEEL! you will feel like you must just be dumb. BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY THEN IT MUST BE THAT YOU'RE DUMB! RIGHT?! and what if we do find a disability, emily? how will you feel then? YOU WILL BE LABELED DISABLEDFOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE SPECIAL ED. CLASSES WHeThER YOU WANT TO GO OR NOT. YOU WONT HAVE A CHOICE. YOU WILL GO! how will you feel about that?!"
Daughter burst in to tears.
We were also told that the reason they don't like to test children is because it "takes a lot of our time and it's not what we're about, not what we do."
So that was a part of what happened at the meeting.
and it was decided that we would have to jump through a few more hoops and then they'd revisit the possibility of testing daughter.
I however decided I would get a lawyer and force them to test her...................and I would file a complaint against the guidance counselor with the board of education.
I felt sad for my daughter. But we really talked after the meeting......and she was ok. She wasn't feeling defeated. (God bless her)
The morning after the meeting I get a call at work from the guidance counselor. She says to me "I felt bad that Emily was crying yesterday so I took her file home with me and REALLY looked at it. I've decided to proceed with testing. Emily is here in my office and she'd like to talk to you."What I heard her say was (I worried all night about my mean inappropriate behavior at the meeting. I'm afraid I might be in trouble. I'm going to test your daughter. Maybe that decision will passify you. Maybe you won't report me if I give you what you're asking for.)
SO daughter gets on the phone and the GC leaves her alone in the office to talk to me. daughter tells me the gc called her to her office to ask her what her mother thought of the meeting. emily tells her that we both thought she was rude, and inappropriate................and that she lied about emily having to be in the special ed classes if it's found that she has a learning disability.

While at the meeting I wanted to jump across the desk and choke the GC. But...............I was trying to keep my side of it clean. I was also planning in my head my day in court. I didn't want anyone to testify that I was being loud, disruptive or rude. I wanted to be credible...........i wake in the morning still playing over in my head the GC's behavior at the meeting..... i'm really not sure what to do.

day off

Today is my off day.
I went to bed lastnight at 6pm and slept until 5 this morning. So I'm ready to go.

I need to run a few errands, and then get organized for next week..........including getting papers ready for the child support hearing.
Exhusband called me yesterday to discuss the hearing.
He didn't like what I had to say, or that I didn't agree with him, so he hung up on me.
I hate this crap..........

I still haven't filed my income tax returns.
I need to get on it! I just don't feel like it!

Another company provided us at work yesterday with a catered dinner. It was their way of congratulating us on a perfect survey.
It's been nice.
Our DON doesn't feel like we deserved a perfect survey.
I know we didn't deserve it!.............but I told her we should enjoy it anyway, and just build on it....live up to it.........you know?.....

wed.

I'm enjoying an hour or so to myself.
It's not something I get to do very often, be alone.
I like it.

Work is going well.
We're getting lots of congratulations on our survey results.
We've had flowers delivered to us, a catered dinner, and several cakes.
We're just kind of riding the high. It's been nice.

Ex-husband filed for another reduction in child support.
We have a court date for next week.
Also for next week is my yearly mammogram...........It always worries me a little when I go for my mammogram. My anxiety is a little higher this year though because I misssed last years mammo.........
and then I have an appointment with school counselor at daughters school............she's dyslexic. I want her tested. It's taken a month just to get an appointment.................I got the message today from the school.............unfortunatley it's the same time as the court hearing for the child support thing............so hopefully we can keep the date the same, just change the time.
I've also scheduled my dental cleaning/exam.....................and my gyn appointment.....but not for next week.

Daughter is jogging with friends. They run 3 miles 5 times/week It's something they started doing 2 weeks ago, and they're sticking with it.
I'm proud of her.
She was gaining weight. She talked about it...................but then took it a step further and is doing something to fix it..................
I've tried to instill in my kids that it's ok to talk about problems they will have throughout their life................but I've also tried to teach them not to stay stuck in problems.......to take action to make things right. Easier said than done some of the time I know............but still....

The little girl from up the street just knocked on the door. She wanted to know if daughter was home. Her dog is missing and she wants daughters help in looking for the pup. I swear we have a serial animal killer in this neighborhood! Fucker.

I don't have to cook supper tonight. I had some frozen left over chili in the freezer.............it's on the stove heating up right now..............and boyfriend cooked a big Irish dinner for our family yesterday............the left overs are in the frig.......so everyone has a choice..........and I don't have to cook. :O)

friday

I left work early thursday.
i was sick.
i had stopped taking the antivirals on tuesday because of an upset stomach............by thursday i was having severe stomach cramps and fatigue................the medicine also made my sinuses feel like they were stuffed with cement...it was horrible.........come thursday, 2 days after no antiviral, my sinuses were opening back up but my sense of smell was hyper sensitive............so the combination of an upset stomach and hyper sensitivity to smells was all it took to make me barf up my insides for 24 hours.

boyfriend was good to me.
he made me hot tea that i didn't drink..........brought me tissues for my nose.......and stood behind me as i vomited. he brought extra blankets to cover me with when i shivered with fever, and even put the couch pillows on top of me per my request to help warm me up when i was chilling. (he laughed at me when i asked him to cover me with the pillows....but he did it anyway. :O) )
i woke this morning feeling somewhat better. i was able to drink some hot tea............and then i sucked the juice out of some grapes. i think i was dehydrated and my body was screaming out for fluids.
i've spent today in bed. i feel better but i also feel extremely fatigued, and sore..................while resting i received calls from the hr director, my don, my new work friend , and 1 of my nurse asst.......................all of them called to let me know we had a perfect state survey. (I was very touched that they thought to call me)
long term care facilities are the single most regulated businesses..........even more so than nuclear power plants. a perfect survey is a big deal........and i mean a really big deal!
we worked hard......lots of energy and effort. so i feel pretty proud right now. :O) but i'm wiped, and so i'm going back to bed.

wed.

It was a great day at work.

The inspectors are there for the week.

It sounds like we're doing ok so far.



One of the inspectors told our administrator that our care plans are beautiful.

Made me feel so good because I've done every single plan of care in the building. It's what I've been working on on the days I've been on paper work duty.

Tuesday

The weather here has been so wonderful the last few days. It's been sunny, 70, and breezy.......love it.
Today was my off day but my DON called and asked me to come in...............state inspectors showed up for our yearly survey. I didn't want to go in.........I was enjoying my nap.... but what do you do when your boss asks for a favor?.........especially if you like her? So I went in...........luckily I only had to stay for a few hours.

I didn't take my antiviral medicine today.
It was making me sick to my stomach. I haven't decided if I'm going to take it tonight.

My dads birthday was the other day.
I told him I love him.
It's something I've always wanted to do, and something I've always felt........but for whatever reason I've always been afraid to say it to him. I can't remember him ever saying it to me. I always knew he loved me....and I always felt loved by him......he just never said those 3 words. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't say it............but it bothered me that I wasn't able to say it. So I said it.........and then so did he...................I'm happy it's out there............and now life goes on. :O)

work and stuff

I did paper work all day long today at work. I got a lot done.......just hope I have a little more time before the inspectors show up.
I work the floor tomorrow.
Believe it or not, and much to my surprise, I'm always a little happy to get back to my patients and to my unit.
I like making sure they're getting what they need, pulling all the loose ends together, and making sure my unit is organized. Plus I like working with the nurse hired to replace me, who really didn't replace me, but who works the other half of my unit. We have fun together and are quickly becoming close friends. It's kinda cool.

The antiviral drug I'm taking makes me tired. But the good thing is that i've been sleeping 10-12 hours a night most nights AND I've been sleeping like a baby. So that's GOOD, huh?

this n that

Boyfriends biopsy results are all normal. It was a huge relief hearing the good news. I want him to stick around in this world for many more years. The whole ordeal made me realize what an important part of my life he is........he's my best friend......and I love him.

I went to the doctor last Friday.
My initial hiv test was negative...............and my hepatitis vaccine is still working..........I'll be retested in 6 weeks..... in 3 months....and 6 months. The blood "donor" tested negative for hepatitis.....positive for hiv/aids.
I'm tolerating the antiviral drug ok. It makes me tired........and like I'm coming down with a whopper of a cold (unless I really am getting a cold).......but I won't complain too much because having the medicine makes me feel like I have a little bit of control over the whole situation....

WOrk is crazy busy. Our census has tripled in the last 4 weeks. Some of the time it feels like one great big cluster fuck of a mess........but we'll pull it all together in time.....hopefully before our annual inspection.
I've been back on the floor for a couple of weeks........but I'm also still doing paper work part of the time. My DON tells me eventually it will become a full time permanent position..........she has an okay from the owners 2nd hand man but she needs to convince the administrator. We'll see.
The nurse from our new owners old facility, the one I thought they had hired to replace me, has become a pretty good work friend. She's a really nice person. Funny how things work out.

The nurse that caused my blood exposure has been hiding from me. As soon as she sees me coming she runs into a room, closet, or cubby hole to hide. The afternoon of the stick when I called my DON I was kind of emotional............and when I told my DON what had happened I also told her I wanted to knock BAD NURSES fucking head off.
I think DON told BAD NURSE what I said.
BAD NURSE was disciplined. DON wanted to fire her.....but for whatever reason the facility attorney said they couldn't.

infected ?

My work friend that was diag. in the end of Jan. with liver cancer passed away Saturday morning.
I picture him in heaven wearing bright yellow slacks and shirt,...& flashy colorful shoes......picking flowers. He loved picking flowers from the garden we used to have at work and putting them in vases on the dining room tables for our residents............and he always wore clothing that wasn't very conventional....especially for a man......................so anyway, he passed away......and it leaves me feeling a little down. He was a good guy.

I was exposed to hiv positive blood yesterday at work. The exposure happened thanks to a careless, sloppy, non procedure following nurse who works where I work. (I want to knock her freaking head off)
I spent yesterday evening in the ER/protocol being tested for hiv, being drug tested, filling out bunches of paper work, asking a million questions, getting a million answers, crying, and being prescribed anti viral drugs ..............drugs that will "make you feel pretty sick....make you feel like you have the flu, you're going to feel pretty rough." ...So yeah, I take those for a month..................and in 6 months I will again be tested for hiv.
I started the anti virals lastnight. Today my nose is running, and my throat hurts. I don't know if it's the medicine, or if I'm getting a cold............... this whole situation is unfucking believable. I'm scared.

sunday

I had the crashing airplane dream again lastnight.
Haven't had one in a pretty long time.........thought maybe they were gone.
This time I was taking a walk on the street I live........
Saw a plane over head. It was flying low with it's nose pointed towards the earth so I knew it was coming down......then I have that overwhelming feeling of fear, and the need to run and escape...............it crashed, big explosion, me rolling under a parked car to escape falling fiery debri.......... then I woke.....

Not sure what I'm going to do today.
I know I need to balance my checkbook.

Exhusband called me the other day. He was angry. He wanted to let me know
he sent money to the state to catch up the months of child support he's behind. Apparently the state sent him a threatening letter of some sort.
I kinda figured they would because I received a letter from them telling me that the IRS, credit bureau, and a couple other places would be notified of his failure to pay child support and their intent to collect the money.

VD

Happy Valentines Day.

I was thinking back over some of my most memorable Valentines Days (excluding any vd i've spent with present boyfriend).............2 of them stick out
1. driving to miami beach to be with my mom who had just had a heart attack and was in the hospital........i wasn't even thinking about Valentines Day........was just thinking about getting to my mom.........we were on the interstate when husband asked me to check the glove box......he had a card and an ankle bracelet in the glove box for me. It kinda pulls at my heart when I think about it. It wasn't the greatest time in my life. I had already told him I was leaving the marriage. He was doing (and had been for weeks) everything a guy could do who was trying to hang on to a relationship. It makes me sad to think about him hurtng the way he was.......i was hurting too........for a long time i tried to comfort him .........cant imagine how i must have been confusing him............ i was stupid to think that of all people, i could be the one to comfort him............it was a mixed up, messed up, fucked up time..........i hated the anklet. it was something he would like. not something i would like. i figured that after 20 years of spending time with a person, he should have known what i would like. but i also love that anklet. he went out of his way to get it for me and he probably figured that if he liked it, so would i.
a year and a month later we were officially divorced. i can't remember any of the other valentines days with him.

2.i was having the long distance relationship with the guy from PA.
i was at work and the ups guy brings to me a delivery from godiva chocolates. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. plus the gift wrap is so pretty. I thought it was cool, and really wasn't expecting anything else................but then another delivery......a beautiful bouquet of flowers, from pa...........and then later another delivery of a stuffed animal bear with balloons. he surprised AND indulged me that day.........i liked it.

friday

Another good day at work doing paper stuff................and it will continue for atleast another 2 weeks.

Got home from work and boyfriend had a box of chocolates and some tulips (my favorite flower) sitting on my dining room table for me for Valentines Day. I thought it was sweet. I'm not sure if he knows he's a day early.

When I was married we took our children to the ocean every year. Usually somewhere in Florida. The kids always brought home sea shells. I had a bucket full in the broom closet in the kitchen...............and I'm pretty sure I have more in the garage. When I get on a cleaning and organizing kick, I end up moving the shells from one closet to another.........or to a drawer or a shelf.....just don't know what to do with them.......I don't have the heart to throw them away.....I don't want to throw them away.......so....
I found these cute little glass jars with lids at Walmart. I split the shells between 3 of the jars, and will give one to each of my kids for Valentines Day.

It's my weekend off.....................no plans.........gonna take it easy........maybe do a few things around the yard.

thursday

Boyfriend had surgery yesterday. It was a very long day to say the least. He had some cardiac problems during and after the surgery but responded to multiple doses of cardiac meds given to him during and after surgery.
He's in my bed sleeping, and is doing well.
We'll have some answers in 4 or 5 days.

I got my first performance evaluation from the new owners at my work.
It was far better than I had anticipated.
I'm very pleased.

I love the work I'm doing right now.
It's strictly paper work........keeps me busy all shift........is challenging.......... No interaction with patients..........no racing the clock...............
No 50 demands at once.
No family dramas to deal with...........just me in my own little world with paper, pen, and charts.
I wish it didn't have to end.

That's the Ginger Bread house daughter and I put together over the holiday. It comes in a kit. It's a lot more difficult to do than you might think.......and to the right of the Ginger House are little ceramic pieces they daughter and I painted. They turned out cute.

We-Ping is well.

sunday

Not much to say.
I worked today.
It was easy since I'm only doing paper work compliance.
It's much easier and less stressful than working the floor. God knows I need time off of the floor.
So lucky me........for now anyway.

Fuck the IRS.

My ex-husband too.........

and fairy tales...


Watching the Grammys. I like Kid Rock. He's a good performer............and I bet it would be fun to go out and raise a little hell with him......and maybe have a little wild sex with him too.......just saying..

friday

I spent the morning at the hospital with boyfriend as he went through all the pre-op testing. His surgery is scheduled for Wed. His biggest fear is that he won't wake up after the surgery. I think he feels a little better though since talking to the anesthesiologist.
After our big morning at the hospital, boyfriend and I went out for breakfast. We go to a dive that's been around since before I was born and then some. The foods great, the prices are good, and the wokers are nice. So it's our breakfast spot one or two times a month.
After breakfast we shopped. Daughter needed a strapless bra for the Valentines Day dance. I bough her one for a dance last year but she threw it away because she "thought I'd never need it again."
I got a letter from the IRS. A couple months ago I had to do an amendment to my 2007 return. That amendment triggered other adjustments...........bottom line...I owe another 1240.00 bucks plus penalty and interest. SUCKS. (maybe I should stop doing my returns.)But I won't.
After shopping, boyfriend and I went to the animal shelter. Joplin wasn't there. I met a black cat. He was friendly. I pet him and then went to another area to look at other cats. As I was visiting the other cats I felt a cat rubbing against my leg. It was the black cat. He was a sweet little guy, and I seriously considered taking him home. But I didn't. I don't want to fall in love with him just to have him disappear from the face of the earth. So I reluctantly left the shelter without him.

monday

The big football game last night was fun to watch. Since I don't have a favorite football team I usually like rooting for the underdog........so even though my team didn't win...I enjoyed it.
The commercials weren't as good as usual, but I laughed when I watched the Dorito commercial. The one where the guy threw the snow globe at the vending machine.

Daughters Valentines Day dance dress was delivered today. It's very pretty, even prettier than the picture we viewed on-line...... but it's not the most flattering dress she's ever worn.

The Messy Room still sits untouched.

Boyfriend had a follow up visit with the doctor who checked boyfriends throat and tongue.......the doctor decided a ct scan was needed and based on the ct results decided a biopsy was in order.
So it feels like we're rigth back where we started. (he's ok. I just know it. I only wish he knew it too.)

Work is going ok for the most part.
But I think that some of the time management and the rest of the people in the building are totally out of touch with how much the floor nurses have on their plates.......it's frustrating.
The new nurse, the one from our new owners old facility has been working my floor. They have me doing paper work in preparation for our annual survey. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation even though it was my choice.

saturday

I'm munching on a bowl of frosted flakes. We-Ping is upright on her hind legs, front paws on my thigh, patiently waiting for me to finish off the cereal so that she can have the leftover milk.

I spent all of today scrubbing this house. It's not the way I want to spend my time off of work, but it needs to be done. And since I can't afford a maid........
Feels good though when the whole place (not counting the messy room) is clean.

No freezing rain or snow today. Thank goodness! I really am ready for spring.

Daughter has been putting on some weight. Not a big deal.......and it's not something I brought up.....I think she's beautiful.....she brought up the whole weight gain thing...she asked me what she should do.....what we've decided to do is make the Messy room an exercise room..................after we get the room clean, painted, and carpeted, we're going to put the treadmill, exercise bike, weights, tv with exercise videos. and stereo in there for our pleasure. I think we'll have fun working out together......

friday

It's been a very long week. Kentucky has been slammed by snow storms and ice storms. Getting to work, and home from work, has been a struggle. A couple of the nurses spent the night at work rather than take their chances driving. I'd rather drive through hell then spend the night at work. But it's been difficult.

I have phone lines down in my front yard. My phone lines are working, so I assume it's my neighbors line.

Daughter has been out of school all week because of the weather. I guess it's a good thing. She's down and out with a pretty nasty cold. (poor boo!) Her Valentines Day dance is around the corner. We ordered her dress on-line rather than shop in thsi crappy weather. I love the dress she picked out. Can't wait to see her in it.

I've yet to touch the messy room. I have all these grandiose ideas of what to do with the room and yet I can't seem to get off my butt and get started on the project. Maybe tomorrow I'll get started?

One of my work friends, a guy who heads another department, was diag. this week with a terminal illness. He probably has a few months left to live. He won't be coming back to work.
I've always liked him...he's funny, humble, and he reminds me a little of my friend that died several months back...and so I always went out of my way to file his charts after he had completed his work.(I curse the other department heads when they leave charts on my desk rather than put them away.)
So we've always had thsi little game where he pretends I'm his secretary,& he's my boss. I'd call his office every now and then to ask if he needed coffee, to ask if I could have a raise,and to let him know Obama, Hilary, or Martha Stewart had called for him. (he loves all 3 of them.)
Some of the other nurses would want to play the game. They'd ask him if they could be his secretary too, and he'd always say to them "NO! I already have a secretary and she's the best." He even told one of the African American nurses "I don't hire coloreds!" lol......He's black.....and of course he was joking.......but
He was always faithful to me in our game..... I love him as a work friend......I'm sad and sorry for what he is going through...and I'll miss him.

Friday

I worked a double shift Wednesday in exchange for Thursday off. So I actually had two consecutive days off work. It was nice.
I went shopping today and out to lunch with boyfriend.
I bought new kitchen and bathroom curtains.....a new shower curtain.....bath towels...tv table....throw rug ..and coffee table. It was fun buying stuff. :O)

Son's on the Deans list. He got the letter a couple days ago. I'm very proud of him!

sunday

Some of my coworkers were talking about how good pomegranates taste. I've heard boyfriend talk about how much he likes them. I had never heard of them prior to boyfriend and coworkers mentioning them. How could that be?
SO I bought a couple of them the other day..........and I tried my first one today. I wasn't sure how you're supposed to eat them. So I cut it into 3 pieces. Picked up one of the pieces and sucked some of the juice and seeds into my mouth. I chewed the flavor out of the seeds then spit them in the garbage. It was a little messy, and my shirt has a purple stain down the front......so I'll know better next time. It was good.......and I think it will taste great on a hot summer day..........might even be good to put some of the seeds in yogurt. If the seeds are safe to eat. Boyfriend says they are......so that was my new experience for the week.

Thursday

Work has been crazy busy. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep up the pace.

Our new owners are presently closing one of their other facilities. They're bringing 2 of the nurses from that facility to our facility. Actually both of those nurses started orientation at our facility today.
So now I understnad why they fired one of my co-workers lastweek. I feel bad for her. I can't help but worry who they will fire next in order to open up another position.
So I asked the HR lady. The HR lady told me there was discussion about who should be let go. That "they" went down the list of nurses and discussed each one. She said my job is safe.
Do I believe her? I believe that she believes my job is safe. But you never know what people are going to do. Their loyalties aren't with me. It's with the people they've been working with for years. Including the 2 nurses who were in orientation today.
So I go from being worried to thinking..... whatever.

Daughter left a note and a banana muffin on the table for me to find this morning.
The note said
"I know I'm 16 and growing up......but don't forget....no matter what...I'm still YOUR little girl. I love you. Have a good day....be safe and wear your seatbelt. Emily."

A.Is she feeling guilty for growing up? B.Is she worrying she won't be my baby if she grows up? C.Does she think I'm sad because she's growing up, and she's trying to reassure me? Well, because I am who I am.....I asked her. She said she thinks it makes me sad that she's growing up. I tired to explain to her best as I could that all parents probably have mixed feelings, including sad feelings about their children growing up...........but that doesn't mean we don't want our children to grow up and be independent.........I also reassured her that she'll always be my girl, and I'll always love her.

wednesday

Work was busy today.
I had 3 admissions, and about 12 nursing students on my unit. It was kinda fun having the students. They'll be with us for 10 weeks.Whne my DON asked me a couple months ago how I felt about having the students come to our facility, I told her I wasn't thrilled by the idea, and I begged her not to do it.My reasons were selfish ones. I'm glad she didn't listen to me. I'm looking forward to working with them. Their enthusiasm is a little contagious......and maybe I have something to offer them..............AND, it made me feel good when my DON told me that the nursing students instructor told her (my DON) that she really really likes me. It just feels good to be patted on the back now and again. You know? Especially when you're kinda feeling like shit.

American Idol started it's new season lastnight.
So far my favorite is the tatooed girl who has her lip pierced.........

tuesday

I feel a little better today then I did yesterday.
I woke up today and took daughter to school. I was feeling tearful, and a little down. So when I got home from taking her to school I went back to bed. I slept until 3 this afternoon. Daughter stayed after school to work on an assignment and then she has a basketball game to cheer. I talked on the phone to her just to touch base........... made a pot of chili and took a shower.Son stopped by after work and on his way to his dads. He brought me his tuition receipt, and we had a nice little chat. Boyfriends in my bed napping, and I'm just sitting here on the computer, and watching csi miami.
I feel rested and calm inside.
I'm going to head downstiars in a bit and do a little work on the messy room, and then I'm going to balance my checkbook.

monday

This is my 3rd attempt to blog tonight. Everytime I start typing, everything I'm feeling gets all tied up in a knot in the pit of my stomach...............and then I start crying. So let me make it simple..........

Here is what I'm feeling......
1. depleted
2.resentful
3.angry
4.guilty

That's as good as I can do for now.

fuck it

What's the point...................that's how I feel right now. What's the point in trying, giving, caring, working, wanting, wishing. What's the point?
I'm tired, I feel defeated, and I think fuck it. FUCK IT!

saturday

I guess I'm going to start working on the room in the basement.
It's gone through several changes over the years...................right now it's part bedroom, part pool table room.....................but mostly it's just a messy room. So the first thing I'm going to do is pack up all the things son left behind when he moved to his first apartment.....................and lucky for me, he recently found a newer, prettier, better, bigger apartment and stopped by tonight to ask if he can take the pool table off my hands when he moves into his new place.
I love the pool table. It's actually a very pretty piece of furniture......but it takes up so much space.............I've brought up the idea of selling it..............but have always met resistance from my sons. It reminds them of pre-divorce times. They didn't want to let it go. But now that son wants it, and since it will still be there for both sons.........they are ok with it not being in this house................
So I told son he could take it to his new apartment.
...tomorrow I will pack away all the things in the room, and then clean the room from top to bottom. Then I will prepare the room to be painted...................and as I paint the room, and the stairway that leads to the room, I will decide how I want to use the space.

monday

So I called in to work today.................actually I called off at 11:30 lastnight. I stayed up late watching TV and cleaning my living room.
I took daughter to school this morning then came home and put a roast, carrots, onions, bell peppers, and cream of mushroom soup in the crock pot. I baked a chocolate cake, balanced my checkbook, frosted the cake, then took a nap. It felt good.
I've had little pangs of guilt at intervals throughout the day due to my calling in sick. But I needed the day off, and it felt good to be home without anything pressing that needed to be done. I'm dealing with the guilt. :O)

sunday

I finally have all my Christmas decorations packed and put away. As I put them away I wondered to myself what the New Year might bring...............and because I've been going through whatever it is I'm going through, the thought of what the new year might bring kind of scares me.
I worry about dying, or about someone I love dying. I read somewhere that this worrying I've been doing about dying is a symptom of a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is, or maybe it's something else. I don't know.

I'm thinking about calling off work tomorrow. I just don't want to be there. I want to be at home. I want to be the one to take my daughter to school. I want to be able to have the time to cook a nice dinner for my family. I want to fiddle fart around the house, and around the yard. So I'm thinking that's what I'll do........I'll call in.....

Joplins probably not going to be coming home. I wish I could press my face up against his fur and give him a kiss. I miss him.

Joplin update

Joplin is still missing. I was hoping he was out getting his groove on with a cat in heat, and that he'd return when the other cat went out of heat............but it's been 8 days............so I'm losing hope. It sucks.

tuesday

Joplin is still missing. I miss him so badly I can hardly stand it.
Daughter and her friend made "missing cat posters" and "reward posters" to hang around the neighborhood.
My 11 year old nephew who lives a few streets away has his friends keeping an eye out for kitty.
I'll call the shelter, and the pound tomorrow.
We-Ping keeps searching around the house for Joplin.....and seems a little restless. I think she misses him too.

Daughter, daughters friend, and I went shopping and out to lunch today. We all had a few Christmas gifts to return. While we were out, daughter wanted to get her ear pierced. The upper ear......where it's all cartilage. I'm not big on piercings and tattoos. I have single ear piercings, and that's it........though I have given some thought to getting a tattoo, I've never followed through. I think I'd get tired of seeing the same piece of art on my body, everyday, day after day for the rest of my life.
After daughter had her ear pierced, and because she had to buy a pair of earrings to get the piercing, she had an extra earring. So I too had my upper ear cartilage pierced. It hurt like a mother! I screamed. Daughter and her friend laughed till they nearly peed themselves.
I like it, the pierced upper ear. Daughter likes hers too.
We had fun today& It was a distraction from worrying about my Joplin.

milk carton cat

Joplin has been missing since 5:30 pm yesterday.
She ran out the kitchen door while I was bringing in groceries. But that wasn't a big deal because she(she's really a he but I call her a she out of habit) goes outside to play everyday.
I called for her to come in more than several times lastnight. But she never did.
I'm trying not to think about it because it's heart breaking. I keep thinking about Laquisha, another cat I had that went out to play and never came home, ever.
I'm hoping and praying will all of my heart and soul that Joplin returns.

christmas

Christmas Day was busy and fun. It was filled with family, food, gifts, conversation, laughing, and love.
I felt very grateful.

The above picture is of my 2 sons, my daughter, and my parents.

Christmas Eve

I have an apple pie and a cherry pie in the oven. My house smells so good!
Boyfriend, the kids and I are having dinner here today. I bought paper plates so that clean up will be a cinch.
I made the turkey and potato salad lastnight......and I spent the day cleaning house. So all that's left to do is make the bake beans and put ribbons and bows on the gifts.

The rest of my day will be spent soaking in a hot bath, reading one of the 6 books I found sitting on my front porch this morning (I don't know who put them there), and maybe watching a Christmas movie if I can find one on TV. :O)

Monday

I baked cookies today, lots of cookies........ Daughter helped me. It was fun spending time with her. I told her some of the Christmas stories from my childhood. I want her to know me. You know? And she talked a lot about school and her up coming skiing/tubing trip. I like listening to her talk about her life.

There's a lady up the street who has 4 kids. They don't have much money because her husband refuses to keep a job. He smokes weed and parties a lot with his friends. He's one of those irresponsible dicklicks that produces kids....................she tries to be a good mother. I guess her fault is in picking a dicklick of a husband and then making a bunch of babies. She tries to make the best of it. I like her children. So I make them lots of cookies at Christmas.

I keep saying it, but I'm taking a trip soon. I need to get away from the same old boring everything. All I can think about is February in Miami. It's positively wonderful there that time of year................and it's what I keep thinking about.

Sunday

My mom says she's feeling better today.
She still feels weak and tired, but says she feels better.
She absolutly refuses to let me and my sisters cook the Christmas dinner. We tried with every ounce of our being to talk her in to it, but she refuses. Made me feel a little sad cause I know she's not really up to it. My oldest sister and her daughter-in-law are going to moms Tuesday. They think they're going to help mom clean house and wrap gifts. But all of that has been done. So mom says she will let them help her do peeling, cutting, mixing and such so that mom will only have to pop things in the oven on Christmas day. That made me feel better.

My dad called me tonight to ask me if I knew whether or not my sister was doing drugs again. She has roughly 24 years sobriety. But in recent weeks I've wondered the same thing as my dad. I've also thought that maybe something else might be going on with her. None of those things good.
I promised dad I'd talk to her..............and I will.

My middle son is officially a college junior. I'm proud of him for sticking with it.

My oldest son stopped by this evening after he and my middle son did their Christmas shopping. They spent the morning and early afternoon hunting and then went straight to the mall to shop.
I've had a difficult time adjusting to oldest son being out on his own. Or maybe it's just that I miss not seeing him everyday. I'm a dork I guess. But I do miss him some of the time. It always makes me happy to see him.

Sunday

I spent the late afternoon and the evening with my mom yesterday.
She has been sick for a week with some virus I guess.My two older sisters and my dad have been tending to her the past several days. They said she was fine, and I guess she is. But she looked a lot worse than I was expecting. When I got to her house I could hear her in her bed moaning.
Her temp. is up, her blood pressure is down, and she's a tiny bit confused, she's pale and she's weak...........walking from her bed to the bathroom made her pant for breath. I gave her something for her fever, and made her take her heart pill that she hadn't been taking.(she decides what she's going to take, and when. She can be a very stubborn patient.)
And I'm 100% sure she's dehydrated. So I made her eat some jello, and drink some water.
She was worried about her Christmas presents getting wrapped. So she sat in the living room with me while I wrapped her Christmas gifts...........actually I ran to the store and bought a bunch of great big gift bags. So everything has been bagged, and put under her tree. I hope I have the right gifts going to the right people.
The last hour that I was there mom was very talkative and up and about a little. She said she felt like she was over the "hump".........and she was looking a little better. SO I hope she truely is feeling better and on the upswing.
Today mom needs me to run a couple errands. So I'm going to pay my bills, run errands for mom, and then I plan on baking some Christmas treats with my daughter.

12-17-08

2 more days until my vacation!

Tuesday 12-16-08

Three more days to work and then I'm on vacation. Yay!

I'm just going to enjoy my family and the Christmas celebration while on my vacation. Anything else is up in the air.

I love this time of year, the Christmas and New Year holiday season. But during this time of year I worry, more than my usual worrying, about all the people I love being safe. I get scared and worry that someone will get hurt in an accident or die. I don't know why I worry, especially during the holiday season, but I do.

saturday

Yesterday was my off day.

I got up before the sun, went out to breakfast with boyfriend, and then went to the mall.

We shopped until my feet hurt so bad I had to take my shoes off to continue to walk.

I think boyfriend thought I was exaggerating the pain I felt in my feet until we got home and he could see the blood blisters on the back of my heels. I left the shoes in my car and threw them away this morning before leaving to go to work.

All I have left to buy for Christmas is a gift card, and a present for daughters cheerleading coach.........Yay!.............



Boyfriend just called. He's bringing over Chinese food for supper. We have the house to ourselves until 10pm. Wonder what we will do with all that time?



My nephews daughter was born last week. She was transferred to Childrens Hosp. ICU where she's been for the past week.......until today. She's at home. They thought she might have all kinds of fancy sounding diseases because she didn't want to eat, and she didn't have a bowel movement according to their timetable. My nephew was beside himself with fear and worry. He was very emotional......very tearful. I felt badly for him..........and finally, on day two, because I know what I know, I told nephew THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRL! TRUST ME! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG!" He calmed down, and it turns out I was right. Thank goodness. :O) So sweet Taylor is at home in her warm little bed.

wed

State inspectors are at my work.
It's stressful.
When I'm really stressed my jaw hurts.
My jaw is hurting. It hurts to eat, hurts to yawn.....hurts to open my mouth.

I just watched the news. They did a story about the news lady that was beaten to death in her home. Sad story.............&
Now I'm afraid. Son is at his dads house tonight............
I put a chair in front of the door that opens to the basement stairs. Not that it will keep anyone out, but atleast i'll hear them if they open the door.......I have a hammer under my bed...and I called boyfriend to come spend the night.

work

I snapped at the HR lady today at work.
She's vengeful. So i'm a little worried.
On the other hand though I think our new administrator
isn't especially fond of the HR lady.........but i'm pretty sure she likes me.
I hate this type of crap.

weekend

MY weekend in a nutshell.....
grocery shopping and banking
out to breakfast and Christmas shopping with daughter.......(i love spending time with her. she's growing up......part of me wishes they didn't have to grow up.)
Dinner out with my mom and sisters....(we do it once a year at Christmas time. It's one of my favorite nights of the year.)
Wrapped a million and 1 Christmas gifts...(YAY! I'm relieved it's finished....and I enjoyed doing it!)
Dusted and organized dining room ..
Cleaned out broom closet...
hung 3 pictures with help from boyfriend......
Hung outdoor Christmas lights with help from daughter...

Joplin

Tuesday

While driving to pick up my daughter from cheerleading practice tonight I saw a falling star. It was pretty to see.........and yes, I made a wish. :O)

I was thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow. But I won't.

Boyfriend took me out to breakfast this morning, and then we did some Christmas shopping. It was fun.

monday

When I painted my living room last month, I also painted the hallway. It runs between my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. After painting the hallway I bought a full length mirror with a thick black frame. It's pretty. I didn't want nail holes in my wall so I bought double sided velcro and hung the mirror with the velcro. ........................I was sitting in bed the other day munching on turkey, and watching tv. I kept hearing this strange popping noise. I thought it was electrical wires in my wall catching fire. I got up to investigate. While walking down the hallway the noise got louder. I put my ear to the wall and listened. And that's when the mirror fell from the wall and landed on my baby toe. The noise I was hearing was the velcro pulling away from the other velcro strip.

My baby toe is cut, swollen, and purple. :O(

Daughter called me right before I left work for the day. She wanted to know if I'd stop and buy her some foundation on my way home from work. So on my way home from work I stopped at Walgreens and got her some foundation (Loreal Mineral), some soft drinks, and some razors. I get home, unload the things I purchased and find that I also have a bag with 3 packs of Christmas lights. I didn't remember buying them so I checked my receipt. They weren't on the receipt. (woohoo! I got something for nothing!!) Daughter could read my thoughs I suppose because she says to me as a sort of warning "Karma mom!" And then I guess she saw the disappointment in my face so she says " Look, why don't you keep one box and return the other two." I cracked up laughing. (she cracks me up.)
So I have 3 boxes of Christmas lights sitting on my kitchen counter................and I keep thinking how pretty they'd be lighting up my front porch.........and that maybe I could use them and then return them after Christmas.

Friday

I had a turkey sandwich and pumpkin pie for breakfast. :O)


I had Thanksgiving dinner with my sons, daughter, and boyfriend.
We used our new dining room furniture, the furniture from my childhood.
The table looked pretty, and it brought back memories.
I love having all my kids together. It's difficult to do with everyones work and school schedules. But it's important to do, and we had a really nice time.

Both cats are sleeping off their turkey hangovers.

I'm off work today. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to stay in my pajamas, watch tv, and graze on leftovers all day or if I'm going to do some shopping.

Wed.

I've baked the pumpkin pies. They're wrapped in aluminun foil and in the refrigerator.
The veggies have been cleaned, cut, and arranged on the veggie tray....covered with aluminum foil and in the frig.
I've cleaned the turkey, seasoned it, rubbed it down with oil & have it in the cooking bag with onions and celery....... it's in the frig. waiting to be baked.

So while I'm at work tomorrow, boyfriend will put the turkey in the oven. :O)..................and daughter will dust the furniture and clean up the bathroom.
Everything's under control.............and i'm looking forward to a pleasant Thanksgiving with my family.

the weekend

I didn't do much this weekend. I ran all my errands Friday after work. So the whole weekend was mine to do with as I saw fit.
Boyfriend, daughter, and I did a little hiking in the woods today at a park that's close by. It was relaxing and enjoyable.

I dread going back to work tomorrow. I'd rather get a root canal.
I read up on nursing burn out yesterday.
I have almost all of the symptoms. It feels bad.
I need to get help, or change professions. (I'll probably say it a few more times before I actually do anything about it!)

When the new owners of my work took over, they decided each department would wear color coded scrubs. It distinguishes each department from the other making it easier for everyone else to know who is doing what job.............................It's a little depressing to put on the same outfit day after day. Especially when it's not even a pretty color. I hate it!

new lease on life

So I did the work sheet that the IRS sent to me. I sent them a check today for five hundred and eighty bucks.
That ought to put a dent in the federal deficit!

Today was my off day.
I scrubbed my kitchen and bathroom floors. They look pretty good.
I also unloaded a sofa and love seat from my mom and dads house.
They bought new stuff. The old stuff is in perfect condition.
I plan on finishing my family room while on my Christmas vacation so I kept the love seat.
One of my neighbors was in need of a sofa. Hers is beat up and she doesn't have the money to buy a new one. So I gave her the sofa. We're both happy with our new stuff. :O)

Boyfriend went to the doctor yesterday.
The doctor checked the area on boyfriends tongue, and he also found a growth on boyfriends larynx. The doctor believes that both areas are benign, opted to not do a biopsy, and will check them again in 6 weeks.
When boyfriend called to tell me the good news I cried. It was such a relief. Boyfriend feels like he has been given a new lease on life.
I feel very grateful.