My vacation ends tomorrow. It was a restful, calm, enjoyable time off. I wish it didn't have to end!
I was able to spend some extra time with my daughter this past week, and I loved every minute of it!
The stretches between my mom's hospitalizations are becoming longer. My oldest sister and father told me she was dying and discussed hospice care. I rejected their opinions and held fast that she was NOT dying, that she just needed time to recooperate from major surgery and that once she recouped from surgery her heart would then begin to strengthen. Time will tell. ( I love you mom)
Today I will do a couple loads of laundry, pay a few bills and spend some more time with my daughter. Maybe i'll take her out to lunch and to the book store. I love my litle girl. She's growing up,and I kind of feel precious time slipping away. So I will spend time with her today.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Yesterday one of my neighbors shot and killed his wife, daughter, daughters boyfriend and the family dog.
He had an arsenal of weapons strategically placed around the house ready to go to war with the police.
I am deeply saddened by the events.
His daughter was a senior in high school. She went to school everyday and then to work at Mc'Donalds. She was focused, stayed away from drugs and partying. She was a shy, sweet, young, woman with a whole life to live ahead of her. (or so it seemed)
Her boyfriend was a member of the academic team in high school. I didn't know him, but my heart goes out to his family. His only crime was in being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I watch as my children and some of their friends try to make sense of this senseless tragedy. I try to make sense of it but cannot. I just shake my head, and pull my kids in a little tighter, and hug them, and love them and pray for God to keep them safe in this crazy world in which we live.
He had an arsenal of weapons strategically placed around the house ready to go to war with the police.
I am deeply saddened by the events.
His daughter was a senior in high school. She went to school everyday and then to work at Mc'Donalds. She was focused, stayed away from drugs and partying. She was a shy, sweet, young, woman with a whole life to live ahead of her. (or so it seemed)
Her boyfriend was a member of the academic team in high school. I didn't know him, but my heart goes out to his family. His only crime was in being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I watch as my children and some of their friends try to make sense of this senseless tragedy. I try to make sense of it but cannot. I just shake my head, and pull my kids in a little tighter, and hug them, and love them and pray for God to keep them safe in this crazy world in which we live.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
oh joy
I'm on vacation the rest of the week. It's a much needed vacation. Today I will spend the day shopping and going out for lunch with my sweet, beautiful, daughter. I'm looking forward to her company. She's 13 and it seems she wants to spend much of her free time with her bestfriend. I miss spending time with her. She makes me smile.
Christmas was nice. I spent the day with my children, boyfriend, sisters and their families and my parents. I'm glad it's over. :o)
I had a 1600.00 dollar shortage in my escrow. I paid the shortage and the bank will make adjustments in my monthly payment. Don't ever refinance with a mortgage company. They lie, they cheat, they suck.
I also had an 800.00 dollar error in my checking account. I think it's the banks error, but i'm not sure. I will spend hours looking over old bank statements. (oh joy)
That's all for now.
Christmas was nice. I spent the day with my children, boyfriend, sisters and their families and my parents. I'm glad it's over. :o)
I had a 1600.00 dollar shortage in my escrow. I paid the shortage and the bank will make adjustments in my monthly payment. Don't ever refinance with a mortgage company. They lie, they cheat, they suck.
I also had an 800.00 dollar error in my checking account. I think it's the banks error, but i'm not sure. I will spend hours looking over old bank statements. (oh joy)
That's all for now.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Christmas Concert
Went to my daughters Christmas concert tonight. I enjoyed it. She plays the Clarinet.
She looked beautiful, and the music was lovely. I'm very proud of her!
She looked beautiful, and the music was lovely. I'm very proud of her!
Friday, December 09, 2005
Where Did The Fun Go?
My life has become a great big bore.
I work, I clean, I pay bills, I run the kids here and there....
A few years ago I was playing on a softball team, taking dance, going out
with girlfriends....I was having fun. I felt alive back then, I felt young,energetic, and I was happy because I was having fun. When did I stop having fun?
I want those days back........
I work, I clean, I pay bills, I run the kids here and there....
A few years ago I was playing on a softball team, taking dance, going out
with girlfriends....I was having fun. I felt alive back then, I felt young,energetic, and I was happy because I was having fun. When did I stop having fun?
I want those days back........
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Oh Shitty Day
Woke up yesterday morning to the sound of the kitchen door closing. My boyfriend had left for work without so much as a "goodbye." I felt like crying. I thought to myself I was probably PMS evident by my over reaction to his not saying/kissing me goodbye and by the eruption of mount saint helen on my chin. I also had a pounding headache, no motrin in the house, and so I thought to go ahead and start getting cleaned up for work and stop for motrin on my way to work.
I get to the gas station, pump 20 bucks of gas, grab an orange juice for my daughter, a honey bun and milk for my son and some motrin for me. Get to the register to pay, and the darn machine could not read my debit card because there is a crack in my card. My only other source of payment was a check..."we don't accept checks." The lady tells me I have 1 hour to bring them their money or they would call the police and report me as "a drive away" I've been coming to this gas station atleast twice a week for 16 or 17 years, WTF! The bank wouldn't be open for another 2 hours. So I drive to work singing Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you.......
I called my non kiss me goodbye boyfriend and he took care of the gas station problem. (He has redeemed himself for not kissing me goodbye.)
At the end of the work day i get a call from my son...."mom we have to go to the emergency room. I think my hand is broken. It's pretty swollen and looks really deformed." I get home and see water flowing out of the bathroom. The toilet is running and pumping water on to the floor. I fix the freaking toilet, and clean up the flood...... take my son to the ER, and the punishment for getting injured, or being ill is sitting in a room full of in bred looking folks, for what feels like hours on end. The good news being his hand isn't fractured.
I wake this morning to my wonderful boyfriend giving me a sweet, tender kiss on my left cheek, and telling me to have a nice day.
It really does pay to start the day off right.
I get to the gas station, pump 20 bucks of gas, grab an orange juice for my daughter, a honey bun and milk for my son and some motrin for me. Get to the register to pay, and the darn machine could not read my debit card because there is a crack in my card. My only other source of payment was a check..."we don't accept checks." The lady tells me I have 1 hour to bring them their money or they would call the police and report me as "a drive away" I've been coming to this gas station atleast twice a week for 16 or 17 years, WTF! The bank wouldn't be open for another 2 hours. So I drive to work singing Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you.......
I called my non kiss me goodbye boyfriend and he took care of the gas station problem. (He has redeemed himself for not kissing me goodbye.)
At the end of the work day i get a call from my son...."mom we have to go to the emergency room. I think my hand is broken. It's pretty swollen and looks really deformed." I get home and see water flowing out of the bathroom. The toilet is running and pumping water on to the floor. I fix the freaking toilet, and clean up the flood...... take my son to the ER, and the punishment for getting injured, or being ill is sitting in a room full of in bred looking folks, for what feels like hours on end. The good news being his hand isn't fractured.
I wake this morning to my wonderful boyfriend giving me a sweet, tender kiss on my left cheek, and telling me to have a nice day.
It really does pay to start the day off right.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Living and Learning
Things i've learned about myself and others through some of the men i've dated/married:
1. I learned from my ex husband that some of the time it's ok to be selfish....that we should take care of ourselves. Some people are better at taking, some better at giving. No relationship is 50-50 all of he time, some relationships are never 50-50.
2. I learned from Dan that when a person is scared, and running from their life, they might do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do. I also learned that a purely sexual relationship can be exciting, but I prefer to be in a relationship with someone who wants me for more than sex.
3.Rich taught me that no matter how much you love someone, it has no bearing on how they feel about you. Either a person loves you, or they don't.I learned that you should be yourself. He also taught me that your first impression of someone is usually true. So if you think a guy's a prick, he probably is one.
4.What I learned from Richard is that it's not going to work out so long as you haven't cleaned things up in your own life first. You can't move on in life until you've cleaned up the shit that's staring you square in the face.He also taught me that the person we look up to, and admire the most may also be looking up to/admiring you.
5.Bob taught me that some people want only what they can't have, and no matter how much a guy professes his love for you, actions speak louder than words. He also taught me that if a guy tells you he can't be trusted, believe him!
6.Doug taught me (or reinforced what I already knew)that hard work, doing what you have to do (whether you like it or not), being organized and taking care of business, will give you peace of mind.
1. I learned from my ex husband that some of the time it's ok to be selfish....that we should take care of ourselves. Some people are better at taking, some better at giving. No relationship is 50-50 all of he time, some relationships are never 50-50.
2. I learned from Dan that when a person is scared, and running from their life, they might do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do. I also learned that a purely sexual relationship can be exciting, but I prefer to be in a relationship with someone who wants me for more than sex.
3.Rich taught me that no matter how much you love someone, it has no bearing on how they feel about you. Either a person loves you, or they don't.I learned that you should be yourself. He also taught me that your first impression of someone is usually true. So if you think a guy's a prick, he probably is one.
4.What I learned from Richard is that it's not going to work out so long as you haven't cleaned things up in your own life first. You can't move on in life until you've cleaned up the shit that's staring you square in the face.He also taught me that the person we look up to, and admire the most may also be looking up to/admiring you.
5.Bob taught me that some people want only what they can't have, and no matter how much a guy professes his love for you, actions speak louder than words. He also taught me that if a guy tells you he can't be trusted, believe him!
6.Doug taught me (or reinforced what I already knew)that hard work, doing what you have to do (whether you like it or not), being organized and taking care of business, will give you peace of mind.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Go Big Red
I'm going to my sons football game tonight.
It's the semi finals. A big to do!
I'm crossing my fingers that we win.
I worked today.
It's hell I tell ya!
God what am I going to do?
What if I do go get a new job and
I hate it just as much as I hate this one?
I really can't imagine doing this for another
20 years.
It's the semi finals. A big to do!
I'm crossing my fingers that we win.
I worked today.
It's hell I tell ya!
God what am I going to do?
What if I do go get a new job and
I hate it just as much as I hate this one?
I really can't imagine doing this for another
20 years.
Monday, September 12, 2005
MOM
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry that you are sick. Things will be OK. I can just feel it in my gut. I know that you are scared, and putting on a brave front....but things really will be alright. I just know they will be.
I know you are worrying about dad, your daughters and your grandkids. We will be ok mom. You taught us well, and we will make sure that dad will be ok too.
I love you mom, with all my heart and soul I love you.
I was always so proud of you. Do you remember when I was a little girl, and I'd sit on your bed watching you get dressed to go to a dinner party with dad? I'd watch you transform from a pretty woman, to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Did you know that I always thought you were beautiful? Well I did, and I still do.
And did I ever tell you how proud I was of you when you graduated from college? I'd have gone to your graduation shirtless, and painted my body like those freaks at the superbowl, just to show you how proud I was, if it wouldn't have embarrassed you. So if we got over zealous when they presented you with your diploma....just so, so, so proud of you.
A great writer, an intellectual, a feminist,a realist, comfort, security, kindness and love......that's how I see you, and what I love about you.....my mommy, my mom, my friend.
I'm sorry that you are sick. Things will be OK. I can just feel it in my gut. I know that you are scared, and putting on a brave front....but things really will be alright. I just know they will be.
I know you are worrying about dad, your daughters and your grandkids. We will be ok mom. You taught us well, and we will make sure that dad will be ok too.
I love you mom, with all my heart and soul I love you.
I was always so proud of you. Do you remember when I was a little girl, and I'd sit on your bed watching you get dressed to go to a dinner party with dad? I'd watch you transform from a pretty woman, to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Did you know that I always thought you were beautiful? Well I did, and I still do.
And did I ever tell you how proud I was of you when you graduated from college? I'd have gone to your graduation shirtless, and painted my body like those freaks at the superbowl, just to show you how proud I was, if it wouldn't have embarrassed you. So if we got over zealous when they presented you with your diploma....just so, so, so proud of you.
A great writer, an intellectual, a feminist,a realist, comfort, security, kindness and love......that's how I see you, and what I love about you.....my mommy, my mom, my friend.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
my day
It's been a busy week.
My boyfriend and me redecorated my daughters bedroom for her birthday. It turned out beautful. We managed to keep her out of the room for a week while we worked on it. She was totally surprised and she loved the end result.
13 years ago yesterday I gave birth to my daughter. She has two older brothers and I was certain I was going to have another boy. I had an ultra-sound while pregnant with her but they were unable to determine her sex. When she was born and the doctor said it was a girl, I thought he was lying. I was so happy to have a little girl. She was the most beautiful baby in the whole world. And now she's a teen. A lovely little girl with a heart of gold, and a smile that melts my heart. Thank you God for my children. :O)
Nothing much planned for today. I need to cut the grass and clean my bathroom and kitchen floors and I need to pay bills. Not the most exciting life in the world, but i'll take it.
My boyfriend and me redecorated my daughters bedroom for her birthday. It turned out beautful. We managed to keep her out of the room for a week while we worked on it. She was totally surprised and she loved the end result.
13 years ago yesterday I gave birth to my daughter. She has two older brothers and I was certain I was going to have another boy. I had an ultra-sound while pregnant with her but they were unable to determine her sex. When she was born and the doctor said it was a girl, I thought he was lying. I was so happy to have a little girl. She was the most beautiful baby in the whole world. And now she's a teen. A lovely little girl with a heart of gold, and a smile that melts my heart. Thank you God for my children. :O)
Nothing much planned for today. I need to cut the grass and clean my bathroom and kitchen floors and I need to pay bills. Not the most exciting life in the world, but i'll take it.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Starting From Scratch
It was a busy weekend.
I took my son school clothes shopping. He just about finished, but still needs a few more shirts and a pair of shoes. I hate clothes shopping for the kids. Especially for my daughter. She is so picky.
I bought their school supplies a couple weeks ago.
We went to my sons exhibition football game yesterday. I don't understand football much but dad said that my son did a great job. I think the whole football thing is bizarre, and violent.......but for whatever reason, my son enjoys the game.
Yesterday was my sons 17th birthday.After his football game we lit the candles on the cake, sang to him and he opened his gifts and then I took my 2 sons, their girlfriends, my daughter and my boyfriend out to dinner to celebrate. We had Chinese (my sons choice) ....had a nice time at the restraunt....mood was lite, everyone talking and laughing. It was a nice evening.
After dinner I went across the street to an estate sale. I bought a beautiful entertainment center. It was a steal.
I'm thinking about throwing away my living room furniture and just starting from scratch. Which reminds me of the movie Angel Eyes. I had a dear friend who asked me to watch that movie. He said it reminded him of our relationship and the story lines ran parallel to what was going on in each of our own personal lives at the time. It's not the best movie in the world but there is a scene in the movie, and if nothing else, whoever wrote that movie, did a great job at writing that scene.....it's the scene at the graveyard and the lead character is talking to his wife and son....it's heart wrenching .....so anyway...i'd like to start from scratch.....buy one great item at a time, and re-do the whole place....make it my castle.....express who I really am through art work, furniture, colors, plants, fabrics ect. :O)...and that's all....have a great Monday.
I took my son school clothes shopping. He just about finished, but still needs a few more shirts and a pair of shoes. I hate clothes shopping for the kids. Especially for my daughter. She is so picky.
I bought their school supplies a couple weeks ago.
We went to my sons exhibition football game yesterday. I don't understand football much but dad said that my son did a great job. I think the whole football thing is bizarre, and violent.......but for whatever reason, my son enjoys the game.
Yesterday was my sons 17th birthday.After his football game we lit the candles on the cake, sang to him and he opened his gifts and then I took my 2 sons, their girlfriends, my daughter and my boyfriend out to dinner to celebrate. We had Chinese (my sons choice) ....had a nice time at the restraunt....mood was lite, everyone talking and laughing. It was a nice evening.
After dinner I went across the street to an estate sale. I bought a beautiful entertainment center. It was a steal.
I'm thinking about throwing away my living room furniture and just starting from scratch. Which reminds me of the movie Angel Eyes. I had a dear friend who asked me to watch that movie. He said it reminded him of our relationship and the story lines ran parallel to what was going on in each of our own personal lives at the time. It's not the best movie in the world but there is a scene in the movie, and if nothing else, whoever wrote that movie, did a great job at writing that scene.....it's the scene at the graveyard and the lead character is talking to his wife and son....it's heart wrenching .....so anyway...i'd like to start from scratch.....buy one great item at a time, and re-do the whole place....make it my castle.....express who I really am through art work, furniture, colors, plants, fabrics ect. :O)...and that's all....have a great Monday.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Things I like About My Job
1. clocking out at the end of the work day.
2. pay day
3. vacation days
4. sick days
2. pay day
3. vacation days
4. sick days
Saturday, June 25, 2005
i'm tired
I'm in a really big resentment today. Is PMS making things feel worse than they really are? Maybe, or maybe not...either way I feel totally angry....on top of this pounding headache i've had for atleast 3 straight days, and this feeling of total exhaustion.
I wish I could just crawl in a hole....but I can't and so instead i slept most of last evening away and most of today. I'd still be sleeping but my work cell phone woke me up. It was the administrator of the nursing facility I work for. I didn't answer the phone. I just checked the number to see who it was that called. I was on call for 7 days......my oncall status ended yesterday at 5pm.....and this is my weekend off.....so I didn't feel obligated to answer his call.
So why am I in a resentment? Well for 1 thing the grass in the back yard needs cut. I have 2 sons who expect me to be at their beck n call.....both who have the weekend off from any real responsibilities, and it will not occur to neither of them to get off their asses and cut the grass.............and then there's the bathtub....last time it was scrubbed was when i scrubbed it....doesn't occur to anyone living in this house to wash the damned thing out cept for me......same as the swimming pool...my yard is surrounded by trees and so the pool needs to be rid of leaves everyday....unless I do it, it doesn't get done......
I'm tired. I sometime feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I lie in bed at night thinking of all the things that need to be done/fixed around this place.......and I guess I get in a resentment cause I feel like i'm in it alone...is anyone else thinking of what needs to be done....just once i'd like for someone else to say "i'm going to take care of this, or i'm going to take care of that"...and I just wish they would, without depending on me to orchestrate the whole thing, or without me having to ask........I don't know what's bothering me. I haven't had a vacation in 5 years with the exception of a few long weekends....I've cashed them in for money, and then last year our company was sold and we lost our vacation time......maybe i just need a vacation? Maybe I need to laugh and have some fun? Maybe I need a good long cry to help get rid of some of the stress i'm feeling?.........just wish this knot in the pit of my stomach and lump in my throat would go away.........and why was the admistrator calling me? It's my day off...I think it's rude he would bother me on my day off....I just finished 8 days with a day off and 7 days oncall....he should not be calling me! How much does a person have to give before enough is enough? I shouldnt have to give that place a thought on my personal time. If he calls back, i'm going to ask him to come over and cut my grass or scour my tub.
I wish I could just crawl in a hole....but I can't and so instead i slept most of last evening away and most of today. I'd still be sleeping but my work cell phone woke me up. It was the administrator of the nursing facility I work for. I didn't answer the phone. I just checked the number to see who it was that called. I was on call for 7 days......my oncall status ended yesterday at 5pm.....and this is my weekend off.....so I didn't feel obligated to answer his call.
So why am I in a resentment? Well for 1 thing the grass in the back yard needs cut. I have 2 sons who expect me to be at their beck n call.....both who have the weekend off from any real responsibilities, and it will not occur to neither of them to get off their asses and cut the grass.............and then there's the bathtub....last time it was scrubbed was when i scrubbed it....doesn't occur to anyone living in this house to wash the damned thing out cept for me......same as the swimming pool...my yard is surrounded by trees and so the pool needs to be rid of leaves everyday....unless I do it, it doesn't get done......
I'm tired. I sometime feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I lie in bed at night thinking of all the things that need to be done/fixed around this place.......and I guess I get in a resentment cause I feel like i'm in it alone...is anyone else thinking of what needs to be done....just once i'd like for someone else to say "i'm going to take care of this, or i'm going to take care of that"...and I just wish they would, without depending on me to orchestrate the whole thing, or without me having to ask........I don't know what's bothering me. I haven't had a vacation in 5 years with the exception of a few long weekends....I've cashed them in for money, and then last year our company was sold and we lost our vacation time......maybe i just need a vacation? Maybe I need to laugh and have some fun? Maybe I need a good long cry to help get rid of some of the stress i'm feeling?.........just wish this knot in the pit of my stomach and lump in my throat would go away.........and why was the admistrator calling me? It's my day off...I think it's rude he would bother me on my day off....I just finished 8 days with a day off and 7 days oncall....he should not be calling me! How much does a person have to give before enough is enough? I shouldnt have to give that place a thought on my personal time. If he calls back, i'm going to ask him to come over and cut my grass or scour my tub.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
best parts of my today
High points of my day.........
when one of my patients told me that my husband was the luckiest guy in the world 2nd only to Cindy Crawfords husband. (he doesn't know i'm divorced....or maybe he does?? grr)
when my daughter called and filled me in on how she spent her day.I love listening to her talk. (she's with her dad for the weekend.)
clocking out after work & knowing that i'm off work tomorrow!
looking forward to grilling out and spending the evening with my boyfriend.
coming home from work and petting my kitty.
finishing a pretty good book while relaxing in a hot bath.
when one of my patients told me that my husband was the luckiest guy in the world 2nd only to Cindy Crawfords husband. (he doesn't know i'm divorced....or maybe he does?? grr)
when my daughter called and filled me in on how she spent her day.I love listening to her talk. (she's with her dad for the weekend.)
clocking out after work & knowing that i'm off work tomorrow!
looking forward to grilling out and spending the evening with my boyfriend.
coming home from work and petting my kitty.
finishing a pretty good book while relaxing in a hot bath.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Cruisin
I listened to survey results today. The survey asked if you could live the rest of your life being between the age of 21-92, what age would you choose. The majority of women said they'd choose to be 43. Men chose age 39.
It doesn't surprise me that women would choose 43.........although before they gave the results, my guess was that women would say age 41 and men would say 20 something.
So far my 40's have been the best years. My children no longer need my constant attention........they have turned out ok, and I can pat myself on the back for the good job I've done raising them(although i'm not quite finished). My career is on the right track....my finances are in order.
I'm more comfortable in my body than I've ever been, and I feel more in control of my life then ever before....I've dealt with my past mistakes, failures, and baggage..............it's like I've been working my butt off to get up that long and steep hill, and now that I'm up that hill, I can kinda just cruise along for awhile. Life is good. :O)
It doesn't surprise me that women would choose 43.........although before they gave the results, my guess was that women would say age 41 and men would say 20 something.
So far my 40's have been the best years. My children no longer need my constant attention........they have turned out ok, and I can pat myself on the back for the good job I've done raising them(although i'm not quite finished). My career is on the right track....my finances are in order.
I'm more comfortable in my body than I've ever been, and I feel more in control of my life then ever before....I've dealt with my past mistakes, failures, and baggage..............it's like I've been working my butt off to get up that long and steep hill, and now that I'm up that hill, I can kinda just cruise along for awhile. Life is good. :O)
Friday, May 06, 2005
trust
My son has been worrying about a "tumor" he has on his lower leg. I called the doctors office this morning to make an appointment to have his "tumor" evaluated.
They told me to bring him in today at noon.
I went to the school to pick him up (he had no idea i was coming) and the secretary was unable to locate him. She said that perhaps he was "skipping."
My first response was denial. NO WAY MY SON WOULD DO THAT! I immediately went from denial to "I'm going to kill him!" I called my sons cell phone. He did not pick up the call. I left the following message..."WHERE ARE YOU. I'M AT YOUR SCHOOL AND YOU ARE NOT. CALL ME RIGHT NOW! My stomach was in knots. I was angry. I started to question everything....how many times has he done this and not been caught......where does he go when he skips.......what does he do when he skips...what other lies has he told me? Has he ever been honest about anything? Is he doing drugs? Are his report cards fake. Maybe he's failing every subject and all those other grades are just fakes....he's been doctoring his report card?
Then I remembered that my son was scheduled to take his drivers test on Monday. I've had reservations about him getting his license. I think 16 might be too young. I read everday in the paper about another kid being killed in a wreck..... I'm scared. I don't want him driving. I don't want him to get hurt. Suddenly I felt kinda glad that I had caught my son skipping school. I will use his skipping school as an excuse for not allowing him to take his drivers test........and in that moment, my son walked in to the school office....still chewing part of his lunch, his hair a little out of place, looking all cute with his little baby smile. "Hi mom. What are you doing here?"
Seems he wasn't skipping. He had been in the lunch room eating....his grades really are good, he doesn't do drugs, his whole life hasn't been one big lie..............and so I signed him out and took him to the doctor........his tumor was nothing more than a fatty deposit......"I can't believe you'd think I would skip school" (he would, it's what teens do).........and so on it goes....life in the big city.
They told me to bring him in today at noon.
I went to the school to pick him up (he had no idea i was coming) and the secretary was unable to locate him. She said that perhaps he was "skipping."
My first response was denial. NO WAY MY SON WOULD DO THAT! I immediately went from denial to "I'm going to kill him!" I called my sons cell phone. He did not pick up the call. I left the following message..."WHERE ARE YOU. I'M AT YOUR SCHOOL AND YOU ARE NOT. CALL ME RIGHT NOW! My stomach was in knots. I was angry. I started to question everything....how many times has he done this and not been caught......where does he go when he skips.......what does he do when he skips...what other lies has he told me? Has he ever been honest about anything? Is he doing drugs? Are his report cards fake. Maybe he's failing every subject and all those other grades are just fakes....he's been doctoring his report card?
Then I remembered that my son was scheduled to take his drivers test on Monday. I've had reservations about him getting his license. I think 16 might be too young. I read everday in the paper about another kid being killed in a wreck..... I'm scared. I don't want him driving. I don't want him to get hurt. Suddenly I felt kinda glad that I had caught my son skipping school. I will use his skipping school as an excuse for not allowing him to take his drivers test........and in that moment, my son walked in to the school office....still chewing part of his lunch, his hair a little out of place, looking all cute with his little baby smile. "Hi mom. What are you doing here?"
Seems he wasn't skipping. He had been in the lunch room eating....his grades really are good, he doesn't do drugs, his whole life hasn't been one big lie..............and so I signed him out and took him to the doctor........his tumor was nothing more than a fatty deposit......"I can't believe you'd think I would skip school" (he would, it's what teens do).........and so on it goes....life in the big city.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Letting Go
The weather has been awesome in Kentucky. It's been in the 70's with blue skies and lots of sun. It makes ya just want to work in the yard.
I picked up lots of twigs yesterday and raked some left over leaves from the Fall. My son tore down the kids old playhouse. I was kinda sad to see it go. The boys spent lots of time in there using it as their fort and protection from the indians, and as their boat lost at sea....and then a little later, it became the club house for the boys in the neighborhood. They eventually grew out of the house and it was passed down to their sister. Curtains were hung, and toys guns were replaced by posters of kittens, and baby dolls.
Last year the house became storage for the lawn mower, shovels, and rakes and it also became home to wasps. The shingles on the roof were pulling up, and the door had been ripped off during a storm. It had become an eyesore, and yet I wanted to hold on to it. It was a part of me. It was a part of my kids.
Needless to say, it now lies in shambles in my backyard Nothing more than pieces of wood, window frames and shingles. I'm thinking I will use the space to grow a flower garden.
I picked up lots of twigs yesterday and raked some left over leaves from the Fall. My son tore down the kids old playhouse. I was kinda sad to see it go. The boys spent lots of time in there using it as their fort and protection from the indians, and as their boat lost at sea....and then a little later, it became the club house for the boys in the neighborhood. They eventually grew out of the house and it was passed down to their sister. Curtains were hung, and toys guns were replaced by posters of kittens, and baby dolls.
Last year the house became storage for the lawn mower, shovels, and rakes and it also became home to wasps. The shingles on the roof were pulling up, and the door had been ripped off during a storm. It had become an eyesore, and yet I wanted to hold on to it. It was a part of me. It was a part of my kids.
Needless to say, it now lies in shambles in my backyard Nothing more than pieces of wood, window frames and shingles. I'm thinking I will use the space to grow a flower garden.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Myrtle and Kitty
Just home from work. My shoulders and feet are sore. Busy day.
A couple church groups stopped in at work to spend time with the patients and they brought Easter candy for the staff. I hid the candy from the staff and passed it to my patients. .... it made them smile. :O)
I took care of one little lady named Myrtle. She was a depressed woman. Wouldn't get out of bed. Neglected her personal hygeine, and had essentially stopped eating. Her husband was dead. Her siblings were dead.....her parents, dead. She had no one, and her health was failing........she had no reason to go on....... a sad little woman........she had cat pictures on the wall near her bed, cat books on her bedside table, and a red sweater with a cat embroidered on the pocket.
One Saturday I snuck and brought my kitten to work. I went to Myrtles room and I laid the kitty in bed with her. It was the first time I saw Myrtle smile. :O)
I continued to bring kitty to work with me on the weekends. All week long Myrtle would inquirer "how's my baby?" and she'd want me to reassure her that kitty would be there each weekend to visit. Myrtle started bathing again, dressing each day, and her appetite improved. Saturday mornings she'd get out of bed earlier than usual, bathe, dress and put on lipstick all in preperation for her little visitor ...........and each Saturday morning I'd hand kitty over to Myrtle, like a new born baby......Myrtles face would lite up, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would smile. She'd take kitty and wrap her in the blanket. She'd kiss, rock, dote over and share her breakfast with Kitty. It was sweet.........was a good thing........and that's all. Happy Easter.
A couple church groups stopped in at work to spend time with the patients and they brought Easter candy for the staff. I hid the candy from the staff and passed it to my patients. .... it made them smile. :O)
I took care of one little lady named Myrtle. She was a depressed woman. Wouldn't get out of bed. Neglected her personal hygeine, and had essentially stopped eating. Her husband was dead. Her siblings were dead.....her parents, dead. She had no one, and her health was failing........she had no reason to go on....... a sad little woman........she had cat pictures on the wall near her bed, cat books on her bedside table, and a red sweater with a cat embroidered on the pocket.
One Saturday I snuck and brought my kitten to work. I went to Myrtles room and I laid the kitty in bed with her. It was the first time I saw Myrtle smile. :O)
I continued to bring kitty to work with me on the weekends. All week long Myrtle would inquirer "how's my baby?" and she'd want me to reassure her that kitty would be there each weekend to visit. Myrtle started bathing again, dressing each day, and her appetite improved. Saturday mornings she'd get out of bed earlier than usual, bathe, dress and put on lipstick all in preperation for her little visitor ...........and each Saturday morning I'd hand kitty over to Myrtle, like a new born baby......Myrtles face would lite up, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would smile. She'd take kitty and wrap her in the blanket. She'd kiss, rock, dote over and share her breakfast with Kitty. It was sweet.........was a good thing........and that's all. Happy Easter.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Couey=Child killer
Did Jessica Lunsford have to die?
We've heard the same story played over and over again in the press.......a child goes missing. Her abductor, rapist and killer is found. He has an arrest sheet as long as my leg......serves little time for each crime and is set loose to kill a little girl. A little girl who has said her prayers and is tucked in for the night, "safe" in her home.
How many more children and women have to be raped/murdered by a person who has already been identified as a sexual predator? Why do we allow them to plea bargain to lesser charges? Why do we allow them to walk free to commit the same crimes over and over again?
When will we take a stand and say enough is enough! These people cannot be rehabilitated, and we will not allow them to walk our streets. One strike and you are out, for good........no second chance to kill or to rape....PERIOD!
Jessicas mother has said to the press that Couey will get his......I hope she finds a way to shoot him. I hope that as they walk Couey in to the court house, that someone shoots him, blows his brains out. That would be justice served!
PS......Coueys half sister should be slapped. What a work of art!
We've heard the same story played over and over again in the press.......a child goes missing. Her abductor, rapist and killer is found. He has an arrest sheet as long as my leg......serves little time for each crime and is set loose to kill a little girl. A little girl who has said her prayers and is tucked in for the night, "safe" in her home.
How many more children and women have to be raped/murdered by a person who has already been identified as a sexual predator? Why do we allow them to plea bargain to lesser charges? Why do we allow them to walk free to commit the same crimes over and over again?
When will we take a stand and say enough is enough! These people cannot be rehabilitated, and we will not allow them to walk our streets. One strike and you are out, for good........no second chance to kill or to rape....PERIOD!
Jessicas mother has said to the press that Couey will get his......I hope she finds a way to shoot him. I hope that as they walk Couey in to the court house, that someone shoots him, blows his brains out. That would be justice served!
PS......Coueys half sister should be slapped. What a work of art!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
A girls first period
My 12 y/o daughter had her first period this week. When she told me she had "started" I immediately went back, in my mind, to the day I had my first period. I was 13. I remember being afraid to tell my mother. I guess I was embarassed. My mom handed me some pads and that was pretty much it. I remember feeling alone, scared, and disappointed that my mom didn't recognize what an important day it was for me.
My thoughts quickly returned to the present. My daughter sitting next to me in the front seat of the car, just out of school for the day, and telling me that she has started her period. I smiled at her, and told her congratulations. I patted her thigh, and asked her if she was feeling OK? Mind you, the whole time I'm congratulating her, and patting her leg, I'm also choking back tears. My baby girl is growing up, and I'm not so sure that I'm ready.
We stop at the drug store and pick out several boxes and bags of panty liners. Blues ones, pink ones, some with wings, some without.....short ones, long ones.....some for "light days" and some for "heavy days." As we shop she relives the moment she discovered she had "started", and how she went to to the school nurse, ect. ect. I listened and I asked questions. I complimented her on how she handled herself with such grace and confidence. She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
It was a good day and hopefully many years from now, when my daughters daughter is growing up, my daughter will reflect, and remember with a smile, the day she had her first period.
My thoughts quickly returned to the present. My daughter sitting next to me in the front seat of the car, just out of school for the day, and telling me that she has started her period. I smiled at her, and told her congratulations. I patted her thigh, and asked her if she was feeling OK? Mind you, the whole time I'm congratulating her, and patting her leg, I'm also choking back tears. My baby girl is growing up, and I'm not so sure that I'm ready.
We stop at the drug store and pick out several boxes and bags of panty liners. Blues ones, pink ones, some with wings, some without.....short ones, long ones.....some for "light days" and some for "heavy days." As we shop she relives the moment she discovered she had "started", and how she went to to the school nurse, ect. ect. I listened and I asked questions. I complimented her on how she handled herself with such grace and confidence. She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
It was a good day and hopefully many years from now, when my daughters daughter is growing up, my daughter will reflect, and remember with a smile, the day she had her first period.
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