tuesday

My doctors office called  me this morning.
Something is wrong with my body. It makes me happy to be told something is wrong. It explains my joint pain. It explains why I lose my voice, literally, mid way through my work day. It explains the changes in the function of my GI tract. It explains why  my usually shiny, curly hair has become dull, dry, and brittle. But most important to me, it explains the overwhelming I can't get off of the couch even though I've just slept 15 hours fatigue and depression like symptoms. So yeah, the doctors office called to tell me
It's my thyroid........it's not working. The little fucker quit on me. :O) So I will start medicine today. An inexpensive medicine that should eventually alleviate my symptoms. Hopefully my non functioning thyroid is also the cause of my abnormal EKG.
Either way, I am so relieved to have an explanation for all these crazy symptoms that made me feel like a couch clinging tired loser who struggles just to do routine, daily tasks.

friday

Not much going on today.

I wrote some poems about sons and daughter..............it's just practice..........

Emily

my little pink tulip


so sweet and pure.

standing tall in the spring sunshine.

simple elegance.

unaware of your beauty

and the joy you bring to my heart.


Danny

bumble bee, bumble bee


a busy little bumble bee.

fly here and there for all to see.

up and down, and in between,

a playful little bumble bee.

furry, cute, smart as can be,

a lovable little, bitty bee.

oh can you see, I hope you see,

how much i love you,
my bumble bee.

Eric

fuzzy little caterpillar,


my first born love.

I hold you in my hand to keep you warm and safe,

until you grow the wings you'll need, so you can fly away.

oh why must little caterpillars grow those wings and fly,

the very thought, that very thought, oh how

it makes me cry.

then I watch you spread your wings as they begin to grow,

such a beautiful sight to see,

how was I to know?

then much to my surprise, one day you fly away.

I know you have your life to live,

I wish you could have stayed.

thursday

Boyfriend and I are going to the movies today.
I'm not sure yet what movie we will see.
We're also going out to lunch.

I want to cut the grass but boyfriend won't let me.
He thinks my heart is a ticking time bomb, and is convinced my cutting the grass will kill me. I'm honestly not sure what I should and shouldn't do because I didn't ask. I was so shocled by what the doctor told me that the million questions I have did not come to mind until several hours after I had left his office.

I'm also going to buy some stretched canvas today for painting.
I've completed two paintings for sons condo, but need to complete two more
for a four piece set......................and I want to do a large painting of  the Colorado mountains and foothills.

While in Colorado we were in the neighborhood where JonBonet Ramsey lived.
The house is for sale for 2 million dollars I think.
In Kentucky it would be worth about 180,000-500,000 depending on the neighborhood.. I was surprised at how close it sits to the house on it's right.......near the window where it's speculated an intruder entered.......and the backyard backs up to the backyard of the house one street over.
I was also struck by how there didn't seem to be much off srteet parking. The street was kind of narrow with parking on both sides. And it's not a very long street......kinda short actually. If there was an intruder, my guess is that it's someone who lived on the street the Ramseys lived, or very close by.......they were aware of the comings and goings that evening of the Ramseys and their neighbors.............probably entered the Ramseys home while the Ramseys were gone......... (just call me Detective Jane)..............

i think i'm dying........again.

went to the doctor today for a routine check up. i haven't been sick. i have felt tired ever since i had a bad respiratory infection over a year ago. i know it sounds silly. but since then i just haven't had the energy I'm used to having. I'd been thinking maybe it was a lingering symptom of depression, even though i really don't feel depressed, and I'm not sure i ever really was..........so anyway, it was just an annual check up today.........what they found was
my EKG was a mess. a cardiac problem COULD explain the fatigue I've been living with. now i have to have a stress test and an echo cardiogram. hopefully whatever is wrong with my heart, if anything, is an easy fix. to say I'm afraid is an understatement!
 i was also told that
my urine was full of blood, and my left ear full of fluid. wtf?! so he wants me to drop off another urine specimen in the morning.......................and he gave me a steroid nasal spray to help with the fluid in my ear.
i wish i hadn't gone to the doctor today.

Sunday

Happy Father's Day.
I spent part of the day with my mom and dad, and then
cooked a special supper for boyfriend. Daughter and one of her
girlfriends joined us.
It was a nice day.

I'm going to spend the evening on the couch with Mr. Bojangles watching movies.

My best work friend texted me to fill me in on unfolding drama at work.
This is my vacation.
I honestly don't care much about what's going on there........I put my cell phone in the car and I'm leaving it there until my vacation is over.

An X love emailed me asking that I call him so he could tell me something.......I told him I'd call him when I got back from my trip to Colorado..........then I got back, and really didn't want to call him................I asked that he fill me in via email..................so after he pouted, tried to make me feel guilty, and did his manipulative routine (which repulsed me but did nothing to sway me to call him) over me not calling, he filled me in via email....................
I'm not the person I used to be......................................he doesn't know me ..........all of our conversations revolve around him and his life..........he knows zero about what's gone on in my life the past 3 or 4 years. We were together once.......................we're not anymore...............I don't even like the person that he is......
I don't want talk to him by phone, via emails or IM's.
Does that make me a bad person? 

                                                 

Colorado

Boyfriend and I spent the last week in Colorado.
I think I met every living member of his family, ate every Mexican dish known to man, and had a pretty good time.

The mountains are beautiful. The old mining towns are pretty cool, and there are tons of outdoor activities. But Colorado is a giant cluster fuck of high ways, under passes, over passes, traffic, construction, and people.
I would hate to live there........I'm so happy to be home.

Graduation

The woman who gave the commencement address was a past graduate of our school.
Back in her day as a high school senior, she was ranked the number one female basketball player in Kentucky. Her jersey was retired at the university she attended, and she was voted to be one of the 50 most significant Kentucky sports figures of the century. She's a 2 time graduate from the university she attended, graduating magna cum laude.
She graduated 4 years ahead of me. I looked forward to hearing her speak.

Her speech was good.
She didn't censor herself...........even talked about God.
It was refreshing.
She knew these students in the sense that she grew up where they have and with very little money just as most of these students. She faced the same prejudices, and she understands
their particular circumstances in general.........
At one point she said "I'd do anything to be sitting where you are today. I'd go back in a second if I could. I'm serious, I'd do anything to be able to go back........except give up my house, my car, and my bank account!" lol.

The whole ceremony was touching.
I didn't cry until daughter, boyfriend, and I walked out the front door to go to the graduation. :O) and then so did daughter!
I was so proud, excited, sad, relieved, and happy.

Yesterday we had a graduation party for daughter.
All of my family was here............and many, many, many, of daughters friends.
We grilled, played corn hole, sat around tables laughing and talking with each other..........it was a wonderful day and evening.

Mr. Bojangles

To Odie

Hi Odie!
I tried numerous times without success to comment on your blog.
I hope Linda is doing well.........and that you continue to take care of yourself so that you can continue to help her through her recovery.
Pat Rocky on the head for me. :O)