Today is the last day of my vacation.
I stayed in bed most of the day reading a book, watching TV, and reading blogs.
I have a fever blister on my bottom lip.
It hurts to smile. :O) (ouch!)
I'm kind of looking forward to getting back to work.
On the other hand........why can't I just win the lottery already!
I went to the doctor a few days before Christmas for a routine
check up. My B/P was 110/62 (Perfect)
He agrees training to run a marathon is a good idea.
Not sure how we got on the subject.
I think he baited me.
Now I can't seem to quit thinking about it.
He really pisses me off some of the time.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Xanax anyone?
We had a showing of our house yesterday.
I haven't heard anything from the realtor. So I'm guessing they didn't like it.
I feel a little insulted each time we have a showing with no offers........I also end up feeling a little relieved.
It's beautiful outside.
We got about four inches of snow during the night.
I'm a little worried about oldest son. He went out to The Shack ( it's a shack they built on the property they hunt.) last evening for the night. They built a wood burning stove in the shack.. I worry about carbon monoxide poisoning, and fire.
My older sister looked like shit on Christmas. She was frying on some kind of drug.......I hear she uses Heroine and Adderall............her son is also using. I hear he's using Heroine. He had a wild far away look in his eye mixed with a look of paranoia...........lsot in his own head. I'm 99 % sure they're using together. I can't begin to imagine using drugs with my child........or anyone elses for that matter.
I had a little bit of hope for her a few weeks ago........she sounded clean. And maybe she was...... But she's not now............... she looks like a strung out junkie.
I have no doubt that she will die. If you could see her you'd understand.
Dr. Drew says it's much more difficult for older people to quit drugs. I forget his explanation for why.........................................
Maybe there's hope for my nephew (this is not the nephew I wrote about a few blogs back)..........it's sad seeing them like that...........................................which brings me to my daughter....................so the school counselor, who daughter says is a psychiatrist spent time talking to daughter...................................................she concluded daughter has ADD without hyperactivity............................she referred her to a psychologist......................................I took her to the psychologist who reviewed daughter's testing for learning disabilities done while daughter was in high school.....................and she talked with daughter for quite some time..........................she said to me, with daughters permission, she believes daughter may have mild ADD (that's what she said) with an anxiety disorder. She believes an anti anxiety medication will help with the anxiety which will help daughter to focus in school.
I don't have much faith in the psychiatric community. They're quick to pull out a prescription pad...............and in general I think they're full of shit ....................with the exception of Dr. Drew, and he's not really a psychiatrist.......................................................................but I worry about daughter ending up self medicating. this whole school struggle thing has been going on since the third grade. Something has to give.............................................................................................we had the psychologist send her notes/recommendations to daughters doctor...............she still goes to her pediatrician.......because she can until she 23,and because we don't think about finding her an adult doctor until she gets sick..............................................so we'll talk to him and see what he says.........................................................I kind of feel lost as to what to do........................................................most ADD and ADHD children have behavior problems........Sis has never had problems with behavior in school or at home...............................................the only thing unusual I remember about her from she was a little child was she loved to climb..........more so than other children....................so I'd take her to all those wall climbing things where they'd harness you in and you'd climb..............she loved it............................................................................and she had one horrible grand mal seizure where she turned grey and stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity............while I was on the phone with 911 I remembered I was a nurse, threw the phone and ran to give daughter mouth to mouth...............and one year to that day exactly, she had another seizure...........................................none since that I'm aware of...................she wasn't sick either of those times........didn't have a fever or anything......................not sure why she seized.............neither is her doctor.........................I don't know what to do.............................................I don't want her on drugs....................I don't want her to end up self medicating........................................and I must say that I still believe her anxiety is a result of her difficulties learning rather than the other way around.......................................but I hate the thought of her being on ADD medications....................... somethings got to give.
We need help.
Good help.
I haven't heard anything from the realtor. So I'm guessing they didn't like it.
I feel a little insulted each time we have a showing with no offers........I also end up feeling a little relieved.
It's beautiful outside.
We got about four inches of snow during the night.
I'm a little worried about oldest son. He went out to The Shack ( it's a shack they built on the property they hunt.) last evening for the night. They built a wood burning stove in the shack.. I worry about carbon monoxide poisoning, and fire.
My older sister looked like shit on Christmas. She was frying on some kind of drug.......I hear she uses Heroine and Adderall............her son is also using. I hear he's using Heroine. He had a wild far away look in his eye mixed with a look of paranoia...........lsot in his own head. I'm 99 % sure they're using together. I can't begin to imagine using drugs with my child........or anyone elses for that matter.
I had a little bit of hope for her a few weeks ago........she sounded clean. And maybe she was...... But she's not now............... she looks like a strung out junkie.
I have no doubt that she will die. If you could see her you'd understand.
Dr. Drew says it's much more difficult for older people to quit drugs. I forget his explanation for why.........................................
Maybe there's hope for my nephew (this is not the nephew I wrote about a few blogs back)..........it's sad seeing them like that...........................................which brings me to my daughter....................so the school counselor, who daughter says is a psychiatrist spent time talking to daughter...................................................she concluded daughter has ADD without hyperactivity............................she referred her to a psychologist......................................I took her to the psychologist who reviewed daughter's testing for learning disabilities done while daughter was in high school.....................and she talked with daughter for quite some time..........................she said to me, with daughters permission, she believes daughter may have mild ADD (that's what she said) with an anxiety disorder. She believes an anti anxiety medication will help with the anxiety which will help daughter to focus in school.
I don't have much faith in the psychiatric community. They're quick to pull out a prescription pad...............and in general I think they're full of shit ....................with the exception of Dr. Drew, and he's not really a psychiatrist.......................................................................but I worry about daughter ending up self medicating. this whole school struggle thing has been going on since the third grade. Something has to give.............................................................................................we had the psychologist send her notes/recommendations to daughters doctor...............she still goes to her pediatrician.......because she can until she 23,and because we don't think about finding her an adult doctor until she gets sick..............................................so we'll talk to him and see what he says.........................................................I kind of feel lost as to what to do........................................................most ADD and ADHD children have behavior problems........Sis has never had problems with behavior in school or at home...............................................the only thing unusual I remember about her from she was a little child was she loved to climb..........more so than other children....................so I'd take her to all those wall climbing things where they'd harness you in and you'd climb..............she loved it............................................................................and she had one horrible grand mal seizure where she turned grey and stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity............while I was on the phone with 911 I remembered I was a nurse, threw the phone and ran to give daughter mouth to mouth...............and one year to that day exactly, she had another seizure...........................................none since that I'm aware of...................she wasn't sick either of those times........didn't have a fever or anything......................not sure why she seized.............neither is her doctor.........................I don't know what to do.............................................I don't want her on drugs....................I don't want her to end up self medicating........................................and I must say that I still believe her anxiety is a result of her difficulties learning rather than the other way around.......................................but I hate the thought of her being on ADD medications....................... somethings got to give.
We need help.
Good help.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
happy birthday nephew!
I did a double shift yesterday and Saturday.
After a double shift I usually feel a little hung over/tired the next day. It's how I fee lnow.
We had a pot luck at work yesterday.........and even though work
was full moon, off the hook crazy busy, I had a good time with my co-workers.
When I clocked out last night, I was very happy and looking forward to having
the next 7 days off work!
My house is clean and looks beautiful with the tree and decorations.
The presents are wrapped and under the tree.
I bought some great looking steaks and shrimp for dinner with sons, daughter, and boyfriend
this evening. After dinner we will open gifts and then play poker. I'm looking forward to it!
Al lI have left to do is bake a couple pumpkin pies, and make a pasta salad to take to moms house Christmas day.........and make a cheese cake for this evening.
Today is my oldest nephews birthday.
He was born when I was just a teenager................it was the first time I felt that
maternal love. I loved him so much........with all my heart and soul......... we spent
so much time together. We camped, went swimming, fished........
He loved going to Star Wars movies. We went so often that he'd finish the actors sentences annoying
the other movie goers. I thought it was cute, and funny.
Eventually I married and had children of my own.................and his parents cleaned up their lives and became good parents........................I stopped over his house last night. He lives a block away from me..........a cute little brick/with rock house that he bought 8 or 9 years ago..................he lives with his dog, Monty..................................so I stopped at his house to give him a birthday gift.................................it was a tee shirt with a picture of Yoda wearing a Santa hat........and the caption said "An Elf I am not." Reminded me of him......I figured he could sleep in it......................................so I stopped by his house hoping he'd be home/awake......he was........with a house full of company........:O)..................................nephew and I had a nice chat. I told him how he'd annoy the other movie goers..........he cracked up........................I love him ( I hugged him tight and told him I love him) and regret not maintaining a clsoe relationship with him.............
After a double shift I usually feel a little hung over/tired the next day. It's how I fee lnow.
We had a pot luck at work yesterday.........and even though work
was full moon, off the hook crazy busy, I had a good time with my co-workers.
When I clocked out last night, I was very happy and looking forward to having
the next 7 days off work!
My house is clean and looks beautiful with the tree and decorations.
The presents are wrapped and under the tree.
I bought some great looking steaks and shrimp for dinner with sons, daughter, and boyfriend
this evening. After dinner we will open gifts and then play poker. I'm looking forward to it!
Al lI have left to do is bake a couple pumpkin pies, and make a pasta salad to take to moms house Christmas day.........and make a cheese cake for this evening.
Today is my oldest nephews birthday.
He was born when I was just a teenager................it was the first time I felt that
maternal love. I loved him so much........with all my heart and soul......... we spent
so much time together. We camped, went swimming, fished........
He loved going to Star Wars movies. We went so often that he'd finish the actors sentences annoying
the other movie goers. I thought it was cute, and funny.
Eventually I married and had children of my own.................and his parents cleaned up their lives and became good parents........................I stopped over his house last night. He lives a block away from me..........a cute little brick/with rock house that he bought 8 or 9 years ago..................he lives with his dog, Monty..................................so I stopped at his house to give him a birthday gift.................................it was a tee shirt with a picture of Yoda wearing a Santa hat........and the caption said "An Elf I am not." Reminded me of him......I figured he could sleep in it......................................so I stopped by his house hoping he'd be home/awake......he was........with a house full of company........:O)..................................nephew and I had a nice chat. I told him how he'd annoy the other movie goers..........he cracked up........................I love him ( I hugged him tight and told him I love him) and regret not maintaining a clsoe relationship with him.............
Saturday, December 22, 2012
my friend
My best friend passed away in May of 2008.
Last night I dreamed about him.
In my dream I turned, because I felt compelled to, and I looked up and off in the distance.
I saw his face. He was smiling at me. A huge smile. I could feel the happiness that he was feeling. I smiled back at him.I was excited to see him,and happy that he was happy. He winked at me and then I winked at him.
So that was it.........that was my dream.
It felt good seeing him. I smile when I think about it.
Last night I dreamed about him.
In my dream I turned, because I felt compelled to, and I looked up and off in the distance.
I saw his face. He was smiling at me. A huge smile. I could feel the happiness that he was feeling. I smiled back at him.I was excited to see him,and happy that he was happy. He winked at me and then I winked at him.
So that was it.........that was my dream.
It felt good seeing him. I smile when I think about it.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
F U
My works house psychiatrist yelled at me yesterday.
Fuck him......and his hippie hair cut.........
Fuck him......and his hippie hair cut.........
Saturday, December 15, 2012
i think this is cute...
Difference Between Old Nurses and New Nurses - YouTube
The experienced nurse in the video cracks me up when she stretches.........
The experienced nurse in the video cracks me up when she stretches.........
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
We-Ping
My cat, We-Ping.
The vet says he's not fat. I think he looks like a big ham.
He has the softest fur I've ever felt on a cat........and the most beautiful bright blue eyes.....even though he's cross eyed. He likes to drink from the bathroom sink faucet, and sleep in the bathroom sink. He has a special fondness for my oldest son. We-Ping is not typically a physically affectionate cat, except with oldest son.
I love this lil guy.........
wed. i think
the last 9 days i've worked seven 14 hour shifts, spent 5 hours cleaning mom and dads family room,their downstairs bathroom, and i put up their christmas tree. i recruited 3 of my 4 sisters to meet me at mom and dads house a couple days after cleaning their family room to help me clean the rest of their house. i just couldn't do it all by myself. they showed up (i was so happy)(mom and dad left to run errands and such while we cleaned) and we cleaned our butts off. but it was fun. my sister who is a year older than i am is a little ocd. so it took her forever to clean moms bathroom. and that's okay because i knew it would be the cleanest room in the house. my other sister, the one a year younger than me cleaned dads bathroom in under 10 minutes. i sent her back in to recheck her work. she was like "it's fine! it's clean! so when she went on a lunch run, me and my second oldest sister re cleaned dads bathroom. laughing the whole time, and trying to get it finished before other sister returned. it took the 4 of us about 6 hours to clean the rest of the house and to put up the rest of the christmas decorations.
whne mom and dad came home, sisters and i went over the christmas dinner menu with mom. every year she insists on doing all the cooking. i usually stay behind after the christmas celebration and wash dishes. i told mom no dishes this year, and that she is not doing all the cooking..........we would all 25 of us eat on paper plates, drink from paper cups, and eat with plastic forks..........PERIOD!......................and i told sisters we'd each bring a dish and a desert in a serving bowl or pan that we'd each take home that night to wash in our own homes. it took some convincing to get mom to agree, but with a recent episode of an acute congestive heart failure leaving her feeling very tired, and short of breath, she agreed to everything but said she was still going to bake a ham, a pork tenderloin, and make some roast beef with gravy. I told her i'd wash 3 pans, 3 knives, and three serving spoons/forks............anything else was going in the garbage. she agreed......and laughed, cause she's relieved i think.........
while i was cleaning the family room and bathroom mom's internal defibrillator alarmed...(it sounds like a police siren coming from her chest).......with her having just gone through an acute congestive heart failure, having the alarm go off freaked me out on the inside. mom panicked and her first instinct was to get up to run up the stairs to get her doctors phone number........and she was pale as can be. dad became very quiet, fear all over his face. made me feel sad for them......
i made mom sit, checked her pulse, reassured her she was okay......................i had no idea what was going on though, and i wasn't sure if she was okay or if the defibrillator was going to shock her or if she was going to pass out or owrse..........................................................when all was said and done, the defibrillator wire had cracked and needed to be replaced. mom decided against replacing it, until she changed her mind. so she had surgery yesterday morning, and came home this evening. she is doing great..............................
i didn't ask one of my sisters to help with the cleaning because she's not permitted at mom and dads unless she is working the 12 step program and clean of drugs.
i call her now and then to say hello, and let her know i love her. i don't ask questions. i just don't............people using drugs lie anyway........they live in a world of denial..............she called me the day after me and my other sisters cleaned moms house. she missed out on a really pretty cool day. (who knew spending the day with your sisters cleaning could be so much fun) it was a nice talk. it was truthful.
i had heard through the grapevine that she is going to meetings. i could tell from some of the things she said that she is clean..............and has been for a few weeks to a month or so.........in august i was certain she'd be dead within the year.................now i have guarded optimism she might be okay.
so after cleaning moms i shopped until 2:30 am buying wrapping paper, and what food items i could buy for the christmas meal i cook for my children and boyfriend, and for the stuff i need for moms meal.........and the next day i put up my christmas tree. it's my prettiest tree yet!
i was off today. i did nothing except call mom to tell her i love her and i wouldn't call her the rest of the day so that she could rest undisturbed.......................................................................and then i watched the last 2 episodes of Dexter "fish FUCKING filet" is what his sister said today. she cracks me up!....................and i napped for several hours.
it's 8 pm. i'm hungry and going to getsomething to eat.......
whne mom and dad came home, sisters and i went over the christmas dinner menu with mom. every year she insists on doing all the cooking. i usually stay behind after the christmas celebration and wash dishes. i told mom no dishes this year, and that she is not doing all the cooking..........we would all 25 of us eat on paper plates, drink from paper cups, and eat with plastic forks..........PERIOD!......................and i told sisters we'd each bring a dish and a desert in a serving bowl or pan that we'd each take home that night to wash in our own homes. it took some convincing to get mom to agree, but with a recent episode of an acute congestive heart failure leaving her feeling very tired, and short of breath, she agreed to everything but said she was still going to bake a ham, a pork tenderloin, and make some roast beef with gravy. I told her i'd wash 3 pans, 3 knives, and three serving spoons/forks............anything else was going in the garbage. she agreed......and laughed, cause she's relieved i think.........
while i was cleaning the family room and bathroom mom's internal defibrillator alarmed...(it sounds like a police siren coming from her chest).......with her having just gone through an acute congestive heart failure, having the alarm go off freaked me out on the inside. mom panicked and her first instinct was to get up to run up the stairs to get her doctors phone number........and she was pale as can be. dad became very quiet, fear all over his face. made me feel sad for them......
i made mom sit, checked her pulse, reassured her she was okay......................i had no idea what was going on though, and i wasn't sure if she was okay or if the defibrillator was going to shock her or if she was going to pass out or owrse..........................................................when all was said and done, the defibrillator wire had cracked and needed to be replaced. mom decided against replacing it, until she changed her mind. so she had surgery yesterday morning, and came home this evening. she is doing great..............................
i didn't ask one of my sisters to help with the cleaning because she's not permitted at mom and dads unless she is working the 12 step program and clean of drugs.
i call her now and then to say hello, and let her know i love her. i don't ask questions. i just don't............people using drugs lie anyway........they live in a world of denial..............she called me the day after me and my other sisters cleaned moms house. she missed out on a really pretty cool day. (who knew spending the day with your sisters cleaning could be so much fun) it was a nice talk. it was truthful.
i had heard through the grapevine that she is going to meetings. i could tell from some of the things she said that she is clean..............and has been for a few weeks to a month or so.........in august i was certain she'd be dead within the year.................now i have guarded optimism she might be okay.
so after cleaning moms i shopped until 2:30 am buying wrapping paper, and what food items i could buy for the christmas meal i cook for my children and boyfriend, and for the stuff i need for moms meal.........and the next day i put up my christmas tree. it's my prettiest tree yet!
i was off today. i did nothing except call mom to tell her i love her and i wouldn't call her the rest of the day so that she could rest undisturbed.......................................................................and then i watched the last 2 episodes of Dexter "fish FUCKING filet" is what his sister said today. she cracks me up!....................and i napped for several hours.
it's 8 pm. i'm hungry and going to getsomething to eat.......
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