Valentines Day turned out to be a nice day. I had a quiet evening alone with my boyfriend. He bought me some beautiful Tulips, chocolates, and a cute little stuffed animal.
We just got back from dinner. We went to our favorite steak house. The bread and salad was the bomb!
Tomorrow we're going shopping. I'm buying paint. My boyfriend is going to paint my living room and dining room. I hate to paint. He said he would do it for me, yay! I also want to buy some window boxes for the front windows and for the kitchen window that faces the deck. I'm going to price shutters, and I want a new light fixture for the dining room. I also need a new shower curtain liner, and kitchen garbage can.
I bought a new Swiffer mop thingy. For the first time in like 20 years, i'm excited about mopping my kitchen floor.
That's all......good night!

and the beat goes on......

My son took his ACT Saturday. I hope he beats his girlfriends score. He says her mom looks down on him because he goes to public school. She's ignorant. I forgive her, so long as my son beats her daughters score. :O)

I got home from work yesterday and my boyfriend tells me "a man called here for you."
It sounded and felt like an accusation. My mind went into overdrive trying to figure out what man would be calling me. An old love, an old friend? WHo, Who, Who would be calling me. I *69'd the call. It was my brother-n-law. My sister fell and hurt her back.
If it had been an old love, or old friend, would I have been guilty of anything other than having a past?

Todays horoscope

It may be a lazy day, Aries, so don't worry if you don't accomplish as much as expected. In fact, even the things you start may not feel like they are taking hold. Be gentle with yourself now and enjoy what you can instead of getting frustrated. The energy will shift later in the day and you'll be back on track by tomorrow

"Sick Day"

I called in sick today.I might call in sick tomorrow.
I'm not sick. I just don't want to work.

Another Day

Not much planned for today.
I'm going to the hospital and spend some time with my mom......run to the grocery....take down Christmas decorations, and watch the Bengals/Pittsburg game.

I'm thinking about calling in tomorrow. I just don't want to go. I want to be with my mom instead.

Sickness

My mom is back in the hospital.
Each time she goes in, it's a little tougher to deal with...

Precious Time

My vacation ends tomorrow. It was a restful, calm, enjoyable time off. I wish it didn't have to end!
I was able to spend some extra time with my daughter this past week, and I loved every minute of it!

The stretches between my mom's hospitalizations are becoming longer. My oldest sister and father told me she was dying and discussed hospice care. I rejected their opinions and held fast that she was NOT dying, that she just needed time to recooperate from major surgery and that once she recouped from surgery her heart would then begin to strengthen. Time will tell. ( I love you mom)

Today I will do a couple loads of laundry, pay a few bills and spend some more time with my daughter. Maybe i'll take her out to lunch and to the book store. I love my litle girl. She's growing up,and I kind of feel precious time slipping away. So I will spend time with her today.

Yesterday one of my neighbors shot and killed his wife, daughter, daughters boyfriend and the family dog.
He had an arsenal of weapons strategically placed around the house ready to go to war with the police.
I am deeply saddened by the events.
His daughter was a senior in high school. She went to school everyday and then to work at Mc'Donalds. She was focused, stayed away from drugs and partying. She was a shy, sweet, young, woman with a whole life to live ahead of her. (or so it seemed)
Her boyfriend was a member of the academic team in high school. I didn't know him, but my heart goes out to his family. His only crime was in being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I watch as my children and some of their friends try to make sense of this senseless tragedy. I try to make sense of it but cannot. I just shake my head, and pull my kids in a little tighter, and hug them, and love them and pray for God to keep them safe in this crazy world in which we live.

oh joy

I'm on vacation the rest of the week. It's a much needed vacation. Today I will spend the day shopping and going out for lunch with my sweet, beautiful, daughter. I'm looking forward to her company. She's 13 and it seems she wants to spend much of her free time with her bestfriend. I miss spending time with her. She makes me smile.

Christmas was nice. I spent the day with my children, boyfriend, sisters and their families and my parents. I'm glad it's over. :o)

I had a 1600.00 dollar shortage in my escrow. I paid the shortage and the bank will make adjustments in my monthly payment. Don't ever refinance with a mortgage company. They lie, they cheat, they suck.

I also had an 800.00 dollar error in my checking account. I think it's the banks error, but i'm not sure. I will spend hours looking over old bank statements. (oh joy)

That's all for now.

Christmas Concert

Went to my daughters Christmas concert tonight. I enjoyed it. She plays the Clarinet.
She looked beautiful, and the music was lovely. I'm very proud of her!

Where Did The Fun Go?

My life has become a great big bore.
I work, I clean, I pay bills, I run the kids here and there....
A few years ago I was playing on a softball team, taking dance, going out
with girlfriends....I was having fun. I felt alive back then, I felt young,energetic, and I was happy because I was having fun. When did I stop having fun?
I want those days back........

Oh Shitty Day

Woke up yesterday morning to the sound of the kitchen door closing. My boyfriend had left for work without so much as a "goodbye." I felt like crying. I thought to myself I was probably PMS evident by my over reaction to his not saying/kissing me goodbye and by the eruption of mount saint helen on my chin. I also had a pounding headache, no motrin in the house, and so I thought to go ahead and start getting cleaned up for work and stop for motrin on my way to work.
I get to the gas station, pump 20 bucks of gas, grab an orange juice for my daughter, a honey bun and milk for my son and some motrin for me. Get to the register to pay, and the darn machine could not read my debit card because there is a crack in my card. My only other source of payment was a check..."we don't accept checks." The lady tells me I have 1 hour to bring them their money or they would call the police and report me as "a drive away" I've been coming to this gas station atleast twice a week for 16 or 17 years, WTF! The bank wouldn't be open for another 2 hours. So I drive to work singing Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you.......
I called my non kiss me goodbye boyfriend and he took care of the gas station problem. (He has redeemed himself for not kissing me goodbye.)
At the end of the work day i get a call from my son...."mom we have to go to the emergency room. I think my hand is broken. It's pretty swollen and looks really deformed." I get home and see water flowing out of the bathroom. The toilet is running and pumping water on to the floor. I fix the freaking toilet, and clean up the flood...... take my son to the ER, and the punishment for getting injured, or being ill is sitting in a room full of in bred looking folks, for what feels like hours on end. The good news being his hand isn't fractured.
I wake this morning to my wonderful boyfriend giving me a sweet, tender kiss on my left cheek, and telling me to have a nice day.
It really does pay to start the day off right.

Living and Learning

Things i've learned about myself and others through some of the men i've dated/married:
1. I learned from my ex husband that some of the time it's ok to be selfish....that we should take care of ourselves. Some people are better at taking, some better at giving. No relationship is 50-50 all of he time, some relationships are never 50-50.
2. I learned from Dan that when a person is scared, and running from their life, they might do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do. I also learned that a purely sexual relationship can be exciting, but I prefer to be in a relationship with someone who wants me for more than sex.
3.Rich taught me that no matter how much you love someone, it has no bearing on how they feel about you. Either a person loves you, or they don't.I learned that you should be yourself. He also taught me that your first impression of someone is usually true. So if you think a guy's a prick, he probably is one.
4.What I learned from Richard is that it's not going to work out so long as you haven't cleaned things up in your own life first. You can't move on in life until you've cleaned up the shit that's staring you square in the face.He also taught me that the person we look up to, and admire the most may also be looking up to/admiring you.
5.Bob taught me that some people want only what they can't have, and no matter how much a guy professes his love for you, actions speak louder than words. He also taught me that if a guy tells you he can't be trusted, believe him!
6.Doug taught me (or reinforced what I already knew)that hard work, doing what you have to do (whether you like it or not), being organized and taking care of business, will give you peace of mind.

Go Big Red

I'm going to my sons football game tonight.
It's the semi finals. A big to do!
I'm crossing my fingers that we win.

I worked today.
It's hell I tell ya!
God what am I going to do?
What if I do go get a new job and
I hate it just as much as I hate this one?
I really can't imagine doing this for another
20 years.

MOM

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry that you are sick. Things will be OK. I can just feel it in my gut. I know that you are scared, and putting on a brave front....but things really will be alright. I just know they will be.
I know you are worrying about dad, your daughters and your grandkids. We will be ok mom. You taught us well, and we will make sure that dad will be ok too.
I love you mom, with all my heart and soul I love you.
I was always so proud of you. Do you remember when I was a little girl, and I'd sit on your bed watching you get dressed to go to a dinner party with dad? I'd watch you transform from a pretty woman, to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Did you know that I always thought you were beautiful? Well I did, and I still do.
And did I ever tell you how proud I was of you when you graduated from college? I'd have gone to your graduation shirtless, and painted my body like those freaks at the superbowl, just to show you how proud I was, if it wouldn't have embarrassed you. So if we got over zealous when they presented you with your diploma....just so, so, so proud of you.
A great writer, an intellectual, a feminist,a realist, comfort, security, kindness and love......that's how I see you, and what I love about you.....my mommy, my mom, my friend.