Mr tree

 
This is the maple tree in my backyard. 

Walking A Fine Line

So I changed my AOL settings to Spanish to see what it looks like. Now I can't figure out how to change it back cause I can't read the Spanish. Mother Fuck me!

Work was just the usual day in paradise. Supply shortage, patient overload, welfare people who think they are at the Hilton, and I'm their butler. I'm having a meltdown.....I even offered the Administrator $100.00 if he'd move a particularily difficult patient to another unit, and I begged my D.O.N. to do the same....I told her I was walking a fine line and he was gonna be the one to push me over. They thought I was joking until I burst into tears. Is it normal to cry everday at work? Is it normal to feel like your head and stomach will explode at any given moment out of frustration, while at work? Is it normal to walk away from another person while at work, and as you are walking away you whisper "fuck you, you dick head!" and flip them the bird? Cause if it is, things here are fine and dandy!

Roses, Cajun chicken, Wonderful kids

Worked today. I don't need to be practicing nursing anymore. I'm so pathetically burned out.
I just can't do it anymore. The demands are more than I can handle, or maybe more than i care to handle.....who knows?
I wonder if there's help out there for nurses that are truely burned out. I'll have to do a little research.
On the homefront, my son brought roses home to me yesterday. Lovely pink and red roses with baby breath.......and if that wasn't enough, he told me he was going to cook supper. He made some delicious cajun chicken. He's my oldest son, and the best young guy in the world. If ever there was a perfect kid, it would be him. I don't know what I did to be so lucky in the kid department (knock on wood)but I've truely been blessed with wonderful children.

July 3

Today is my off day...yay!
When I woke up this morning I stayed in bed and finished the book i've been reading. It was a happy ending, just the way I like it!

Tomorrow is the 4th, and I have to work. I will get paid double time. Since it's a holiday, it shouldn't be too busy, and even though I hate my job, I don't mind going in if I'm being paid double time.

We are having a grill out tomorrow when I get home from work. The pool is filled and clean, and ready to go......i'm very much looking forward to spending 4th of July evening with my kids and boyfriend.

My kitty hasn't come home. I miss her. I hope she isn't homeless, hungry and lonesome. I still hold out hope that one day I will open the kitchen door and there she will be. I will scorn her for leaving, but mostly I will kiss and pet her.

My x husband has been riding his motorcycle across America for the past couple weeks.
We talked on the phone a few days ago. He was in California when we spoke. It sounds as though he's met some interesting characters, and is having a great time. And while I am happy that he is fullfilling a life time dream, it would have been nice if he had used the money he has spent on his trip to help pay for his sons college expenses.

come home kitty!

  

My neighbors cat, Crooked tail, was in my driveway this morning. It gave me hope that my kitty, Laqeesha, had come home. I went to the front yard, out in the street and to the back yard to look for her, but no kitty. I called for her, and I jingled the chime that hangs on the door, but still no kitty. :O(

my missing kitty

  

Missing

I miss my cat.
She's been missing since Sunday.
She's the first thing I think of in the morning.
I go to the kitchen door with the hope she'll be there, but she never is......the last thing I do before bed is call for her, but she never comes.
I wait, I hope, and I worry.
I want her home.

the night is young and so are we

I'm thinking I will call my old friend Terri, soon.
We've been friends since the 3rd grade.
We may go for months without seeing each other but when we do get together it's like we haven't missed a beat.
She's more fun than any of my other friends. We just "get" each other and we laugh non stop when we're together.
We're different, her and I. She lives for the bar scene, and I'm a home body. I like her world every once in a very great while. Getting dressed up, and going out for drinks, music, dancing, and flirting.....makes me feel young, sexy and alive.
I don't feel very young, sexy or alive right now, and so it might be just what the doctor ordered.
If I decide to take the job for which i'm interviewing on Thursday, I will give her a call and we will celebrate, in her world.......

xhusband

Lets see.........ran in to my xhusband today. I was driving home from work, sitting at a red light at an intersection near where I live. I heard a beep, looked at the car to the right of me, and there he was. I rolled down the passenger window and we talked while we waited for the light to change. I was happy to see him. I love him. Is it possible to not love someone that you shared 20 years of your life with, and with whom you have 3 children? I suppose it is possible.......but for me it's not....he will always be family to me. I will always hope that he is safe, happy and healthy.....and I will never for one minute regret that part of my life. I love him like one might love an old friend....and I always will.

I'm cooking spaghetti and meat balls for supper. It's one of my favorite meals. I'm gonna skip the garlic bread and salad. The activities director at my work asked me if I was pregnant, and my boyfriend hasn't touched me in months... I'M NOT pregnant, but I have put on some weight, and so for the past couple weeks i've been reducing my caloric intake.

I'm going on a job interview next Thursday. The sign on bonus is a cruise or a shopping spree. It's worth looking in to.......& that's it in a nut shell! PEACE!

Things that make me smile

the freckles on my daughters face, and her perfect little nose
when my cat meets me at my car when i come home from work
the flowers and plants on my deck
snail mail from my dad
when my sons horse wrestle
when all the lights in the house are turned off, and there's only candle light
when my boyfriend massages my shoulders and neck
when my parents, my sisters and their families, and my family come together to celebrate whatever is happening at any particular time
slow dancing with my sons
pretending to be a rock star with my daughter and using the golf clubs as microphones

enough is enough

OMG I hate my job. I have no patience anymore, non....zip, zero......nill.....I was this close to walking out today...............I used to be a nice person, really I was.............but now, well now I have zero patience or tolerance for most of my co-workers. "Fuck you" & "kiss my ass" are at the tip of my tongue throughout most of the day.
I will start looking for a new job today, and it will be far away from the welfare people I currently take care of.....and far away from the ghetto minded people I work with. I've had it with all of them......sick of them and sick of myself!

off day!

Today is my off day. Yay!
List of things to do:
1. Buy and work on scrap book (a graduation gift for my son)
2. Look at some lap tops. (thinking about buying one for my son for a graduation gift)
3. sign/accept financial package from sons college
4. get a hair cut and splurge on a facial/pedicure
5. drop clothes off at the dry cleaners
6. buy my daughters favorite teacher a gift.

Have a great day. :O)

Just An Ordinary Day

I worked today. It was a non stop, 10 things at once kind of day.
My foot is killing me..... doctor says it's plantar faciitis (i think it's a fx from stepping on a huge nail)

Stopped at the pharmacy on my way home.
Picked up my daughter.....we went to the grocery and then I dropped her off at her dads house.
Came home, unpacked groceries, and started supper........my foot is pounding, throbbing, aching.........I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.

I ordered some goodies from Barnes & Noble. My son gave me a gift certificate for Mothers Day......I bought 2 CD's and 2 books. Can't wait till they arrive.

Judt finished reading Koontz's Velocity (i've been on a Koontz kick) I really enjoyed.....I like his stuff.................

That's it for now...........nice evening.

melancholy

I went to my nieces wedding Saturday. She's 19. I wish she would have have gone to college and lived a little bit before getting married.
I wish her the best.

I picked up a few things for my sons graduation party. I picked out his graduation card. It made me cry. Part of me still sees him as my little boy. Part of me wants for him to still be my little boy. They grow up so fast.

My mom was back in the hospital. I think that she thinks she's not going to make it much longer. It hurts seeing her scared. I know she doesn't want to leave us.I can see the sadness in her eyes, and when we hug, we hug a little tighter and a little longer than we used to. I love her, and I wish I knew how to make it all better.