1. clocking out at the end of the work day.
2. pay day
3. vacation days
4. sick days
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
i'm tired
I'm in a really big resentment today. Is PMS making things feel worse than they really are? Maybe, or maybe not...either way I feel totally angry....on top of this pounding headache i've had for atleast 3 straight days, and this feeling of total exhaustion.
I wish I could just crawl in a hole....but I can't and so instead i slept most of last evening away and most of today. I'd still be sleeping but my work cell phone woke me up. It was the administrator of the nursing facility I work for. I didn't answer the phone. I just checked the number to see who it was that called. I was on call for 7 days......my oncall status ended yesterday at 5pm.....and this is my weekend off.....so I didn't feel obligated to answer his call.
So why am I in a resentment? Well for 1 thing the grass in the back yard needs cut. I have 2 sons who expect me to be at their beck n call.....both who have the weekend off from any real responsibilities, and it will not occur to neither of them to get off their asses and cut the grass.............and then there's the bathtub....last time it was scrubbed was when i scrubbed it....doesn't occur to anyone living in this house to wash the damned thing out cept for me......same as the swimming pool...my yard is surrounded by trees and so the pool needs to be rid of leaves everyday....unless I do it, it doesn't get done......
I'm tired. I sometime feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I lie in bed at night thinking of all the things that need to be done/fixed around this place.......and I guess I get in a resentment cause I feel like i'm in it alone...is anyone else thinking of what needs to be done....just once i'd like for someone else to say "i'm going to take care of this, or i'm going to take care of that"...and I just wish they would, without depending on me to orchestrate the whole thing, or without me having to ask........I don't know what's bothering me. I haven't had a vacation in 5 years with the exception of a few long weekends....I've cashed them in for money, and then last year our company was sold and we lost our vacation time......maybe i just need a vacation? Maybe I need to laugh and have some fun? Maybe I need a good long cry to help get rid of some of the stress i'm feeling?.........just wish this knot in the pit of my stomach and lump in my throat would go away.........and why was the admistrator calling me? It's my day off...I think it's rude he would bother me on my day off....I just finished 8 days with a day off and 7 days oncall....he should not be calling me! How much does a person have to give before enough is enough? I shouldnt have to give that place a thought on my personal time. If he calls back, i'm going to ask him to come over and cut my grass or scour my tub.
I wish I could just crawl in a hole....but I can't and so instead i slept most of last evening away and most of today. I'd still be sleeping but my work cell phone woke me up. It was the administrator of the nursing facility I work for. I didn't answer the phone. I just checked the number to see who it was that called. I was on call for 7 days......my oncall status ended yesterday at 5pm.....and this is my weekend off.....so I didn't feel obligated to answer his call.
So why am I in a resentment? Well for 1 thing the grass in the back yard needs cut. I have 2 sons who expect me to be at their beck n call.....both who have the weekend off from any real responsibilities, and it will not occur to neither of them to get off their asses and cut the grass.............and then there's the bathtub....last time it was scrubbed was when i scrubbed it....doesn't occur to anyone living in this house to wash the damned thing out cept for me......same as the swimming pool...my yard is surrounded by trees and so the pool needs to be rid of leaves everyday....unless I do it, it doesn't get done......
I'm tired. I sometime feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I lie in bed at night thinking of all the things that need to be done/fixed around this place.......and I guess I get in a resentment cause I feel like i'm in it alone...is anyone else thinking of what needs to be done....just once i'd like for someone else to say "i'm going to take care of this, or i'm going to take care of that"...and I just wish they would, without depending on me to orchestrate the whole thing, or without me having to ask........I don't know what's bothering me. I haven't had a vacation in 5 years with the exception of a few long weekends....I've cashed them in for money, and then last year our company was sold and we lost our vacation time......maybe i just need a vacation? Maybe I need to laugh and have some fun? Maybe I need a good long cry to help get rid of some of the stress i'm feeling?.........just wish this knot in the pit of my stomach and lump in my throat would go away.........and why was the admistrator calling me? It's my day off...I think it's rude he would bother me on my day off....I just finished 8 days with a day off and 7 days oncall....he should not be calling me! How much does a person have to give before enough is enough? I shouldnt have to give that place a thought on my personal time. If he calls back, i'm going to ask him to come over and cut my grass or scour my tub.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
best parts of my today
High points of my day.........
when one of my patients told me that my husband was the luckiest guy in the world 2nd only to Cindy Crawfords husband. (he doesn't know i'm divorced....or maybe he does?? grr)
when my daughter called and filled me in on how she spent her day.I love listening to her talk. (she's with her dad for the weekend.)
clocking out after work & knowing that i'm off work tomorrow!
looking forward to grilling out and spending the evening with my boyfriend.
coming home from work and petting my kitty.
finishing a pretty good book while relaxing in a hot bath.
when one of my patients told me that my husband was the luckiest guy in the world 2nd only to Cindy Crawfords husband. (he doesn't know i'm divorced....or maybe he does?? grr)
when my daughter called and filled me in on how she spent her day.I love listening to her talk. (she's with her dad for the weekend.)
clocking out after work & knowing that i'm off work tomorrow!
looking forward to grilling out and spending the evening with my boyfriend.
coming home from work and petting my kitty.
finishing a pretty good book while relaxing in a hot bath.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Cruisin
I listened to survey results today. The survey asked if you could live the rest of your life being between the age of 21-92, what age would you choose. The majority of women said they'd choose to be 43. Men chose age 39.
It doesn't surprise me that women would choose 43.........although before they gave the results, my guess was that women would say age 41 and men would say 20 something.
So far my 40's have been the best years. My children no longer need my constant attention........they have turned out ok, and I can pat myself on the back for the good job I've done raising them(although i'm not quite finished). My career is on the right track....my finances are in order.
I'm more comfortable in my body than I've ever been, and I feel more in control of my life then ever before....I've dealt with my past mistakes, failures, and baggage..............it's like I've been working my butt off to get up that long and steep hill, and now that I'm up that hill, I can kinda just cruise along for awhile. Life is good. :O)
It doesn't surprise me that women would choose 43.........although before they gave the results, my guess was that women would say age 41 and men would say 20 something.
So far my 40's have been the best years. My children no longer need my constant attention........they have turned out ok, and I can pat myself on the back for the good job I've done raising them(although i'm not quite finished). My career is on the right track....my finances are in order.
I'm more comfortable in my body than I've ever been, and I feel more in control of my life then ever before....I've dealt with my past mistakes, failures, and baggage..............it's like I've been working my butt off to get up that long and steep hill, and now that I'm up that hill, I can kinda just cruise along for awhile. Life is good. :O)
Friday, May 06, 2005
trust
My son has been worrying about a "tumor" he has on his lower leg. I called the doctors office this morning to make an appointment to have his "tumor" evaluated.
They told me to bring him in today at noon.
I went to the school to pick him up (he had no idea i was coming) and the secretary was unable to locate him. She said that perhaps he was "skipping."
My first response was denial. NO WAY MY SON WOULD DO THAT! I immediately went from denial to "I'm going to kill him!" I called my sons cell phone. He did not pick up the call. I left the following message..."WHERE ARE YOU. I'M AT YOUR SCHOOL AND YOU ARE NOT. CALL ME RIGHT NOW! My stomach was in knots. I was angry. I started to question everything....how many times has he done this and not been caught......where does he go when he skips.......what does he do when he skips...what other lies has he told me? Has he ever been honest about anything? Is he doing drugs? Are his report cards fake. Maybe he's failing every subject and all those other grades are just fakes....he's been doctoring his report card?
Then I remembered that my son was scheduled to take his drivers test on Monday. I've had reservations about him getting his license. I think 16 might be too young. I read everday in the paper about another kid being killed in a wreck..... I'm scared. I don't want him driving. I don't want him to get hurt. Suddenly I felt kinda glad that I had caught my son skipping school. I will use his skipping school as an excuse for not allowing him to take his drivers test........and in that moment, my son walked in to the school office....still chewing part of his lunch, his hair a little out of place, looking all cute with his little baby smile. "Hi mom. What are you doing here?"
Seems he wasn't skipping. He had been in the lunch room eating....his grades really are good, he doesn't do drugs, his whole life hasn't been one big lie..............and so I signed him out and took him to the doctor........his tumor was nothing more than a fatty deposit......"I can't believe you'd think I would skip school" (he would, it's what teens do).........and so on it goes....life in the big city.
They told me to bring him in today at noon.
I went to the school to pick him up (he had no idea i was coming) and the secretary was unable to locate him. She said that perhaps he was "skipping."
My first response was denial. NO WAY MY SON WOULD DO THAT! I immediately went from denial to "I'm going to kill him!" I called my sons cell phone. He did not pick up the call. I left the following message..."WHERE ARE YOU. I'M AT YOUR SCHOOL AND YOU ARE NOT. CALL ME RIGHT NOW! My stomach was in knots. I was angry. I started to question everything....how many times has he done this and not been caught......where does he go when he skips.......what does he do when he skips...what other lies has he told me? Has he ever been honest about anything? Is he doing drugs? Are his report cards fake. Maybe he's failing every subject and all those other grades are just fakes....he's been doctoring his report card?
Then I remembered that my son was scheduled to take his drivers test on Monday. I've had reservations about him getting his license. I think 16 might be too young. I read everday in the paper about another kid being killed in a wreck..... I'm scared. I don't want him driving. I don't want him to get hurt. Suddenly I felt kinda glad that I had caught my son skipping school. I will use his skipping school as an excuse for not allowing him to take his drivers test........and in that moment, my son walked in to the school office....still chewing part of his lunch, his hair a little out of place, looking all cute with his little baby smile. "Hi mom. What are you doing here?"
Seems he wasn't skipping. He had been in the lunch room eating....his grades really are good, he doesn't do drugs, his whole life hasn't been one big lie..............and so I signed him out and took him to the doctor........his tumor was nothing more than a fatty deposit......"I can't believe you'd think I would skip school" (he would, it's what teens do).........and so on it goes....life in the big city.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Letting Go
The weather has been awesome in Kentucky. It's been in the 70's with blue skies and lots of sun. It makes ya just want to work in the yard.
I picked up lots of twigs yesterday and raked some left over leaves from the Fall. My son tore down the kids old playhouse. I was kinda sad to see it go. The boys spent lots of time in there using it as their fort and protection from the indians, and as their boat lost at sea....and then a little later, it became the club house for the boys in the neighborhood. They eventually grew out of the house and it was passed down to their sister. Curtains were hung, and toys guns were replaced by posters of kittens, and baby dolls.
Last year the house became storage for the lawn mower, shovels, and rakes and it also became home to wasps. The shingles on the roof were pulling up, and the door had been ripped off during a storm. It had become an eyesore, and yet I wanted to hold on to it. It was a part of me. It was a part of my kids.
Needless to say, it now lies in shambles in my backyard Nothing more than pieces of wood, window frames and shingles. I'm thinking I will use the space to grow a flower garden.
I picked up lots of twigs yesterday and raked some left over leaves from the Fall. My son tore down the kids old playhouse. I was kinda sad to see it go. The boys spent lots of time in there using it as their fort and protection from the indians, and as their boat lost at sea....and then a little later, it became the club house for the boys in the neighborhood. They eventually grew out of the house and it was passed down to their sister. Curtains were hung, and toys guns were replaced by posters of kittens, and baby dolls.
Last year the house became storage for the lawn mower, shovels, and rakes and it also became home to wasps. The shingles on the roof were pulling up, and the door had been ripped off during a storm. It had become an eyesore, and yet I wanted to hold on to it. It was a part of me. It was a part of my kids.
Needless to say, it now lies in shambles in my backyard Nothing more than pieces of wood, window frames and shingles. I'm thinking I will use the space to grow a flower garden.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Myrtle and Kitty
Just home from work. My shoulders and feet are sore. Busy day.
A couple church groups stopped in at work to spend time with the patients and they brought Easter candy for the staff. I hid the candy from the staff and passed it to my patients. .... it made them smile. :O)
I took care of one little lady named Myrtle. She was a depressed woman. Wouldn't get out of bed. Neglected her personal hygeine, and had essentially stopped eating. Her husband was dead. Her siblings were dead.....her parents, dead. She had no one, and her health was failing........she had no reason to go on....... a sad little woman........she had cat pictures on the wall near her bed, cat books on her bedside table, and a red sweater with a cat embroidered on the pocket.
One Saturday I snuck and brought my kitten to work. I went to Myrtles room and I laid the kitty in bed with her. It was the first time I saw Myrtle smile. :O)
I continued to bring kitty to work with me on the weekends. All week long Myrtle would inquirer "how's my baby?" and she'd want me to reassure her that kitty would be there each weekend to visit. Myrtle started bathing again, dressing each day, and her appetite improved. Saturday mornings she'd get out of bed earlier than usual, bathe, dress and put on lipstick all in preperation for her little visitor ...........and each Saturday morning I'd hand kitty over to Myrtle, like a new born baby......Myrtles face would lite up, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would smile. She'd take kitty and wrap her in the blanket. She'd kiss, rock, dote over and share her breakfast with Kitty. It was sweet.........was a good thing........and that's all. Happy Easter.
A couple church groups stopped in at work to spend time with the patients and they brought Easter candy for the staff. I hid the candy from the staff and passed it to my patients. .... it made them smile. :O)
I took care of one little lady named Myrtle. She was a depressed woman. Wouldn't get out of bed. Neglected her personal hygeine, and had essentially stopped eating. Her husband was dead. Her siblings were dead.....her parents, dead. She had no one, and her health was failing........she had no reason to go on....... a sad little woman........she had cat pictures on the wall near her bed, cat books on her bedside table, and a red sweater with a cat embroidered on the pocket.
One Saturday I snuck and brought my kitten to work. I went to Myrtles room and I laid the kitty in bed with her. It was the first time I saw Myrtle smile. :O)
I continued to bring kitty to work with me on the weekends. All week long Myrtle would inquirer "how's my baby?" and she'd want me to reassure her that kitty would be there each weekend to visit. Myrtle started bathing again, dressing each day, and her appetite improved. Saturday mornings she'd get out of bed earlier than usual, bathe, dress and put on lipstick all in preperation for her little visitor ...........and each Saturday morning I'd hand kitty over to Myrtle, like a new born baby......Myrtles face would lite up, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would smile. She'd take kitty and wrap her in the blanket. She'd kiss, rock, dote over and share her breakfast with Kitty. It was sweet.........was a good thing........and that's all. Happy Easter.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Couey=Child killer
Did Jessica Lunsford have to die?
We've heard the same story played over and over again in the press.......a child goes missing. Her abductor, rapist and killer is found. He has an arrest sheet as long as my leg......serves little time for each crime and is set loose to kill a little girl. A little girl who has said her prayers and is tucked in for the night, "safe" in her home.
How many more children and women have to be raped/murdered by a person who has already been identified as a sexual predator? Why do we allow them to plea bargain to lesser charges? Why do we allow them to walk free to commit the same crimes over and over again?
When will we take a stand and say enough is enough! These people cannot be rehabilitated, and we will not allow them to walk our streets. One strike and you are out, for good........no second chance to kill or to rape....PERIOD!
Jessicas mother has said to the press that Couey will get his......I hope she finds a way to shoot him. I hope that as they walk Couey in to the court house, that someone shoots him, blows his brains out. That would be justice served!
PS......Coueys half sister should be slapped. What a work of art!
We've heard the same story played over and over again in the press.......a child goes missing. Her abductor, rapist and killer is found. He has an arrest sheet as long as my leg......serves little time for each crime and is set loose to kill a little girl. A little girl who has said her prayers and is tucked in for the night, "safe" in her home.
How many more children and women have to be raped/murdered by a person who has already been identified as a sexual predator? Why do we allow them to plea bargain to lesser charges? Why do we allow them to walk free to commit the same crimes over and over again?
When will we take a stand and say enough is enough! These people cannot be rehabilitated, and we will not allow them to walk our streets. One strike and you are out, for good........no second chance to kill or to rape....PERIOD!
Jessicas mother has said to the press that Couey will get his......I hope she finds a way to shoot him. I hope that as they walk Couey in to the court house, that someone shoots him, blows his brains out. That would be justice served!
PS......Coueys half sister should be slapped. What a work of art!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
A girls first period
My 12 y/o daughter had her first period this week. When she told me she had "started" I immediately went back, in my mind, to the day I had my first period. I was 13. I remember being afraid to tell my mother. I guess I was embarassed. My mom handed me some pads and that was pretty much it. I remember feeling alone, scared, and disappointed that my mom didn't recognize what an important day it was for me.
My thoughts quickly returned to the present. My daughter sitting next to me in the front seat of the car, just out of school for the day, and telling me that she has started her period. I smiled at her, and told her congratulations. I patted her thigh, and asked her if she was feeling OK? Mind you, the whole time I'm congratulating her, and patting her leg, I'm also choking back tears. My baby girl is growing up, and I'm not so sure that I'm ready.
We stop at the drug store and pick out several boxes and bags of panty liners. Blues ones, pink ones, some with wings, some without.....short ones, long ones.....some for "light days" and some for "heavy days." As we shop she relives the moment she discovered she had "started", and how she went to to the school nurse, ect. ect. I listened and I asked questions. I complimented her on how she handled herself with such grace and confidence. She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
It was a good day and hopefully many years from now, when my daughters daughter is growing up, my daughter will reflect, and remember with a smile, the day she had her first period.
My thoughts quickly returned to the present. My daughter sitting next to me in the front seat of the car, just out of school for the day, and telling me that she has started her period. I smiled at her, and told her congratulations. I patted her thigh, and asked her if she was feeling OK? Mind you, the whole time I'm congratulating her, and patting her leg, I'm also choking back tears. My baby girl is growing up, and I'm not so sure that I'm ready.
We stop at the drug store and pick out several boxes and bags of panty liners. Blues ones, pink ones, some with wings, some without.....short ones, long ones.....some for "light days" and some for "heavy days." As we shop she relives the moment she discovered she had "started", and how she went to to the school nurse, ect. ect. I listened and I asked questions. I complimented her on how she handled herself with such grace and confidence. She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
It was a good day and hopefully many years from now, when my daughters daughter is growing up, my daughter will reflect, and remember with a smile, the day she had her first period.
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