sunday

the days fly by and before i know it its been 10 days since i last posted to my blog! crazy.....
boyfriend is hanging in there. i give him his daily iv antibiotic, check his blood sugars, weight, vitals, and give him insulin,  pills, and breathing treatments, and foley catheter care............and then   i reinforce his wound vac dressing when it is leaking..................a nurse visits 3 times a week and PT visits 3 times a week. my living room looks more like a hosp. room than a living room............and i'm kind of getting used to strangers in my house............................all of them like my cat Woody......they giggle/ewe and awe when they first see his little face. lol
getting to our doctor visits is the most difficult part.....carrying a portable oxygen tank, and a wound vac while wearing a surgical boot and using a walker to get from the house to the car sometimes feels like a major task.............once we get to our location we transfer from the car to a w/c which is much easier because the walker is left behind and all the equipment can sit in the w/c with boyfriend.
boyfriend thinks all of this is permanent.
he gets very depressed and anxious.
i try to be his rock.
i reassure, and encourage.
i'm not always sure myself how all of this
will play out.
it's stressful some of the time.
some of the time we fight/argue mostly because he is bull headed, lol.....but we don't do that very often!
i always try to be patient and kind, and he is almost always grateful.
i tell him that we will get through this.......

thursday

boyfriends brother stayed at the hospital with boyfriend all day the other day. i left them after a few
hours and went to a antique store with boyfriends SIL. We had a blast together. We also went out for lunch. It was great spending time with a girlfriend talking about stuff girls talk about with each other and it was good to get away from the hospital.
yesterday i stayed home and got a few things done around the house. boyfriend was being discharged so his brother and SIL volunteered to do what needed to be done at the hospital and to bring him home. i can't even begin to say how grateful i am for their help!....and their friendship!!

monday

Up at 4 AM, couldn't sleep.
Did a load of laundry, dusted the living room and bedroom......unloaded the dishwasher.....washed the cat bowls, and cleaned the litter boxes.
Will go to the hospital in a few hours.
Boyfriend is doing better.
The staph infection infected his aortic valve. They say six weeks of IV antibiotics will take care of the infection.
Boyfriends son went back home yesterday. He was here for a week.
Boyfriends brother and sil's flight to here was canceled this past Thursday because of the blizzard in Colorado......we didn't think they were coming. They ended up driving, showed up yesterday....will be here for almost a week.
I've been having heart palpitations. I went to the doctor who did a EKG..............she's having me see a cardiologist and she ordered Prozac...................actually she ordered the Prozac many many months ago. I just didn't take it. I'm taking it now......but still not sure if I'm going to continue to take it.

thursday

boyfriend is still in the hospital.
he was septic. ....very sick....
they did surgery yesterday to clean his wound/debride a bone in his foot.
pneumonia improving.......family here from colorado...........more family was supposed to come today but their flight was canceled because of the weather there......

saturday

Boyfriend is back in the hospital.

His wound/bone in his foot/leg is probably infected and he has pneumonia.

He's quite sick.

Breaks my heart seeing him go

through all of this sickness.

saturday

I brought boyfriend home from the care/rehab facility 3 days ago.
He will continue to have skilled nursing care, physical therapy and occupational therapy
at home.
The wound on his foot is healing well.
He developed pneumonia while in the care facility.
He's still dealing with it. The doctor restarted him on an antibiotic and steroid a couple of days ago.
Hopefully he improves and doesn't end up having to go back to the hospital!

friday

Boyfriend is still at the care center.

It's been a roller coaster of a time.

For the first week they falsified his record by claiming to weigh him

daily per doctors order due to swelling.

He said they weren't weighing him.

When I asked the nurse she assured me he was being weighed, even read to me the daily weights.

Several minutes later she came to boyfriends room and reported that he had not been weighed ever while there.....they lied.

I'm not sure why she decided to come clean.

Needless to say my trust in his immediate staff is gone. I was furious............

Right now boyfriend has pneumonia.

He feels pretty terrible........tired, short of breath............looks like crap..........

I'm hoping today he will feel a little or a whole lot better after a couple days of antibiotics.

Yesterday I took him to the eye doctor. His left eye remains surgically shut.

We had stopped his eye med, a steroid back in December. When the med was almost out we called the pharmacy to have it refilled, there were no refills, so the pharmacy called the doctor for a refill which is how they always proceed............the eye doctor, the head of the eye institute said no more refills...................this guy has examined boyfriend twice.......so we didn't question his order. We figured he reviewed boyfriends chart and made the decision to discontinue the steroid for his eye. They had been lowering the dose over the past several months.

Yesterday we were informed the pharmacy never called them, the med should not have been canceled, and boyfriends eye was severely swollen again. 

I was pissed beyond words, boyfriend cried. I cried. He was so looking forward to having his eye clipped open............we have to wait now for a couple more months.

The good thing is a new medication came out in Jan. In a nut shell it rejuvenates (not sure if that's the right word) nerves in the eye that have been destroyed as boyfriends were from the shingles virus. We are so grateful for this new medication....

I know all I talk about is illness................it's what's going on...........it's a huge part of our life right now................................we talk about better days we hope are coming............we plan trips we hope to take soon..............on the way back to the center yesterday after the eye appointment we stopped by our house.....like after the last appointment. Woody our cat got into the car again to visit boyfriend........it was sweet.......made boyfriend smile.

Yesterday I decided to purge my bedroom closet and the dresser drawers.

I threw away/or donated 5 purses and 9 pair of shoes, dozens of books and 4 prescription pair of glasses. I had 3 bags of garbage/old clothes to throw away and I have a huge pile of clothes in my hallway that I will donate. 

I cleaned all of boyfriends drawers too. All that's left to clean is my dresser. It feels good. Makes my chest, my brain feel lighter already!

friday

I took boyfriend to a podiatry appointment yesterday to have the wound on his foot checked.
He's doing much better at transferring from the w/c to and from the car.
The wound is doing well. There was some mix up with the antibiotic so the doctor re-ordered it......he also wrote an order saying boyfriend may now bear weight to the heel of his bad foot ....after the appointment I stopped by the house. I thought it would be nice for boyfriend  to have a visit with the cats.
Woody went straight to the car when I let him out of the house. He jumped right in the car and sat on boyfriends lap. Boyfriend hugged and kissed him. It was a good and happy moment!
 Our other cat Mr. Bojangles didn't come down to the car but he did roll on his back while on the porch. He was happy to see boyfriend from afar! :O)
After the cat visit we took a ride in the car........drove past a few houses that are for sale. I wanted boyfriends opinion on them.....and then we had lunch out, in the car before heading back to the rehab/long term care facility.
It wasn't our greatest Valentines Day together......it wasn't horrible either.

wed.

went to the dentist today and had 2 wisdom teeth pulled.
30 years ago my dentist recommended they be pulled. he said they'd become infected that it's impossible to do a good job cleaning them. and finally one of them did!

yesterday i finished the antibiotic for a sinus infection.
i feel so much better!

boyfriend is doing ok at the rehab facility.
physical and occupational therapy are doing him good!

monday

I worked a 12 hour shift yesterday.
I scheduled myself for a day that I'd be working with my BFF work
friend.
My work friends' pet turkey, Jackson, recently passed away. He was six years old.
 I bought a cute turkey brooch filled with fall colored gemstones and gave it to my friend. I just wanted to honor her little friend in some way and to let her know I care.

While at work yesterday I noticed a familiar face in the physical therapy department. It was the physical therapist who did boyfriends evaluation at the place boyfriend is staying.
Silly as it may sound it made me so happy to see him. I didn't feel so separated, so far away from boyfriend.

Today we have an appointment with the oncologist. I will be the one taking Ace........hopefully I'll be able to get him out of the car and then back in the car without him bearing weight on his left foot. It should be OK I think. I'm looking forward to the drive after the appointment, spending time with him away from the medical facility. He is too....

boyfriend will be going to a rehab facility when he is released from the hospital.
he is non weight bearing on his left foot but doesn't have the strength or balance to use crutches
or other devices to maintain his non weight bearing status. so he'll go to a rehab center to work on these issues so that he can come home. it sucks. it's sad.

woody woke me up at 3:30 this morning.
when i refused to get out of bed he started knocking the stuff off
my bedside table. when that didn't work for him he started on my dresser.
i knew there was no going back to sleep so i just got out of bed. (i'm locking him out of my bedroom tonight!)

yesterday i sorted through the mail, packaged and took to the post office a christmas gift that needs to be exchanged, and mailed some lottery tickets to boyfriends sister. the only reason i mention it is because this is the type of activity that causes me anxiety. it's stupid, and i can't explain it.
i'm just so relieved to have it done that it felt worthy of mentioning. :O)~

monday

We had an appointment at the Podiatrist this past Thursday to have the wound on boyfriends foot checked.
It looked and smelled infected because it is.........so from there we went home to wait on a room at the hospital and went there Thursday afternoon..........had surgery Saturday to have the infected bone in boyfriends foot removed and to have the wound cleaned up a bit...............................they'll treat him with antibiotics for a few weeks...........................hopefully they'll let him come home in a couple of days.
I'm having a pity party because
I have a cold I can't seem to shake,  I have a tooth that is hurting, and here we are again with another hospitalization/sickness/surgery.
Its been this way for 3 years.
It's overwhelming some of the time.......and people get tired of hearing about it........so you stop sharing whats going on and how its taking a toll on you........................you feel isolated, sad, stressed and resentful some of the time.......and then you feel guilty.........


came home from the hosp. yesterday and stayed outside. just a few days ago we were minus 12......yesterday we hit 65 AND it was sunny!...yay!.......the warmish air felt good. so i stayed outside and
 cleaned the car.
it looks good! it feels good to have it clean again.

daughter came over last night to have dinner and watch the super bowl.
the game was long and the commercials were disappointing....
even the half time show lacked any real excitement..........

tuesday

I filled in Sunday at work.
They  needed a nurse for half a shift.
I jumped on it. 12 hour shifts are getting to
be a bit much. 6 hours was a breeze!

I've had a cold for the past week.
It's irritating to say the least.
I just want it to go away.
I got up early this morning with the intent
of getting some things done around the house.
I showered though then got back in bed and slept
for a couple of hours.
I feel crummy.

We have some really bad weather
headed this way for tomorrow
with temperatures below zero, and wind chill
-15.
I'm ready for Spring.

Boyfriends brother and sister-in-law
are coming for a visit in March.
 We're looking forward to their visit.
It's always fun being with them.

sunday

We had a snow storm here last night/early this morning.
I think it's our first major snow in like 4 years.
I sat at the dining room window this morning with
a coffee and my kitties and watched the snow fall.
It's beautiful outside right now... 

He was in my backyard a couple of evenings ago.

Son gave me binoculars for Christmas. I've been wanting some for awhile..

I'm looking forward to using them while we are out in the country or at the ocean.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!
This year my plan is to face
some of  my fears.......one in particular.......
I believe facing it will set me free...:O)
I know I sound vague. It's the best I can
do right now!

It's been 14 months since I quit smoking.
The longest I've gone so far is 18 months.
This time around though I
do not have as intense cravings as I had last time
I quit. I did however have anxiety and some depression
I feel better now though.
Meditation I think will be very helpful.

Another thing.......I'm finished with one sided relationships.
A tiny, simple example would be............there's a girl at work, a work friend  who
every year I wish a happy birthday, and I mail  to her a birthday card. It's such a simple gesture.
She used to wish me a happy birthday. Which was very nice, and thoughtful
of her. It requires for the giver to speak 2 simple words..."happy birthday!"..........so simple!
For the last 3 or 4 years she hasn't said a peep.
I know she knows when my birthday is because birthdays are posted by the time clock each month.....and she's the one who posts them!
I'm embarrassed to even blog about it......seems so petty..........but one sided relationships can be hurtful.
 I don't want to participate in them anymore.

This morning I made scrambled eggs for breakfast. I added some Pico De Gallo to them.
It was very good.

Mr. Bojangles is on the mend.
I mix his antibiotic with a little creamer.
He laps it right up.
I love the little, furry, dude.