Things that make me smile

the freckles on my daughters face, and her perfect little nose
when my cat meets me at my car when i come home from work
the flowers and plants on my deck
snail mail from my dad
when my sons horse wrestle
when all the lights in the house are turned off, and there's only candle light
when my boyfriend massages my shoulders and neck
when my parents, my sisters and their families, and my family come together to celebrate whatever is happening at any particular time
slow dancing with my sons
pretending to be a rock star with my daughter and using the golf clubs as microphones

enough is enough

OMG I hate my job. I have no patience anymore, non....zip, zero......nill.....I was this close to walking out today...............I used to be a nice person, really I was.............but now, well now I have zero patience or tolerance for most of my co-workers. "Fuck you" & "kiss my ass" are at the tip of my tongue throughout most of the day.
I will start looking for a new job today, and it will be far away from the welfare people I currently take care of.....and far away from the ghetto minded people I work with. I've had it with all of them......sick of them and sick of myself!

off day!

Today is my off day. Yay!
List of things to do:
1. Buy and work on scrap book (a graduation gift for my son)
2. Look at some lap tops. (thinking about buying one for my son for a graduation gift)
3. sign/accept financial package from sons college
4. get a hair cut and splurge on a facial/pedicure
5. drop clothes off at the dry cleaners
6. buy my daughters favorite teacher a gift.

Have a great day. :O)

Just An Ordinary Day

I worked today. It was a non stop, 10 things at once kind of day.
My foot is killing me..... doctor says it's plantar faciitis (i think it's a fx from stepping on a huge nail)

Stopped at the pharmacy on my way home.
Picked up my daughter.....we went to the grocery and then I dropped her off at her dads house.
Came home, unpacked groceries, and started supper........my foot is pounding, throbbing, aching.........I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.

I ordered some goodies from Barnes & Noble. My son gave me a gift certificate for Mothers Day......I bought 2 CD's and 2 books. Can't wait till they arrive.

Judt finished reading Koontz's Velocity (i've been on a Koontz kick) I really enjoyed.....I like his stuff.................

That's it for now...........nice evening.

melancholy

I went to my nieces wedding Saturday. She's 19. I wish she would have have gone to college and lived a little bit before getting married.
I wish her the best.

I picked up a few things for my sons graduation party. I picked out his graduation card. It made me cry. Part of me still sees him as my little boy. Part of me wants for him to still be my little boy. They grow up so fast.

My mom was back in the hospital. I think that she thinks she's not going to make it much longer. It hurts seeing her scared. I know she doesn't want to leave us.I can see the sadness in her eyes, and when we hug, we hug a little tighter and a little longer than we used to. I love her, and I wish I knew how to make it all better.

I won't give up....

I'm off of work today! Yay!
One of the best feelings in the world is waking up and knowing you don't have to go to work. Double "YAY!"
I did a lot of work in the yard last evening. Finished a rock wall around a little flower bed, potted some plants, and burned a bunch of twigs. I want the yard to look great for my sons graduation party.
I can't believe he's graduating. It all goes by so quickly. He's my middle child, and so far has been my most difficult. He's stubborn, strong willed, and opinionated.............and I love the little fucker to death.
I remember when I was at my lowest of lows, and he was at his lowest of lows, and everything was uncertain, and I was scared, as was he.....and probably too caught up in my own saddness to realize how everything was affecting him.....and I remember how he (out of the blue) wrapped his arms around me and said "I won't give up if you won't"................I still feel guilt for having been so caught up in my own pain, that I didn't recognize sooner how badly he was hurting...........and so until he said to me "i won't give up if you won't"......it had never occured to me he might actually be considering giving up. I realized that my children would not be ok until I was.......that i had to fix myself, get back on track, and start living a productive life again, and show them that I was ok, and support them emotionally, and be their rock,and let them feel safe to mourn so that they could heal and get on with life.........and so that's what i did, and what they did too...............and i love him.....and he is wise,and intelligent, and a go getter.....and i'm as proud as any mother could possibly be.