One of the things I miss about being married is having someone next to me in the bed at night. It feels good to lay in bed and be able to talk to someone, or hold them, have sex with them, or just listen to the other person breathe until you drift off to sleep.It's comforting, and it's something I took for granted.
I worked today. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to say fuck it, but I couldn't because I need the income. The little things that I used to take in stride, like when the pharmacy and medical doctor are in a power struggle,and their power struggle is wasting my valuable time, and all I want is my FUCKING patients medicine but I can't get it because of THEIR FUCKING struggle, I don't know how to handle those things anymore. I find myself wanting to tell them all to fuck off, and I want to throw the phone against the wall until it breaks into a million little pieces, and then walk out and drive to a friends house and have a cold beer. But instead I hold my frustration in and end up with this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm definitely losing it, and it's just a matter of time until I do blow up and end up losing my job.
When I came home from work I went skinny dipping in my pool. The water felt like silk against my skin. It was relaxing and liberating. I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance.
4 comments:
Thanks for stopping by! You have a great blog, too.
We all lose it. This will sound trite but...
Take stock in the fact that you actually have the power to make other people feel better (ie sneaking kitties into your patients). Your job, while within a bureaucratic asshole-fest, still means something to others besides yourself. You have an ability to make your job more bearable by trying to make those under your care feel as good as possible. In the end it means something. Some of us have work that only pays the bills and nothing more. Maybe you need to start searching for another job. The best time to look is while you are still employed. It will give you something to look forward to besides the daily grind. And if you land something good then you can go out of your current job in a ball of flames if you like. In the mean time keep plenty of beer in the fridge and make sure you beat the kids home at least once a week because skinny dipping really does feel like silk.
thank you, Glenn......and PS, I wish you'd tell about one of the times you told an employer to "F" off.
I moved to CA 3 years ago to write, which I'm really only doing online right now...blech. But I do have some finished scripts I'll be sending out soon.
As for a window unit...impossible in my apartment. I need to get a small child to fan me with palm fronds all day long.
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