Chat Room

So I've been going to the same chat room for 5 years. I started going there as a way to help me clear my head of thoughts that kept me up at night. I'd focus on what was being said in the room instead of what was going on in my head. It helped me relax so that I could have some semblance of sleep. I didn't want to talk to these people. I didn't want to form on-line relationshps. I simply wanted to get some sleep.

Then I found myself looking forward to seeing certain screen names in the room. I knew they'd have something funny to say, or I knew they were at odds with someone else in the room and all hell would break loose. And I'd find myself interested in the on going story of some of their lives......like watching an afternoon soap.

SOme of them would try to engage me in conversation. I'd ignore their attempts, or just pretend I had to go.

For 5 years I've been following their on-line rooom chats, and for several years I've been reading their blogs. They're intelligent,articulate, witty, and well read.......all of the things that I'm not.

And it is for that very reason I still don't contribute, or allow them to get to know me.

Skipping School

Today is my off day.
I like to get out of bed early on the days that i'm off work.
It's a great feeling to know you have the whole day in front of you, and your time is actually your own.

The kids are at their dads house. I picked up my daughter this morning and took her to school. She filled me in on her Pringle Chip assignment, and on her present crush, Bret. She's a happy girl......and that makes me happy. I love her little cheeks, and cute nose.

I've allowed my kids to skip one school day a year. The catch is that they have to spend it with me, one on one. They each get a day. I pick the kid, I pick the day, and I surprise them by showing up at school and signing them out after first bell. I know it sounds corny, but kids of all ages love one on one time with their mom.............a time when they don't have to compete with the whole family for her undivided attention.........and some of the time, a mom needs some one on one time with her child because life can get a little crazy and days might go by and you realize even though you see your kids everyday, you havent really talked to them lately, and you're missing them, and you just wanna reconnect. And it was fun being partners in crime with them (helping them skip school)..........we'd usually end up going out for breakfast, and sitting in the resturant talking, taking a drive, and window shopping.............at the end of the day when my other 2 children would get home from school, they'd know right away from the look on the other childs face that he/she had just had her/his day of skipping school........they'd laugh and say.."I get to be next, mom."
I'm looking forward already to skip day with my daughter.

We-Ping (with bad case of redeye)

 

Flower on Pumpkin Vine

It's as big as a mans hand when the bud is open. 

A Picture of My Pumpkin

You think maybe it's a Watermelon?
 

Funeral Planning

Today's my off day. YAY!

My daughter started back to school last week, and seems to be adjusting to her new routine. Her present project is mailing a Pringles Potatoe chip to her teacher. It must arrive edible and in one piece. I'm dying to do it for her. But I won't.

My son started college Monday. He had only positive things to say about it except that his math teacher is retarded.

My pumpkin vine is growing like a, well....like a vine. It reminds me of jacks beanstalk. Except is doesn't grow upwards, it kinda just grows all over the ground. The flowers on it bloom for a few hours, and then die...they're beautiful...... there's new flowers each day. We have 1 pumpkin so far. It's the size of a softball, except it's oblong, and it's green....................and now I have 9 tomatoes! yay!

I went to a funeral today. The father of one of the boys who grew up with my oldest son died from a Heroine overdose. It's a sad, sad, everyone loses, situation.

I've been thinking a lot about my own death and funeral lately. I want to take care of all of the details so that my family doesn't have to deal with it. I'm just not sure what kind of funeral I want. I definitely don't want a funeral like the one I went to today! It's bad enough losing a loved one....and then to have to sit there and listen to some big, greasy, hung over preacher talking about a dead person he never knew, and debating outloud whether or not the dead guy had been saved .....I don't want that for my family. They deserve better...........and so I will give it more consideration, and then I will put in writing what I want, and I will pay for what ever it is that needs to be paid for for a funeral......and I will prepare my will.......yes, I will take care of all of that shit so that i can get on with my life, and breathe a little easier.....so there! Any ideas out there for a great funeral?

Breathing

I sent out 2 resumes today. It's a start! (I feel like I can breathe again!)

Just Take It!

I'm buzzed. I just wanted to go out tonight and forget about what a crummy week its been. I wanted to cut loose, and raise some hell! We went to a concert in the park, drank 4 or 8 beers, sang a little, danced a little and had a whole lot of fun. The band was a southern rock band, I guess. They weren't half bad. They even sang a janice joplin song for me. yay!

Tomorrow is my daughters birthday. She'll be 14. She has 2 friends spending the night tonight. They went to the movies, and ever since have been yelling "ask me about my weiner!" A line that they liked from the movie?

Saying Good-bye

One of my patients expired this morning. I've taken care of him for four and a half years.
He was a young guy who had brain trauma and other injuries sustained 5 years ago in a car wreck. His death was unexpected.
He was as annoying as a mosquito on a hot humid night, AND he was as charming and playful as a happy young prince might be.
I wish I had been more tolerant during those times he was a "mosquito."

Often at the end of my work day, especially on days when he was overwhelmingly annoying, I'd walk past his room before leaving the building. He'd yell out "I love you, Jane." I would reply "I love you too Tommy Poo."

I did love him. I still do, and I miss him already.

Hello? I'm talking!

So I read this interesting article........it was funny and informative. I wanted to share it with my boyfriend. I asked him if I could read it to him (it was a short article)........he said yes. As I'm reading to him he interrupts me to ask me a question not related to the article and to tell me something not related to the article..........he just blows off the fact that i'm reading/sharing with him....after I answered his question/responded to him, I didn't bother to finish reading to him, and he didn't seem to notice.
If everything else in our relationship was going ok, it probably wouldn't have bothered me so much. I wanted to scream, but what's the point?

I paid for my sons first semester of college today, and I cried. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of him.

I'm taking my daughter school clothes shopping tomorrow. (May the force be with me.)

We-Ping, my new kitten, had a flea bath this evening. I dried her fur with the blow dryer. She looks like she has an Afro.

One of my patients punched me today. Later he asked me for a cigarette. I told him no. He said "fuck you! Next time i'll break your God damn jaw." (have i told you lately that i hate my job?)

Have you ever notiiced that really old people have huge ears?

I love you

One of my patients said "I love you, Jane" to me today.
It made me feel guilty for hating my job.

An old co-worker sent word to me through my D.O.N. about a job opening where she works. All I know is it's a Hospice job, and my understanding is that I would be doing admissions. I'll check it out.

I haven't been to see my dad. My mom told me not to visit until further notice. She said he is constipated and that "he'll never go if he has visitors"..........lord help me.
She also said he is irritable, and yelling at the staff, but that they put him on Ativan and he's doing a little better.

I'm still amazed when I see how well my mom is doing. This time last year she had 7% cardiac function, major GI bleed & colon cancer. Now here she is instructing the family on when NOT to visit my dad. Cracks me up.

This-N-That

My dads surgery went well. The staff in the recovery room loved him. Seems he sang some Elvis Presley songs to them.

I worked today. I hated every minute of it except for my lunch break. I take my break in my car and I usually read.

I cut the grass this evening. It's hotter than hell out there!

I'm growing lettuce, pumpkins, and tomatoes this year. They're all doing great. The pumkin plants have beautiful yellow, and orange flowers on them.........the lettuce is ready to be picked, i think, and so far I have 2 tomatoes. yay!

One of my nurse aides is pregnant and due any day. It's her 11th child. She's 28. (i'm not kidding)

My son lost his class ring a couple months ago. We found it yesterday! I lost my high school class ring in the ocean while on my senior class trip. I hope that someday someone finds it, and returns it to me.

I have 4 sisters. They all have straight, blonde hair and blue eyes. I have curly, auburn hair and brown eyes.