Sunday

I'm eating a fried bologna(Kentucky round steak) sandwich with brown, sweet mustard and a slice of tomato for breakfast. I haven't had one for a long time. It's good!

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. It's my 3rd in the last week and I have 2 more after tomorrows appointment. I told him to make my teeth perfect, and so he is...... I'm anxious to be finished with it!

Today I'm going to rake my backyard. I need to get it ready for grass seed. I can't wait for spring!


Most of my nurse assistants are single moms of multiple children from different fathers. They know the child support system like the inside of their own hand. One of those NA"s came up to me the other day, holding her cell phone out to me and saying "someone wants to talk to you." She had called her "case manager" and filled her in on my child support woes. The case manager, Tony, wanted me to tell her my story. I felt weird. I didn't know this lady from Jack and for the most part I'm an extremely private person. On the other hand, I constantly worry about what may or may not happen with this child support crap and I'm kind of worried that my attorney isn't the right guy for the job. My exhusbands attorney is a cut throat prick. I'm intimidated by him................and I'm questioning my attorneys judgement, knowledge, and overall handling of the whole situation. So I spoke to my NA"s case manager. I filled her in on the present child support agreement and then on what happened in court. She says she has never heard of anyone having to pay back child support and that what exhusbands attorney is requesting is "absolutley absurd!" Now like I said, I don't know this woman but my gut tells me she knows what she's talking about................that doesn't mean that I'm not going to get screwed in court and that there wont be diseasterous results depending on how good ex's attorney is, but for the first time in all of this crap, thanks to a stranger, I have a little hope.

WePing

I love her.
She never fails to make me smile.

court

Court sucked. Ex-husbands attorney argued that ex-husband has over paid child support by $24,000 and he wants me court ordered to pay it back....but they're willing to forgive the $24,000 if I agree to no child support. I was stunned& I could barely contain my anger. The judge seemed irritated and said "we" don't have the time to resolve all this stuff today. So another court date has been set. In other words, nothing has been resolved, i'll end up paying my attorney twice as much as I was expecting, exhusbands attorney is milking him, exhusband and his attorney are both willing to twist facts.....................I feel like a loser for even being a part of this whole process. I've always prided myself in being able to handle this crap between me, my exhusband, and his attorney. Now I'm a part of this whole dysfunctional, crazy, system. It's very easy to be sucked into the anger trap and fight over stuff that was never even an issue.........it's perpetuated in part by the attorneys. Because more than anyone else, it benefits them. I'm scared, worried, angry, frustrated, and in many ways I feel defeated.

Monday

This is my week on call. The calls started coming lastnight at 11:30 and kept coming until 7:10 am. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. I was irritable at work at first, and then I was just tired.
After work I had a meeting with my child support lawyer. We go to court tomorrow. I'll be relieved when it's over.
Yesterday I finished reading a book that my son recommended. It's called Restevec. I didn't really want to read it but did since son wanted me to. It turned out to be an inspiring book..........&..............son should never again complain about having to work AND go to school. Not after reading this book.
I'm presently reading a book that one of the Ombudsman at my work gave to me. It's another book that I didn't really want to read but felt obligated to read. It's called "The Clan of The Cave Bear" by Jean M. Auel................and I have to say that I'm enjoying this book so much, more than any book I've read in a pretty long time.

NCAA Picks

Today is my off day. I ran about a half dozen errands, and made a few phone calls. Boring.

I also had to call the receptionist at work early this morning to give her my NCAA picks. I have Kansas and Memphis in the championship game with Kansas winning. So we'll see.................and then the receptionist called me this afternoon to remind me we're having a pot luck at work tomorrow and I was signed up to bring the potato salad. I'm not making potato salad even thought it's what I signed up for. I don't feel like it. I was leaning towards INSTANT garlic mashed potaotes. Is that wrong?

The Last Chapter

When I'm reading a really good book, one of those books that you can't put down and you're sorry to see it end, I like to savor the last chapter. I close the book when I get to the last chapter and don't read it until I know I can read it without interuption. Even if that means waiting a day, 2 days, or a week. And when I have that time without interuption, I make myself a hot tea or a fresh soft drink, get comfy on the couch or in my bed, and only then do I lose myself in the final chapter. It's what I'll be doing later tonight.

Monday

I couldn't sleep last night. I was a little irritable today at work. So when the receptionist let the phone ring and ring and ring, I yelled I'LL GET IT! I heard someone laugh, but my boss gave me "the look." :O)

I made Reubens for supper this evening. Anyone want one? They were pretty good.

One of my elderly, male patients came up to me today and said "Hey, kid.....how about me and you go up town and get a warm Chicken dinner. "

One of my demented female patients said to me as she rubbed her hand over my hair "such beautiful straw."

I responded to the screams of one of my female patients. She was sitting on the side of her bed holding her left breast up by the nipple. She thought her nipple was a cock roach.

Saturday

I get to sleep in 4 days a month. But that's only if daughter doesn't have cheerleading practice, soccer practice, or an early game. Today is one of those days that I get to sleep in................except for daughter woke me up to ask permission to cook breakfast. She's never had to ask if she can make herself some breakfast, ever. So I don't understand why she woke me to ask..................I forced myself back to sleep but son woke me to ask if he could borrow the car. You know, I never wake a sleeping person. I tiptoe around......quietly open doors/cabinets........I whisper when I talk........I don't even wake my patients to give them their medicines. I skip their room and come back later....I let people sleep until they wake on their own. Why can't I have the same courtesy?

I have to clean the garage today. It's become the catch all room. Every inch of the floor is covered with stuff. We can barely get to the washer and dryer, and there's no room for my car.

I was going to get some estimates on a new kitchen floor, and have the bedrooms measured for new carpeting. But with the cost of everything going up, and the possibility of the facility I work closing, I'm a little nervous about spending money. So I've decided not to spend money on anything other than absolute necessities for awhile.

I keep thinking that my life is probably half over.........and that's only if I'm going to be lucky enough to have a second half. So I keep asking myself what it is that I want to do with the life that I have left. I don't want it to just slip away. You know?........and cleaning the garage is not what I had in mind!

This is what it looked like on my way to work yesterday. I almost turned around and went home but I couldn't find a place to turn around. We ended up getting about a foot of snow!


We-Pings new trick is drinking from the bathroom sink. She meets me there every morning. I shower while she drinks.


We're due for our state inspection this week at work. I'm off Tuesday and am keeping my fingers crossed that that's when they show up.

my drive home

I was driving home from work thinking about the up coming child support hearing...............and then my thoughts went to my marriage, except for it wasn't really my marriage that I was thinking about....it was the horrible months leading up to the divorce, the divorce, and the bads times after the divorce.........I thought to myself that I don't want to think about it anymore......it's like re-living the death of someone you love.....................and I have re-lived it over and over again in my mind.........I'm tired of it.........................so I was grasping for a happy moment thAT my husband and I had shared. Not that we didn't have happy times, because we did ..........but while driving home today I couldn't think of one right away.........I felt desperate to think of a special moment. If I couldnt do that then it would be as though none of it ever happened, like that time of my life didn't exist................and then that time in my life with the kids would just fade away.......it's a time that I never want to forget. I started crying. I was like "FUCK! YOU HAD A 20 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM! THINK OF SOMETHING!" And then I remembered.............................I was getting out of the shower as he was coming in to the bathroom. We started talking. He took a towel off the towel bar and he toweled my body dry......................................just one of those things that people do together that may or may not mean much at the time. We take so much for granted. I relaxed after I thought of that moment.

My cousin taught at the university of chicago the same time barack obama taught there.... They use to hang out and have a couple beers together. My cousin says he's a nice man. I'm not sure I'd vote for him, but I think it's cool that my cousin knows the guy.

This n That

I was looking through a list of house forclosures in my community. I found atleast 150 of them.............one is listed for $6,ooo, one for 7,000, one for 45,000 and another for 69,900...................I'm going to drive by them today and see what they look like. Who knows. Maybe I could buy a house for $6,000, sell my house and live mortgage free?

I'm going to try to get my housework done today, and I'm going to get my hair cut.....................daughter will clean my car, and I'll put a roast in the crock pot for supper.

I found an adorable wicker dresser in my neighbors garbage. I felt a little silly taking it......but it was too cute to resist, and I knew my daughter would love it........so when I finally got my nerve up to walk up to their house to grab it, all the while praying I wouldn't get caught, those very neighbors came driving up the street.............. Red faced I thanked them. They seemed happy that my daughter might enjoy it.................................so today I plan on cleaning and painting it.