I'm munching on a bowl of frosted flakes. We-Ping is upright on her hind legs, front paws on my thigh, patiently waiting for me to finish off the cereal so that she can have the leftover milk.
I spent all of today scrubbing this house. It's not the way I want to spend my time off of work, but it needs to be done. And since I can't afford a maid........
Feels good though when the whole place (not counting the messy room) is clean.
No freezing rain or snow today. Thank goodness! I really am ready for spring.
Daughter has been putting on some weight. Not a big deal.......and it's not something I brought up.....I think she's beautiful.....she brought up the whole weight gain thing...she asked me what she should do.....what we've decided to do is make the Messy room an exercise room..................after we get the room clean, painted, and carpeted, we're going to put the treadmill, exercise bike, weights, tv with exercise videos. and stereo in there for our pleasure. I think we'll have fun working out together......
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
friday
It's been a very long week. Kentucky has been slammed by snow storms and ice storms. Getting to work, and home from work, has been a struggle. A couple of the nurses spent the night at work rather than take their chances driving. I'd rather drive through hell then spend the night at work. But it's been difficult.
I have phone lines down in my front yard. My phone lines are working, so I assume it's my neighbors line.
Daughter has been out of school all week because of the weather. I guess it's a good thing. She's down and out with a pretty nasty cold. (poor boo!) Her Valentines Day dance is around the corner. We ordered her dress on-line rather than shop in thsi crappy weather. I love the dress she picked out. Can't wait to see her in it.
I've yet to touch the messy room. I have all these grandiose ideas of what to do with the room and yet I can't seem to get off my butt and get started on the project. Maybe tomorrow I'll get started?
One of my work friends, a guy who heads another department, was diag. this week with a terminal illness. He probably has a few months left to live. He won't be coming back to work.
I've always liked him...he's funny, humble, and he reminds me a little of my friend that died several months back...and so I always went out of my way to file his charts after he had completed his work.(I curse the other department heads when they leave charts on my desk rather than put them away.)
So we've always had thsi little game where he pretends I'm his secretary,& he's my boss. I'd call his office every now and then to ask if he needed coffee, to ask if I could have a raise,and to let him know Obama, Hilary, or Martha Stewart had called for him. (he loves all 3 of them.)
Some of the other nurses would want to play the game. They'd ask him if they could be his secretary too, and he'd always say to them "NO! I already have a secretary and she's the best." He even told one of the African American nurses "I don't hire coloreds!" lol......He's black.....and of course he was joking.......but
He was always faithful to me in our game..... I love him as a work friend......I'm sad and sorry for what he is going through...and I'll miss him.
I have phone lines down in my front yard. My phone lines are working, so I assume it's my neighbors line.
Daughter has been out of school all week because of the weather. I guess it's a good thing. She's down and out with a pretty nasty cold. (poor boo!) Her Valentines Day dance is around the corner. We ordered her dress on-line rather than shop in thsi crappy weather. I love the dress she picked out. Can't wait to see her in it.
I've yet to touch the messy room. I have all these grandiose ideas of what to do with the room and yet I can't seem to get off my butt and get started on the project. Maybe tomorrow I'll get started?
One of my work friends, a guy who heads another department, was diag. this week with a terminal illness. He probably has a few months left to live. He won't be coming back to work.
I've always liked him...he's funny, humble, and he reminds me a little of my friend that died several months back...and so I always went out of my way to file his charts after he had completed his work.(I curse the other department heads when they leave charts on my desk rather than put them away.)
So we've always had thsi little game where he pretends I'm his secretary,& he's my boss. I'd call his office every now and then to ask if he needed coffee, to ask if I could have a raise,and to let him know Obama, Hilary, or Martha Stewart had called for him. (he loves all 3 of them.)
Some of the other nurses would want to play the game. They'd ask him if they could be his secretary too, and he'd always say to them "NO! I already have a secretary and she's the best." He even told one of the African American nurses "I don't hire coloreds!" lol......He's black.....and of course he was joking.......but
He was always faithful to me in our game..... I love him as a work friend......I'm sad and sorry for what he is going through...and I'll miss him.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Friday
I worked a double shift Wednesday in exchange for Thursday off. So I actually had two consecutive days off work. It was nice.
I went shopping today and out to lunch with boyfriend.
I bought new kitchen and bathroom curtains.....a new shower curtain.....bath towels...tv table....throw rug ..and coffee table. It was fun buying stuff. :O)
Son's on the Deans list. He got the letter a couple days ago. I'm very proud of him!
I went shopping today and out to lunch with boyfriend.
I bought new kitchen and bathroom curtains.....a new shower curtain.....bath towels...tv table....throw rug ..and coffee table. It was fun buying stuff. :O)
Son's on the Deans list. He got the letter a couple days ago. I'm very proud of him!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
sunday
Some of my coworkers were talking about how good pomegranates taste. I've heard boyfriend talk about how much he likes them. I had never heard of them prior to boyfriend and coworkers mentioning them. How could that be?
SO I bought a couple of them the other day..........and I tried my first one today. I wasn't sure how you're supposed to eat them. So I cut it into 3 pieces. Picked up one of the pieces and sucked some of the juice and seeds into my mouth. I chewed the flavor out of the seeds then spit them in the garbage. It was a little messy, and my shirt has a purple stain down the front......so I'll know better next time. It was good.......and I think it will taste great on a hot summer day..........might even be good to put some of the seeds in yogurt. If the seeds are safe to eat. Boyfriend says they are......so that was my new experience for the week.
SO I bought a couple of them the other day..........and I tried my first one today. I wasn't sure how you're supposed to eat them. So I cut it into 3 pieces. Picked up one of the pieces and sucked some of the juice and seeds into my mouth. I chewed the flavor out of the seeds then spit them in the garbage. It was a little messy, and my shirt has a purple stain down the front......so I'll know better next time. It was good.......and I think it will taste great on a hot summer day..........might even be good to put some of the seeds in yogurt. If the seeds are safe to eat. Boyfriend says they are......so that was my new experience for the week.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thursday
Work has been crazy busy. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep up the pace.
Our new owners are presently closing one of their other facilities. They're bringing 2 of the nurses from that facility to our facility. Actually both of those nurses started orientation at our facility today.
So now I understnad why they fired one of my co-workers lastweek. I feel bad for her. I can't help but worry who they will fire next in order to open up another position.
So I asked the HR lady. The HR lady told me there was discussion about who should be let go. That "they" went down the list of nurses and discussed each one. She said my job is safe.
Do I believe her? I believe that she believes my job is safe. But you never know what people are going to do. Their loyalties aren't with me. It's with the people they've been working with for years. Including the 2 nurses who were in orientation today.
So I go from being worried to thinking..... whatever.
Daughter left a note and a banana muffin on the table for me to find this morning.
The note said
"I know I'm 16 and growing up......but don't forget....no matter what...I'm still YOUR little girl. I love you. Have a good day....be safe and wear your seatbelt. Emily."
A.Is she feeling guilty for growing up? B.Is she worrying she won't be my baby if she grows up? C.Does she think I'm sad because she's growing up, and she's trying to reassure me? Well, because I am who I am.....I asked her. She said she thinks it makes me sad that she's growing up. I tired to explain to her best as I could that all parents probably have mixed feelings, including sad feelings about their children growing up...........but that doesn't mean we don't want our children to grow up and be independent.........I also reassured her that she'll always be my girl, and I'll always love her.
Our new owners are presently closing one of their other facilities. They're bringing 2 of the nurses from that facility to our facility. Actually both of those nurses started orientation at our facility today.
So now I understnad why they fired one of my co-workers lastweek. I feel bad for her. I can't help but worry who they will fire next in order to open up another position.
So I asked the HR lady. The HR lady told me there was discussion about who should be let go. That "they" went down the list of nurses and discussed each one. She said my job is safe.
Do I believe her? I believe that she believes my job is safe. But you never know what people are going to do. Their loyalties aren't with me. It's with the people they've been working with for years. Including the 2 nurses who were in orientation today.
So I go from being worried to thinking..... whatever.
Daughter left a note and a banana muffin on the table for me to find this morning.
The note said
"I know I'm 16 and growing up......but don't forget....no matter what...I'm still YOUR little girl. I love you. Have a good day....be safe and wear your seatbelt. Emily."
A.Is she feeling guilty for growing up? B.Is she worrying she won't be my baby if she grows up? C.Does she think I'm sad because she's growing up, and she's trying to reassure me? Well, because I am who I am.....I asked her. She said she thinks it makes me sad that she's growing up. I tired to explain to her best as I could that all parents probably have mixed feelings, including sad feelings about their children growing up...........but that doesn't mean we don't want our children to grow up and be independent.........I also reassured her that she'll always be my girl, and I'll always love her.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
wednesday
Work was busy today.
I had 3 admissions, and about 12 nursing students on my unit. It was kinda fun having the students. They'll be with us for 10 weeks.Whne my DON asked me a couple months ago how I felt about having the students come to our facility, I told her I wasn't thrilled by the idea, and I begged her not to do it.My reasons were selfish ones. I'm glad she didn't listen to me. I'm looking forward to working with them. Their enthusiasm is a little contagious......and maybe I have something to offer them..............AND, it made me feel good when my DON told me that the nursing students instructor told her (my DON) that she really really likes me. It just feels good to be patted on the back now and again. You know? Especially when you're kinda feeling like shit.
American Idol started it's new season lastnight.
So far my favorite is the tatooed girl who has her lip pierced.........
I had 3 admissions, and about 12 nursing students on my unit. It was kinda fun having the students. They'll be with us for 10 weeks.Whne my DON asked me a couple months ago how I felt about having the students come to our facility, I told her I wasn't thrilled by the idea, and I begged her not to do it.My reasons were selfish ones. I'm glad she didn't listen to me. I'm looking forward to working with them. Their enthusiasm is a little contagious......and maybe I have something to offer them..............AND, it made me feel good when my DON told me that the nursing students instructor told her (my DON) that she really really likes me. It just feels good to be patted on the back now and again. You know? Especially when you're kinda feeling like shit.
American Idol started it's new season lastnight.
So far my favorite is the tatooed girl who has her lip pierced.........
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
tuesday
I feel a little better today then I did yesterday.
I woke up today and took daughter to school. I was feeling tearful, and a little down. So when I got home from taking her to school I went back to bed. I slept until 3 this afternoon. Daughter stayed after school to work on an assignment and then she has a basketball game to cheer. I talked on the phone to her just to touch base........... made a pot of chili and took a shower.Son stopped by after work and on his way to his dads. He brought me his tuition receipt, and we had a nice little chat. Boyfriends in my bed napping, and I'm just sitting here on the computer, and watching csi miami.
I feel rested and calm inside.
I'm going to head downstiars in a bit and do a little work on the messy room, and then I'm going to balance my checkbook.
I woke up today and took daughter to school. I was feeling tearful, and a little down. So when I got home from taking her to school I went back to bed. I slept until 3 this afternoon. Daughter stayed after school to work on an assignment and then she has a basketball game to cheer. I talked on the phone to her just to touch base........... made a pot of chili and took a shower.Son stopped by after work and on his way to his dads. He brought me his tuition receipt, and we had a nice little chat. Boyfriends in my bed napping, and I'm just sitting here on the computer, and watching csi miami.
I feel rested and calm inside.
I'm going to head downstiars in a bit and do a little work on the messy room, and then I'm going to balance my checkbook.
Monday, January 12, 2009
monday
This is my 3rd attempt to blog tonight. Everytime I start typing, everything I'm feeling gets all tied up in a knot in the pit of my stomach...............and then I start crying. So let me make it simple..........
Here is what I'm feeling......
1. depleted
2.resentful
3.angry
4.guilty
That's as good as I can do for now.
Here is what I'm feeling......
1. depleted
2.resentful
3.angry
4.guilty
That's as good as I can do for now.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
fuck it
What's the point...................that's how I feel right now. What's the point in trying, giving, caring, working, wanting, wishing. What's the point?
I'm tired, I feel defeated, and I think fuck it. FUCK IT!
I'm tired, I feel defeated, and I think fuck it. FUCK IT!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
saturday
I guess I'm going to start working on the room in the basement.
It's gone through several changes over the years...................right now it's part bedroom, part pool table room.....................but mostly it's just a messy room. So the first thing I'm going to do is pack up all the things son left behind when he moved to his first apartment.....................and lucky for me, he recently found a newer, prettier, better, bigger apartment and stopped by tonight to ask if he can take the pool table off my hands when he moves into his new place.
I love the pool table. It's actually a very pretty piece of furniture......but it takes up so much space.............I've brought up the idea of selling it..............but have always met resistance from my sons. It reminds them of pre-divorce times. They didn't want to let it go. But now that son wants it, and since it will still be there for both sons.........they are ok with it not being in this house................
So I told son he could take it to his new apartment.
...tomorrow I will pack away all the things in the room, and then clean the room from top to bottom. Then I will prepare the room to be painted...................and as I paint the room, and the stairway that leads to the room, I will decide how I want to use the space.
It's gone through several changes over the years...................right now it's part bedroom, part pool table room.....................but mostly it's just a messy room. So the first thing I'm going to do is pack up all the things son left behind when he moved to his first apartment.....................and lucky for me, he recently found a newer, prettier, better, bigger apartment and stopped by tonight to ask if he can take the pool table off my hands when he moves into his new place.
I love the pool table. It's actually a very pretty piece of furniture......but it takes up so much space.............I've brought up the idea of selling it..............but have always met resistance from my sons. It reminds them of pre-divorce times. They didn't want to let it go. But now that son wants it, and since it will still be there for both sons.........they are ok with it not being in this house................
So I told son he could take it to his new apartment.
...tomorrow I will pack away all the things in the room, and then clean the room from top to bottom. Then I will prepare the room to be painted...................and as I paint the room, and the stairway that leads to the room, I will decide how I want to use the space.
Monday, January 05, 2009
monday
So I called in to work today.................actually I called off at 11:30 lastnight. I stayed up late watching TV and cleaning my living room.
I took daughter to school this morning then came home and put a roast, carrots, onions, bell peppers, and cream of mushroom soup in the crock pot. I baked a chocolate cake, balanced my checkbook, frosted the cake, then took a nap. It felt good.
I've had little pangs of guilt at intervals throughout the day due to my calling in sick. But I needed the day off, and it felt good to be home without anything pressing that needed to be done. I'm dealing with the guilt. :O)
I took daughter to school this morning then came home and put a roast, carrots, onions, bell peppers, and cream of mushroom soup in the crock pot. I baked a chocolate cake, balanced my checkbook, frosted the cake, then took a nap. It felt good.
I've had little pangs of guilt at intervals throughout the day due to my calling in sick. But I needed the day off, and it felt good to be home without anything pressing that needed to be done. I'm dealing with the guilt. :O)
Sunday, January 04, 2009
sunday
I finally have all my Christmas decorations packed and put away. As I put them away I wondered to myself what the New Year might bring...............and because I've been going through whatever it is I'm going through, the thought of what the new year might bring kind of scares me.
I worry about dying, or about someone I love dying. I read somewhere that this worrying I've been doing about dying is a symptom of a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is, or maybe it's something else. I don't know.
I'm thinking about calling off work tomorrow. I just don't want to be there. I want to be at home. I want to be the one to take my daughter to school. I want to be able to have the time to cook a nice dinner for my family. I want to fiddle fart around the house, and around the yard. So I'm thinking that's what I'll do........I'll call in.....
Joplins probably not going to be coming home. I wish I could press my face up against his fur and give him a kiss. I miss him.
I worry about dying, or about someone I love dying. I read somewhere that this worrying I've been doing about dying is a symptom of a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is, or maybe it's something else. I don't know.
I'm thinking about calling off work tomorrow. I just don't want to be there. I want to be at home. I want to be the one to take my daughter to school. I want to be able to have the time to cook a nice dinner for my family. I want to fiddle fart around the house, and around the yard. So I'm thinking that's what I'll do........I'll call in.....
Joplins probably not going to be coming home. I wish I could press my face up against his fur and give him a kiss. I miss him.
Joplin update
Joplin is still missing. I was hoping he was out getting his groove on with a cat in heat, and that he'd return when the other cat went out of heat............but it's been 8 days............so I'm losing hope. It sucks.
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