infected ?

My work friend that was diag. in the end of Jan. with liver cancer passed away Saturday morning.
I picture him in heaven wearing bright yellow slacks and shirt,...& flashy colorful shoes......picking flowers. He loved picking flowers from the garden we used to have at work and putting them in vases on the dining room tables for our residents............and he always wore clothing that wasn't very conventional....especially for a man......................so anyway, he passed away......and it leaves me feeling a little down. He was a good guy.

I was exposed to hiv positive blood yesterday at work. The exposure happened thanks to a careless, sloppy, non procedure following nurse who works where I work. (I want to knock her freaking head off)
I spent yesterday evening in the ER/protocol being tested for hiv, being drug tested, filling out bunches of paper work, asking a million questions, getting a million answers, crying, and being prescribed anti viral drugs ..............drugs that will "make you feel pretty sick....make you feel like you have the flu, you're going to feel pretty rough." ...So yeah, I take those for a month..................and in 6 months I will again be tested for hiv.
I started the anti virals lastnight. Today my nose is running, and my throat hurts. I don't know if it's the medicine, or if I'm getting a cold............... this whole situation is unfucking believable. I'm scared.

sunday

I had the crashing airplane dream again lastnight.
Haven't had one in a pretty long time.........thought maybe they were gone.
This time I was taking a walk on the street I live........
Saw a plane over head. It was flying low with it's nose pointed towards the earth so I knew it was coming down......then I have that overwhelming feeling of fear, and the need to run and escape...............it crashed, big explosion, me rolling under a parked car to escape falling fiery debri.......... then I woke.....

Not sure what I'm going to do today.
I know I need to balance my checkbook.

Exhusband called me the other day. He was angry. He wanted to let me know
he sent money to the state to catch up the months of child support he's behind. Apparently the state sent him a threatening letter of some sort.
I kinda figured they would because I received a letter from them telling me that the IRS, credit bureau, and a couple other places would be notified of his failure to pay child support and their intent to collect the money.

VD

Happy Valentines Day.

I was thinking back over some of my most memorable Valentines Days (excluding any vd i've spent with present boyfriend).............2 of them stick out
1. driving to miami beach to be with my mom who had just had a heart attack and was in the hospital........i wasn't even thinking about Valentines Day........was just thinking about getting to my mom.........we were on the interstate when husband asked me to check the glove box......he had a card and an ankle bracelet in the glove box for me. It kinda pulls at my heart when I think about it. It wasn't the greatest time in my life. I had already told him I was leaving the marriage. He was doing (and had been for weeks) everything a guy could do who was trying to hang on to a relationship. It makes me sad to think about him hurtng the way he was.......i was hurting too........for a long time i tried to comfort him .........cant imagine how i must have been confusing him............ i was stupid to think that of all people, i could be the one to comfort him............it was a mixed up, messed up, fucked up time..........i hated the anklet. it was something he would like. not something i would like. i figured that after 20 years of spending time with a person, he should have known what i would like. but i also love that anklet. he went out of his way to get it for me and he probably figured that if he liked it, so would i.
a year and a month later we were officially divorced. i can't remember any of the other valentines days with him.

2.i was having the long distance relationship with the guy from PA.
i was at work and the ups guy brings to me a delivery from godiva chocolates. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. plus the gift wrap is so pretty. I thought it was cool, and really wasn't expecting anything else................but then another delivery......a beautiful bouquet of flowers, from pa...........and then later another delivery of a stuffed animal bear with balloons. he surprised AND indulged me that day.........i liked it.

friday

Another good day at work doing paper stuff................and it will continue for atleast another 2 weeks.

Got home from work and boyfriend had a box of chocolates and some tulips (my favorite flower) sitting on my dining room table for me for Valentines Day. I thought it was sweet. I'm not sure if he knows he's a day early.

When I was married we took our children to the ocean every year. Usually somewhere in Florida. The kids always brought home sea shells. I had a bucket full in the broom closet in the kitchen...............and I'm pretty sure I have more in the garage. When I get on a cleaning and organizing kick, I end up moving the shells from one closet to another.........or to a drawer or a shelf.....just don't know what to do with them.......I don't have the heart to throw them away.....I don't want to throw them away.......so....
I found these cute little glass jars with lids at Walmart. I split the shells between 3 of the jars, and will give one to each of my kids for Valentines Day.

It's my weekend off.....................no plans.........gonna take it easy........maybe do a few things around the yard.

thursday

Boyfriend had surgery yesterday. It was a very long day to say the least. He had some cardiac problems during and after the surgery but responded to multiple doses of cardiac meds given to him during and after surgery.
He's in my bed sleeping, and is doing well.
We'll have some answers in 4 or 5 days.

I got my first performance evaluation from the new owners at my work.
It was far better than I had anticipated.
I'm very pleased.

I love the work I'm doing right now.
It's strictly paper work........keeps me busy all shift........is challenging.......... No interaction with patients..........no racing the clock...............
No 50 demands at once.
No family dramas to deal with...........just me in my own little world with paper, pen, and charts.
I wish it didn't have to end.

That's the Ginger Bread house daughter and I put together over the holiday. It comes in a kit. It's a lot more difficult to do than you might think.......and to the right of the Ginger House are little ceramic pieces they daughter and I painted. They turned out cute.

We-Ping is well.

sunday

Not much to say.
I worked today.
It was easy since I'm only doing paper work compliance.
It's much easier and less stressful than working the floor. God knows I need time off of the floor.
So lucky me........for now anyway.

Fuck the IRS.

My ex-husband too.........

and fairy tales...


Watching the Grammys. I like Kid Rock. He's a good performer............and I bet it would be fun to go out and raise a little hell with him......and maybe have a little wild sex with him too.......just saying..

friday

I spent the morning at the hospital with boyfriend as he went through all the pre-op testing. His surgery is scheduled for Wed. His biggest fear is that he won't wake up after the surgery. I think he feels a little better though since talking to the anesthesiologist.
After our big morning at the hospital, boyfriend and I went out for breakfast. We go to a dive that's been around since before I was born and then some. The foods great, the prices are good, and the wokers are nice. So it's our breakfast spot one or two times a month.
After breakfast we shopped. Daughter needed a strapless bra for the Valentines Day dance. I bough her one for a dance last year but she threw it away because she "thought I'd never need it again."
I got a letter from the IRS. A couple months ago I had to do an amendment to my 2007 return. That amendment triggered other adjustments...........bottom line...I owe another 1240.00 bucks plus penalty and interest. SUCKS. (maybe I should stop doing my returns.)But I won't.
After shopping, boyfriend and I went to the animal shelter. Joplin wasn't there. I met a black cat. He was friendly. I pet him and then went to another area to look at other cats. As I was visiting the other cats I felt a cat rubbing against my leg. It was the black cat. He was a sweet little guy, and I seriously considered taking him home. But I didn't. I don't want to fall in love with him just to have him disappear from the face of the earth. So I reluctantly left the shelter without him.

monday

The big football game last night was fun to watch. Since I don't have a favorite football team I usually like rooting for the underdog........so even though my team didn't win...I enjoyed it.
The commercials weren't as good as usual, but I laughed when I watched the Dorito commercial. The one where the guy threw the snow globe at the vending machine.

Daughters Valentines Day dance dress was delivered today. It's very pretty, even prettier than the picture we viewed on-line...... but it's not the most flattering dress she's ever worn.

The Messy Room still sits untouched.

Boyfriend had a follow up visit with the doctor who checked boyfriends throat and tongue.......the doctor decided a ct scan was needed and based on the ct results decided a biopsy was in order.
So it feels like we're rigth back where we started. (he's ok. I just know it. I only wish he knew it too.)

Work is going ok for the most part.
But I think that some of the time management and the rest of the people in the building are totally out of touch with how much the floor nurses have on their plates.......it's frustrating.
The new nurse, the one from our new owners old facility has been working my floor. They have me doing paper work in preparation for our annual survey. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation even though it was my choice.