NYE

 New Years resolutions:

Have a face to face "chat" with the guy who wrecked in to my son.

Send a letter to the prison where the guy who beat my nephew ends up, addressed to him, and tell him I think he's a piece of shit.

Send a letter to the DA who will plea bargain with the guy who beat my nephew and let him know his failure to prosecute the other guys involved in the beating, and then the plea bargain with big ears, is not what tax payers put him in office to do.
I'm sick to death of criminals being slapped on the wrist.

Go back to daughters high school as soon as the holiday ends and raise hell with the principal for his failure to call me back........................no.........I take that back.........I will     go to the board of education and raise hell because the principal didn't call me back like he said he would..................................and then talk to the superintendent  about mis-conduct by 3 of his employees..........I'm usually reserved, quiet, polite.........not anymore..........that part of me went in the garbage with my cigarettes. Plus I'm down right pissed.....what's wrong with letting them know how I feel.

Let go of the anger I feel.

Spend more time with my mom.

Save as much money as I can......

Find an artistic outlet.

Happy New Year, everyone.    :O)

monday

Christmas Eve was wonderful.
I had dinner here with my kids and boyfriend.
The table looked beautiful. It's the dining room table from my
childhood home.
But anyway..........the mood was light........everyone seemed happy
and talkative.
I t was my favorite part of Christmas.

Christmas Day was spent opening gifts with my kids and boyfriend.
My boys both told boyfriend they wanted to make this Christmas special for me.
I'm not sure why..........
Middle son gave me a beautiful pearl bracelet, oldest son gave to me perfume, Daisey to be specific.........one of my favorites..............and then daughter, God bless her heart........took about 50 pictures of We-Ping and put them in a photo album for me...............cracked me up........and I loved it.............lov ed it all because it came from them.........
After opening gifts we went to my parents house. All of my sisters and their families were there.................................we opened more gifts, ate, and just hung out together. I was tired and wishing I was  at home on my couch in warm comfy pajamas.
I tried staying in the moment, and it's not that I didn't enjoy myself, but home IS where I wanted to be.
And now it is all over and I am on my couch in new, soft, warm pajamas. And to boot, I have 3 more days of vacation ahead of me. Yay!

Middle son recently took some college assessment proficiency test. He scored in the top 10% in the nation in critical thinking skills and in writing skills.
I'm very pleased.

tuesday

Can you say vacation?

I'm off work for the next 8 days.

Yay!


I drove by Dudes house the other night.
Dudes the guy that ran over my son while son was on his motorcycle.
So I drove past Dudes house on my way to look at a house up the street from his.
When I saw his/his girlfriends Cadillac in the driveway I had the urge to throw a brick through the window.
I mean I really, really wanted to but knew I couldn't..........................and not beccause it's the wrong thing to do.....................but because I didn't want to put my nursing license in jeopardy by breaking the law. There's always the chance I might get caught.......................so I knew I couldn't do it..........then I thought maybe I could flick a booger at their car........maybe even 2 boogers. I mean, can you get arrested for flipping boogers on someones car? I doubt I could flip them that far though..........................
And then I thought about how I want to jump on the back of the guy who beat my nephew until nephews brain swelled...................and how I want to  pull/rip his big ears off his head............................................................and how I want to ask the cheerleading coach  "now what did you call my daughter, you fucking bitch."
I won't break car windows, or flip boogers.
I won't pull Pierce's ears from his head. Or jump on his back and punch him in the face when I see him in the court room.
I just need to let go. For my own emotional well being.
So I will try.......................................

piss stew

I went out to dinner tonight with my 4 sisters.
It's our yearly Christmas dinner without children, husbands, boyfriends, parents...ect.
We've been doing it for years.
It's one of my favorite nights of the year.             The other day I found an envelope tucked between my kitchen doors. It had a hundred dollar bill in it and a note from mom and dad telling me and my sisters to enjoy ourselves at our dinner.
Isn't that sweet?
The dinner was great. Conversation was fun, funny, and heartwarming. The gift exchange was fun.......and emotional...............
When my mom and dad moved from our family home, my sister and her husband bought the house. When mom and dad moved out mom told sister that mom had a few boxes of stuff in the attic and would came back for it eventually.
One day way back when mom was critically ill, my sister went to the attic to look through the boxes.
She found a box filled with stuff mom had written including poems she'd written about each of her daughters.
This year sister asked mom if she could take each of the poems to give to us as a Christmas gift.
Mom said yes.
Sister took each of the poems to an embroidery shop and had each one embroidered and then framed.

This is what mine said:

                                                           Sandy Gay, Age 7
                                             Raven haired with warm dark eyes,
                                             Aready smile filled with childly guise.

                                             Freckled nose and two teeth missing,
                                             Husky voiced with just a touch of lisping

                                              A lovely package of innocent love,
                                              Sandy, a gift from God, From up above.


I love it.
Thoughts from my mom from way back when......


The school principal called me yesterday.
He told me the cheerleading coach admitted to using foul language, and losing her cool at practice but that it wasn't directed at any one individual..............therefore he wasn't going to fire her, but he was going to have her take some anger management through the school guidance counselor.
I asked him if he interviewed the other coach. "no"    I asked him if he interviewed any of the other cheerleaders   "No"...........................So I said to him "SHE CALLED MY DAUGHTER A FUCKING, CRY BABY BITCH! That is not acceptable behavior. You did not do a thorough investigation!
I also pointed out to the principal all the money I've paid to the coach for items I've yet to receive.  The conversation ended with the principal saying he would interview the others present at the practice and he'd call me later in the day.
He didn't call.
School is closed for the next 18 days.
18 days is a long time for me to sit and stew.
He made a big mistake by not calling me back.

psycho cheerleading sponsor headed for unemployment

Yesterday while at cheerleading practice, the cheerleading sponsor called my daughter a
"FUCKING, CRY-BABY BITCH"........................but not until she told daughter that daughter "doesn't do a FUCKING thing for the squad...........followed by "except look
FUCKING STUPID while doing the dance!"
I've never seen my daughter so beside herself with anger & hurt feelings.

 I missed work today so that I could be at the school first thing this morning.
That fucking school has lost it's fucking mind.
They've treated my  daughter in an inappropriate manner 2 times too many................Boyfriend and I spent 45 minutes this morning in the principals office discussing what happened last evening at cheerleading practice............and while I was in there I told him specifically how his director of special education has been an unprofessional, rude, hateful, bitch to me and my daughter...............how my daughters rights have been violated by the school.I insisted that he right their wrongs.
We'll see what happens and whether or not I will need to hire an attorney.

Why can't I just have my quiet, peaceful life back.
It's been one freakin drama after another. I for one am tired.

My vacation starts Tuesday.
I'm turning off my phones..............and going camping in my backyard.

on quitting smoking

It's been five months since I had my last cigarette.
I still want one some of the time.......even get a little agitated/restless because of the craving.
The other night after getting in my car to drive home from work, I reached for my purse to get a cigarette. I forgot I'd quit.
My sense of smell has improved..........&
Almost everything tastes salty to me.
Post nasal drip is a symptom of withdrawl from smoking.
I STILL have that whole thing going on..........the guilt is gone though........
The guilt I felt everytime I smoked............ I knew better. I knew the risks..............................NOW the guilt is gone .
I'm proud of myself.
I did something I thought was impossible.
And  my oldest son has followed suit. He hasn't smoked for 3  weeks. I'm thrilled beyond words, and very proud of him.

tis the season

I'm finished with all my Christmas shopping except for  dads gift.
He's the most difficult to buy for.
He has everything he needs and really doesn't want for anything.
So what's a girl to do?
I did blow up 2 PICTURES for him and mom.
 In one of the pics is me , sister # 3and sister #5, and mom kneeling down next to us...........it's Easter Sunday and we're in our new Easter/church clothing..............and another of the same except dad is in the picture rather than mom.. I think we're 2, 3, and 4 years old in the picture.   It's cute. I had the pictures enlarged to a 5x7 and framed.

I still have work to do in the backyard.
I'm looking forward to it.....honestly I am.........I just wish I had more time.

I can't keep my days straight.
I guess it's because of my new work schedule.
Like right this very minute I'm not sure if it's Tuesday, or Monday.....

friday

I had 2 trees removed from my back yard yesterday. One of them was the old maple tree that sat next to the back end of my deck.
I t use to be a beautiful tree...................... it was one of the reasons I bought this house. I remember thinking how the boys could have such fun climbing it.................and they did. They also used to swing on the tire swing that we hung for them..........................................................but now the tree has become a huge, leaf shedding, limb dropping, siding rubbing on mine and my neighbors house........and my gutters are constantly full of crap.............I could have just trimmed the tree...........I think though that maybe it was dying..........and my yard just isn't big enough for a 50 year old maple. The decision is made and it's done with already.........I have a little bit of regret..........I probably should have just trimmed it....................I also had an old cottonwood tree removed. No regrets. It was ugly, and it, along with the maple, constantly shaded the yard keeping the lawn moist  making it impossible to have a pretty lawn.
So anyway, today I need to do some clean-up in my yard...............and that's it for work.     The rest of my day will be spent doing fun things like
 making  ribs for supper and hike the woods behind my house.

sunday

Went shopping last evening in hopes of completing my Christmas shopping.
I'm soooooooooo close to having it done. But close isn't good enough.
One more trip to the mall should do it. I hope!

Today I plan on hiking the woods behind my house.
I want to be outside, in the woods, close to nature. I want to feel the cold, crisp, air on my face and in my lungs.
 Daughter's debating whether or not she wants to go with me...............&......
Thats' really all I have planned for the day.

a little piece of my past

"You're in my heart you're in my soul......you'll be my prayer should I grow old......you are my lover.....you're my best friend.....you're in my soul"......................................................................I heard that song on my way home from work tonight.
It took me back to high school......................back to when I was a young, innocent, shy girl.........................and there was this guy..................president of the national honor society, president of his class, starting quarter back of the football team, star of the track and wrestling team.............intelligent, nice, good looking, funny...............................and there he was asking me out on a date...................me telling him "no" because I was  afraid I wasn't good enough......................him saying "you'll go"........he wasn't being cocky...........he was being encouraging.....................................and I did go...................................and we ended up going on many many dates......... but it was never exclusive or serious......... he would sing that song to me................. I fell head over heels in love with him...........I loved him so much it hurt..............but that's not something I would have shared with him.........because I knew he didn't feel the same way. We had fun together. I shared my future dreams with him, and he didn't laugh. He encouraged me. I encouraged him.
Then he fell head over heels in love with a girl a year older than I.......................and my heart was severely bruised. I cried so many tears I could have flooded a city.
After high school he left on a full scholarship to Cornell University. I was over him by then, and figured I'd never see him again.....................but I was wrong......
He showed up at my house once and we went for a ride on his motorcycle......&....we talked.................he brought up my dreams I'd shared with him. I was touched that he remembered..........
He's  a good guy.
A productive man who has over come many obstacles................................................................
When I heard that song today I thought of him and I smiled.

mall

Boyfriend and I went to the mall today.
My goal was to finish my Christmas shopping.
 I'm almost there.....

I'm too tired to blog.
As soon as daughter gets home from cheerleading practice
I'm going to bed.

Niters

tuesday

I didn't nap today.
Instead I went shopping with boyfriend and then out to lunch.

I hung out with daughter this evening.
I fixed her hair 8 different ways.
She didn't like any of the ways I fixed it.
I thought it looked cute.

I finally decorated my Christmas tree.
It looks beautiful.
Boyfriend is going to the mall with me tomorrow.
I'm going to try to finsih my Christmas shopping.

I'm not good at work politics.
I speak my mind.
I try to use tact when speaking my mind. I really do try not to offend.
I don't kiss ass because I don't know how to do
it without it coming across
as kissing ass. I mean I'd kiss ass if
it would work for me. I just don't know how.
I'm horrible at the whole game we
play in our daily work lives. I suck at  work politics.
So I just try to do a really good, exceptional,job and hope that that will be enough.
Recently we've had a few problems at work...........serious issues that need to be addressed.
I've been very vocal to my boss and my bosses boss and
I'm worried it's going to cost me my job.
Better
to lose my job though than my license.
But I'd really like to keep both.
As if there's not enough in this life to worry about.............

tuesday

I hope the families of the cops murdered by the guy Huckabee pardoned, sue Huckabee. I hope they find a way to go after every dime he has. Send a message to the other dumb asses who pardon child rapists, rapists, murderers, and other violent people.

Tiger woods hit a tree and a fire hydrant. Big fucking deal. I wonder how much of the tax payers money will be spent to investigate.

Boyfriend spent the weekend in the hospital. I spent the weekend working 12 hour days and then going to the hospital to be with him. It was one long 72 hour day.
I am exhausted.
The hosp thought he was having a heart attack.
I think my Thanksgiving day turkey made him ill, or he has a peptic ulcer.
He's home now..............and nothing has been resolved...so says me.

I'm going to bed now to give my mind the rest it needs.