sun. night

You're a pussy, PA.
You say what you feel, but by God someone else speaks their mind
and you can't handle it.
Run awayer..............liar.
Stick around once in awhile when there's conflict. "Have a little faith."



Listening to one of the CD's boyfriend gave to me as a Christmas gift.
It's Norah Jones's "The Fall."
My favorite song on the cd, because I love the piano.......and plus she has such a beautiful voice singing this song........and because the words touch my heart............................and I hate when people do thsi on their blog.......but I'm going to do it anyway........so here is the song.......
DECEMBER
December come to me
I hope you can see
You not just in my dreams
I will let you be
Why can't you believe
How much you really mean?
December won't you come
Back with snow, even some
Don't say that it's done
I will carry you home
Take you from the lonliest place
You have known
I will carry you home
Take me from the lonl;iest place
I have known

sun.

We lost in the first round of the basketball tournament. But it wasn't state play offs like I thought. It was the sweet sixteen tourney.
When the bus was escorted out of town, and just before they went over the bridge, a solid black cat ran in front of the bus. I knew then that we wouldn't win. :O)

Cheerleading coach held court Friday in the cafeteria at a table filled with young girls. She told them how "Emilys mom is trying to get me fired." She was trying to agitate them..........she wanted them pissed at my daughter.
Well daughter called me while I was in the middle of a 16 hour shift. I was buried with critically ill patients.......15 of them to be exact.............I was already stressed and resentful.
SO when daughter called me I thought I was going to fucking blow.... I shut myself in one of my storage rooms and called the principal. He wasn't there........and I should have known. It was Friday. I think he only works half days Friday. That just pissed me off even more.
SO I called the superintendant. His secretary and I have become friendly aquaintances..............she knew I was at my wits end, so she put him on the phone............and as soon as I heard his voice I blew. I'm not sure of all that I said........but I'm certain I did say to him that this would be the last time that the coach would said one word to anyone about me or my daughter.......that he was to put an end to the harrassment today.
He promises to meet with her first thing Monday morning, and then he promised to call me after his meeting with her.
I told him that if he did not call me I was going to proceed with legal action. I'd had enough.
I'm sure he's heard that threat a thousand times. Means nothing to him I'm sure.........neither do I or my daughter..............................................................................................................it felt good to yell at him.

I went to the mall yesterday with daughter. Her goal was to find a prom dress. My goal was to hang out with, conect with,and have fun with her.
Once I insisted that she quit text messaging and put her phone away while we were together, we did connect,     we did have fun,  and we laughed until she nearly peed herself..............................and then after she tried on every prom dress in the mall, and after we had dinner out        we went   home....................it was a really good afternoon and evening.

wed

Today was a big day for daughters school/the basketball team she cheers for............the team left today for the state championship playoffs. It's the first time in about 50 years that our school has played at this level.
Main street was decorated with all the players jersey numbers, pictures of the mascot, and school initials. Both sides of main street were lined with well wishers as our team was escorted down main street & then out of the city by the local police department. It was fun.
The cheerleaders leave in the AM............I have to work Thru. and Fri. so...... boyfriend and I will meet daughter out of town this Friday night or Saturday morning IF our team makes it that far.

While I was out enjoying and celebrating with the rest of the city, the attorney I emailed was trying to reach me on my house phone.
I don't hold out much hope that he will be able to do anything to make the school make amends to my daughter. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed anyway.
I'll return his call tomorrow and see what he has to say.

Mrs. Crybaby......U fucking bitch

I write and then erase. I have nothing positive to sAY.

Daughter's in the shower.
I kept hearing We-Ping trying to open the door.
I thought she wanted in the br to drink.
But she wanted out. So I opened the BR door &
In my best We-Ping voice I told
daughter "I want out Emmy. I was born free!"
I don't know if daughter even knows the movie Born Free. But she giggled
anyway.

Boyfriend and I were talking morning before last.
He took me by surprise when he lost control and cried........said he was worried
about me, didn't want to lose me..............
I felt instant guilt.
But I also realized that what
I'm doing isn't working. I don't want the people I love worrying about me........or hurting.
I'll make some changes, and then we'll see.


I wonder if it would be way out of line to wear a tee shirt to the next high school basketball game that says "MRS. Crybaby.
 F'ing Biotch."

friday

I've been off work the past 3 days......it's my usual days off. Wed. was a great day in that I got out of bed early, scrubbed the refrigerator, and kitchen floor.
WHile daughter was at cheerleading practice, boyfriend and I went to every store at the mall looking for the jacket the cheerleading coach bought for all the girls except for daughter.
We found where she bought them, but they were sold out................none of the other stores carried them........she'll just have to do without.
I did buy her 2 cute shirts from Kohls and some hair pins from Forever 21.

Yesterday I had a little more difficulty getting out of bed, and felt depressed. But I did get up for a short while, then went back to bed for a few hour nap.
After I picked up daughter from school, daughter, boyfriend, and I went to Walmart. One of daughters teachers gives daughter a daily piece of gum. He's her favorite teacher.  He's also the basketball coach and they have a huge playoff game tonight. So daughter wanted to get him a good luck charm. She also got him atleast 500 pieces of gum.
She called me from school and told me he cracked up laughing when she gave him the gift, and that he liked it.

Today I only got out of bed to take daughter to school. I came home, maybe read some blogs, and then went back to bed and slept the day away. I did manage to make corn chowder for everyone to have for supper.................................and I paid next months bills.....................and balanced my checkbook. I hate feeling the way that I feel some of the time. I just want it to go away.

Last week the principal told me he was going to give the coach 2 days to get my daughter a competition jacket, or have her collect the jackets she handed out. He has yet to do either..............so I left him a message today asking him how that whole situation of collecting the jackets was going.
Last week the superentindent told me he would have a meeting either this Tues. or Wed. with the principal and cheerleading coach re: retaliating by not giving my daughter a jacket and that he would call me Wed. or Thurs. to follow up with me.
He didn't call.
I left a messaging for him reminding him that he was supposed to call me. Neither he nor his secretary was in the office. They'd probably already left for the day but I asked the lady who answered my call if perhaps he was at his other job. She laughed. I wasn't trying to be funny. I was being a bitch.

I contacted an attorney today via e-mail.
He's poplar around here for being a ruthless dog. And he's good at what he does.
We'll see if he calls.

monday

I just sent a letter to every member on the board of education for daughters school.
The cheerleading coach has been retaliating against my daughter since I reported the coach for calling daughter a fucking crybaby bitch. For example, she bought all the girls a competition jacket except for my daughter. That's inexcusable!
I discussed the retaliation with the superintendent last week. He was supposed to investigate, meet with the principal and cheerleading coach, and then call me today.
He didn't call.
He has a full time job at one of the local colleges.
He's also employed by our school district as a full time superintendent.
He isn't doing a good job.
How could he?
All of that aside, I'm so fucking pissed I feel like I'm gonna blow.
Daughter says she hates the school she used to love.
I'm not sure what to do.

saturday

It's been six months and a day since I had my last smoke.
I want one, I don't want one.

Daughter wants me to go to the movies to see The Lovely Bones with her and a friend.
I have cramps, worked 16 hours yesterday, am cold and tired................plus, if the movie
is half as depressing as the book was.........then I don't want to see it.
On the other hand........daughter wants to hang out..............she'll be grown and on with her own life soon.........who knows how many more opportunities I'll have to hang out with her.

tuesday

I was awake and out of bed by 4:30 this morning. I slept yesterday away.
I chit chatted awhile with boyfriend, watched a little Law and Order, and showered.
After getting home from taking daughter to school, I put a roast with carrots and potatoes in the crock pot, and in the oven some homemade pumpkin bread. My house smells good!

Lastnight I dreamed Moon Cat came home. She was at my front door meowing. I was very happy to see her and decided I would keep her. That I would hide her from her real owner. I felt a little down when I woke and realized I had just been dreaming.

saturday

I love my sons.
I feel fortunate that they've grown up
and are still friends......the best of friends.



Daughter and I are starting beginners yoga.
I'm looking forward to it kinda.


I wish I could find a young version of Moon Girl.
She was the most loving cat ever.....aside from Laquisha and Joplin.

So at the basketball game last evening I said a cheer. It went something like this..........

                                        Two bits!
                                         Four bits!
                                         Six bits a dollar!
                                         All fucking, cry-baby bitches stand up and hollar!
                                

friday

I went to the high school basketball game this evening.
We played our biggest rivals.
I wanted to watch the game, watch daughter cheer, and watch
the cheerleading coach to make sure she didn't call my daughter any
foul names.
She passed out competition jackets last week to every girl on the squad except for my daughter.
I told the principal and the school superintendent. They said they'd check into it. I've heard nothing back from them.. It's been 3 days.
How many days do they need?

asshole

I spent parts of Monday and Tuesday on the phone with the high school principal and the  school  district superintendent.
The principal in my opinion is a defensive, close minded, incompotent, doofus. So
I moved on to the superintendent.
He gets it. He hears me. Or he's just a full of shit politician.
Time will tell.

So I picked daughter up from school at the end of her school day. On the drive home I saw my oldest son who was in his vehicle headed to work.
He pulled off to the side of a quiet neighborhood street, and I pulled close enough to him to talk for a second. I wanted to tell him to have a nice day at work, and I'd save him a dinner plate.    I left enough room to my right for 2 lanes of traffic to get by if need be. And it took me all of 10 seconds to say to son what I          wanted to say.
Some guy in a green car pulls up to my bumper, puts his car in park and bears down on his gas pedal.......burning rubber........and his wife/girlfriend starts yelling at me. So I quickly tell my son gotta go, will see you soon................and I take a right turn, green car following me his bumper on mine.................I took an immediate left up my hill ...........guy in green car goes straight.......& then............guy in the green car is standing in the street and  I see son throwing open his door, jumping out of his car............................I backed my car down the few feet I'd driven up my street and pulled between the two of them.................I told son "GO! NOW!" and then I turned to guy in his 40's and said "I suggest you go too!" He and son exchanged several explatives.car guy   was   red faced and ready to fight or bust a nut   .........oldest son   was thinking bring it on asshole. I was afraid other dude might have a gun or that son would end up in jail. So I again told son to " GO"  in the way a mother can say something and her child, no matter how old they are, they kow  you're serious as a heart attack. So Son headed back to his car..............not because he is afraid of me..........he just did it for me...........because I insisted........and he respects me.
The parents at the stop knew me. They watched what had transpired from the get go.
They all began yelling and cursing at asshole in the green car...............2 of them even called the police.
This fucking world has gone  crazy.
 green car guy turned his car and went in the direction my son went.
I knew my son had gone to get gas and green car guy would drive right past the gas station.
I was afriad he'd have a gun, or run my son over.
So I drove to the gas station.
SOn was ok.
Asshole wasn't there...........................I told son he puts his  self      in  danger fighing with assholes that might be packing a weapon........  I tried to lay  on some guilt &told him I just can't handle this shit right now, all this fighting                ........on the other hand I thanked him for trying to protect me from a road rager..........................

some prayers are answered

I took Moon Girl to the Vet. this afternoon.
Her gait is a little unsteady and she is still unable to jump up to the bed/couch.
She's the sweetest cat I've ever known. I wanted to get her the help I thought she needed.
So the Vet runs a scanner over her. Low and behold, she has a chip in her from the American Kennel Club.
For whatever reason the AMC couldn't readily give my Vet. info. on the owner of the cat..................so away we went knowing the Vet would soon be calling....................instead, after running several other errands I came home to messages on my phone from Moon Kittys owner. Moon Girl is 16 years old, thus the difficulty getting up on furniture..........and her teeth are old, so she had a little trouble eating.
Her owner left a tearful message on my phone. She thought she had lost her cat for good........thought maybe she had run away to die........ has been missing for about 2 weeks.

She came to my home to get her cat. Its real name is Charity and she'll be 17 Feb. 14th,
It was a wonderful reunion.
I was beyond happy for this woman.
Her heart has been aching for 2 weeks..............and she has been beating herself up for accidently letting Charity out her kitchen door.
A happy ending! Just ask We-Ping.

monday

Starving / sick cAT is still alive.
She's eating and drinking. So that's good.
I think I'll call her Moon Girl because her round, gold, eyes remind me of a full moon.
We-Pings mood has improved.
She still doesn't want Moon Girl around, but she's being more responsive to the rest of her family.

sunday

I had so many plans for yesterday. But I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I argued with myself in my  head trying to guilt myself out of bed. I just couldn't do it. The thought od doing anything other than lay in bed was overwhelming.
Daughter found a cat on our porch Friday evening.
She/he may be dying. I'm not sure. She is literally skin over bones. She barely has the energy to walk a few steps....and her balance is off.
Maybe her vital organs have begun to shut down from her starvation or whatever illness it is she suffers from.
So she and I  lay together on the couch and in my bed. I take comfort from the sound of her purring, and she from me gently petting her. She cries out when I leave her side to use the restroom so I take her with me. Mostly though we just rest.

Today I was able to get out of bed. I wanted to be away.........
I showered and went to Walmart to grocery shop.
While shopping I got a cute patent leather Rolling Stone bag with a picture of Johnny Depp on the front of the bag. He's sexy. The bag is cute.

I was anxious to get home to sick cat.
He/she doesn't seem any better, he'she doesn't seem any worse.
We-Ping doesn't like having another cat around.
She is pouting, and refuses to sleep in her usual sleeping place.