fuck

I guess I'll call the doctor tomorrow.
I need help.
I stopped taking the anti depressant because it wasn't
working.
I've cried on and off for days.
I'm mentally exhausted.
I told my boss to take me off the unit I've been working for almost a year.
I was crying when I asked her, and I cried on and off all day.
I didn't mean too........it just happened. I couldn't control it.
I've lost my fucking mind.
Today I took daughter to cheerleading practice. I waited in my car in the
parking lot in case there was any trouble with the coach.
I kept looking at the coaches car and all i could do was imagine myself opening my door and slamming it into her car over and over again................or taking a permanent marker and writing fucking crybaby bitch all over her car.
When I couldn't sit and look at her car anymore I decided to go in the building.
I walked right past the door guy and coaches taking care of whatever was going on in the gym........I went to the band room where the cheerleaders were practicing.
I was instantly ready to fight.
"When are we going to get the hair bows and socks we paid for in August" I asked the other coach....the coach that didn't abuse my daughter but who did nothing to advocate for my daughter., She didn't have an answer.
When the game in the gym was over the girls moved to the gym to finish their practice...............fucking bitch coach came in. She actually had the nerve to say "hi" to me when she walked by.
I didn't answer.
I didn't go in the gym......but rather sat at a table outside the gym door looking in.......I sat with the team mother.........as I sat there I intermittenly cried/chocked back tears..........and found myself becoming agitated, and angry.
So I said to the team mother who was sitting next to me...."I think it's fucking pathetic that a coach can call a young girl a fucking crybaby bitch, tell her she serves no purpose on the squad, and that she looks like an idiot.................and no other mother steps forward to complain or help. And further more......your daughter told you that coaches comments were directed at my daughter but she lied when interviewed by the principal. How pitiful." I told her I couldn't wait for the coach to verbally abuse one of the other girls.
She looked at me and said "I think the whole thing should be dropped."
So I said to her...."of course you do. IT WASN'T YOUR DAUGHTER THAT WAS CALLED A FUCKING BITCH IN FRONT OF THE SQUAD!"
She tried talking small talk to me, I walked away. I hate her just like I hate the coach, and most of the girls on the squad......................................................................and then on the drive home with daughter and daughters best friend who happens to be the coaches niece I started screaming and crying saying I wish the coach would have called some red neck fucking bitches daughter a fucking bitch........................that way Maybe someone would have knocked her ugly, mother fucking head off.
When I got home I realized that maybe I really should call my doctor tomorrow. Something is dreadfully wrong. This isn't me. I have lost any sense of control over what I say, and how I react.
I need help.
I'm certainly not helping my daughter.