wed

I went downstairs last night to do a load of laundry. At the bottom of the steps I peeked into sons bedroom. He left a lamp on, so I went in to turn it off.
It was unusually quiet and empty in there...........
I felt this huge loss, a hole in my heart.
It's over....finished.......or atleast that's how I felt at that moment.
I want it back......my life with 3 little ones to chase after.
I walked around his room looking at some of the stuff he'd left behind. A picture of a map on his wall, an old, dusty stuffed anima from an ex girlfriendl....... stuff he didn't want to take with him, and maybe some things that he might come back for..........................I collected 2 dirty towels he had thrown over an exercise bike, turned off the light, and closed the door as I left the room.
I sent him a text message telling him I loved him. My phone rang a minute later. It was him. "I love you too. Everything ok?"
It took me a second to answer for fear of crying. I wanted to hold on to him.... and to the past....... I knew this time was coming and still it caught me off guard.
"I'm fine! Just wanted you to know I'm happy about your new place,  I love you......and to be honest, I miss you and your brother. But I swear I'm okay!" So we talked a minute about Christmas Eve dinner, and Christmas day.....and then said our good nights...........and a couple minutes later I received a text message from other son saying "we love you too, mom!"
I'm lucky. (knock on wood)
and I am okay..........

Today I baked cookies and made chocolate covered marshmallow snowmen..............and I wrapped a few more gifts.
I packed a few dozen cookies for sons to take home with them................and packaged the snowmen to give to my younger nephew and great nephew and nieces.

It was a quiet day.
It was a nice day.
It was a peaceful day.
I was filled with gratitude for all the wonderful people in my life.......and wonderful cats.