wednesday

Daughter and I hung out today.
We went shopping and out to lunch.
We were both in a playful mood, so it was a day full of laughing and joking around. I loved every minute of it!

rambling

I'm having a beer( something i rarely do) and watching the mtv's vma's with daughter.
lady gaga can sing.....she doesn't really need all the crazy theatrics......i'm looking forward to seeing adele perform. she has a great voice and a certain something special.

oldest son and his girlfriend stopped by this evening.
he tries so hard to be what he thinks i want him to be.
i just want him to be his self. that's more than good enough for me.

daughters summer break is over.
she's working at a popular, young woman's clothing store in cincinnati........and starts school sept. 6. i was such a chicken at her age. she's not.

the cardiologist said he'd see me in 5 months. he's not very concerned with my ekg. he thinks my thyroid was the cause. i like him. he cusses, plus he's funny and makes me feel like we're old friends. our ex house psychiatrist at my wwork used to cuss. why i would like it when doctors cuss i don't know. maybe because it puts me at ease.

the follow up visit with my family doctor went okay. he assured me i don't have thyroid cancer............and all my blood work was normal.

one time a doctor threw a chart at my sister. it hit her in the chest.
he was pissed about something.
she picked the chart up and threw it back at him. just saying.......

friday at work one of my patients told me i was his very favorite nurse.....i was asking him to be patient.....then i said" maybe i should be more patient"......then he said "you're my very favorite nurse, sandy." made my heart ache a little. he's a sweetheart.

they're going to do an amy winehouse tribute on the vma show that we're watching. she had a wonderful, soulful voice.
i knew she would die.
i was hoping for her though......

my work friend and her husband stopped by yesterday.
her husband and boyfriend hit it off at daughters graduation party.
it's been awhile since i've had a close girlfriend.
my last really close friend died. i'm back and forth between wanting friends. i know that sounds weird......but it's how i feel.
i love my work friend though.....boyfriend really likes her too......the 4 of us plan on getting together again soon.

middle son is taking me on his boat to hear jimmy buffet when he plays at riverbend. i can't wait. i'd love to spend a day with jimmy buffet. i think he'd be fun.

tuesday

Dad put a bag of books from him and mom between my front doors today.
It included
1. Stephen King.......Liseys Story
2. Michael Connelly.......The Scarecrow
3. Sophie Hannah.......The Dead Lie Down
4. Joyce Carol Oates.....My Sister, My Love

I'm looking forward to reading them!
I just finished reading John Grisham's, A Painted House........and really enjoyed it........Odie, I think you would like it.

in a nut shell

in a nut shell:

found a house I love.........it's in foreclosure.......tracking down who owns it so I can buy it before it's auctioned.

right now, right this very minute.....I'm disappointed in doctors. They're not very bright some of the time considering all the time they've spent in school.

saw a guy in his town car in the lane next to me picking his nose. people shouldn't pick their nose in public.

went to Jimmy John's for the first time.
they have a great cucumber, tomato, lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, and a little avocado spread sandwich. very good!

Mr. Bojangles went to the vet today for vaccines.  he's going to get neutered in a couple of weeks.

I Showed 2 in 2002.....that's what the t-shirt says

I showed "2" in 2002 because I wanted to, kinda................it wasn't the T-shirt from the guys on the houseboat across the party cove that I wanted, though it was a bonus...........................I think I just wanted to be adventurous, feel free, and liberated! That's not what I ended up feeling though...........I think I ended up feeling like " I could have lived without doing that."

sunday

I woke daughter this morning to see if she wanted to go to a movie and to lunch. We ended up going out for brunch, ditched the movie and went for a drive and then shopping. We talked a lot. I knew she had a lot of things to say with college starting soon, and boyfriend leaving town. But we really didn't talk much about all of that......  we looked at other places we might like to live. Even discussed the possibility of listing our house again.....&.......what we'd have to do to our house before we sold it...........we talked about her best friends new and first boyfriend.........and about her other best friends recent break up with her boyfriend................
We shopped a little.
She bought nail polish and some new foundation.
I bought lotion, blush, and nail clippers.
It was a nice few hours spent with daughter.

I lost 5 more pounds.
My goal is to lose 20. So far I've lost 18.
So I'm pretty happy. I hope my heart is too.

I made fried green tomatoes this evening.......topped them with Feta cheese, cause that's how the guy on TV made them. I only had one, but it was delicious.

And now I'm going to clean the inside of my car. I haven't cleaned it since I bought it. I like getting into a clean car in the morning. Don't you? It just feels good to me.

saturday

Daughters boyfriend left town early this morning to start college life.
He was offered a full ride to four different schools..........in the end he chose Eastern Kentucky University.
Daughter spent last evening hanging out with him.
They said their good-byes.
Her heart is aching a little. But she's also looking forward to starting her new life..........give her a chance and she'll show off her college I.D., schedule, or parking pass even......
Her best friend Mariah, decided to stay here and take the scholarship to Northern Kentucky University rather than The University of Louisville. Daughter is thrilled.
Her other two best friends, "Page 83", and Shay, will be leaving for school in the next several days.
They haven't wasted a minute of their free time this summer. It's been non stop get togethers, and I'm sure a summer to remember.
I love them all, hope they stay safe, and that all their dreams come true.

good night

I spent my day cleaning.
I'm wore out and ready for bed.
Mr. Bojangles knows it to........he's on
the floor next to the bed waiting for me to invite him up to the bed. He makes me smile. :O)

thursday

I had planned on cooking a special dinner tomorrow for sons birthday. He stopped by today after work and we ended up (boyfriend, son, daughter, adn I) going out for dinner this evening instead. (Oldest son didn't go because he works evenings)
We went to one of sons favorite restaurants. The food was great &
It was a nice time. He loved the camera I got him.

After dinner, son and daughter went to the mall together. Boyfriend and I went to the grocery store.
Tomorrow I'll bake sons favorite cake(carrot cake) for his birthday and send it over to his condo for him and his brother to enjoy.

I love my new Jaguar Ford Fusion. The interior is leather. When you open the door the smell of leather hits you in the nose. I love that smell!
Daughter is enjoying my old Jaguar Sonata. It was my all time favorite car. The outside of it still looks practically brand new.................and since the interior is leather, it looks really good too. It runs good. Hopefully it will keep running for several more years.

I'm going to the ocean soon.
It will probably only be a 3 day trip, but I have to go. It's calling my name!

wed.

I went shopping this afternoon with daughter and her best friend.
I needed to buy a present for sons birthday.
I got myself a Janice Joplin CD. It was marked down to five bucks. It's one of my favorite albums. I wanted the CD so I could listen to it in my car.
I got son a nice camera. He dropped his a few months back and it broke........he's always borrowing his sister's........I think he'll like it!

Daughter and I went to talk with daughters academic advisor last week. The advisor helped daughter pick her classes.......and then on the 9th we go back to get daughters official schedule, parking pass, student ID, and I forget the rest..........daughter is pleased with her school choice......and looking forward to starting her classes.
I'm happy for her.
When we got home I called my mom to fill her in on our day.
My mom criticised daughters school choice, and daughters choice of friends.
What I need to explain is that sisters relapse and subsequent overdose has opened old wounds for me. I wont speak for anyone else..............I also need to explain that feeling so fucking tired mentally and physically for the past however long it's been because your fucking body isn't working the way it should and even though you finally find the reason why and begin treatment...........and you are feeling significantly better, but you still don't have the stamina that you used to have.........and you skip a period and wonder if you're going through the change of life or are your skipping your period because your freaking thyroid is fucked up..........so your hormones are all over the board................................................and then you're just who you have become.............................so your mom criticises your daughter.............you let it go........but then you lay awake through the night thinking about what she said............and you take it personal..............and then all those old wounds add fuel to the cluster fuck of feelings that you are feeling................................................. mom calls the next day under the pretense of wanting to know about a medication...........and then apologizes for part of her criticisms the day prior....................................................and I'm conflicted in my head and heart whether or not I should say anything to her because she's my mom and i love her, and she has a  bad heart.........on the other hand i want to say what i need to say so that it's said before she dies..........but i wonder should i just bite my tongue and let it be...........................................................................................................................................................I didn't bite my tongue.......I said what I needed to say, through tears of course, and then I said stuff that surprised even me.........but it was all true, and none of it meant to be hurtful...................mom was apologetic, caring, genuinely sorry.....and I detected a hint of sadness in her voice................. which left me feeling sad, remorseful, and wishing I had just let it go............................that was a week ago........................I've been extremely busy the past week........have been trying to just not think about things.................................and wishing I'd just stop having periods and go through the change of life already.........................

I've been working hard to keep my heart healthy, assuming that it is healthy. I see the cardiologist in August. My insurance denied the stress test, again. It would cost me 2200.00. I'm not spending that money unless the cardiologist says I absolutely have to, or finds a way to get my insurance to pay for it.
I put myself on a cardiac diet and have lost 14 pounds the past three weeks. I take a baby aspirin daily......and I threw away the salt shaker.
I lost the energy to exercise over a year ago................I love exercise. It makes me high. I feel up to it, kind of,  but am going to wait to get the OK from the cardiologist.

I know I sound like an unhappy, bipolar, crazy lady.

But I'm not.
:O)

monday

Text message from daughter:

Daughter: I just cleaned the car. I found your She Daisy CD. (I'm keeping it.)  I was singing with them while I cleaned. I felt like you.

Me: LOL

Daughter: It was fun.

Me: It's fun being me!

Daughter: lol, well duh.

&......................................................................

My sister overdosed.
The only details I know is that her son found her unconscious. He got her to the hospital and at some point from there she went to a rehab. center to detox.
That's all I know.
I guess she's been home now for 8 days........I haven't talked to her, and I really don't want to. I haven't talked to mom and dad about it either. I don't want to..................and the sister who informed me, well I asked her a couple months ago not to tell me anymore about either of my two sisters who are using.
I love them. I wish the best for them.
But I don't know how to be, and don't want to be a part of their lives
while they are using.

Work is going good.
My BFF and I work together on the same unit.
I take half the unit, she takes the other half.
We get it done.........and support each other along the way.
It works.

I drive past the high school on my way home from work.
The football players are practicing when I go by.
I don't have to go to anymore games..............
It makes me a little sad.