I've been down and out for the most part for a week with a horrible cold. I'm feeling better but still feel like I have cotton stuffed in my ears.
Today is boyfriends birthday.I took him to Hollywood Casino yesterday to celebrate........had a blast........won 400 bucks but gave it back to the slots!
Making him ribs for dinner tonight, and a key lime birthday cake.................jsut spending a quiet day at home.
Have been thinking about getting a tattoo as a sort of memorial for mom........maybe a little daisy, her favorite flower on my inner wrist.....i dont know.......................and thinking of buying a brick to have put in the walking path at the university she graduated from.......having her name and stuff engraved in the brick.......dad did the same at the hospital......near the fountain..........................mom hated that hospital.....................she loved school though............just some ideas I'm tossing around in my head............
Friday, February 28, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
monday
i got papers together that i will need to have my taxes filed. was making me anxious thinking about doing it. so i just got it out of the way, and i feel better. will drop them off to the tax lady tomorrow.
ran to the grocery store this morning. made a pot of chili and some corn bread for supper....the chili was delicious.........
and i've been copying moms writings, and organizing them for the books i'm putting together for my sisters...........so anyway, i have them all copied and organized.........now i just have to put it all together.......
i worked this weekend.
we worked short staff both days...........it was rough.......wish i could retire.
ran to the grocery store this morning. made a pot of chili and some corn bread for supper....the chili was delicious.........
and i've been copying moms writings, and organizing them for the books i'm putting together for my sisters...........so anyway, i have them all copied and organized.........now i just have to put it all together.......
i worked this weekend.
we worked short staff both days...........it was rough.......wish i could retire.
Friday, February 14, 2014
thursday
went shopping today with boyfriend. used a gift certificate i received on christmas to buy some pretty perfume........got a free bracelet with my perfume purchase. :O)
I also bought a new owl to go with my other owls. it's cool looking.
went out to dinner with boyfriend. we both had pulled pork, cole slaw, mac n cheese, and corn bread. it wasn't bad...........
oldest son stopped by while we were out. he left a heart box of chocolates for both me and daughter for valentines day. i think it's sweet that he thinks of me and sis on valentines day.
boyfriend rubbed some icy hot on my back.......shoulder has been bothering me..................the stuff smells like cat pee to me............................mr. bojangles nipped at my feet and growled at me........he must not like the smell either.......
I also bought a new owl to go with my other owls. it's cool looking.
went out to dinner with boyfriend. we both had pulled pork, cole slaw, mac n cheese, and corn bread. it wasn't bad...........
oldest son stopped by while we were out. he left a heart box of chocolates for both me and daughter for valentines day. i think it's sweet that he thinks of me and sis on valentines day.
boyfriend rubbed some icy hot on my back.......shoulder has been bothering me..................the stuff smells like cat pee to me............................mr. bojangles nipped at my feet and growled at me........he must not like the smell either.......
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
wed.
I have the next 3 days off work. Yay!
It's been so cold here........below zero most mornings.............the snow on the ground feels like brick..........you don't sink in it..........it's more like walking on rocks..............been this way for weeks.......
I was watching the olympics last night and thought I'm happy mom and dad went to the olympics back in the 80's. she enjoyed them.....I'm grateful they had 30 years of retirement together and that most of those years were healthy.....I'm grateful they traveled often and had many good life long friends.................................i was going through a box of moms writings and found a love letter she wrote to dad. i don't think she ever gave it to him because it was still attached to a notebook. it's precious i think. they wrote love notes often. i was thinking about giving the letter to dad for valentines day.
mom didn't want to die. some people are ready, you know? i've seen them over the years at my work. they want to go. they pray to go. they're finished living here on earth.
mom wasn't finished.
a couple days before she died she was sitting on the side of her bed,she had been talking to relatives and friends who had died while she was in a sleep like delirium ........ she reached her arms out to me and pleaded for me to not let them take her and pleaded for me to hold on to her, to hold her tight. i wrapped my arms around her and held her tight...rubbed her head.......promised i wouldn't let go........
she knew she was dying. she told me on dec. 22nd that she was dying.i didn't know what to say or how to respond. my heart ached for her. she looked so sad, and so tired. i choked on my words and just cried. i wish i would have said something........ ......................................................she didn't want to go to the hospital..............................she just wanted a beautiful christmas..........."I just want a beautiful Christmas."....................so while she wasn't ready yet to stop living here......i think she knew it wasn't really something in her control......and maybe on some level she accepted she was dying............just wasn't very happy about it..........she didn't want to leave her family ........
It's been so cold here........below zero most mornings.............the snow on the ground feels like brick..........you don't sink in it..........it's more like walking on rocks..............been this way for weeks.......
I was watching the olympics last night and thought I'm happy mom and dad went to the olympics back in the 80's. she enjoyed them.....I'm grateful they had 30 years of retirement together and that most of those years were healthy.....I'm grateful they traveled often and had many good life long friends.................................i was going through a box of moms writings and found a love letter she wrote to dad. i don't think she ever gave it to him because it was still attached to a notebook. it's precious i think. they wrote love notes often. i was thinking about giving the letter to dad for valentines day.
mom didn't want to die. some people are ready, you know? i've seen them over the years at my work. they want to go. they pray to go. they're finished living here on earth.
mom wasn't finished.
a couple days before she died she was sitting on the side of her bed,she had been talking to relatives and friends who had died while she was in a sleep like delirium ........ she reached her arms out to me and pleaded for me to not let them take her and pleaded for me to hold on to her, to hold her tight. i wrapped my arms around her and held her tight...rubbed her head.......promised i wouldn't let go........
she knew she was dying. she told me on dec. 22nd that she was dying.i didn't know what to say or how to respond. my heart ached for her. she looked so sad, and so tired. i choked on my words and just cried. i wish i would have said something........ ......................................................she didn't want to go to the hospital..............................she just wanted a beautiful christmas..........."I just want a beautiful Christmas."....................so while she wasn't ready yet to stop living here......i think she knew it wasn't really something in her control......and maybe on some level she accepted she was dying............just wasn't very happy about it..........she didn't want to leave her family ........
Sunday, February 09, 2014
deer
went to dads this morning. he wasn't home. sister was leaving his house as i arrived. she was tearful. the house feels empty without mom there. we stood in the driveway talking for a bit then left and went to other sisters house. dad was there. sister lives in the house where we were raised. she got a box out of the attic that mom left when she and dad moved to their new house. the box was filled with moms school work, more poems and some pictures. i didn't stick around too long. i ahd a headache, and felt restless.
on my way to dads this morning as i stopped at a stop sign, 7 deer crossed the street directly in front of me......................a beautiful unexpected site to see.......
on my way to dads this morning as i stopped at a stop sign, 7 deer crossed the street directly in front of me......................a beautiful unexpected site to see.......
Friday, February 07, 2014
friday
This is pretty much how it's been for the past month and a half. Sick of it........
Mr. Bojangles devouring cat nip........We-Ping doing the same..........
Thursday, February 06, 2014
wed.
another busy day at work..........having our state inspection........not going to be a perfect survey this year! bummer!
my bff work friend spent the night last night and again tonight.......we were slammed with an ice storm and snow...............it's a mess, again...............she can't make it home to out in the county...
went to mom and dads' house yesterday....................dad found a box of moms poetry.....the poems she wrote.........he gave it to me to take home..........i bought 5scrap books to put copies of moms poems in to give to each of my sisters on mothers day, maybe.........................................while out shopping for the scrap books i found a couple cute compact mirrors..................on the outside they have the word "breathe" engraved on them..........i thought they were pretty.......and they just seemed appropriate to give to 2 of my sisters......so i will.........
i'm ok.......not that anyone is asking............i ahve my moments when i still can't believe mom died.......blows me away.........................some of the time i forget for just a second that mom has died...........i'll think...."man i can't wait to tell mom about this"........and in that instant i remember she is gone.....and i feel the pain in my heart and in my stomach..................I tell her everyday i love her.......because i do.......&.........some of the time i tell her i'm sorry......because some of the time i couldn't juggle it all while taking care of her, and my other responsibilities.......so there were times i let her down.....(.not that she ever complained, because she didn't........she was grateful for all the times i got it right)...but still, it's the time i let her down that i am so deeply, & painfully sorry..................................
my bff work friend spent the night last night and again tonight.......we were slammed with an ice storm and snow...............it's a mess, again...............she can't make it home to out in the county...
went to mom and dads' house yesterday....................dad found a box of moms poetry.....the poems she wrote.........he gave it to me to take home..........i bought 5scrap books to put copies of moms poems in to give to each of my sisters on mothers day, maybe.........................................while out shopping for the scrap books i found a couple cute compact mirrors..................on the outside they have the word "breathe" engraved on them..........i thought they were pretty.......and they just seemed appropriate to give to 2 of my sisters......so i will.........
i'm ok.......not that anyone is asking............i ahve my moments when i still can't believe mom died.......blows me away.........................some of the time i forget for just a second that mom has died...........i'll think...."man i can't wait to tell mom about this"........and in that instant i remember she is gone.....and i feel the pain in my heart and in my stomach..................I tell her everyday i love her.......because i do.......&.........some of the time i tell her i'm sorry......because some of the time i couldn't juggle it all while taking care of her, and my other responsibilities.......so there were times i let her down.....(.not that she ever complained, because she didn't........she was grateful for all the times i got it right)...but still, it's the time i let her down that i am so deeply, & painfully sorry..................................
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