friday

Oldest son asked if he could take some something from my backyard to grow in his yard. I told him he could after he filled the holes he left in my front yard when he took some of my tall grasses. ( I was pissed when I noticed those holes!) So he came last evening and filled the holes, and took whatever it was that he wanted from my backyard! Him and his wife to be stayed and chit chatted with me and boyfriend for awhile.

They've decided to marry in August of next year, outside.

I reminded them how hot and humid August usually is around here and how uncomfortable that can be, especially for old people. I also reminded them how mosquito's love the humidity and biting people. But they are stead fast in the date that they have picked! I pleaded with them to change the date to early October. They wouldn't budge. So whatever.....annoys me! 

So my closest friend is a girl I work with.

While my mom was sick the last 18 months of her life, and while I was 

doing 16 hour days most days working and helping to care for my mom, friend would ask how my mom was doing.

Some of the time I'd actually want to tell her.....................but after she'd ask she'd  doze off(I don't know why she does that......wonder if she takes drugs of some kind........cause realistically could someone be so sleep deprived all of the time that they fall asleep everyday at work?) She doesn't have a condition/disease that causes it, cause I've asked.

So She'd ask, fall asleep, and I wouldn't answer. Who likes talking to a sleeping person? And what's the point.

Some of the time I really could have used a friend.

But I've learned that with her I can't really talk . Cause nothing says I really don't care like falling asleep in a persons face when they have something important they are trying to share. 

(I know I'm not explaining it right on here)......................................so now her mother is ill.........not dying............but apparently BFF called in to work Tuesday because her mom needed to go to the doctor,and needed BFF to take her.
So she called me because she is worried about having called in, and worried about her mom.
I offered emotional support to her about the calling in part but could not bring myself to ask whats wrong with her mom, or how her mother is doing.
I found that I feel resentment and anger towards my friend.
 When I have something really good that's happening in my life. or something devastating going on in my life, she falls asleep, or picks up her phone..........and yet she can go on and on and on talking about her stuff......................and I listen and ask questions......and am genuinely happy for her when something good is happening for her........and wish only good things for her...........................................................................................................
mostly I'm a private person.......I don't go on and on about my stuff........................maybe i do on here cause this is my outlet................but i don't burden other people with my stuff in real life, except with boyfriend............................................................however, there have been times when I've been exhausted and maybe in pain, or filled with worry and would have liked to share with her.......like right after my mom died and dad's prostate caner was back, and i told her.......................her angry toned response " everybody has that! no body dies from that anymore!"  nothing says shut up, like her response did! it stung!...................if you can't share the best of things, or the worst of things with your BFF, then they're not your BFF!
and besides, when you and your BFF follow each other up the interstate home from work, and your car slowly begins puttering to a stop and you frantically wave your friend over and she pauses just long enough to see you pulled over then drives off leaving you broke down and alone.....................I mean who does that and sleeps at night?!
I'm over it!