saturday

I signed off on the kitchen proposal and gave the guy a check.
I really don't care to much about getting a new kitchen. Especially not now with all that's going on....
but
boyfriend wants me to have my new kitchen. Probably wants me to quit talking about doing it, and just do it. He thinks I'm afraid to spend money, that I wont spend it on myself. It's a conversation we have over and over. He's a spender. I'm not. I joke and tell him he'd be one of those lottery winners that go broke. He tells me they'll find millions in my mattress when I die.  But anyway......
 I'm just going to do it......get my new kitchen..&...quit talking about it.

We talked a little today about boyfriend dying. He brought it up. Said his biggest concern is the thought of  me coming home, especially when it's dark, to an empty house and me being afraid. Or me not sleeping at night because I'm afraid of an intruder. Because he's knows I am afraid when I'm home alone at night.
It's truly, really bothering him.
I don't want him worrying right now about such a thing.
So we talked about it. We talked about new and improved locks for different doors in the house..........and I told him I'd get a really large dog if ever he died. I could tell he liked the idea but wasn't totally convinced until I told him if ever a day came that we knew he was terminal, he and I would go together and pick out a dog. That way he could meet the dog who would keep me safe.
He didn't agree or disagree, but I could tell he was feeling better......