thursday

I worked today. My first day back since boyfriend passed away.
It went better than I thought it would .
They offered me a full time position. I told them I'd think about it. But I also told them
I wasn't sure if I wanted to work this hard anymore, full time. They were very nice.
The hardest part about working today was driving home after the work day knowing that boyfriend wouldn't be there when I got home.
I miss my love, my best friend. the pain is unbearable some of the time.

Thursday

I gave the kitties a flea treatment today.
Right now my oven is going through the clean cycle, and the dishwasher is running.
I have a load of clothes in the washer, just took out the garbage, and shook out the throw rugs.

I had another offer on the old house day before yesterday. We've countered back and forth three times I think until we finally came to an agreement.
I hope my roof passes inspection. It didn't the last inspection. The roofer said the inspector is wrong, that the roof is fine..........................and now he refuses to answer my calls or texts. I think I got scammed. If it fails inspection I will bite the bullet and have it fixed again and then I'll go after the other roofer, the Bastard in court!

Sons girlfriend is a graphic designer. I think that's what it's called. But anyway, she used Mr. Bojangles image for part of the design for a set of hand towels. Two major department stores are interested in the towels.
I always knew Mr. Bojangles would be a star! :O)
I'm grateful boyfriend knew about the first department store being interested.

I need groceries.
I will probably go shopping for them tonight.

That's all for now.......

tuesday

Didn't sleep last night.
I'll probably sleep today instead.
Some of the time I'm afraid home alone through the night and so I don't sleep.
As I was beginning to drift off this morning I had a memory  of a recent conversation with boyfriend where I told him he was the best friend I ever had. And he was............ I smiled when I thought back to that conversation and then I cried.
My heart aches.

monday

Daughter stayed here the weekend.
It helps when she is here.

I got out of bed today. I didn't want to but I did.

I tried to fix  the leaky tub faucet.
I couldn't find the washer in it. I think I screamed fuck.........probably even cried. Then when I calmed down I called son. He came over today after work to have a look. He couldn't fix it  either. We didn't have the right size washer. I ran to Lowes and got the right size. Son will be back tomorrow if I can't fix it before then.....I think I can .

friday

Some days are ok, other days are painfully horrible. Yesterday was a bad day. I stayed in bed until 3 in the afternoon trying to sleep away the pain. I got up at 3 and sobbed, cried, and wished that boyfriend wasn't really gone.

tuesday

I'm just trying to survive.
I make myself get out of bed everyday, shower, get dressed, cook a meal, take care of business, take a walk, and then sleep and start over.
Daughter has stayed with me the past couple of weekends. It helps to have company, especially at night. My sister stayed with me last night. Tonight it's me and the kitties.

The buyer of my house got cold feet and backed out.
Hopefully I'll find another buyer sooner than later. It worries me.

I miss boyfriend.
I find myself starting to bargain with God and then I stop myself because I know that no matter
what I offer God, if there is one, boyfriends not coming back. I wish so badly that he could. I miss my best friend. It's difficult wrapping my head and heart around the fact that he is gone.

wed

Pictures of my babies, Mr. Bojangles, and Woody.

The morning that boyfriend passed away Woody got into bed with us and rubbed his nose and side of his mouth against boyfriends elbow. Boyfriend was sitting on the side of the bed drinking his coffee. When Woody rubbed against him he smiled and chuckled a little. It was a sweet moment and I'm so grateful for it.

sunday

I've had family from Colorado here for over a week. They went back home today.
We (our families) had a celebration of life party yesterday for boyfriend.
It was beautiful.
He would have been pleased.  :O)

He was my best friend. I love him with all
of my heart and soul.