monday

I performed CPR on boyfriend even though he had a DNR in place.
We talked several times about the do not resuscitate order. I wanted to make sure he understood what the order meant and that it was really what he wanted. He never wavered in his choice.
He died that morning in my arms. We talked, he had coffee. Everything seemed OK until it wasn't..... I started CPR at first not thinking about the DNR order. But the moment I felt his ribs crack I remembered...........................and then I felt so torn between following his wishes, letting him go, and doing anything to save him.
When 911 arrived they took over.......................after a couple of minutes I informed them of the living will and showed it to them. They stopped the CPR even though I pleaded and begged for them to continue.
I will never know and will always question whether or not he would have survived had I not told about the living will.
I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to live, to stay.
I feel guilt.
Mostly I miss my best friend, my love, my sweetheart.

wed

I went dumpster diving with my big sister today.
I scored 2 large bags full of bras and undies. I have 4 sisters so every ones bra size was in the bag. I personally ended up with 20 new bras and 12 pair of underwear! Also from TJ Max I got a pretty Christmas decoration with a price tag of 24.99 on it. The large bag in the second picture is filled with greeting cards and that's only about 1/10 of them! I also got some cute Halloween decorations. I won't do any of the food. But I did chew on some of the bubble gum!
Dumpster diving was a nice part of the day.

I had a routine appointment with my doctor today. I got my flu shot and had some labs done. All my labs were normal.

sunday

Oldest son met me at the old house this morning.
He checked the roof to see if the roofer came back to fix
his work. He did, and son says it looks much better. While on the roof son cleaned
the gutters for me.

I came home from the old house and took a nap. After my nap I cleaned the inside of my car, stored some stuff in the garage, and pulled dead plants and weeds from the garden.
Boyfriend really enjoyed when tulips would bloom in the spring. He thought they were so pretty. I gave everyone tulip bulbs at boyfriends celebration of life party and asked everyone to plant them in honor of my Ace. And I planted 50 red tulip bulbs here at the new house. I'll add more next fall.

Yesterday I went to middle sons house to have dinner with him and his girlfriend.
He grilled Filet Mignon. It was quite good.
Oldest son and daughter was also there. The bantering between the three of them cracks me up.
 It was a very enjoyable evening.

Son brought my deep freezer from the old house to the new one.
I'm glad to have it here. No way was a turkey going to fit in my regular freezer.

I love my new neighborhood.
I like hearing the church bell ring daily at noon and six. I like that the firemen knock on my door to see if I need new batteries for my smoke detectors, and that the hair dresser up the street leaves dog biscuits, water, and doggie bags on her front step for anyone who may need them while out walking their dog.
It's a nice little community.
I wish boyfriend was here to enjoy it with me.

wed

Sunday I went to a turkey shoot with my son and daughter. 

Last year son won. This year he wasn't so lucky. Daughter participated.

She did pretty good too but didn't win.

 Next year I will participate. I haven't shot in quite some time. So I didn't shoot this year.

 I will do some target shooting before next year!

It was a fun day, and to boot the weather was absolutely beautiful.

The second buyer for my home lost his job. He backed out of the contract. Yesterday I received a check from his realtor. It was the earnest money from the guy who backed out. Initially I wasn't going to take it but my realtor insisted saying he held us up for 8 days and "you are taking it!" Screw it. I took it. 

I voted yesterday.

I'm so disappointed in our elected officials that I almost didn't vote. It all seems so useless. They all seem like liars who only seem to serve themselves. I'm tired of voting for the lesser of the two evils.

It was 2 years Nov 1st that I quit smoking.

Congrats to me!