My Sister Died

 I once said on here that I didn't want anyone to comment on my blog. That wasn’t the truth. I didn’t mind for people to comment. I minded the anxiety I felt about responding to the comment. I’m horrible at small talk and that’s what it felt like to me. So today I’m gonna say that if anyone ever comes here to read, you’re more than welcome to comment (but u don’t have to.)and I will do my best to respond to your comment without sounding like a big dork. 

My big sister passed away. It was an acute episode that went from bad to terrible over the period of a week. It feels like a tragedy to me. We had been estranged per her insistence. She had the same arrangement with my other sisters. It had been going on since my dad’s death three years ago. But I would send her a text maybe once a month just to say hi, or I love you, or fill her in on what was going on in the family. She wouldn’t respond. But that was ok even though I didn’t want it that way.

 I just wanted her to know we all loved her.

On the night she got sick she called me to let me know what was going on, that she would be transferred from one hospital to another that morning for surgery. She was scared. I reassured her, told her we would all be there, made amends, said our I love yous and then that was the last conversation we ever had with each other. We stayed at the hospital with her for that week but she never woke again.

Her funeral was amazing in that so many people were there. So many people loved her. It made me feel good.

When we were little children the five of us girls shared two bedrooms. Three of us in one bedroom, and two in the other. The bedrooms were separated by a small landing at the top of the stairway. There was maybe three or four feet between the bedrooms. At Christmas time my big sis would lead the five of us in singing Christmas songs. We’d be in bed tucked in for the night, and then she would begin singing and the four of us, all her younger sisters would join in. It was always a peaceful, sweet moment that she gave to us and I am grateful for it.