I won't give up....

I'm off of work today! Yay!
One of the best feelings in the world is waking up and knowing you don't have to go to work. Double "YAY!"
I did a lot of work in the yard last evening. Finished a rock wall around a little flower bed, potted some plants, and burned a bunch of twigs. I want the yard to look great for my sons graduation party.
I can't believe he's graduating. It all goes by so quickly. He's my middle child, and so far has been my most difficult. He's stubborn, strong willed, and opinionated.............and I love the little fucker to death.
I remember when I was at my lowest of lows, and he was at his lowest of lows, and everything was uncertain, and I was scared, as was he.....and probably too caught up in my own saddness to realize how everything was affecting him.....and I remember how he (out of the blue) wrapped his arms around me and said "I won't give up if you won't"................I still feel guilt for having been so caught up in my own pain, that I didn't recognize sooner how badly he was hurting...........and so until he said to me "i won't give up if you won't"......it had never occured to me he might actually be considering giving up. I realized that my children would not be ok until I was.......that i had to fix myself, get back on track, and start living a productive life again, and show them that I was ok, and support them emotionally, and be their rock,and let them feel safe to mourn so that they could heal and get on with life.........and so that's what i did, and what they did too...............and i love him.....and he is wise,and intelligent, and a go getter.....and i'm as proud as any mother could possibly be.

From Pigtails To Boys

My daughter has been talking on the phone to a boy.
She'll be 14 this August.
She has a major crush on him. She's barely had a bite to eat in over a week.
I don't like it one little bit. I had to take a step back to really figure out why it is bothering me. Boys, men, males......well they're not normal, and I don't want my little girl getting hurt. She's sweet, trusting, innocent.....I don't want her getting hurt.
I'm not sure if there's a right age to start allowing girls to talk to boys. She's not allowed to date until she's 16........and so should I be allowing her to talk to this boy? I don't even know him. He's a year older than she...(i guess she likes older men like i do)
Why do things have to change? Why can't she just stay my little girl forever?

Here's Looking At you!

ok...so now you get to be as mean and hateful as you want when asking an old boyfriend, or lover a question.
What would you ask them, or say to them?

To Rich i'd say...fuck you you self centered fag. i'm way too good for you, and NO ONE else is quite as impressed with you as you are with yourself. and PS....I NEVER believed your storys about "your stalker"

Dan.....married men shouldn't date....and when you said "NO" to just watching a movie, what I really wanted to say was......FUCK YOU!

Doug, I'm not your x-wife!...............

Richard,here's looking at you!

old "loves"

Do you ever think about old boyfriends? Do you ever wonder what they've been up to, who they are dating, and if they are happy? Do you wonder whether or not they ever think about you, and if they do, are they pleasant thoughts.
If you had the chance to ask old boyfriends atleast one question, what would you ask them?
I'd love to ask Rich if he was gay. I don't think he'd tell the truth, but I'd still ask, and watch his reaction.
I'd like to ask Dan if he felt anything for me other than a sexual attraction.I would like to think that he actually enjoyed my company and not just because of the sex. If truth be told, i'd like to think that he cared about me.
if I could ask Doug a question, I don't know what I'd ask.
If I could ask Richard one more question, I'd ask him if he was happy (I'd be crossing my fingers hoping that he would say yes).......

I bought a new car and I love it!
My other car I bought brand new, and it's the biggest piece of crap I've ever owned. It was a Ford Tarus. It started falling apart on the 3rd day i owned it. I promised myself I'd never buy a brand new car again, and so I didn't. I bought a newer Hyundai Sonata. So far, so good!
I'm taking a break from cleaning. My house is a mess. We're in the process of laying some new plumbing. We've had to tear up part of my driveway, and dig a trench all along my sideyard. Needless to say, dirt is being tracked in the house and I have dust everywhere from cutting the driveway. I couldn't afford to pay someone to do the work and so my sons, my boyfriend, and my sons friends have been digging and cutting and working like dogs to get the work finished. (what would I do without them?)
I'd better get back to work before one of the guys come in the house and see me sitting on my butt!
Have a great day!

Today sucked.

Downside to my day:
Fighting with my son.
Driving over prescription eye glasses.
Learning that one of my favorite patients passed away.
Arguing with the pediatricians receptionist.
Finding out at 1:30, while at work, that my daughter's school would be dismissed today at 1:30.
Having one of my patients spit chocolate pudding on me.
My boyfriend giving me the cold shoulder at Lowes ( I really had a bad day, and didn't need the added stress.)
Upside to my day:
Hearing that both of my sons showed up at my daughters school to take her home.
Hearing that my favorite patient smoked a cigarette 5 minutes before he died. (he lived to smoke.)
The prescription for my eye glasses hadn't expired and I was able to order my new glasses over the phone, and they were finished by the time I was finished with my work day.
Being told I could take a vacation day tomorrow.

I was off work today. Filled out some more papers for my son for college, went to the bank, grocery shopped, and took a nap.
I'm not sure I can handle all this excitement.

I hate Sundays.
Didn't do much..... Filled out some scholarship, and financial aid forms for my son, napped, watched a little TV, cooked..........all that fun stuff.

Worrying myself sick about money for my sons education. I know that in the end things will work out. They always do. :O)

I'm bored and in desperate need of some fun. I wish I could just pack a bag and take off for Miami Beach. I want to run from my responsibilities. I want to rub oil on my body,lay in the sun, smell the salt from the ocean, listen to the waves, and lose myself in wonderful relaxation.

Today at work we (the patients family and I) had to tell one of my patients that his daughter died. To have to tell a man his daughter is dead is beyond words. After he was told that his daughter was dead, he sat there for a few seconds as still as can be, then picked up the bowl of canned peaches that were sitting on the table in front of him, and took a bite. He pretended not to hear what he had just been told. I was fighting back tears, as was the rest of his family. But then I felt this overwhelming urge to laugh. I don't know why, or where it came from, but I had to struggle not to laugh, and just as suddenly as that feeling hit me, it went away. I hugged the family, wished them well, and left the room.It was sad seeing the pain in the faces of this family. I wish I could take it away.

Valentines Day turned out to be a nice day. I had a quiet evening alone with my boyfriend. He bought me some beautiful Tulips, chocolates, and a cute little stuffed animal.
We just got back from dinner. We went to our favorite steak house. The bread and salad was the bomb!
Tomorrow we're going shopping. I'm buying paint. My boyfriend is going to paint my living room and dining room. I hate to paint. He said he would do it for me, yay! I also want to buy some window boxes for the front windows and for the kitchen window that faces the deck. I'm going to price shutters, and I want a new light fixture for the dining room. I also need a new shower curtain liner, and kitchen garbage can.
I bought a new Swiffer mop thingy. For the first time in like 20 years, i'm excited about mopping my kitchen floor.
That's all......good night!

and the beat goes on......

My son took his ACT Saturday. I hope he beats his girlfriends score. He says her mom looks down on him because he goes to public school. She's ignorant. I forgive her, so long as my son beats her daughters score. :O)

I got home from work yesterday and my boyfriend tells me "a man called here for you."
It sounded and felt like an accusation. My mind went into overdrive trying to figure out what man would be calling me. An old love, an old friend? WHo, Who, Who would be calling me. I *69'd the call. It was my brother-n-law. My sister fell and hurt her back.
If it had been an old love, or old friend, would I have been guilty of anything other than having a past?

Todays horoscope

It may be a lazy day, Aries, so don't worry if you don't accomplish as much as expected. In fact, even the things you start may not feel like they are taking hold. Be gentle with yourself now and enjoy what you can instead of getting frustrated. The energy will shift later in the day and you'll be back on track by tomorrow

"Sick Day"

I called in sick today.I might call in sick tomorrow.
I'm not sick. I just don't want to work.

Another Day

Not much planned for today.
I'm going to the hospital and spend some time with my mom......run to the grocery....take down Christmas decorations, and watch the Bengals/Pittsburg game.

I'm thinking about calling in tomorrow. I just don't want to go. I want to be with my mom instead.

Sickness

My mom is back in the hospital.
Each time she goes in, it's a little tougher to deal with...