the night is young and so are we

I'm thinking I will call my old friend Terri, soon.
We've been friends since the 3rd grade.
We may go for months without seeing each other but when we do get together it's like we haven't missed a beat.
She's more fun than any of my other friends. We just "get" each other and we laugh non stop when we're together.
We're different, her and I. She lives for the bar scene, and I'm a home body. I like her world every once in a very great while. Getting dressed up, and going out for drinks, music, dancing, and flirting.....makes me feel young, sexy and alive.
I don't feel very young, sexy or alive right now, and so it might be just what the doctor ordered.
If I decide to take the job for which i'm interviewing on Thursday, I will give her a call and we will celebrate, in her world.......

xhusband

Lets see.........ran in to my xhusband today. I was driving home from work, sitting at a red light at an intersection near where I live. I heard a beep, looked at the car to the right of me, and there he was. I rolled down the passenger window and we talked while we waited for the light to change. I was happy to see him. I love him. Is it possible to not love someone that you shared 20 years of your life with, and with whom you have 3 children? I suppose it is possible.......but for me it's not....he will always be family to me. I will always hope that he is safe, happy and healthy.....and I will never for one minute regret that part of my life. I love him like one might love an old friend....and I always will.

I'm cooking spaghetti and meat balls for supper. It's one of my favorite meals. I'm gonna skip the garlic bread and salad. The activities director at my work asked me if I was pregnant, and my boyfriend hasn't touched me in months... I'M NOT pregnant, but I have put on some weight, and so for the past couple weeks i've been reducing my caloric intake.

I'm going on a job interview next Thursday. The sign on bonus is a cruise or a shopping spree. It's worth looking in to.......& that's it in a nut shell! PEACE!

Things that make me smile

the freckles on my daughters face, and her perfect little nose
when my cat meets me at my car when i come home from work
the flowers and plants on my deck
snail mail from my dad
when my sons horse wrestle
when all the lights in the house are turned off, and there's only candle light
when my boyfriend massages my shoulders and neck
when my parents, my sisters and their families, and my family come together to celebrate whatever is happening at any particular time
slow dancing with my sons
pretending to be a rock star with my daughter and using the golf clubs as microphones

enough is enough

OMG I hate my job. I have no patience anymore, non....zip, zero......nill.....I was this close to walking out today...............I used to be a nice person, really I was.............but now, well now I have zero patience or tolerance for most of my co-workers. "Fuck you" & "kiss my ass" are at the tip of my tongue throughout most of the day.
I will start looking for a new job today, and it will be far away from the welfare people I currently take care of.....and far away from the ghetto minded people I work with. I've had it with all of them......sick of them and sick of myself!

off day!

Today is my off day. Yay!
List of things to do:
1. Buy and work on scrap book (a graduation gift for my son)
2. Look at some lap tops. (thinking about buying one for my son for a graduation gift)
3. sign/accept financial package from sons college
4. get a hair cut and splurge on a facial/pedicure
5. drop clothes off at the dry cleaners
6. buy my daughters favorite teacher a gift.

Have a great day. :O)

Just An Ordinary Day

I worked today. It was a non stop, 10 things at once kind of day.
My foot is killing me..... doctor says it's plantar faciitis (i think it's a fx from stepping on a huge nail)

Stopped at the pharmacy on my way home.
Picked up my daughter.....we went to the grocery and then I dropped her off at her dads house.
Came home, unpacked groceries, and started supper........my foot is pounding, throbbing, aching.........I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.

I ordered some goodies from Barnes & Noble. My son gave me a gift certificate for Mothers Day......I bought 2 CD's and 2 books. Can't wait till they arrive.

Judt finished reading Koontz's Velocity (i've been on a Koontz kick) I really enjoyed.....I like his stuff.................

That's it for now...........nice evening.

melancholy

I went to my nieces wedding Saturday. She's 19. I wish she would have have gone to college and lived a little bit before getting married.
I wish her the best.

I picked up a few things for my sons graduation party. I picked out his graduation card. It made me cry. Part of me still sees him as my little boy. Part of me wants for him to still be my little boy. They grow up so fast.

My mom was back in the hospital. I think that she thinks she's not going to make it much longer. It hurts seeing her scared. I know she doesn't want to leave us.I can see the sadness in her eyes, and when we hug, we hug a little tighter and a little longer than we used to. I love her, and I wish I knew how to make it all better.

I won't give up....

I'm off of work today! Yay!
One of the best feelings in the world is waking up and knowing you don't have to go to work. Double "YAY!"
I did a lot of work in the yard last evening. Finished a rock wall around a little flower bed, potted some plants, and burned a bunch of twigs. I want the yard to look great for my sons graduation party.
I can't believe he's graduating. It all goes by so quickly. He's my middle child, and so far has been my most difficult. He's stubborn, strong willed, and opinionated.............and I love the little fucker to death.
I remember when I was at my lowest of lows, and he was at his lowest of lows, and everything was uncertain, and I was scared, as was he.....and probably too caught up in my own saddness to realize how everything was affecting him.....and I remember how he (out of the blue) wrapped his arms around me and said "I won't give up if you won't"................I still feel guilt for having been so caught up in my own pain, that I didn't recognize sooner how badly he was hurting...........and so until he said to me "i won't give up if you won't"......it had never occured to me he might actually be considering giving up. I realized that my children would not be ok until I was.......that i had to fix myself, get back on track, and start living a productive life again, and show them that I was ok, and support them emotionally, and be their rock,and let them feel safe to mourn so that they could heal and get on with life.........and so that's what i did, and what they did too...............and i love him.....and he is wise,and intelligent, and a go getter.....and i'm as proud as any mother could possibly be.

From Pigtails To Boys

My daughter has been talking on the phone to a boy.
She'll be 14 this August.
She has a major crush on him. She's barely had a bite to eat in over a week.
I don't like it one little bit. I had to take a step back to really figure out why it is bothering me. Boys, men, males......well they're not normal, and I don't want my little girl getting hurt. She's sweet, trusting, innocent.....I don't want her getting hurt.
I'm not sure if there's a right age to start allowing girls to talk to boys. She's not allowed to date until she's 16........and so should I be allowing her to talk to this boy? I don't even know him. He's a year older than she...(i guess she likes older men like i do)
Why do things have to change? Why can't she just stay my little girl forever?

Here's Looking At you!

ok...so now you get to be as mean and hateful as you want when asking an old boyfriend, or lover a question.
What would you ask them, or say to them?

To Rich i'd say...fuck you you self centered fag. i'm way too good for you, and NO ONE else is quite as impressed with you as you are with yourself. and PS....I NEVER believed your storys about "your stalker"

Dan.....married men shouldn't date....and when you said "NO" to just watching a movie, what I really wanted to say was......FUCK YOU!

Doug, I'm not your x-wife!...............

Richard,here's looking at you!

old "loves"

Do you ever think about old boyfriends? Do you ever wonder what they've been up to, who they are dating, and if they are happy? Do you wonder whether or not they ever think about you, and if they do, are they pleasant thoughts.
If you had the chance to ask old boyfriends atleast one question, what would you ask them?
I'd love to ask Rich if he was gay. I don't think he'd tell the truth, but I'd still ask, and watch his reaction.
I'd like to ask Dan if he felt anything for me other than a sexual attraction.I would like to think that he actually enjoyed my company and not just because of the sex. If truth be told, i'd like to think that he cared about me.
if I could ask Doug a question, I don't know what I'd ask.
If I could ask Richard one more question, I'd ask him if he was happy (I'd be crossing my fingers hoping that he would say yes).......

I bought a new car and I love it!
My other car I bought brand new, and it's the biggest piece of crap I've ever owned. It was a Ford Tarus. It started falling apart on the 3rd day i owned it. I promised myself I'd never buy a brand new car again, and so I didn't. I bought a newer Hyundai Sonata. So far, so good!
I'm taking a break from cleaning. My house is a mess. We're in the process of laying some new plumbing. We've had to tear up part of my driveway, and dig a trench all along my sideyard. Needless to say, dirt is being tracked in the house and I have dust everywhere from cutting the driveway. I couldn't afford to pay someone to do the work and so my sons, my boyfriend, and my sons friends have been digging and cutting and working like dogs to get the work finished. (what would I do without them?)
I'd better get back to work before one of the guys come in the house and see me sitting on my butt!
Have a great day!

Today sucked.

Downside to my day:
Fighting with my son.
Driving over prescription eye glasses.
Learning that one of my favorite patients passed away.
Arguing with the pediatricians receptionist.
Finding out at 1:30, while at work, that my daughter's school would be dismissed today at 1:30.
Having one of my patients spit chocolate pudding on me.
My boyfriend giving me the cold shoulder at Lowes ( I really had a bad day, and didn't need the added stress.)
Upside to my day:
Hearing that both of my sons showed up at my daughters school to take her home.
Hearing that my favorite patient smoked a cigarette 5 minutes before he died. (he lived to smoke.)
The prescription for my eye glasses hadn't expired and I was able to order my new glasses over the phone, and they were finished by the time I was finished with my work day.
Being told I could take a vacation day tomorrow.

I was off work today. Filled out some more papers for my son for college, went to the bank, grocery shopped, and took a nap.
I'm not sure I can handle all this excitement.

I hate Sundays.
Didn't do much..... Filled out some scholarship, and financial aid forms for my son, napped, watched a little TV, cooked..........all that fun stuff.

Worrying myself sick about money for my sons education. I know that in the end things will work out. They always do. :O)

I'm bored and in desperate need of some fun. I wish I could just pack a bag and take off for Miami Beach. I want to run from my responsibilities. I want to rub oil on my body,lay in the sun, smell the salt from the ocean, listen to the waves, and lose myself in wonderful relaxation.