I Showed 2 in 2002.....that's what the t-shirt says

I showed "2" in 2002 because I wanted to, kinda................it wasn't the T-shirt from the guys on the houseboat across the party cove that I wanted, though it was a bonus...........................I think I just wanted to be adventurous, feel free, and liberated! That's not what I ended up feeling though...........I think I ended up feeling like " I could have lived without doing that."

sunday

I woke daughter this morning to see if she wanted to go to a movie and to lunch. We ended up going out for brunch, ditched the movie and went for a drive and then shopping. We talked a lot. I knew she had a lot of things to say with college starting soon, and boyfriend leaving town. But we really didn't talk much about all of that......  we looked at other places we might like to live. Even discussed the possibility of listing our house again.....&.......what we'd have to do to our house before we sold it...........we talked about her best friends new and first boyfriend.........and about her other best friends recent break up with her boyfriend................
We shopped a little.
She bought nail polish and some new foundation.
I bought lotion, blush, and nail clippers.
It was a nice few hours spent with daughter.

I lost 5 more pounds.
My goal is to lose 20. So far I've lost 18.
So I'm pretty happy. I hope my heart is too.

I made fried green tomatoes this evening.......topped them with Feta cheese, cause that's how the guy on TV made them. I only had one, but it was delicious.

And now I'm going to clean the inside of my car. I haven't cleaned it since I bought it. I like getting into a clean car in the morning. Don't you? It just feels good to me.

saturday

Daughters boyfriend left town early this morning to start college life.
He was offered a full ride to four different schools..........in the end he chose Eastern Kentucky University.
Daughter spent last evening hanging out with him.
They said their good-byes.
Her heart is aching a little. But she's also looking forward to starting her new life..........give her a chance and she'll show off her college I.D., schedule, or parking pass even......
Her best friend Mariah, decided to stay here and take the scholarship to Northern Kentucky University rather than The University of Louisville. Daughter is thrilled.
Her other two best friends, "Page 83", and Shay, will be leaving for school in the next several days.
They haven't wasted a minute of their free time this summer. It's been non stop get togethers, and I'm sure a summer to remember.
I love them all, hope they stay safe, and that all their dreams come true.

good night

I spent my day cleaning.
I'm wore out and ready for bed.
Mr. Bojangles knows it to........he's on
the floor next to the bed waiting for me to invite him up to the bed. He makes me smile. :O)

thursday

I had planned on cooking a special dinner tomorrow for sons birthday. He stopped by today after work and we ended up (boyfriend, son, daughter, adn I) going out for dinner this evening instead. (Oldest son didn't go because he works evenings)
We went to one of sons favorite restaurants. The food was great &
It was a nice time. He loved the camera I got him.

After dinner, son and daughter went to the mall together. Boyfriend and I went to the grocery store.
Tomorrow I'll bake sons favorite cake(carrot cake) for his birthday and send it over to his condo for him and his brother to enjoy.

I love my new Jaguar Ford Fusion. The interior is leather. When you open the door the smell of leather hits you in the nose. I love that smell!
Daughter is enjoying my old Jaguar Sonata. It was my all time favorite car. The outside of it still looks practically brand new.................and since the interior is leather, it looks really good too. It runs good. Hopefully it will keep running for several more years.

I'm going to the ocean soon.
It will probably only be a 3 day trip, but I have to go. It's calling my name!

wed.

I went shopping this afternoon with daughter and her best friend.
I needed to buy a present for sons birthday.
I got myself a Janice Joplin CD. It was marked down to five bucks. It's one of my favorite albums. I wanted the CD so I could listen to it in my car.
I got son a nice camera. He dropped his a few months back and it broke........he's always borrowing his sister's........I think he'll like it!

Daughter and I went to talk with daughters academic advisor last week. The advisor helped daughter pick her classes.......and then on the 9th we go back to get daughters official schedule, parking pass, student ID, and I forget the rest..........daughter is pleased with her school choice......and looking forward to starting her classes.
I'm happy for her.
When we got home I called my mom to fill her in on our day.
My mom criticised daughters school choice, and daughters choice of friends.
What I need to explain is that sisters relapse and subsequent overdose has opened old wounds for me. I wont speak for anyone else..............I also need to explain that feeling so fucking tired mentally and physically for the past however long it's been because your fucking body isn't working the way it should and even though you finally find the reason why and begin treatment...........and you are feeling significantly better, but you still don't have the stamina that you used to have.........and you skip a period and wonder if you're going through the change of life or are your skipping your period because your freaking thyroid is fucked up..........so your hormones are all over the board................................................and then you're just who you have become.............................so your mom criticises your daughter.............you let it go........but then you lay awake through the night thinking about what she said............and you take it personal..............and then all those old wounds add fuel to the cluster fuck of feelings that you are feeling................................................. mom calls the next day under the pretense of wanting to know about a medication...........and then apologizes for part of her criticisms the day prior....................................................and I'm conflicted in my head and heart whether or not I should say anything to her because she's my mom and i love her, and she has a  bad heart.........on the other hand i want to say what i need to say so that it's said before she dies..........but i wonder should i just bite my tongue and let it be...........................................................................................................................................................I didn't bite my tongue.......I said what I needed to say, through tears of course, and then I said stuff that surprised even me.........but it was all true, and none of it meant to be hurtful...................mom was apologetic, caring, genuinely sorry.....and I detected a hint of sadness in her voice................. which left me feeling sad, remorseful, and wishing I had just let it go............................that was a week ago........................I've been extremely busy the past week........have been trying to just not think about things.................................and wishing I'd just stop having periods and go through the change of life already.........................

I've been working hard to keep my heart healthy, assuming that it is healthy. I see the cardiologist in August. My insurance denied the stress test, again. It would cost me 2200.00. I'm not spending that money unless the cardiologist says I absolutely have to, or finds a way to get my insurance to pay for it.
I put myself on a cardiac diet and have lost 14 pounds the past three weeks. I take a baby aspirin daily......and I threw away the salt shaker.
I lost the energy to exercise over a year ago................I love exercise. It makes me high. I feel up to it, kind of,  but am going to wait to get the OK from the cardiologist.

I know I sound like an unhappy, bipolar, crazy lady.

But I'm not.
:O)

monday

Text message from daughter:

Daughter: I just cleaned the car. I found your She Daisy CD. (I'm keeping it.)  I was singing with them while I cleaned. I felt like you.

Me: LOL

Daughter: It was fun.

Me: It's fun being me!

Daughter: lol, well duh.

&......................................................................

My sister overdosed.
The only details I know is that her son found her unconscious. He got her to the hospital and at some point from there she went to a rehab. center to detox.
That's all I know.
I guess she's been home now for 8 days........I haven't talked to her, and I really don't want to. I haven't talked to mom and dad about it either. I don't want to..................and the sister who informed me, well I asked her a couple months ago not to tell me anymore about either of my two sisters who are using.
I love them. I wish the best for them.
But I don't know how to be, and don't want to be a part of their lives
while they are using.

Work is going good.
My BFF and I work together on the same unit.
I take half the unit, she takes the other half.
We get it done.........and support each other along the way.
It works.

I drive past the high school on my way home from work.
The football players are practicing when I go by.
I don't have to go to anymore games..............
It makes me a little sad.

Happy 5th B.D. My Furry little friend! I love you.

sunday

Yesterday was my mom and dad's 56th wedding anniversary.
I think that's beautiful, and wonderful! Happy anniversary, mom and dad!

I'm cooking Jambalaya. 
It's simmering as I type......... the house smells great.

We-Ping left a bird on the mat at the front door. I think it's a gift from her to us.
I thanked her, and asked her not to bring anymore.

I had my hair cut and my eye brows done today.
When you get your hair done it always seems to put a little extra pep in your walk.......at least it does for me.

wed

I cleaned out my semi finished basement today. My driveway is filled with old crap jsut waiting on the garbage man or the guy in the old truck who cruises the neighborhood on garbage night looking for treasures, or crap to clean up and then sell.
I also cleaned out two basement closets and boxed stuff I didn't want to throw away.
I swept the cobwebs from the basement ceiling, and swept the floor.
There's still a lot of work to do down there but I made a good dent in it.

I got up early this morning and mowed the lawn before it got too hot outside.

All in all it was a productive day.

i like it

I read the following on another bloggers blog. I love it. That's what I would have said in that blogs comment section if I could comment on that blog!

The ABC's of Genuine Happiness

Accept your reality

Be present. Be Bold.

Create something exciting.

Drink plenty of water. Dance

Exercise daily. Eat fresh foods

Feed your emotions. Face fear.

Go outside and observe nature. Give.

Hug often. Help others.

Ignite your passions.

Jump through your comfort zone.

Kiss passionately. Keep looking forward.

Laugh. Love. Learn to let go.

Meditate daily. Make goals

Never give up on what you want.

Own a pet. Observe beauty.

Pray, paint, play an instrument.

Quit a bad habit. Quite your mind.

Read. Relax. Reinvent yourself.

Smile. Sleep.

Take power naps. Talk Wisely

Unleash your strengths.

Vent. Visualize your dreams.

Walk. Write. Watch the sun set.

Xerox your smiling face.

Yell less. Yield to your thoughts.

Zap negativity

From Thehappyself.com

good song

YouTube - ?Zac Brown Band - Knee Deep (Ft. Jimmy Buffett)??

Doesn't this song lift your mood?

I like it.

monday

I feel good. I think the Thyroid medicine is kicking in....I almost feel normal again.
I have more energy than I've had in well over a year.
Hopefully it's here to stay!

It's 98 degrees today. Mix the high temperature with high humidity and it feels like it's 105.

Yesterday there was a Gay Day Parade at Fountain Square in Cincinnati.
I wanted to go to honor my best friend who had passed away but I was still in the hospital.
Daughter and two of her friends went though..........it made me happy that they went and had a great time. They brought home bunches of colorful condoms. :O)
I thought a lot about my friend yesterday. I swear to you he was the funniest guy I've ever known. You couldn't help but love him. Thinking of him makes me smile.

We-Ping and Mr. Bojangles are doing well.
I have extra water bowls outside for them, and make them come in more often because of the heat.
The kitchen floor must be cool. That's where they go and sprawl out when they come inside.

Boyfriend took daughter and I out for dinner this evening.
Boyfriend had steak. Daughter hd salad. I had broiled shrimp and salad. It was pretty good, and we had a nice time.

sunday

I was admitted to the hospital via the ER Saturday.
I woke feeling like I had something the size of a plum stuck in my throat. That combined with the recent abnormal EKG, and the heaviness I was feeling in my arms, scared me. SO I went........and since my EKG was still abnormal they admitted me.
After all was said and done, the cardiologist thinks the whole throat thing is gastric reflux. He thinks the heaviness in my arms is caused by anxiety...................and the abnormal EKG, though concerning, is not life threatening.
I follow up with the cardiologist I met in the hospital one day this week for the stress test that my insurance denied. He said he'd take care of the insurance company.
SO that's that.......

I bought a newer car this past Friday.
I've been looking for one for at least half a year,
I didn't really want to buy one but sis will need my old one to get to school this fall, and to get to work.
I wanted a newer used car with low miles, leather interior, sun roof, and in my price range. I'm cheap though.........I was beginning to believe that what I wanted, especially price wise, did not exist. Friday on a whim I stopped at the place son owrks & found a car that had everything I wanted except that it was a Ford. Son even said he was going to call me about that car but didn't because he knows I don't like Fords.
It was a compromise I could live with though.
It's a Ford Fusion. It's cute.
They gave me sons employee discount, and didn't charge me all those silly fees.
And I insisted that they knock two points off the interest rate offered to me. They agreed.
Over all I feel like I got a good deal. (don't rain on my parade, Billy!)

stuff

My computer is fixed.
It had several viruses and other crap.
The computer guy fixed it. Boyfriend put better virus protection on it.........

Last night and today daughter and I moved her stuff to the big bedroom / her big brothers old bedroom.
We re stained the wood work around the windows and doors, threw away some furniture, packed away a lot of her high school stuff, exchanged stuff from one room to the other, and cleaned all the walls and windows.
We also shopped for new sheets and comforter set, a new lamp, and a cool Marilyn Monroe picture.
Now both upstairs bedrooms are clean, purged, and organized. It looks good. ( I know the paneling isn't very pretty. I don't have it in me to paint it, and I'm afraid of what I might find if I remove it.)

It was fun spending time with daughter.