monday

Mom was in the ER Saturday night for GI bleeding. Her count wasn't low enough for a transfusion. They wanted to admit her to keep an eye on her count but she chose to go home.
I spent Sunday taking her to her doctors office after hours clinic to have her counts rechecked
but was told they do not do labs at the clinic. (WTF) Mom did not want to go back to the ER even though she was still bleeding.
I got a hold of her doctor who called the hospital and asked them to recheck her counts on an out patient basis even though they only do labs for in patients during the weekend. They agreed to check her counts............and they did...........................but we ended up back in the ER  because she was light headed and short of breath.They admitted her and started giving her blood last night.
When all was said and done I felt physically and emotionally exhausted and yet
 I didn't sleep well last night.  It was a restless, one hundred things running through my head type of night. By 4:30 this morning I knew I wasn't up to a 13 hour shift. Typically I'd struggle through the work day anyway, but I just can't do that anymore.
I called off work for today to  spend time with mom ,and to get some rest.
I got Family Medical Leave Act papers from HR Friday so hopefully I won't get in trouble/fired for calling off today.
I think I have until the 28th to get the papers signed by moms doctor.
I really didn't want to do the whole FMLA thing but
it gets exhausting trying to juggle and balance it all....................maybe FMLA will take some of the pressure off. I just don't know.

thursday

I'm munching ice, watching a bit of the Jodi Arias trial, talking with boyfriend, and blogging.
I never did make it to the grocery store the other day. So I went today. I also cleaned the inside of my car. It looks good!
I gave dad the printer for his birthday.
He decided he did not want a printer and offered to return it to the store. I told him I'd return it, but then
 decided to keep it for myself. I bought him a gift
card to the grocery store.
He can use it to buy a book, groceries, light bulbs, a tool, gas for the car, whatever. :O)
I'm looking forward to using my printer!



Janis Joplin - Me And Bobby McGee - YouTube
This song reminds me of my deceased best friend. I'm not sure if he  knew any of her music, and if he did I doubt that he liked her. But still, this song reminds me of him........
I listen to it most days on my way to work.

While walking down the deck steps today I slipped. They are covered with snow and ice. I knew better than to go out of the house that route, but I did it anyway. I was able to stop myself from falling but the pain I've been having in my back just below my right scapula is so much worse. It's almost time to go to the doctor to have it checked out.

I told HR at my work that I want FMLA papers. I want to be able to be there for my mom when she has a medical crisis without fear of being terminated if I miss work.

tuesday

I slept in today.
Now I'm sitting in my quiet bedroom munching on ice
and mentally planning my day.
While I was at the refrigerator getting a cup of ice We-Ping rubbed against my ankle then licked the top of my foot.
She followed me into the bathroom a little earlier, jumped in the sink, then licked my wrist when   I   turned the water on for her. She makes me smile.

We're supposed to get 4-6 inches of snow tonight.
So when I shop for dads printer I'll probably get a few groceries.
I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. Getting there will be a pain in the butt.

monday

Him:

Been thinking about you
Me:

thank you.

is everything ok?

Him:

Yep. Just reminiscing a boy.                                    (I think he meant...... Just  reminiscing a bit.)

Me:

that's a poetic sentence. :O)

are you sure you're ok?

 

Him:

Absolutely fine. Sometimes I just miss you.

Short emails exchanged a couple of days ago between me and an x love.
He was a long distance love. We visited each other here in Ky and there in PA.
I did love him.
He loved me first and stopped loving me first. :O)
I loved his talent for directing community theatre.
I loved his intelligence.
I loved that his mood was usually upbeat.
I loved that he was assertive,  witty, and confident.
I loved his love for books and music. I liked feeling loved and protected, (at a time when I had a need to feel protected), by him.
And I loved that unlike me he put his self out there..............he wasn't guarded when it came to expressing how he felt about me........even when I didn't reciprocate.

I think about him too some of the time.
Don't we all think about x loves now and then?
 

monday

I spent the weekend at work.
Weekends are almost always easier and less chaotic.

I'm off work today and tomorrow. I'll probably shop today.
Dads birthday is this week.
I'm going to get him a printer for his computer.
He's been talking for months about getting one.

saturday

Little Boxes (weeds theme song) - YouTube

I like this song......and I like her voice.


the ocean is calling my name.

friday

I made a pot of home made bean soup and cornbread for dinner today.
It was good.

Yesterday was boyfriends birthday.
He wanted a quiet day at home.
I baked him a cake and had pizza delivered.
We watched TV and ate supper in bed.
He loved the camera I gave to him.
It was a nice day.

Son slammed heads with another guy a few days ago while playing basketball.
Three days later he still had a headache, started with ringing in his ears, and he began bruising around his eyes.
He went to the doctor, failed a neurological exam, was sent to the hospital from the doctors office

because the doctor was worried son might have a subdural hematoma.......if not, then a concussion. The CT scan was normal........so a concussion it is.........poor boo feels like shit. I was worried sick about him.......... now relieved to know he will be okay.

I went shopping today.
I bought new undies and socks.
I also bought a new night stand, and some throw
rugs for the kitchen. I've been using books for a night stand. It was driving me nuts! I bought new wash cloths, and a throw rug to
put inside at the front door........oh, and I bought a cute Owl to put on
top of my newly painted 1945,"whore house"  console stereo. :O)

Boyfriend told me I should buy a camera carry/case for my camera. See the big old sock above?
That's what I carry my camera in...........and I like it! So I didn't spend money on a "real" camera case.

I have to put on the same color scrubs every freaking day that I work.
Ugly, grey, depressing scrubs.......day after day. SoI bought bright, sunny, socks to wear to work.
It wont be so depressing getting dressed each morning for work.

I need something else to put on the stereo with the Owl. I just just don't know what, yet. I think my owl is cute.

monday

I took the day off work.
I  couldn't force myself to go.
Hopefully I won't
get fired.

sunday

Did the grocery shopping and went to the bank today. Alonzo (SP?) waited on me at the bank. He's the sweetest, friendliest teller. I like when hes' there. I wish I could fix him up with daughter. Daughter said "No.  I like Carlos."

I have chicken and dumplings cooking, and I'm watching a movie. I do a little cleaning during commercials. Not a lot of cleaning is going to get done! :O) Daughters best friend, Mariah, is eating supper with us. She's never had dumplings before. I told Mariah about Alonzo. Maybe they could hook up?

I think I'm PMS and that's why I've been overly sensitive. Who knows.....


Fleetwood Mac - Landslide - YouTube                love this song.

saturday

I'm in a hurry. This will be quick.
Work sucked yesterday.
Two nurses were fired, and four of them were written up...
I hate to see people get fired.

I just texted two of my sisters asking them to help me clean mom and dads house.
One responded and is going to meet me in half an hour to help clean.
Yay!

I have a cute video of Sister Bear (daughter) and Mr. Bojangles. I'll post if if I can figure out how to upload it.

monday

I worked the weekend. It was busy. Not crazy busy, but busy none the less. Now it's over and I'm off work for the next two days. So yay!
Today I'm going to finish the work on my old console stereo (fuck you, Billy.)...........and take the packed up Christmas decorations to the storage room in the basement.
Those are my big plans!

friday

Happy Valentines Day!
We went to our favorite steakhouse for Valentines.
Boyfriend had steak, mashed potatoes, and salad.
I had chicken topped with artichoke, mushrooms, and tomatoes.
It was delicious.
For dessert I had some chocolates boyfriend gave to me from a local candy store that makes all
it's French chocolates in the store. They're the best ever.

 I bought this at a yard sale a few years ago for five bucks. It's been sitting in my basement.

The radio on it works but not the turn table.

I have an empty corner in the living room. This would be a perfect fit. Maybe I can fix or

replace the turn table.

I've cleaned it and primed it and put a missing leg back on it. Now I'm painting it.

 I think it will turn out to be a cute piece of furniture.

 

dresses

I worked 32 hours the past two days.
My feet hurt.
Son gave me a foot massager/soaker for Christmas.
I haven't used it yet. I think I will today!

Boyfriend made pancakes for breakfast.
They were delicious.

I have a few projects to choose
from to do today..........or maybe not.
Maybe it will be a stay in bed watching movies and reading type of day.
Tomorrow I'd like to get to mom and dads house to do
some cleaning. I'll wait and see how I feel tomorrow before I commit
to it.

One of the shooting victims at Sandy Hook elementary was a little girl whose
grandmother said, in talking about the little girl, "she loved dresses. she loved
any and all dresses."
It got me to thinking about all the dresses
I bought for daughter for school formals.
I packed them away thinking that one day I will have grand children who would
love to play dress up in those dresses the way I used to in my grandmothers dresses.
I unpacked the dresses and decided, with daughters permission, to donate the dresses
in honor of that little six year old Sandy Hook girl.

Yesterday I gave the dresses away.
It's one of my 26 acts of kindness.
I felt a little sad giving them away. Maybe that sounds selfish, and maybe it is selfish but I felt like I was giving a part
of my daughter away.
On the other hand I knew some other
young girl who couldn't afford to buy a dress
for a school dance would have a pretty dress to wear and maybe feel like
a princess for a night.
Maybe the little girl who loved
dresses loved them because she felt pretty in them.........I don't know.
I wanted to honor her, even if it was in a small way.

sunday

I went to mom and dads house today.
When I was there a week or so ago I had taken some pictures of the squirrels and red birds in
their back yard. Mom asked me to. She wanted a grouping of pictures of them. I developed the pictures and had them framed yesterday. So I wanted to give them to her.
She liked them. She said she wants to hang them on her bedroom wall........ She asked me to try to get a picture of  "Junior" the chipmunk that lives in a tree trunk outside her bedroom window. :O

Mom still isn't feeling well.
She was recently treated for a urinary tract infection, and started treatment this past Friday, again for the same thing. Medications scare her. She doesn't like taking them. She didn't take her antibiotic today as ordered. I talked to her about it......educated her........she made the decision to take it even though she was certain it caused heart palpitations and nausea last time she took it.
I distracted her after she took the medication in hopes she wouldn't become anxious from thinking the pill was going to harm her. She did fine. I think she will continue to take the medication the way it was prescribed now that she knows it won't kill her. :O)
While I was talking to mom, dad was in his back yard removing a fucking honeysuckle stump.
Mom was talking about him.She said  he looks tired this last year. "He's a good guy. He's a sweet person. He comes in the bedroom every night to kiss me good night and to tell me he loves me."
They argue. I don't remember them arguing very often when I was a child. Now it seems like they argue a lot. Dad will say the grass is green, mom will argue it's blue. The next day dad will say the grass is blue and mom will argue it's green. Why they argue so much is beyond me. But what I do know is that they love, respect, and take care of each other. For that I am grateful.

I dread work tomorrow.
One of my supervisors has been hostile towards me.
I'm not sure if she's been treating others the same way.
I take it personal because I don't know any other way to take it. It fills me with dread and anxiety.
To make matters worse the new unit is impossible. So everyday I fail...........................and to make matters even worse I'm working with a guy who hates me from an incident 5, 6, or 7 years ago that I really don't remember. But he says I gave him the okay to go home sick and then reported the next day that he left without permission and he was suspended for 3 days. I'm certain that's not how things happened...........................but he's carrying around resentment and contempt for me and is going out of his way to make my life difficult. He told me so Friday.
I know you aren't supposed to cry at work.
I haven't cried since I quit smoking 2 or three years ago.
But Friday the scheduler/stock person stopped and asked how I was doing. I wish she hadn't. Because that's all it took for the  tears to start flowing.
She steered me to the medication room and queer as it sounds pulled me to her and held me while I cried. lol (even though it's not funny)......................
I worry about mom.
Things have kind of been going to hell with boyfriend.
Work has become impossible.
Life can really suck some of the time......................................but it will be okay......because things have a way of working out.......................and I have Mr. Bojangles!

saturday

There's a quiet little park in our city that's in our neighborhood. Most people in the city don't know it exists except for the people who grew up in or live in our neighborhood.
The pictures above show walking trails that my brother-in-law put in the park, on his own time just for the fun of it. So far there's two of them, probably a couple miles total.He isn't finished yet. The grill pictured above was also put there by my brother-in-law in memory of his father. He's a welder. I think he built the grill during his lunch hours at work.
The baseball field is where I spent most summers evenings when I was in 4th-7th grade. Most of the neighborhood children, boys and girls, would meet at the field to play baseball. We had talent. Raw,athletic, talent................it was fun and it's one of my favorite childhood memories.

The A-Frame house is the house I check out every now and then( for the past three years, atleast) to see if  it's for sale. I know it needs a face lift but still I love it.The whole back of the house hasa beautiful screened in porch, mature tree filled backyard that backs up to the park in the pictures above.
It's empty.The nephew finally placed his aunt in a nursing home.
He'll probably list the place soon. Not that I'd have to wait until then to make him an offer. Of course my sister bought the house next door to this place a couple years ago. So there's always that to consider.
Here I go again....maybe!