saturday

I'm making Oxtail stew for supper.
I've never had it before.
The old cook at my work used to make it for
our residents. It looked and smelled delicious.
Our residents loved it. All of them would have second servings.
I've been meaning to make them. Today is the day I guess.
I have them cooking in the crock pot.
I don't like the gravy, I gave it a taste.
I'm debating whether or not to strain them and start over with
gravy the way I would do it instead of the recipe I followed. I don't know!

Little boy patiently waiting for someone to let him outside.

He's watching me work! He's so cute to me!

friday

I've spent the last couple of nights cleaning my house.
As I clean each room I'm also  washing windows in that room,  the curtains/ shower curtains, and in the kitchen the inside of the refrigerator.
It feels good to get close to getting it done!

Today boyfriend and I are going to go to the track to watch the horses race. You can spend the whole afternoon there, bet on each race and only spend 12 bucks. The atmosphere there is fun! 

sunday

I work one day a month now. I have to.
The facility I work for terminated all of the PRN staff
for not picking up enough days. (this was back in Feb. or March)
They were gracious enough to allow me to continue my
employment even though I had only worked 2 days the past year.
I told them I could manage 1 day a month. They agreed to that schedule for me. I pick the day.
So right now that's what I do and will continue to do as long as boyfriend needs me at home.

I'm not a good non-working person. (1 day a month isn't really working.)
I've become very lazy at home.
I don't like who I see. It's not me, even though it is me!
I'm not only lazy, but I feel isolated and I have too much time on my hand that I use
to worry about EVERYTHING. And when I do work, I don't feel like I'm on top of my game anymore.
I find myself having a difficult time concentrating, feel easily overwhelmed, and become frustrated and agitated.
Then I go home and worry that I've made a mistake at work. I'm so incredibly sick of worrying. It's exhausting!

If boyfriend was to leave me due to illness, if he was called to heaven, I'm not sure I could go back to a full time nursing job.
I just don't think I could do it anymore. I wouldn't want to do it.
I don't have a real plan in mind for if the worst happens.
I do think about it though and know I need a plan.

monday

I bought a new computer.
The one I was using was around 10 years old.
Most of the time the space bar didn't work, and the frame around the screen
was falling off. It was a pain in the butt. So I broke down and got a new one.
I got one with a larger screen. I like the screen!

I also bought a couple of books.
One is a Mary Higgins Clark book, the other is a James Patterson book.
I've read many of both of their books. They're fun, easy reads!

I made pancakes for breakfast this morning.
One secret to good pancakes is adding a couple tablespoons of sour cream
to your batter.*/999 <(that was Woody walking across my keyboard!) The sour cream
makes them fluffy and tender.

It rained here all weekend. Not a light summer shower either. We've had heavy downpours and major thunder. Poor Mr. Bojangles spent most of the weekend under the bed. The thunder scares him!
I loved the thunder storms and rain. We'd burn a few candles in the evening, and enjoy the sounds.

Boyfriend has been being treated for Herpes Simplex in his eye for almost a year I think.
One doctor discharged him a couple of months ago, told him he was cured......but he still had all the symptoms. So I took him to a cornea specialist. She said he definitely still has Herpes and severe swelling. She put him back on an anti viral and moisturizing drops. She will start the steroid after the anti viral does more of it's thing. His eye has been red for many months, and blurred. Essentially he can't see from that eye right now. I feel bad for him! If it's not one thing, it's another!
Between my post-op eye drops and his 10 X's a day eye medications it feels like I administer drops all day long! (The neuropathy in his hands from the chemo is so bad that he does not have the fine motor control to administer his drops.)

monday

I did some shopping yesterday.
It was fun!
It's been awhile since I've shopped just for
the fun of it.
There's nothing like a little retail therapy to get the
 serotonin flowing. lol
I bought a bunch of wax cubes to melt in my way burner....
 love those things. The sugar cookie wax smells delicious, like you have cookies in the oven!! I also bought a Pecan Pumpkin cake candle. I have it on my table by the bed. It sure smells good!
I bought the doctor my daughter works for a little gift and a thank you card.
She examined my eye when after surgery I couldn't see. Her work day was over but she stuck
around the office (the last thing she wanted to do I'm sure!) until I could get there to be examined. She did it for free.
It was very thoughtful of her. I
Bought new curtains for the living room, a new shower curtain liner and tub mat.......and I also got some cute, disposable, tableware for Thanksgiving.
I'm not washing all of those dishes anymore! A girl gets tired, you know?
The last thing I got was a pair of earrings from TJ Max. They weren't expensive. But they sure are pretty.
Yes, a little bit of shopping definitely lifts my mood...:O)

I love this little guy.

Thursday

The vision has returned to my right eye. It's still a little wonky but that's normal and will improve with time. My left pupil is abnormally large. The doctor says it's from the eye drops and is not permanent.
I hope he is right.
My right pupil is still very small and not very reactive. When the room is dark that eye does not adjust. So I really can't see from that eye in the dark. Again, my doctor says it's from medication he used on it after surgery and it is not permanent. When those two things correct themselves I will relax!
The good news is the doctor says I could pass my drivers license vision test now.........but that I will probably still need to wear corrective lenses while night driving.
We will see. On the other hand he did give me a temporary prescription for corrective lenses to use for now........that my vision will continue to improve over the net several weeks.
I ordered a very cheap pair of glasses from online since I should only be using that script for about a month.
I'm not very patient.
I want it all better now!

saturday

I had my second cataract removed.
It wasn't so easy this time.
Basically all I can see is light and outlines of objects in front of lights.
It's from the swelling my doctor says. I had a second opinion for my own peace of mind. She says the same thing. So I'm told to give it a few days to a week and my vision should return as the swelling improves.

wed

It's been 9 months and a couple of weeks since my last cigarette.

I'm proud of my accomplishment. 

Never again do I want to be a smoker.

tuesday

Sunday was moms birthday.
I met 3 of my sisters at the cemetery and afterward we went out to lunch.
I wasn't much in the mood  but had an OK time.
After lunch I went to the antique store with my youngest sister.
I love that place. We browsed for quite some time.
I  like the old suitcases and purses.

saturday

Boyfriends CT scan was unchanged.
That's good news!

I had cataract surgery day before yesterday.
 It was easy for the most part!
I can't believe what I've been missing out on as far
as colors go! Everything is so much brighter and prettier, especially the colors!
I'll have my other eye done in a couple of weeks. I can't wait!

monday

Happy birthday to youngest son!
We had the family here Saturday to celebrate..
It was nice having all of my adult children here!

Boyfriend had a CT scan Friday.
We don't have the results yet. We expected a call from the doctor
today. Maybe he will call us tomorrow.

tuesday

I woke to thunder and heavy rain.
It's such a pleasant, relaxing sound to me...
I joined boyfriend who was already on the porch having his coffee.
We chit chatted for a bit/just sat quietly and enjoyed the weather before I had to take the garbage to the curb as today is garbage collection day.
I debated while at the curb whether or not to take a little wood table/stool from my neighbors garbage. I didn't but I am still thinking about it. I can't help myself. I look at it and I see so many possibilities. :O)~
Yesterday evening I went out back to gather tomatoes. My drug selling neighbors now have 2 pit bulls and a friend staying with them. The dogs were in their backyard. They barked and growled at me. Now mind you boyfriends favorite medical assistant was just attacked by her 4 year old pit bull. She raised it from a pup. He tore off the bottom part of her leg and did significant damage to her arm as well. Her husband was also attacked while trying to save her. He cant move his arms (I don't know why), and will need skin grafts to his face.
I'm afraid of pit bulls as it is, even more so now, so I just went back inside the house without my tomatoes.
Guy next door took his dogs in this morning. (they barked all night while left outside in the rain.)
 So I went out back in the rain and pulled the tomatoes that were ready to be picked. I also cut a bunch of sunflowers and brought them in to put in a vase.
There's something great about eating the stuff you've grown yourself. It tastes so much better I think......and when I look at my pretty sunflowers in the vase (a wine bottle I painted with daughter) I can't help but smile.
                                                               

This is oldest son. For whatever reason I'm not afraid of his dog. He's just a big over grown sweetheart of a baby.

 I think they are starting to look alike! lol

I have a very cheap cell phone. I think it was 24 bucks maybe. I pay 25/month for my plan. I'm a tight wad! The alarm on my phone is not dependable. So I bought this little alarm clock. It also has an hour timer on it.

I use this bad boy on work nights. Love it!

Daughters cat. I think it's so pretty!

He's so rotten!

Thinking about my mom......

saturday

Lets see.........had a great day with boyfriend yesterday. We left the house in the morning and didn't arrive back home until 9 or 9:30. We had breakfast out, shopped, watched horse races at the track, did some gambling, hit for 600 bucks then 400 bucks (boyfriend did), had a nice dinner, listened to nice music by a live band.....good stuff from the 60's and 70's.............................the whole day cost us nothing which made it even more fun......met and talked to some really nice people while out. it was fun! ............................................it was good keeping boyfriend busy..........................................................he cries everyday...........he's still trying to wrap his head and heart around his son passing away........................................................today was a bad day for him..............i feel helpless for the most part................yesterday though was so good we forgot that boyfriend was scheduled for a CT scan at 5 PM.....we've never missed an appointment...............I'm so happy we forgot that fucking (not apologizing for cursing. some of the time cursing is the best medicine.)test...............we are so sick of doctor appointments. if we had gone to that test we would have missed out on a great evening. so fuck that test!


long story short i have a cataract in both eyes and will have them removed next month. i'll also have a astigmatism corrected. its a quick, safe procedure. my biggest concern is whether or not to correct my nearsightedness. if i have it corrected it i will then need readers. so i'm back and forth about what to do....looking forward though to not feeling like i'm looking through smoke all of the time!

tuesday

Mr.Bojangles from when he was young. He looks kind of scruffy in the first picture. He was a Mothers Day gift from middle son. I had my choice of him or 1 of his 2 siblings . Two of them were black, one was orange. I took the orange one then changed my mind when I looked in Mr. Bojangles eyes and could see him pleading for me to take him. He's my best friend.

This is Tiki guy. He's from my mom and dads yard in the Florida Keys. My neighbors bought it at dads yard sale. I bought it from my neighbors. (I didn't know dad was selling it.)

 I always felt like he was good luck!

This is Weeping from when she was a  kitten. She was from a Feral cat outside my work. A patient found her in a window well like area in the heat of a hot July day. She snuck her in the building and hid her in her room for a couple of days. Eventually I took her home and bottle fed her for many weeks. We also treated her for fleas. She was infested. She was one and a half pounds her first visit to the vet.

 Boyfriend adored her with all of his heart. So did I.

Our neighbors liked her. Many of them would stop to talk to and pet her. Her sweetness attracted people to her.

Daughter used to drive me crazy with the messes she would leave on the stairway to her room. I miss her messes some of the time! 

A couple of my favorite pictures of Mr Bojangles

wed

We had a wonderful last week surprising boyfriend with a visit from his brother and sister-in-law from Colorado..
I took him out for a day of fun at the horse track/casino/dining.
His family surprised him by showing up there.
Boyfriend cried he was so happy to see them.
We had a week of activity and fun with them including a wonderful fireworks show in our backyard. It was awesome.
I'm grateful for the great time.
On the morning our company left we received the news that boyfriends oldest son took his own life.
We talked to him on the phone the evening of.........everything seemed to be OK......
Boyfriend left for Colorado today. I'm staying back because daughter is having surgery that can't be postponed...and  because I'm too afraid to fly. No need to beat me up for staying behind. I'm doing that myself.
My heart aches for boyfriend.
I'm back and forth between being so angry at his son for doing this, regret for not seeing any signs that he would do this, and sadness for what he must have been going through.