New Years Eve

I called the administrator of my work today and declined the job offer. I have no regrets. :O)

I have no big party plans for tonight. I have to work in the morning, and I'm on call. So it will be a quiet night at home. I've already showered, and have on my new fleece Christmas pajamas. I guess I'll get in my warm, comfy bed and read.

The calls from work have already started. One of the 3-11 nurse asst. just called from work to see if she can leave at 8pm. She said she has a party to go to. I told her no and that she should have requested the day off.......................but in the spirit of the holiday, I told her if she became ill during her shift then she should call me back, and I'd see what I could do for her.

The kids are at their dads house. Daughter is having her boyfriend over, middle son isn't sure yet what his plans are, and oldest son is at his apt. with his girlfriend and they aren't sure how they're going to bring in the New Year. I called them all to wish them a happy nEW yEAR AND to remind the boys not to drink and drive, that I was available to pick them up after 12mn, or at anytime if need be.

I wanted to call my parents and tell them Happy New Year but I can't do it..................I feel on the verge of tears and I'm afraid they'll say just the thing to break that emotional dam......and I can't even explain where it's coming from. I guess it's a holiday thing.............. So Happy New Years mom and dad. I love you both.

I havent given much thought to New Years resolutions.
What I'd really like is to learn how to be honest with myself and to quit justifying/making excuses for those things/people who I allow to bring me down. Life is short. I deserve to have my needs and thoughts, and wants and wishes to be acknowledged, and met...............rather than be made to feel like I am somehow selfish, or like I should be punished, or ignored because of those needs, thoughts, wants and wishes. I'll explain it someday.

shallow jane

On the drive home from work today I was thinking about all the reasons I should take the job that was offered to me at work. And the only reason I could come up with for taking the job, was bragging rights. I wanted to be able to brag inside my own little head about getting the job. The other reason I want to take the job is so other people at work know it was offered to me.......not to them, but to me. How shallow is that........and it's not very good reasons for taking a job. Usually when a challenge presents itself, or is handed to me, I feel so alive, and charged up and ready to go..................I LOVE A GOOD CHALLENGE...............and this job may be exactly that...........but I just can't get excited about it. No matter how had I try, it just doesn't excite me. I know I can do it (atleast I think I can) and I'd do it well.............and a part of me wants to show everyone just that....................but a bigger part of me thinks fuck it, do I really need the headache. I have to give them an answer tomorrow. I hope they don't hold it against me if I tell them I don't want the job.

I read 2 of the 3 books that I bought the other day. Both were entertaining..............i'm presently reading the classic.........it's ok. I don't think I was meant to read the classics. I try so hard to like them that they become a chore...............and then I end up feeling like there's something lacking in my intellect.......screw it!

Last Vacation Day

Today is the last day of my vacation. Work called. I ignored the call. My DON called awhile later. I called her back, even though I didn't want to. But she left a message apologizing for calling while I'm on vacation and then went on to say she had an important question. A question I would like. So I called her. She told me to call the Administrator. That he had called to offer me a new position...a promotion.......and not to mention she had called me. So I called the Administrator.............he offered the position, told me to take the weekend to think about it, offered me a couple compliments about my work performance........and that was it......so we'll see.

I went to Barnes and Nobles today to spend the gift certificate my sister gave to me. I was going to order online but the delivery cost was a little over 9 bucks...........so I went to the store instead. I want to read all the classics...........so each time I go, I buy one or two of them........this time I boughtPride and Prejudice. I also got a couple Mary Higgins Clark books. I like her stuff. It's fun.

Lazy Day

Christmas is over. Yay!.................and we had a nice time but, Yay! So now it's time to start thinking about filing my income taxes and organizing all the papers I should have kept organized throughout the year................and paying another semesters worth of tuition........and painting the living room.........and looking at the job ads.............but today I'm going to go to the movies with my friend, and out for a nice dinner.....................and I'm going to order some books online from Barnes and Nobles with the gift certificate my sister gave to me for Christmas.
Son and daughter went shopping yesterday to return Christmas gifts that didn't fit, or that they didn't like. It was cool seeing them hang out together. They don't usually get along so well. Daughter idolizes her older brother..........he can do no wrong in her eyes. I think middle son feels a little left out and he's been trying to improve his relationship with his sister. Maybe because they're closer in age they have a more difficult time getting along with each other? Whatever the case, it was good seeing them make an effort.......and it's soooooo great that I didn't have to do any post Christmas shopping!
My mom looks healthy. It wasn't too long ago that she weighed a mere 90 something pounds, was pale and weak.............this year she was able to put up her Christmas tree without help, cook for an army of people, and of course do Christmas shopping.............she's gained weight.................she's even a little chubby..lol.....cracks me up. She's taking a new cardiac med. and apparently she feels pretty good. She hasn't had any GI bleeding since the last time.......I'm optimistic that she's going to be okay for awhile.
I've had several invites to travel for the new year. I've been invited to go to the following places:
1. Las Vegas. My boss invited me to go with her in Feb. I doubt I'll go. We'll see.
2. I've been invited to visit my friend, Fatou, in Dubai. She moved there many months ago. I miss her, and would love to go. The place looks beautiful in pictures.
3.Taiwan. One of the NPs I work with wants me to go with her. I have no desire to go......is that terrible?
4. Colorado. My friend wants me to meet his family, and I'd like to meet them..............I've been putting it off because we've been on again, off again so often that's its been difficult making a commitment to taking the trip........as of now, looks like we'll be going in June or July.

this n that

Yesterday at 3:30 p I officially started my Christmas vacation. Yay!
My shopping is done, and I've finished wrapping all the gifts.
I have banana bread and pumpkin bread baking as I type, and I have brownies ready to go in the oven. I'll bake the cookies tomorrow.
Son painted my bathroom.................boyfriend and I painted the dining room. All that's left to do is buy and hang new dining room curtains, and hang the new shower curtain and liner. The living room will have to wait until after Christmas to be painted.
Son cleaned up the yard and deck, and vacuumed and washed my car...............and he promised to take the treadmill to the basement for me.
I took daughter to the mall this morning so that she could do her Christmas shopping.....and I swear I'll never shop again!
I feel like I'm caught up with all the holiday preparations. All that's left to do is clean the house and then I'm good to go!

The census at my work is at an all time low.............they laid off another nurse yesterday.........I don't think things will turn around. So now I'm debating if I should bail out or stay with the sinking ship.........either way it will be ok........things almost always work out for the best in the end.

I've been fighting a god awful cold, or maybe the flu, for a little over a week. Today I feel human again.......maybe tomorrow I'll be even better.

I'm excited about the holidays. I love the whole Christmas thing.............all of it.......and I feel so grateful for everything.......

I had We-Pings present in a bag on the dining room floor. I was in my bedroom and could hear her walking over the bags. She found her cat nip mouse and took it out of the bag........I guess she could smell the catnip?