I was so frustrated at the end of the work day.
I wanted to scream......cause I thought that if I didn't scream then my head and chest would just explode. My thoughts were racing. My stomach was in knots. I had a lump in my throat. I felt restless, manic, frustrated, and angry.
But while I was thinking about how good it might feel to scream like a raving maniac, I also gave some thought to how boyfriend was sitting in my living room, and how it would freak him out if suddenly from the kitchen came crazy, horror show screams.......... I didn't want to freak him out...and I didn't want my neighbors calling the cops.so instead I talked to boyfriend about my day......I cried a little, cursed a lot, and even yelled a little.......................would have felt better I think to be able to scream and scream and scream until I had no screams left.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
off day
Today is my off day. I got up early to shower, took daughter to school, then came home and took a 5 hour nap. After my 5 hour nap I watched a little tv, picked up daughter from school, chit chatted with oldest son, cooked supper on the grill, hugged and kissed daughter goodbye (she went to her dads), took a ride with boyfriend, came home and watched Nancy Grace.
I'm still tired and will probably go to bed early tonight.
I thought about calling off work for tomorrow, but decided to be responsible instead.
I still haven't finished the upstairs bathroom, and I haven't touched the "messy room"............I'm hoping to have a burst of ambition and energy come over me soon.
I'm still tired and will probably go to bed early tonight.
I thought about calling off work for tomorrow, but decided to be responsible instead.
I still haven't finished the upstairs bathroom, and I haven't touched the "messy room"............I'm hoping to have a burst of ambition and energy come over me soon.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
wed
Boyfriend took me, daughter, and middle son out for supper this evening.We went to our favorite steak house. We've never had a bad meal there until tonight.
My steak was grossly under cooked and cold, and the shrimp smelled bad.
I hate complaining, truly I do. But what I hate even more is paying for something and then not getting what I paid for. (boyfriend was paying, but still...)So I spoke with the manager.
She subtracted my meal from the bill and she gave us a $25 gift certificate.
It mADE ME FEEL BETTER!
i JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE rEDS BEAT THE aSTROS.
I love baseball. I don't follow the reds like I used too.....but I still enjoy it every now and then.
My house is close enough to the stadium so that I can hear the fireworks when we hit a homerun, or we win a game.
My steak was grossly under cooked and cold, and the shrimp smelled bad.
I hate complaining, truly I do. But what I hate even more is paying for something and then not getting what I paid for. (boyfriend was paying, but still...)So I spoke with the manager.
She subtracted my meal from the bill and she gave us a $25 gift certificate.
It mADE ME FEEL BETTER!
i JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE rEDS BEAT THE aSTROS.
I love baseball. I don't follow the reds like I used too.....but I still enjoy it every now and then.
My house is close enough to the stadium so that I can hear the fireworks when we hit a homerun, or we win a game.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
tuesday
Oldest son called this evening and asked if he could move back home for a few months. His hours at work have been cut back and he's struggling.
I know it wasn't easy for him to ask for help. He's an independent guy.....and takes pride in handling things on his own.
So we'll see how things work out.
Work is going ok I guess.
I wish my time was really my own though....I hate when people say that if they won the lottery
they'd continue to work. I don't believe them.
My oldest sister had a Memorial Day picnic. All of my sisters and their families were there......as were my parents...........we had a nice time.
I know it wasn't easy for him to ask for help. He's an independent guy.....and takes pride in handling things on his own.
So we'll see how things work out.
Work is going ok I guess.
I wish my time was really my own though....I hate when people say that if they won the lottery
they'd continue to work. I don't believe them.
My oldest sister had a Memorial Day picnic. All of my sisters and their families were there......as were my parents...........we had a nice time.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
sunday
Middle son went to his dads house atleast several months ago, and hasn't been back. I mean he's been back for family cookouts, and Mothers Day, and stuff like that, but he hasn't spent a night here.
It's what his older brother did too......... whne he was 20 he stopped coming home from his dads house, and then stayed with his father until he moved out on his own.
Middle son is 20, so he's old enough to decided he doesn't want to float between mine and my exhusbands house anymore..........and we told him after he turned 18 he no longer had to float between the 2 houses, but he did anyway.... at 20 he's more than old enough to decided which house to park his self at while he finishes college, and until he makes a move out own his own.
The thing that I have the problem with is that I feel like they left without saying good-bye. Because I didn't know they didn't plan on coming back................and maybe they didn't know it either.................maybe they just postponed coming home a day or two....and then that day or two turned into a month, and so on. I still feel cheated. I feel like I deserved a good-bye....a thank you maybe.
So lastnight daughter moved from her bedroom to her older brothers bigger, better bedroom. The room was filled with sons trophys, books, clothing..............we moved all his stuff to daughters room.............and visa versa. I cried.
A mother should know when her child is moving away from home. She's earned the right to tell them good-bye, to help them pack, and to cry if she feels sad.
And that's what I did lastnight.
I cried.
Because when I was boxing up all his old trophys I was remembering my little, skinny, mischievous boy....and I found an old GI Joe tucked away in one of his dresser drawers.....and a hot wheel box with a handful of hot wheels still in it.........and I missed my little boy........ I couldn't help but wonder where the time went........and when did my little boy that I loved so much become a young man.
It's what his older brother did too......... whne he was 20 he stopped coming home from his dads house, and then stayed with his father until he moved out on his own.
Middle son is 20, so he's old enough to decided he doesn't want to float between mine and my exhusbands house anymore..........and we told him after he turned 18 he no longer had to float between the 2 houses, but he did anyway.... at 20 he's more than old enough to decided which house to park his self at while he finishes college, and until he makes a move out own his own.
The thing that I have the problem with is that I feel like they left without saying good-bye. Because I didn't know they didn't plan on coming back................and maybe they didn't know it either.................maybe they just postponed coming home a day or two....and then that day or two turned into a month, and so on. I still feel cheated. I feel like I deserved a good-bye....a thank you maybe.
So lastnight daughter moved from her bedroom to her older brothers bigger, better bedroom. The room was filled with sons trophys, books, clothing..............we moved all his stuff to daughters room.............and visa versa. I cried.
A mother should know when her child is moving away from home. She's earned the right to tell them good-bye, to help them pack, and to cry if she feels sad.
And that's what I did lastnight.
I cried.
Because when I was boxing up all his old trophys I was remembering my little, skinny, mischievous boy....and I found an old GI Joe tucked away in one of his dresser drawers.....and a hot wheel box with a handful of hot wheels still in it.........and I missed my little boy........ I couldn't help but wonder where the time went........and when did my little boy that I loved so much become a young man.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
monday
Today was my off day.
I took daughter to school then came back home and slept until noon.
After my 4 hour nap I went to the grocery store.........and then boyfriend and I drove past a few house that are for sale.
I saw one that I love but I'm certain it's way out of my price range. I'm not going to bother to call.
SOns came over to grill with me, boyfriend, and daughter.
We had steaks and pasta salad...............and then boyfriend, daughter, and I went to the lake to walk.
AT mile 2 boyfriend said he was finished, that he'd sit and wait until I was finished..........but then he changed his mind and did another mile. Yay! Oldest son was also at the lake. He was there to jog but joined us in our walk instead......it was a nice evening.
I took daughter to school then came back home and slept until noon.
After my 4 hour nap I went to the grocery store.........and then boyfriend and I drove past a few house that are for sale.
I saw one that I love but I'm certain it's way out of my price range. I'm not going to bother to call.
SOns came over to grill with me, boyfriend, and daughter.
We had steaks and pasta salad...............and then boyfriend, daughter, and I went to the lake to walk.
AT mile 2 boyfriend said he was finished, that he'd sit and wait until I was finished..........but then he changed his mind and did another mile. Yay! Oldest son was also at the lake. He was there to jog but joined us in our walk instead......it was a nice evening.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
sunday
I worked today. It wasn't manic.
Actually the last 2 work days have been rather nice.
On my way home from work I called boyfriend to see if he'd go walking
with me. He doesn't exercise ever. I worry about his health.
I was surprised when he said yes.
After the first mile he said he was finished, that his legs were burning. (rolling eyes)
I pushed him, encouraged him, pleaded with him to continue to walk........and so he did, for another mile.
I let him off the hook after his second mile.
It's a start, right!
He's already agreed to walk with me again, tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to it!
Actually the last 2 work days have been rather nice.
On my way home from work I called boyfriend to see if he'd go walking
with me. He doesn't exercise ever. I worry about his health.
I was surprised when he said yes.
After the first mile he said he was finished, that his legs were burning. (rolling eyes)
I pushed him, encouraged him, pleaded with him to continue to walk........and so he did, for another mile.
I let him off the hook after his second mile.
It's a start, right!
He's already agreed to walk with me again, tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to it!
Friday, May 15, 2009
friday
Nothing new happening.
Daughter is at her dads.
We-Ping is in my bed looking at me as I type.
Boyfriend is on the couch. I think I hear snoring.
My tomato plants look good.
I really do wish I'd win the lottery. I suppose I should buy a ticket every now and then....
It's my weekend to work. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on paper work.
Daughter is at her dads.
We-Ping is in my bed looking at me as I type.
Boyfriend is on the couch. I think I hear snoring.
My tomato plants look good.
I really do wish I'd win the lottery. I suppose I should buy a ticket every now and then....
It's my weekend to work. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on paper work.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
wed
My new unit at work is manic busy everyday.
I have mixed feelings about it.
The day flies by, and that's a good thing, but I'm running on adrenaline all shift
because of the pressure to keep up with the never ending demands.
Throughout the work day I find that my stomach feels tied in knots, like I want to scream, want to cry, want to walk out.................................................and then at the end of my shift I look back at all I accomplished and think " how did I do that?".................and I'm pleased with myself.
THat good feeling at the end of my shift though isn't worth the prior 8 hours of emotional turmoil........................................................................and to boot, we're going to be starting 12 hour shifts soon. I don't know how I will manage to survive it........ if I even want to. Honest.
What's a girl to do?
It's always something, huh?
American Idol tonight...........
Randys bottom teeth do look yellow on TV.
My 2 fav in the top 3 are......Danny and Adam.
Alicia Keys looks pretty.
Simons tee shirts always look stretched out at the neck.
Danny is at home, he's crying(must be bittersweet for him).....I'm tearing up too. :O)
Kris is hugging his father and crying. Makes my eyes water!
I don't like Jordon Sparks the performer.
The granny peeking through the window of the limo to get a look at Adam made me laugh.
I'm disappointed that Danny wont be in the finale!
I have mixed feelings about it.
The day flies by, and that's a good thing, but I'm running on adrenaline all shift
because of the pressure to keep up with the never ending demands.
Throughout the work day I find that my stomach feels tied in knots, like I want to scream, want to cry, want to walk out.................................................and then at the end of my shift I look back at all I accomplished and think " how did I do that?".................and I'm pleased with myself.
THat good feeling at the end of my shift though isn't worth the prior 8 hours of emotional turmoil........................................................................and to boot, we're going to be starting 12 hour shifts soon. I don't know how I will manage to survive it........ if I even want to. Honest.
What's a girl to do?
It's always something, huh?
American Idol tonight...........
Randys bottom teeth do look yellow on TV.
My 2 fav in the top 3 are......Danny and Adam.
Alicia Keys looks pretty.
Simons tee shirts always look stretched out at the neck.
Danny is at home, he's crying(must be bittersweet for him).....I'm tearing up too. :O)
Kris is hugging his father and crying. Makes my eyes water!
I don't like Jordon Sparks the performer.
The granny peeking through the window of the limo to get a look at Adam made me laugh.
I'm disappointed that Danny wont be in the finale!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
mother's day
It was a nice day.......
I spent time with my parents at their house.................. and then spent time at home with my sons.
Daughter spent the day at Kings Island...........but before she left she gave me a picture she drew. It was from the day her and I went shopping and tried DD bras on our heads. The picture cracked me up.
Grilled steaks, ribs, and corn on the cob with boyfriend and sons. We had fun.
After the boys left I spent time planting the trays of flowers my middle son got for me.........and I watered my tomato plants.
Boyfriend bought me some tulips, and a card from We-Ping. Made me smile. :O)
Oldest son got me a aromatic ready reeds diffuser kit. It's supposed to smell like the seashore. I hope it does!
And that's about it!
I spent time with my parents at their house.................. and then spent time at home with my sons.
Daughter spent the day at Kings Island...........but before she left she gave me a picture she drew. It was from the day her and I went shopping and tried DD bras on our heads. The picture cracked me up.
Grilled steaks, ribs, and corn on the cob with boyfriend and sons. We had fun.
After the boys left I spent time planting the trays of flowers my middle son got for me.........and I watered my tomato plants.
Boyfriend bought me some tulips, and a card from We-Ping. Made me smile. :O)
Oldest son got me a aromatic ready reeds diffuser kit. It's supposed to smell like the seashore. I hope it does!
And that's about it!
Saturday, May 09, 2009
saturday
I slept in today. I hadn't planned on it because I had many chores to do. But I didn't wake until 11:30 this morning......................so the day was pretty much shot........or atleast that's the excuse I used to get out of doing stuff that needed to be done.
I did manage to cut the grass...............and that's it..........the rest of the day was spent just hanging out really not doing much of anything.
Daughter is babysitting and boyfriend is playing poker..........so the evening is pretty much mine to do as I please. So far...........................
I've shaved my legs, gave myself a pedicure, and conditioned my hair.
I'm going to order a couple of books from B&N's...................and then I'm not sure what I'll do.....................the bathroom upstairs is calling out to me "PAINT ME!" I'm calling back "FUCK YOU! IT'S MY DAY OFF!"
I tried to get all my sisters together to do something special for my mom for mothers day................but because we're all nurses working all different shifts and days, I wasn't able to pull it together................... I guess each of us, together with our own families, will visit mom at different times throughout the day on mothers day. After I visit mom I plan on firing up the grill @ my house for a backyard cookout with boyfriend and my kids. I'm looking forward to it.
I did manage to cut the grass...............and that's it..........the rest of the day was spent just hanging out really not doing much of anything.
Daughter is babysitting and boyfriend is playing poker..........so the evening is pretty much mine to do as I please. So far...........................
I've shaved my legs, gave myself a pedicure, and conditioned my hair.
I'm going to order a couple of books from B&N's...................and then I'm not sure what I'll do.....................the bathroom upstairs is calling out to me "PAINT ME!" I'm calling back "FUCK YOU! IT'S MY DAY OFF!"
I tried to get all my sisters together to do something special for my mom for mothers day................but because we're all nurses working all different shifts and days, I wasn't able to pull it together................... I guess each of us, together with our own families, will visit mom at different times throughout the day on mothers day. After I visit mom I plan on firing up the grill @ my house for a backyard cookout with boyfriend and my kids. I'm looking forward to it.
Friday, May 08, 2009
friday
I went shopping after work today to buy my mom a Mother's Day gift.
I ended up getting her 2 pair of Vera Wang sandals (they're very cute), and a purse. Called my sister when I got home from shopping to ask her what she bought mom for Mother's Day. She bought her 2 pair of sandals. Figures!
I stained the new wood trim around my front door this evening. It looks pretty good but it still needs a little touch up work.
Work was crazy busy again today. I liked it.......
The nursing students were there today. I love working with them! They make nursing seem fun.....or maybe they just take me back to when I was in nursing school...............they're so proud when they perform any nursing task for the first time....................so I always make a big deal out of it.
They're sweet.
I ended up getting her 2 pair of Vera Wang sandals (they're very cute), and a purse. Called my sister when I got home from shopping to ask her what she bought mom for Mother's Day. She bought her 2 pair of sandals. Figures!
I stained the new wood trim around my front door this evening. It looks pretty good but it still needs a little touch up work.
Work was crazy busy again today. I liked it.......
The nursing students were there today. I love working with them! They make nursing seem fun.....or maybe they just take me back to when I was in nursing school...............they're so proud when they perform any nursing task for the first time....................so I always make a big deal out of it.
They're sweet.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
tuesday
My new unit at work is in worse shape than I had anticipated.
How we ended up with a perfect survey is beyond me.
I felt so frustrated and resentful today at work............I mean come on people, do your fucking job.
How we ended up with a perfect survey is beyond me.
I felt so frustrated and resentful today at work............I mean come on people, do your fucking job.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
sunday
Tomorrow is my off day.
The only thing IHAVE TO DO is go for my annual physical.
I scheduled it for 10 am so that I get the benefit of sleeping in if I so choose........and I also get the benefit of being out of there and back home before noon. After my appointment I'm going home, putting on my pajamas, and watching movies all day. I went to blockbuster this evening and rented 4 movies to choose from to watch tomorrow........I also got some popcorn and Raisinets.
I'm looking forward to doing much of nothing.
I went back to Lowes this evening and picked out the vanity, mirror cabinet, and toilet for daughters bathroom.....also got the paint..........the old toilet and vanity are outside waiting to be picked up by the garbage man. Presently the room is painted the ugliest blue I've ever seen. I mean it's gross.
I'm painting it a nice off white and calling it a day!
The only thing IHAVE TO DO is go for my annual physical.
I scheduled it for 10 am so that I get the benefit of sleeping in if I so choose........and I also get the benefit of being out of there and back home before noon. After my appointment I'm going home, putting on my pajamas, and watching movies all day. I went to blockbuster this evening and rented 4 movies to choose from to watch tomorrow........I also got some popcorn and Raisinets.
I'm looking forward to doing much of nothing.
I went back to Lowes this evening and picked out the vanity, mirror cabinet, and toilet for daughters bathroom.....also got the paint..........the old toilet and vanity are outside waiting to be picked up by the garbage man. Presently the room is painted the ugliest blue I've ever seen. I mean it's gross.
I'm painting it a nice off white and calling it a day!
Friday, May 01, 2009
friday
Start work on my new unit at work tomorrow. I like fixing shit, and I'm glad boss lady has faith in me.......but I'm just not in to it no matter how hard I try to fake it. So what can I say. I wish I'd win the lottery.
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