friday

A family friend died today.
He was a friend to my sons.
His mother and I would take turns having my 2 sons and my daughter spend the night at her house and then her 2 sons and daughter would spend the night at my house...................the kids have known each other most of their lives.............they lived down the street from us most of that time....................their oldest son started abusing pills from his fathers medicine cabinet a few years ago, atleast that's what the boys have told me.........................slowly all the guys that grew up with him, including my sons, pulled away from him. Like most addicts, he became a liar and a thief. They still loved the friend they knew, but they didn't like the person he had become.
I ran in to him a year and a half or two years ago. We chatted for several minutes. I told him that when he was ready to quit drugs he could call me and I would help. He smiled and agreed. I actually believed that someday he would call....................instead he is dead from an apparent air embolism introduced while shooting dope into his vein.
I've been crying on and off since 5:30 this morning. I keep wishing I could turn back the clock so that I can stop all of this from happening. I want him to be alive. I want him to have the time to pull his life together, to get the help he neeeds........to be able to be the big brother he was born to be. I keep thinking of his younger brother and how he used to look up to this guy................and how in the past couple years he has pretended not to care or worry about his older brother even though he really did with all of his heart........................I cry everytime I think about him..................I know he's hurting like never before. There's nothing to be done to make things better.
I just can't believe this has happened. I would do just about anything to change it.
I am so pissed at God right now.................