tuesday

Today I feel defeated.
I know the way I feel right now is temporary. I'll be fine in the morning. But for now
I feel defeated, and exhausted.
I wish I could re-do this day.
I'd do it better.

friday

I've worked 33 hours the past 2 days. I'm beat!
Tommorow is my of day.
I think I'll just hang out on the couch watching movies with daughter and We-Ping. Or by myself if daughter and We-Ping have other plans.

wed

Dude that ran over my son was finally arrested.
He will be arraigned in March........and they've added new charges since he was a no show
back in Aug/Sept.
I guess he's had a bad past couple of days. GOOD!.....................................and I hate to tell him, but things for him are only going to get worse.

 I'm going to sue my daughters school.
They've been violating her rights.
Unfortunately I wasn't very well informed or it wouldn't have gone on this long.
I had a meeting last week with the director of special ed. and another staff member.
They lie, they're condescending, they're hateful, and they've caused my daughter pain and suffering.
I'm through dealing with these people.

tuesday

I have to finish my holiday cleaning today.
It's not that I won't clean the house again until after Christmas. But I want to "deep clean"
and then just maintain between now and Christmas.

I did at least half my Christmas shopping lastnight on line.
I feel way ahead of the game!

It's pouring down rain.
I have all the lights off to set the stage and then
the door is cracked open so that I can better hear the rain fall.
I love listening to it.

Boyfriend is in the bedroom watching "Crossing Jordan."
Background music is Elvis Presley singing "Are you Lonesome Tonight." I think that's the name of the song.
I had this flash of a memory.
I was sitting on the living room couch with sister #3 and sister #5. My dad had the old console stereo
on and he was playing one of his Elvis albums. We were dad's audience...........he was singing "are you lonesome tonight" I can hear mine and my sisters giggles as dad performs for us. I can still picture him go down on one knee and extend his arm out towards us as he sings. His microphone an ordinary household item.
My sisters and I  liked when dad performed for us. Some of the time he was Tom Jones, and then other times he'd be Johnny Mathis or Elvis.
I think it was his way of dealing with a difficult day at work.
It always made us smile

monday

So I got my retro kitchen table and chairs
this evening.
It was my sisters mother-in-laws.
 For the
most part it's in good shape.
I really like it!

I'm selling my kitchen table.
It's thick, very heavy, and oak.
It's in perfect shape. I
loved it when I bought it.
Now not so much.
I was supposed to put it
in the yard today with a for
sale sign on it. But didn't.
I'll do it tomorrow!

I put a few more Christmas lights
out front today.
They look pretty.

sunday

This past Friday I hung my outdoor Christmas lights.
They look pretty.
I also rearranged my living room and dining room furniture.
I think I pulled a chest wall muscle moving furniture. When I bend & reach or move my arms a certain way
I get knife like pains in my chest.  :O) always something, huh?
I also cleaned my garage.
Some dim wit was supposed to come to my house Saturday to buy my kitchen table and a love seat. Dim Wit was a no show. Tomorrow the table and sofa go in my driveway with a  for sale sign on them.
I got a retro kitchen table and chairs to replace the one going in the driveway tomorrow & I love it!

Bubba is home.
Sons went out to dinner with him this afternoon.
I'm thrilled beyond words.
He's a great young guy.
Maybe that's why Pierce beat him.
Maybe Bubba is what Pierce wishes he could have been..............and since he can't be....he's angry & took that anger out on Bubba.
Who knows....

nov. 11

I had 3 houses that I'd drive past a couple times a week waiting for them to be put up for sale.
The nephew of the lady who lives in one of those houses has my name and number and will call me after he gets his aunt placed in a nursing home. I don't drive by that house anymore..............................one of the other 2 houses is up the street from "Dudes" house. He's the guy who while driving without insurance and on a suspended license, ran over my son. He was charged with driving without insurance and a suspended drivers license....or something like that............he didn't show up for court............the judge issued a bench warrent..................so while driving by his house today to check out the house up the street from him, I saw Dude coming from the car in his driveway and then walking up his front steps. I pulled over and called the police. Two cruisers came (I watched from up the street).....they knocked on his front door, walked around to the side of the house.....and maybe went to the backyard, but I'm not sure because I couldn't see ........and then they came down from Dudes yard and back to their cruisers.
I flagged down one of those cruisers. He told me they couldn't enter the house, and that he was sorry. So I'm guessing what I'll have to do is find out where and when Dude works and send the police to his work.............or watch his house one day, follow him when he leaves and then call the police.

Sister hasn't called. I'm afraid of calling and waking her. I do know that her husbands best friend, her husbands boss, and her brother-in-law are moving her washer, dryer, and refrigerator from her old house to her new one today.........the rest of her stuff has alread been moved...........my other older sister and I spent Saturday cleaning the house that sister is moving from......... my dad cut the grass, and raked the yard at the old house...................sister is stressed dealing with her husbands illness.............she looks like the walking dead. She can't weigh more than 80 or 90 lbs.
I just don't know what to do except to love and support her........

tuesday

Older sister called me at work this evening. She was sobbing. Her husband of 30 years (they married when she was 18, he was 20) has been in the hospital. She hasn't been able to bring herself to go see him.
So she calls me sobbing and asked me to spend the night with her. She didn't want to be alone.
An hour or so after she called me, she called back to tell me she was going to pick her dog up (they are in the process of moving from their old home to their new home) from the old house and she was just going to camp out in the new house with MoJo the dog.
I feel badly for her..............offered to take her to the hospital tomorrow. Told her I'd hang out in the gift shop while she visits her husband. So we'll see.

I didn't get rid of the old 1950's console stereo. Sons carried it to the basement for me. I just couldn't part with it.

If I dont go tto the hospital with sister tomorrow I'll probably continue on with my holiday cleaning and organizing.

I have the next 3 days off of work. So                       Yay!

monday

nothing new ......................tired from the long work day..................going to watch Dexter and then go to bed.


We-ping is in the bathroom sink sleeping. She looks cute.

I hate when people call a sink a zinc. I don't get it.

saturday

Some guy and his son are coming to my house today to take away the stereo that sat in my mom and dads house all through my childhood.
It still works. It's filled with albums from the 50's, 60's, 70's and the 80's.
I even have an extra gold tipped needle for it.
The problem with it is that it must weigh 300 lbs.
I want to keep it but when I go to change around a room, or when I want to put in carpeting, or move the stereo to another room, it means getting together a group of guys to move the fucker. That's no easy task, getting the guys together.
I'm going to keep the albums, and I have a small turn table that boyfriend got for me a few years back............so it's really the music that's important, right? Not so much what we played the music on............

I was at Lowes the other day and some guy told me I had a pretty smile. I thought to myself "aw! how sweet."
Yesterday at work I was called a mother fucking liberated lesbian. I thought to myself "atleast I have 10 toes you dog fucker."

thursday

I painted the front/entry of my chain link fence. It loooks good!
I hung my clean living room curtains. They look brand new!
I cleaned off my dining room table which was covered with shit from one end to the other. And I cleaned my driveway, because even driveways get dirty.........................................so I did that stuff yesterday. Today I worked.
I left work tonight while there was chaos.
I'm trying to learn to let go, and let the oncoming shift take over..............it's hard for me to do............but I'm getting better at it.

Sat and talked with daughter tonight and lastnight.
We discussed her plans for her senior year next year, and her plans for after high school........................and then we talked about everything else.
She's a good kid. I'm glad I got her for my daughter.

much of the same

I got up early this morning to shower and be dressed for when it would be time to take daughter to school. After I dropped her off I went to Lowes. My goal was to find a temporary fix for the mess I made tearing down the wall in the front yard. I wasn't very successful at finding a fix. So I ended up buying a couple boxes of the old fashioned, fat, Christmas bulb strands used back in the day. Every year I consider buying some, but never did......until now................and as far as the front yard goes, it's just going to have to wait till next spring.
I also went to Sears. I was thinking about buying a leaf blower..........instead I bought some paint for the opening to my chain link fence. It needs a little sprucing up........my goal is to get it done today.........I also plan to bag the leaves that are in a pile on the deck.


We-Ping is not a lap cat. Actually I think she's feral. I found her at my work down 8 feet in a laundry exhaust area................at the time we had multiple feral cats in the yard at my work.........We-Ping is one of their babies.
She's very sensitive to touch, and will only allow us to touch her for a few seconds at a time....................on the other hand, if she initiates the physical contact such as rubbing her head on our feet& ankles, the contact will last some of the time for several minutes. Or if she's sleeping I can sneak kisses, rub my face in her soft fur, and pet her.
She has never jumped on my lap just to nap or to be petted. She's never jumped on to my lap period......until today.
When I pulled in  the driveway this morning after my trip to Lowes and Sears We-Ping ran from the deck to my car..........she almost always meets me at my car when I come home and then follows me up the deck steps and inot the house. So I'm sitting in the car in my driveway with my car door opened and I'm just sitting there lost in my thoughts........We-Ping jumped into the car and then up on my lap. She didn't sit.......she just stood there for a second looking at me and then she jumped out of the car.
It made me smile. Pets can be theraputic. We should all have one.

ps

it's been three and a half months since i've smoked a cigarette.

tuesday

 I took daughter to school this morning. On the way down our hill a 4 point buck was on his way up the hill. I thought back to when my father-n-law passed away.
 About a week or so after my father-n-law died, I was in my mother-n-laws kitchen helping her with the dishes.
She smiled and told me to look out the window to her back yard. I looked out the window and was surprised to see 2 deer. She was positive it was a sign from my father-n-law and her mother letting her know that they were ok.
Eight years later my mother-n-law died. I was at my kitchen sink a day or two after the funeral looking out over my backyard. Three deer were standing at my gate. I'd lived here around nine years at the time of her death and had never seen a deer in my yard or neighborhood before or after that day. I felt it was my father/mother-n-law and, my mother-n-laws mother, letting me know they were ok.
So today while driving down my street and seeing that buck walk up the street I thought of Joel. ......... I felt like he was letting me know he would be ok.
I felt comforted.

I washed my living room windows and window seals today. I also washed my living room curtains. I cleaned the living room storm door..................and the hallway mirror.........and with boyfriends help I managed to rake all of my front lawn, bag the leaves, and mow 3/4 of the front lawn before the lawnmower died. I also raked the deck, but have yet to bag those leaves.
I feel good for having accomplished a little bit of something.

monday

I did next to nothing today.
Took daughter to school, and picked her up from school..............the rest of the day was spent on the couch watching tv, and I took a nap in my bed............I'd get up to go to the bathroom and think to myself as I passed the dining room, or the kitchen, or the living room, how I should take the curtains down and wash them.......................or wash the wall behind the refrigerator, or clean the woodwork in the bathroom......or rake the yard..............instead I'd just go back to the bed/couch.
I don't feel depressed. I feel tired and unmotivated.

sunday

I worked all weekend.
It was fun.
One of the nurses the new owners brought over from a facility they closed
works with me.
We have become the best of work friends and usually have a good time at work............or
support each other on days when things are chaotic.

I'm off work the next 3 days.
I think I'll start my holiday cleaning and organizing..................maybe.

Bubba is doing well.
His doctors are astounded by his ongoing recovery, or so I've been told.
He is talking & walking. His cognitive processes are intact..........he's only able/allowed  to have thickened water .......no food or any other drink yet..............he is is craving a large glass full of cold orange juice......so hopefully someday soon he can have his orange juice.........

I was pleased when I heard that my sons went to Joels (the young guy who died from an air embolism) dads house this afternoon to cook and have dinner with him. He goes to my sons baseball games and invited them to dinner.
Maybe it brings him comfort being around the guys who grew up with his son.