Monday, March 29, 2010

monday

It's late for a work night.
I want to get a good nights sleep because we'll have visitors again tomorrow at work..................................................................
I'll do a  better job of blogging tomorrow night

Friday, March 26, 2010

friday

My ultrasound results are normal. I'm thrilled, but my belly button still hurts! I personally diagnosed myself as having endometriosis..........and that won't show on an ultrasound...................I've also considered that maybe my appendix is inflamed. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Dude had a court date again today.
I had to work so I couldn't go.
My dad did go. What he told me is that Dude has to continue to attend an alternative program and do whatever it is that he's supposed to do while in the program, including house arrest, or he will be going to jail. I'm trying really hard to let go of the anger I feel towards him. Some people are just selfish bastards with no concern for other people. He must be one of those people. (I guess I'm not doing so good at letting it go.)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

thur

I'm tired so I'm not going to write much...........worked.......left work early to go to daughters sports banquet.........she received a special award for having most school spirit which is kinda ironic considering she hates that place..........so says she!
Work is crazy busy.
We've had unexpected "visitors" to deal with.......its stressful but kinda cool the way everyone has pulled together to get things done.
I miss my oldest son. He works nights so it's difficult getting together with him....................and when he is off of work he doesn't want to spend it with his mother...................we made plans though to hook up at some point this weekend.
Middle son stopped by this afternoon. He had a bunch of dental work done and I think he just needed some sympathy....or some mom attention. He was swollen and hurting.
We-Ping is probably upstairs with sis. I want to put my face in her fur and kiss her. I don't think she likes it.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

wed

So today I had a pelvic with transvaginal ultrasound.
With the transvaginal ultrsound they insert a "wand" type instrument into the vagina and take pictures of your reproductive organs. It wasn't bad except for when she was looking for my ovaries. Then it was uncomfortable.
Boyfriend went to the appointment with me.
I felt less afraid with him holding my hand.

After the appointment we went out for lunch. Boyfriend had steak, I had lobster. It was delicious.............................and then we went shopping. I bought 2 new pair of shorts and 2 new shirts. I also bought a ring for daughter to wear with her prom dress..........................and then I went to the place that has daughters letterman jacket....the place that has promised me for weeks and weeks that the jacket will be finished "tomorrow."..........I took the jacket to another place of business. Hopefully they can get the job done!

I went to the animal rescue center today to visit the animals.
I fell in love with most of them and wanted to bring them home with me. Boyfriend was the voice of reason.

I put daughters new ring in the glass pedestal cake holder on the dining room table. I keep coming up with excuses to have her go in the dining room in hopes that she notices the ring. :O)

Monday, March 22, 2010

monday

We just got back from the mall.
Daughter found a prom dress. It's orange satin. It's pretty, but not princess E.....................I love it on her, she loves it......we found the perfect earrings to wear with it........all is well in the world!

After taking daughter to school this morning I came back home and spent the day in bed with boyfriend. We watched TV, chatted, and napped. It was relaxing, quiet, and nice.............................................................................and then I picked daughter up from school........it was one of those days where we talked, laughed, and connected.............. I felt grateful.

Yesterday evening while at work I met a man who was visiting. He was a middle aged man probably several years older than me...........................I don't even remember how it came to be that we ended up talking........but we did.......mostly he talked though, and I listened........he talked about the last couple years of his life that ended up with him losing a parent because of the irresponsible actions of a young "punk."
Mostly he talked about how grateful he was that circumstances brought him home to Cincinnati from Virginia giving him the opportunity to spend time with his parent while she was still alive and well that he wouldn't have otherwise had................he briefly touched on the rage he felt towards the guy who caused his moms death.
Now none of the experiences that I've had over the past many months can compare to what he has gone through..........but the rage I've felt, and to a lesser degree still feel IS the same as his.
Listening to him talk helped me.
He is ok now.......and has moved beyond the rage..........I told him about the rage I feel......he didn't judge me.......he even validated my feelings ..............he was a good person...I could just feel it.......&
He unknowingly helped me to make the decision to try and let go of the anger I feel towards Dude, Cheerleading Sponsor, Big Ears, and Heroine dealer. Life is short. I don't want to spend it feeling angry.
So I'm working on it.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

sun

I  worked  this weekend.............and now I have the next 3 days off. So.....Yay!
I have no plans for my day off other than balancing my checkbook and paying bills.
And now I'm going to read or watch TV until I drift off to dream world.

Friday, March 19, 2010

friday

I didn't do any yard work today.
I did wrap up in my comforter, laid on the couch, read, watched tv and slept..............................................................and then I picked up daughter from school.
Boyfriend cooked supper.
Daughter and I looked online at a few prom dresses.

Boyfriend was talking about liking Great Danes.
I might get him one.

friday

I had a Gyn. appointment today.
For the past several months, mid-way through my cycle I have umbilical pain.
It's very tender to touch, and it's always within a few days of when I ovulate.
Dr. Gyn. ordered a ultrasound, and the Ova Ring. His logic for the Ova Ring was to prevent ovulation to see if that stopped the pain. I don't thinnk I'll use it. Too afraid it'll cause me to stroke. I will however have the ultrasound.

It's so beautiful outside, and I know that if I go to bed I will regret it but, I am so sleepy right now.....and I want to be wrapped  cacoon like in my comforter  and feel myself drift off to sleep.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

wed

I missed THE court date. Dudes court date.
I was certain it was tomorrow. I messed up the dates.
It had to be some sort of devine intervention.
Maybe Dude packs a gun and would have shot me had I told him to go fuck his self.
I can't believe I missed it.
There is  another one coming up though. I'll be there......

So the team that daughter cheers for played at Rupp Arena tonight. It was their first round of The Sweet 16. It was back and forth the first two quarters........and then we started trailing until we ended up losing.
It was our first trip there( to state finals) in over 40 years. The same as the last tourney that I thought was the sweet 16 but wasn't....it was a huge deal around here......................and once again Main Street was decked out in our school colors and such.
The arena was filled much to my surprise.
I was proud of our community.
Last night daughter told me this would be the most memorable experience of her high school years next to being called a fucking crybaby bitch by her cheerleading sponsor.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

tues.

I've worked 29 hours the past 2 days. My back is tired and my shoulder is sore. But mostly I'm just happy to be off for the next 3 days. Yay!
Work was busy. The nursing students were there today. I like having them there but they take up so much of my time, and I feel bad because I'm not the most patient person in the world.....especially since I quit smoking! I'm trying really hard though to be more patient and a little more friendly with them. :O)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

sun.

My daughter sends about 30,000 text messages a month. Is that normal? Text messaging drives me nuts. I can't stand doing it. I don't have the patience for it.

I ran daughter to the store yesterday morning. She was out of pay as you go minutes for her phone and you'd of thought that her world was about to end. I was still in my pajamas with uncombed hair and unbrushed teeth. But it was urgent because "everyone is texting me and I can't text back!" So to the gas station store we went.
While she was in the store I sat in the car..........and as I sat in the car I could see in my peripheral vision a man walking towards my car.........I was thinking why do I do this! Everytime I do this I run in to someone...............so the guy gets to my car window and I'm still hoping that if I don't look at him he won't be able to see me. You know?
 He says "hey." I exhale with relief when I hear his voice. It's my middle son. He was nicely dressed for a meeting at work............and he talked to me about what was going on at school. He was happy,  handsome, and working hard.............and headed somewhere in this life. I felt proud of him...........

Court date for Dude, the guy who ran over my son, is approaching. He's not in trouble for hitting my son. He's in trouble for driving without insurance, without a drivers license, and for failure to appear at the first hearing. They didn't do a sobriety test on him, and I don't know why. I'm certain he was drunk or high. The best I can come up with is that Dudes neighbor is a cop. Maybe they're friendly with each other?
But anyway, I may or may not tell the son of a bitch off when I see him, assuming he shows.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

saturday

Daughter took "the most perfect prom dress" back. She changed her mind about it. So we shopped the other evening, trying on dress after dress, but wasn't able to find what probably doesn't exist. We'll see.

Mom and dad have been out of town. So I spent the other day at their house cleaning. Every table top, bookshelf, desks, and several walls are covered with pictures that reflect their life up to this point. I couldn't help but smile as I looked at them. But dusting them sucked!

I went to the animal shelter the other day with boyfriend. I really liked one of the dogs and one of the kittens. Maybe I'll go back and get one of them.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

thursday

My final HIV test is negative.
It's a big relief to say the least.
The guy whose blood I was exposed to passed away a couple months ago.
Initially after the blood exposure I resented the guy. But only for like 1/2 a second. I didn't really know him.........................and then one night I was in the ER of  a trauma hospital. Son was hit by a car while riding his motorcycle...............and as I paced, asked questions, and went from one door to another, a young guy walks up to me. I recognized his face as a resident from my work. His mother had taken him to the ER for whatever reason......................but he walked up to me after observing some of what had transpired with my son. The young guy gave me a hug. I felt more grounded, and more in control after his hug.......................... and his thoughfulness touched my heart................................................and over the past year I got to know him........we joked and played around with each other............... I had  these maternal feelings for him............................I watched out for him..........made sure he had what he needed.....................I spoiled him................and I respected his mother for being everything a mother should be.                                            I smile when I think about him.             I hope there's a heaven. He'd certainly be there.

and that's all.  

Monday, March 08, 2010

monday

This is my 3 day "weekend."
I slept today away.
Boyfriend took daughter to, and picked daughter up from school allowing me to continue to sleep.
I'm presently taking antibiotic/anti-inflammatory ears drops for bilateral ear infections. I think it's part of the reason I've been so tired lately.
Before the sun hid for the night I spent some time on the deck with it. It always makes me feel better.

Friday, March 05, 2010

friday

Spent the last 5 hours at the mall with daughter and a friend of daughters. This is the 2nd time in the past month that daughter has tried on every prom dress in the mall. And FINALLY she found THE dress! YAY! It's kind of a funkie, 60's retro ish dress. I wanted to see her in a understated, quiet colored, Cinderella like princess ish dress. But she's not me and has a mind and taste of her own..........................so....................funkie like it will be. I think she'll look absolutley beautiful.
We had a fun evening! I got some great perfume at Dillards marked 70% off the price.........I think it was an error made by the store. :O)

friday

Today I will p/u daughters letterman jacket, assuming it is ready.................they aren't going to put her bars on the sleve or the graduation year until after next months sports banquet. The lady doing the work on the jacket wants to put those things on at the same time so that the measurements are perfect.
I hope she loves it. She hasn't noticed that her letters/bars are missing. So it will be a surprise.

I also have to go to the bank and to the drug store........&.........I still need to clean out my bedroom (not going to clean today).....................................................and then when daughter gets out of school today, she wants me to take her to the mall to look at prom dresses.

FOr right now though I'm going to snuggle up against boyfriend who is napping in my bed......and I too am going to nap.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

thursday

I ended up sleeping away the day. Not because of depression or as a way to escape reality, but because I was tired. I got up to get daughter from school, and I hung out for awhile on the deck with We-Ping. It was a gorgeous, suuny day.
The sun on my face felt great. We-Ping loved it on hers too.

Boyfriend, daughter and I had a candelight dinner prepared by me......................and then daughter looked at prom dresses online while I went through my jewelry box and boyfriend watched tv.

I'm thinking about adopting another cat from the animal rescue center.
Boyfriend said he'd go with me tomorrow to have a look.

I have a cake baking.
Boyfriend wanted one..me too...so I have a yellow cake baking, and I made homemade chocolate icing.
The anti depressants make me want to eat. The n0t smoking makes me want to eat.  YOGA. WALKING. I hope they save me from myself. :O)

thursday

SO today I plan on cleaning out my bedroom and hallway closet................and I also plan on cleaning out a junk drawer in my dresser and 2 junk drawers in a bed side table. I'm going to pack up much of the stuff and store it in the closets in the empty bedroom upstairs..........................and then I'm going to throw aWAY the dressers in my bedroom and buy something new to use.
I also plan on hanging the new curtains I bought for the empty upstairs bedroom..........................................................or I might take a nap because I'm really sleepy.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

wednesday

I went to the doctor today.
He agreed to increasing the dose of the anti depressant. I feel better already.

I had my final HIV test today too. I've been putting it off out of fear. But my need to get on with my life
was greater  than my fear. I'm tired of worrying.......I just want to put it all behind me..........and so I had the test......................................................

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

tuesday

So I didn't get a write up for calling off from work. I don't know why, but I didn't.

A doctor I work with was rude to me. Actually he threw a tantrum while talking on the phone to me.  I work, and I work very hard.............and I always go out of my way to help the doctors, to asst. the doctors, and to make things easier for the doctors. Including the doctor who was a nasty fucker. So after he was a rude nasty to me, I decided I would no longer go out of my way to make his life easier. I don't have to do those things for him. It was something I did out of the kindness of my heart........and as a professional courtesy.
 I put an end to it.
Today at work when I didn't do for him the things I usually do, all those nice things I do to make his day easier, and smoother............he got pissed.......he couldn't deal................and threatened to report me to my boss. So I encouraged him to report me.  I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was simply putting an end to the benefits he took for granted.
 FUCK HIM.