thursday

I had a really nice day.
It was beautifully sunny with blue skies.
Boyfriend worked in the yard all day.
I'm so greatful to him for the work he did for me.
I helped a little bit.
But mostly I ran a couple of errands, balanced my checkbook,  made a couple of
necklaces (I braid hemp, and add wood crosses/or jeweled crosses/whatever) and toe rings.
It was relaxing and fun.
I was psyched because I remembered a bunch of costume jewelry from the 1940's and 1950's I was given from an elderly friend.
I have plans to take some of it apart and combine new with old.....or make new out of old.

wed

I slept most of the day away. I was tired from staying up late.
When daughter got home from school, we went to the gym.
We officially joined today.
They gave us free passes to the Shadowbox Cabaret, a dinner theatre........and free haircuts at a popular salon. So....YAY!
After we left the gym we went to Pier 1. I was looking for new chest drawers for my bedroom, and for new living room curtains. I also wanted to buy a painting to hang over the couch.
I didn't find what I was looking for.......I did find an area rug that I fell in love with........but it's very expensive so I want to think about it before I buy it.  I also found some hand paper fans. They're cute......and since our nurses station is about 103 degrees, I bought one for each of the day shift nurses. ANd then I bought a clutch purse......it has an asian feel...has pretty colors.....marked down 80% ......don't have anything like it.... I love it!
I couldn't find a painting for behind the couch so I decided to paint one myself. I've never painted a picture in my life...............except maybe in grade school. It might be fun. :O)

sunday

I went shopping this morning with daughter and boyfriend.
I needed a new faucet for the kitchen sink. The other one was leaking. It was cheap and didn't last. I bit the bullet and bought a decent one this time.
Boyfriend and oldest son put it in for me while daughter and I went to the gym.
We did resistance training and cardiovascular training. I like resistance training, especially back extensions. They feel great...............cardiovascular training is more exhausting, and a little bit boring.......but we make ourselves do it.......................  after we worked out we  tanned.
We go in the tanning waiting room together, lock the door, she tans while I wait and  visa versa. She came out of the tanning booth naked, her back to me.........and I thought to myself what a beautiful body daughter has...........unspoiled/untouched yet by life............and she doesn't even know how beautiful she is............

I remember when she was just a little baby, and I was back at work from my maternity leave..............the favorite part of my day was 4:30am when daughter would wake wanting a clean diaper, and a warm bottle. We'd sit in the recliner in the living room as I fed her her bottle. We'd look into each others eyes and study each other.....................and of course I couldn't resist kissing, and smelling her head, and cheeks. I loved those moments with her before we had to go our separate ways for the day.

saturday

I was about ready to leave work last night when
the night nurse on the unit I recently quit, started crying.
She was overwhelmed by all that needed to be done.....and she felt like the day shift nurse didn't do his share of  work.
The day shift nurse worked his ass off non-stop for 12 straight hours. He is also overwhelmed and left saying he planned on quitting.
It's just the way it is............most days you deal with it..................but then every once in awhile for whatever reason, probably just because you're human........you feel like you just can't do it all......it's  too much and you don't know where to begin..............the night nurse looked at me as she cried and said "what should I do first? Where do I begin?"..................I understood where she was coming from......and I felt for her..............I had her take one long deep breath.........and reassured her she would get through the night.....................and then I told her where to start.................... away she went to do the first thing I put on her list....................I organized and cleaned up her desk, did the paper work on her new admission.............and left having put in 31 hours of work in 2days.
I drove home with my window opened, the cool air against my face........and I listened to my favorite radio station.
I thought about how I will probably quit my job.
The D.O.N. is putting me back on the unit I had begged to be taken off of.......the unit I'd just helped the night nurse with...........not only is she putting me back on that unit, but she is also having me take half of another unit.
It can't be done.
I love a great challenge. Really I do...............................but what they want me to do isn't doable.

thursday

This is going to be quick because all I can think of is wrapping myself up in my comforter and drifting off to sleep.
It was a long work day, and I am exhausted.

My doctor called me this evening at 6pm. He called me yesterday but I missed the call. I missed him Friday, and then he was off Mon. and Tues. So it was a long wait. BUT......
All my biopsies, 6 of them, were normal. :O) I don't know how or why, but they are.........and so now life goes on.....just like it would have had the result been different. I like it better this way though..........

 ...........went back to the animal shelter yesterday. I found five cats and 2 dogs that I wanted to take home with me. I didn't bring them home......just wanted to.

wed

I'm wore out.
I've been shopping, grilled supper, went to the gym with daughter, played corn hole with daughter and boyfriend and planted some flowers and a couple plants. I've also wrapped oldest sons birthday gift and made him a strawberry cheesecake. His birthday is tomorrow. Because of our different work schedules though, we won't see each other until Sunday. So I left a message for him to wake me when he gets home tonight from work.
I can hug him then and give him his present..................................and just so you know, oldest son was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.......................and he has grown into this wonderful, young, polite, hard working(employed non stop since age 15) young man.
I love him. I'm proud of him.................

and now i'm going to bed.
i have a 14 hour work day tomorrow

ps

It's been 9 months and 4 days since I've smoked a cigarette. :O)

tuesday

........boyfriend, sons, and daughter planned a surprise birthday dinner for me this past friday.............me not knowing about their plans accepted a dinner invitation from my parents for the same night as boyfriends , sons, and daughters plan. .......so I almost ruined boyfriends, sons, and daughters plan.......but in the end it all worked out great. My parents brought steaks, we made salads, and boyfriend fired up the grill ......................................we  had supper together and munched on the cake mom made, and cake boyfriend bought.........................but the greatest part was that dad was doing his usual comedic act and had everyone laughing. It was fun...............................AND........I had asked for a corn hole set, and ended up getting the most awesome one out there...........

this afternoon daughter and I went to the gym and then shopping. I wanted to get oldest sons birthday gift and my moms Mothers Day gift.......and I DID get them.......and had fun hanging out with daughter.....

earlier today i did a little work in the yard. seems no matter what i do out there, it always looks like poo............but i can say that my pumpkins and cantelopes have bloomed.  that's a good thing!

friday

The house is empty and quiet.
I like it.

We-Ping is outside.
I just went to visit with her.
She shows off when she's outside.
Reminds me of a young child "watch ME, mom!"

My tomato plants are looking good.
My pumpkins haven't bloomed yet.......and neither have my cantelope.
I love when flowers start blooming on hte pumpkin vine. I think I'm
the only dork who likes them. They really are very pretty for about 24 hours.

I received an email from my schools alumni requesting a donation.
I wrote them back and told them a school employee called my daughter a fucking crybaby bitch and that as long as the school continued to employ that employee I would not be making any donations. (they only wanted 20 bucks, not a million or anything. but still.)

thursday

So I worked on my taxes today. I put them on hold while I went to pick daughter up from school. Her last bell is spent at a grade school helping with 3rd graders. So I had to pick her up at the grade school and then run her to the high school for a cheerleading tryout meeting. By the time we got home my computer had shut down, and nothing had been saved. I had already finished my federal return and was more than half finished with my state when I left the house. I was frustrated and pissed to see all my work lost.....................but now all is well as I've finally e-filed both my federal and state. So YAY!

Daughter and I did not go to the gym today.
I already feel like a failure and it's only day 1.
I really did need to get my taxes filed though, and to be honest, and I swear it's not an excuse, but I am super sore today from mulitple biopsies yesterday. So I'll forgive myself this time.

thurs

It's TAX DAY and I haven't done mine yet!
So at some point today or tonight it's what I will do.
I don't usually procrastinate when it comes to such things.
But it's been a trip, and that's all I've got to say about that!

Boyfriend, daughter, and I are taking a 3 week road trip from Ky. to Colorado this summer.
I'm hoping to find the time today to do some work and planning for our trip.
I know we're going to the Stanley Hotel. It's where Stephen King was inspired to write The Shining.
Supposedly it's haunted. Daughter is freaking about spending the night there....:O)
We also have plans to see The Grand Canyon while out that way. Can't wait! It's one of my dreams!
And I'll be meeting boyfriends 2 sons and the rest of his family while we're in Colorado. I'm nervous and excited all at once about meeting them.

wed

I had the biopsies done today.
It hurt.
Boyfriend held my hand while
I was "worked on."
He said he's never really looked at "your little hands before today. they're cute." lol. :O)

After the doctor visit, we went out for breakfast and then shopping.
I bought 4 more summer shirts,  flip flops, and some exfoliating body wash.

After picking daughter up from school we went shopping at the dollar store.
I wanted to get some craft stuff for one of my patients who makes birthday, xmas cards ect.
He's very proud of his work. I think it's what keeps him going.

And then after shopping, daughter and I stopped at a nearby gym.
After all was said and done, I get 3 free months.....no contract..........and daughter gets month by month for $25.00 and that includes unlimited tanning even though I don't want her in a tanning bed. She promises only to do it (tan) a few times before the prom.
I love working out.
It feels good to me......especially resistance training........I've been on the couch though for quite sometime.  I have not been exercising.  It's time to get going again......................we will both benefit from going to the gym.........and going together should be fun.

saturday

Boyfriend called me last afternoon at work and asked me out for a dinner date, and to to tell me he loved me. I thought it was sweet, and of course I said yes.........but as soon as I hung up the phone all hell broke loose at work and I ended up working 2hours and 45 minutes past quitting time. It was almost 10p when I got home.
We ended up picking up some supper and eating it while sitting in my bed.
Daughter spent the night at a girlfriends.
I've realized I've not treated her like the almost young woman that she is..................because to me she's my little girl............................but she's not, and I have to keep reminding myself of that..............and I'v had to make an effort to allow her to spread her wings.
It's difficult letting go. I just want to keep her safe.

I'm physically hurting. My abdomen and belly button hurt.
Seems my tests weren't as normal as initially reported.
So next week I will have
some biopsies.
It's been some kind of a rollar coaster of a year. I'm not feeling my usual
optimism when it comes to these sort of things.
I just feel defeated.

cheers to you!

I forget where I heard it........but I remember it was a nurse dying from lung cancer.......on    tv........and she was in a hospital bed surrounded by nurses and staff she had worked with in the past. They were assisting her to die by having a glass of "champagne" with her.
Just before she drinks her "Champagne" she toasts her friends/co-workers. Here is what she said :
                                "Cheers to you! Cheers to me! And if you don't like me, cheers to me, and..... FUCK YOU!"




                                                                        :O)

tuesday

I need to file my taxes.
I've  been ignoring that
voice that's telling me to get it done.
I think I still have 8 days? Today is the 7th, right?
So I wish that voice would shut up. What's the big hurry?

opening day

HAPPY OPENING DAY!
I LOVE BASEBALL!.........and memories of wearing my baseball glove to the stadium when i was a little girl in hopes of catching a ball. Just hearing a game on the radio automatically transports me back to my childhood. It was a good place to be.

I was certain my son would follow in other family members  footsteps and end  up playing professional ball. But  it was more my dream than his. He had the talent.....raw, athletic, talent......... but you also need the desire.It was mine, not his.

my kitty

We took We-Ping to the vet this morning.
I thought she was over weight because she looks fat and seems to have poor
physical stamina. I was worried about her.

Turns out she only weighs 10 lbs. She isn't fat at all. She just has a lot of fur.

The vet told me that during the spring and summer months We-Pings fur color would lighten. He said
show Siamese cat owners keep their homes cold year round so that their cats dark markings don't lighten. They want the dark points to stay dark.
I thought that was interesting.

When you look at kitty outside in the sun, her blue eyes are more beautiful than any eyes I've ever seen.................and her whiskers are about 6 inches long. I think she's adorable.

She got 3 injections today....and had her nails trimmed. She didn't even cry. She was brave. When we paid our bill I got her one of the cat nip filled pillows at the front desk. She came home and chewed on it for 20 minutes, and now she is napping. :O)

saturday

Tired. Worked 14 hours today.
My neighbors are having a party.
I kinda wish I was there having a beer, and fun!

friday

This has been such a nice day.
Boyfriend and I worked in the backyard cleaning
up mess from when I had the 2 trees cut down.
We had a huge fire going to throw all the
twigs and branches into.
We got all the glass from the broken table top cleaned up.......and I filled my huge flower pots with good soil.
I have lots more to do. I just couldn't do it all today.

I made a big pot of boiled potatoes and cabbage with onions and a little garlic......and I made Italian sausages. It's whatdaughter wanted for Easter/Good Friday supper.
For desert I made fresh strawberries over sponge cake with whip cream.
Daughter, boyfriend and I sat down together for supper. It was nice. &
I got to see oldest son before he left for work this afternoon.
He's too old for an Easter basket. So I made him and his brother an Easter gift bag. I put little things in it like breath fresh gums, tic tacs, new hair brushes, and beer nuts. I gave it to him before he left for work because I have to work 13 or so hours on Easter. Middle son stopped over on his way home after he got off work. He had desert with us, and I gave him his Easter bag. It was good spending time with them. I love my boys. &
I made an Easter basket for daughter.
I filled it with new nail polish, cute emory boards, hair spray, hair clips and lotions...............all kinds of girlie stuff that's fun to try and use.
She liked it.

We-Ping is fat.
I like fat cats but I fee badly for her because I think
it's interfering with her health. She came in the front door today and had to lay down to rest before she could get to the kitchen. It's not a long walk from my front door to the kitchen. Twice I saw her do that today..................and needless to say, both times she came in, it was to eat.
So I called her vet to ask how much she should be eating. He said 1/4 cup of food twice per day. She's probably eating atleast a cup of food daily.
I made her an appointment to see the vet Monday. He can weight her, listen to her heart and tell me what he thinks.
I have Easter eggs soaking in dye. I want them to turn out really vibrant. I like coloring eggs. It's fun. I'm making a rainbow colored egg for my new gay work friend. He's a really cool guy.

thurs.

I've spent the last 2 hours in the backyard sweeping leaves and twigs that are on the deck. I'm not even half finished with the project. It's a mess out there!
While working on the deck I was attempting to put the umbrella to the table through the middle of the table and down into that thing a ma jig that holds it in place. Instead I somehow managed to put it straight through the glass table top. It shattered into a million little pieces. They're pretty. But now I have to spend time cleaning them up......and my toes are cut.......cause I was barefoot. But it's just tiny paper cut like cuts.......so i'll live.

Exhusband asked if he could borrow my power washer. My first thought was to tell him to catch up on his child support and daughters medical bills and then he could borrow it. My first feeling was anger.  But he asked me through my oldest son.........and even though my son is an adult I still feel like being anything but nice to my X is being anything but good to my kids.....so I said yes.........but since I'm far from perfect, I asked to use his carpet cleaner in exchange.

I have beef stew in the crockpot for supper tonight. And I bought some Artisan Como Loaf bread at the store yesterday to have with the stew. It looks really yummy.
I think I'll light some candles and have supper in the dining room. Daughter likes when I do it that way.....I like it to.

wed

When I was a little girl I remember sitting on the stair at the bottom of the stairway that went up to mine and my sisters bedrooms. I'd sit on that last step because just beyond that step was a bookcase. I wanted to read but hadn't yet been taught how.......One of the books, "The Bay Of Pigs" was my favorite. I'm not sure why that book intrigued me. But it did, and I'd always reach for it, open it up and will myself to read it. Over and over again I'd try ........thinking that if I wanted it bad enough, then I could do it.
Of course by the time I could read, I'd lost interest in The Bay Of Pigs.