Wednesday, August 04, 2010

wed

Mom's back in the hospital since Monday.
They were hoping to not have to transfuse her but her
counts dropped pretty low today.
She should just now be finishing her second unit of packed red blood cells.............
I spent the morning and several hours this afternoon with her.
My dad is there and my sisters all come and go between work, and family..............................................Mom's reading  Joyce Carol Oates book, "My Sister My Love"..........she's mom's favorite writer, I think...................Her favorite book is "The Bell Jar".................I read and hated it..................wanted so badly to love the book that my mom loved....................................................................I read a couple chapters though of this present book and I'm hooked. I can't wait to read the whole thing.....................

Mom's scared. That's what breaks my heart.

I want to wrap her up in my arms and make her feel unafraid. I promised her this time that she will be ok. Because I know that she will be.

I get some comfort in knowing that between me, my sisters, and my dad,
one of us is almost always at the hospital with her................

Work isn't going so well. I think my D.O.N. is planning on letting me go. Intuition.
I don't want to sound like it doesn't matter to me, it does. But I'm at a loss as to what I can do. So I just do my job and let the chips fall where they may.........

Worked 13 hours Monday and Tuesday......and then went to the hospital......and last night I had to do some last minute shopping at Kroger for daughters party for tomorrow. I still had to get her a birthday card...........she will be 18. While looking at cards I burst in to tears (here I go again)...........a combination of exhaustion, stress, and my "baby" being all grown up.............boyfriend pulled me in to his arms and there I  stood and sobbed.
I felt a lot better after my cry. I was spent though.
We went home and I went to bed.
I was good to go this morning................felt great.
Now I'm baking  cakes for daughters birthday party.
Crossing my fingers that the finished product looks pretty.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

So sorry Jane that all these problems seem to be coming down on you all at the same time. I will be praying for our mom, you and your family. Hang in there & remember that you have friends thinking about you.

Jane said...

thank you Odie