I have the next 3 days off work. Yay!
It's been so cold here........below zero most mornings.............the snow on the ground feels like brick..........you don't sink in it..........it's more like walking on rocks..............been this way for weeks.......
I was watching the olympics last night and thought I'm happy mom and dad went to the olympics back in the 80's. she enjoyed them.....I'm grateful they had 30 years of retirement together and that most of those years were healthy.....I'm grateful they traveled often and had many good life long friends.................................i was going through a box of moms writings and found a love letter she wrote to dad. i don't think she ever gave it to him because it was still attached to a notebook. it's precious i think. they wrote love notes often. i was thinking about giving the letter to dad for valentines day.
mom didn't want to die. some people are ready, you know? i've seen them over the years at my work. they want to go. they pray to go. they're finished living here on earth.
mom wasn't finished.
a couple days before she died she was sitting on the side of her bed,she had been talking to relatives and friends who had died while she was in a sleep like delirium ........ she reached her arms out to me and pleaded for me to not let them take her and pleaded for me to hold on to her, to hold her tight. i wrapped my arms around her and held her tight...rubbed her head.......promised i wouldn't let go........
she knew she was dying. she told me on dec. 22nd that she was dying.i didn't know what to say or how to respond. my heart ached for her. she looked so sad, and so tired. i choked on my words and just cried. i wish i would have said something........ ......................................................she didn't want to go to the hospital..............................she just wanted a beautiful christmas..........."I just want a beautiful Christmas."....................so while she wasn't ready yet to stop living here......i think she knew it wasn't really something in her control......and maybe on some level she accepted she was dying............just wasn't very happy about it..........she didn't want to leave her family ........
4 comments:
Look at it this way, she had many nice christmasas before she checked out. More importantly, many nice days that had nothing to do with holidays, that are mostly intended to get money from us.
she had her beautiful last christmas too....
Sounds to me like she was still a child, I got over things like christmas years ago.
hmm...
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