A family friend died today.
He was a friend to my sons.
His mother and I would take turns having my 2 sons and my daughter spend the night at her house and then her 2 sons and daughter would spend the night at my house...................the kids have known each other most of their lives.............they lived down the street from us most of that time....................their oldest son started abusing pills from his fathers medicine cabinet a few years ago, atleast that's what the boys have told me.........................slowly all the guys that grew up with him, including my sons, pulled away from him. Like most addicts, he became a liar and a thief. They still loved the friend they knew, but they didn't like the person he had become.
I ran in to him a year and a half or two years ago. We chatted for several minutes. I told him that when he was ready to quit drugs he could call me and I would help. He smiled and agreed. I actually believed that someday he would call....................instead he is dead from an apparent air embolism introduced while shooting dope into his vein.
I've been crying on and off since 5:30 this morning. I keep wishing I could turn back the clock so that I can stop all of this from happening. I want him to be alive. I want him to have the time to pull his life together, to get the help he neeeds........to be able to be the big brother he was born to be. I keep thinking of his younger brother and how he used to look up to this guy................and how in the past couple years he has pretended not to care or worry about his older brother even though he really did with all of his heart........................I cry everytime I think about him..................I know he's hurting like never before. There's nothing to be done to make things better.
I just can't believe this has happened. I would do just about anything to change it.
I am so pissed at God right now.................
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
thursday
I have to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow.
I wish I was off so I could go to the homecoming day parade.
It's important to my daughter. So it's important to me too.
I will be off though Homecoming night. So I"ll be there while she gets dressed for the big dance.................after the dance several of her friends are coming here to build a big camp fire and camp out in our backyard. It should be fun for them. :O)
I worked 14 hours today........and to boot, the air conditioning in our building was down..........I feel grubby and tired.
My 10 y/o nephew has the Swine flu. I'm worried sick even though I know he'll be ok........he should be ok, huh?
And then my 2nd oldest sister looks like a walking skeleton. She looks worse than she looked several months ago.
I called her and asked her if she has hiv, cancer, an eating disorder, or if she's using drugs................she said no to all of my choices.
She's lying.
I feel helpless.
I wish I was off so I could go to the homecoming day parade.
It's important to my daughter. So it's important to me too.
I will be off though Homecoming night. So I"ll be there while she gets dressed for the big dance.................after the dance several of her friends are coming here to build a big camp fire and camp out in our backyard. It should be fun for them. :O)
I worked 14 hours today........and to boot, the air conditioning in our building was down..........I feel grubby and tired.
My 10 y/o nephew has the Swine flu. I'm worried sick even though I know he'll be ok........he should be ok, huh?
And then my 2nd oldest sister looks like a walking skeleton. She looks worse than she looked several months ago.
I called her and asked her if she has hiv, cancer, an eating disorder, or if she's using drugs................she said no to all of my choices.
She's lying.
I feel helpless.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
please learn the 1st time
It's been 7 weeks since son was hit while riding his motorcycle.
He was released this week to go back to work...............and is walking some of the time without his crutches.
I love him.
I'm mad at him.
He's thinking about getting another bike.
He was released this week to go back to work...............and is walking some of the time without his crutches.
I love him.
I'm mad at him.
He's thinking about getting another bike.
little treasures found, and my gift to the cheerleaders
Babydoll, and T-Ball I found in the yard where I tore down the ugly brick wall............and the skeleton cheerleaders I made to put in the gift bags. The white boxes have necklaces I made for the girls, and the flowered bags are filled with candy.
pond and mums
the fish pond is a work in progress. so don't laugh. brother-in-law has given me some plants to use to keep it clean. i've covered it with chicken wire to keep the coons out.
I've placed pots with Mums on my deck and on the front porch.
I think they're pretty. :O)
I've placed pots with Mums on my deck and on the front porch.
I think they're pretty. :O)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
yetanothermanmurderedhiswifeand5childrenmakesmesick
So the name of one of our local hospitals is Christ Hospital.
One of the doctors from Christ Hosp. called me at work the other day.
The new receptionist pages me and this is what she says......."Sandy, Christ is parked on line one. Christ is parked on line one." Cracked me up. :O)
The racoons stole the gold fish from my pond..........maybe it was an opossum, or perhaps the neighbors cat?
I've been doing lots of work around the yard the last week or so................when we knocked down the ugly brick wall that sat just below the front porch I found one of my sons official T-Balls........it was filthy.......looks brand new since I've cleaned it.............and while removing some old wood from under the side of the deck I found one of daughters dolls. It hair was filled with little pea size dirt balls. I've shampooed it numerous times..........it looks better but not too great.............and under the porch I found an old McDonalds happy meal toy.................................................................................at one time I had stored in my attic space boxes and boxes full of sons and daughters old toys. I packed away the ones loved most by the kids...........and all the stuff that held special meaning/memories for me.
All of the boxes were taken from my house and given to a thrift store without my permission.
So when I find a tea pot under the floor of daughters old backyard playhouse, or hotwheels in a suitcase in the crawl space off sons old bedroom......it thrills me.
I'm making gift bags for the girls that cheer on the squad with my daughter. Most of the mothers take a turn making gift bags for the girls for before a game, or they bring cold drinks or fruit for the girls for after a practice.
I like making the gift bags. I'm a dork I guess because I think it's fun to come up with cute ideas...................this year I've made each of the girls a necklace..............................................and a skeleton cheerleader magnet...........I'll take pictures..............they turned out really cute!
One of the doctors from Christ Hosp. called me at work the other day.
The new receptionist pages me and this is what she says......."Sandy, Christ is parked on line one. Christ is parked on line one." Cracked me up. :O)
The racoons stole the gold fish from my pond..........maybe it was an opossum, or perhaps the neighbors cat?
I've been doing lots of work around the yard the last week or so................when we knocked down the ugly brick wall that sat just below the front porch I found one of my sons official T-Balls........it was filthy.......looks brand new since I've cleaned it.............and while removing some old wood from under the side of the deck I found one of daughters dolls. It hair was filled with little pea size dirt balls. I've shampooed it numerous times..........it looks better but not too great.............and under the porch I found an old McDonalds happy meal toy.................................................................................at one time I had stored in my attic space boxes and boxes full of sons and daughters old toys. I packed away the ones loved most by the kids...........and all the stuff that held special meaning/memories for me.
All of the boxes were taken from my house and given to a thrift store without my permission.
So when I find a tea pot under the floor of daughters old backyard playhouse, or hotwheels in a suitcase in the crawl space off sons old bedroom......it thrills me.
I'm making gift bags for the girls that cheer on the squad with my daughter. Most of the mothers take a turn making gift bags for the girls for before a game, or they bring cold drinks or fruit for the girls for after a practice.
I like making the gift bags. I'm a dork I guess because I think it's fun to come up with cute ideas...................this year I've made each of the girls a necklace..............................................and a skeleton cheerleader magnet...........I'll take pictures..............they turned out really cute!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
thisworldisfuckedup
I'm trying to talk boyfriend in to going to Lowes with me to get daughters new vanity and toilet..........so far he is saying it's too early to be lifting all that heavy stuff (rolling my eyes)................................................................................................
I ordered daughters class ring.
It has the schools team name, and a picture of the mascot on the right side..........and then a magnaphone and pom pom with the year 2011 on the left side..............the stone is red since that's one of her school colors................and then I have her full name engraved on the inner side of the band..................she wanted a traditional ring......so it's what we got. I think it's going to be nice.
I ordered it from a company different than who the school is using. The EXACT same ring purchased through the school was $77.oo more than what I paid. So Yay!
The couch is calling my name. So I'll either nap away the day, or I'll shop, work in the bathroom, and work in the yard.
I ordered daughters class ring.
It has the schools team name, and a picture of the mascot on the right side..........and then a magnaphone and pom pom with the year 2011 on the left side..............the stone is red since that's one of her school colors................and then I have her full name engraved on the inner side of the band..................she wanted a traditional ring......so it's what we got. I think it's going to be nice.
I ordered it from a company different than who the school is using. The EXACT same ring purchased through the school was $77.oo more than what I paid. So Yay!
The couch is calling my name. So I'll either nap away the day, or I'll shop, work in the bathroom, and work in the yard.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
dormgangrapeyalestudentfounddead&stuffedinwall
Today is my off day. So is tomorrow and the next day. So........Yay!
I worked 16 hours yesterday. Was supposed to work 12 but it was impossible to get it all finished without working extra hours.
So screw it. I'll probably be in trouble.
I had a meeting today at daughters school. I'll tell more about that at another time..................and then I had a quick insurance meeting at work.
When daughter got home from school she decided she wanted to return the dress we bought for her homecoming...............she says it's too tight......................so back to Dillards we went where she tried on another dozen dresses.............................found one she loves............it was $65 cheaper than the first dress. Needless to say I was thrilled.........................PLUS.......I actually like this dress. So.......yay!
I put in my fish pond. Really have know idea what I'm doing. I guess I'll learn as I go......right now it has 7 gold fish. I like watching them...........my brother-n-law has a great backyard pond. He told me to buy lilly pads for keeping the pond clean without having to use a filter. So I'll give it a try.
I've had this brick wall/ flower bed thing in my front yard just below my front porch. It's been there since I bought the house.
I hate it and always have hated it....................but for whatever reason have just lived with it.........until now.............I knocked that mother fucker down a few days ago..............had to dig for hours first............and then with ehlp from boyfriend.....down came the wall. WooHoo! Now I have to figure out what to do with the big, bare, ugly area......................................
Daughter finished painting her bathroom.............so hopefully in the next day or so boyfriend will help me put in the new vanity and toilet.
I worked 16 hours yesterday. Was supposed to work 12 but it was impossible to get it all finished without working extra hours.
So screw it. I'll probably be in trouble.
I had a meeting today at daughters school. I'll tell more about that at another time..................and then I had a quick insurance meeting at work.
When daughter got home from school she decided she wanted to return the dress we bought for her homecoming...............she says it's too tight......................so back to Dillards we went where she tried on another dozen dresses.............................found one she loves............it was $65 cheaper than the first dress. Needless to say I was thrilled.........................PLUS.......I actually like this dress. So.......yay!
I put in my fish pond. Really have know idea what I'm doing. I guess I'll learn as I go......right now it has 7 gold fish. I like watching them...........my brother-n-law has a great backyard pond. He told me to buy lilly pads for keeping the pond clean without having to use a filter. So I'll give it a try.
I've had this brick wall/ flower bed thing in my front yard just below my front porch. It's been there since I bought the house.
I hate it and always have hated it....................but for whatever reason have just lived with it.........until now.............I knocked that mother fucker down a few days ago..............had to dig for hours first............and then with ehlp from boyfriend.....down came the wall. WooHoo! Now I have to figure out what to do with the big, bare, ugly area......................................
Daughter finished painting her bathroom.............so hopefully in the next day or so boyfriend will help me put in the new vanity and toilet.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
sunnyday
Sears had a great sale yesterday.
Their yard gnomes, yard art, and yard decorations were marked way down AND they took an additional 50% 0ff the sale price................one of the items original price was 40 bucks. I got it for seven. The gnomes were marked down from 14.99 to 2.50. I bought two...............and then I got this metal cat originally priced at 24.00...........I got him for 6 bucks. I was lovin it!
Boyfriend and I took daughter to Dillards yesterday to shop for a Homecoming dress. She bought the most expensive dress in the store. I'm having a severe case of buyers remorse..................and to top it off I wish I atleast liked the dress.
When she tried the dress on she says to me "Now in this I feel beautiful!" After that comment, I didn't know how to say NO.
Boyfriend told me that our new neighbor complimented me on our deck. It really does look good since I stained it......so yay again!
I'm going to work in my yard today.
I think I'm going to put in a mini fish pond..........and I bought a bunch of mums yesterday. I need to get them planted.
I went to my sisters new house yesterday............it's the one next door to the house I'm waiting to buy......................they're not living in it yet.............just gutting and re-doing it............it looks great what they've done so far.
The lady living in "my" house is holding out.........she's not allowing her nephew to push her around. Good for her! He needs to back the fuck up and leave her the fuck alone. That's her house. That's her life. When she's dead or too demented to know better than to walk down the street naked........then he can take over.
It's been almost 10 weeks since I quit smoking.
13 days after quitting smoking I was able to come off my blood pressure medicine.
Between the cost of the cigarettes, and the 50 bucks per month for the blood pressure medicine, I'm saving a fortune.
I dreamt the other night that I was smoking a cigarette.......and I was enjoying that mother fucker........I think it's typical for quitters to dream they're smoking. I wonder if it's typical for people who quit smoking to start cursing. It seems to be my new habit.........it's tacky when people curse and talk the way I've been doing................but I have to tell you it feels so good..............so for now, it's what I'll do.
Their yard gnomes, yard art, and yard decorations were marked way down AND they took an additional 50% 0ff the sale price................one of the items original price was 40 bucks. I got it for seven. The gnomes were marked down from 14.99 to 2.50. I bought two...............and then I got this metal cat originally priced at 24.00...........I got him for 6 bucks. I was lovin it!
Boyfriend and I took daughter to Dillards yesterday to shop for a Homecoming dress. She bought the most expensive dress in the store. I'm having a severe case of buyers remorse..................and to top it off I wish I atleast liked the dress.
When she tried the dress on she says to me "Now in this I feel beautiful!" After that comment, I didn't know how to say NO.
Boyfriend told me that our new neighbor complimented me on our deck. It really does look good since I stained it......so yay again!
I'm going to work in my yard today.
I think I'm going to put in a mini fish pond..........and I bought a bunch of mums yesterday. I need to get them planted.
I went to my sisters new house yesterday............it's the one next door to the house I'm waiting to buy......................they're not living in it yet.............just gutting and re-doing it............it looks great what they've done so far.
The lady living in "my" house is holding out.........she's not allowing her nephew to push her around. Good for her! He needs to back the fuck up and leave her the fuck alone. That's her house. That's her life. When she's dead or too demented to know better than to walk down the street naked........then he can take over.
It's been almost 10 weeks since I quit smoking.
13 days after quitting smoking I was able to come off my blood pressure medicine.
Between the cost of the cigarettes, and the 50 bucks per month for the blood pressure medicine, I'm saving a fortune.
I dreamt the other night that I was smoking a cigarette.......and I was enjoying that mother fucker........I think it's typical for quitters to dream they're smoking. I wonder if it's typical for people who quit smoking to start cursing. It seems to be my new habit.........it's tacky when people curse and talk the way I've been doing................but I have to tell you it feels so good..............so for now, it's what I'll do.
Friday, September 11, 2009
friday
My side door is on and it looks good. So yay!
Boyfriend is back from Denver.......
This week I've had to buy daughters cheerleading pictures, class ring, junior class pictures.........................still have to buy her homecoming dress which is in 2 weeks............and school fees are due...........................................................is it legal for public schools to charge a school fee? I thought we paid taxes to support the public schools.
I got a parking ticket a couple days ago at work.
I've paRKED in the same parking spot, for the most part, for the past 9 years without a problem............until now.
My breasts hurt.
A couple weeks after stopping smoking my doctor discontinued my blood pressure medicine.
I don't need it anymore.................it had a diuretic in it which prevented breast soreness when I was PMS.
Well without the medicine my breasts feel full, and sore. I guess I'm weird cause I like the way it feels.
Boyfriend is back from Denver.......
This week I've had to buy daughters cheerleading pictures, class ring, junior class pictures.........................still have to buy her homecoming dress which is in 2 weeks............and school fees are due...........................................................is it legal for public schools to charge a school fee? I thought we paid taxes to support the public schools.
I got a parking ticket a couple days ago at work.
I've paRKED in the same parking spot, for the most part, for the past 9 years without a problem............until now.
My breasts hurt.
A couple weeks after stopping smoking my doctor discontinued my blood pressure medicine.
I don't need it anymore.................it had a diuretic in it which prevented breast soreness when I was PMS.
Well without the medicine my breasts feel full, and sore. I guess I'm weird cause I like the way it feels.
Monday, September 07, 2009
monday
It's raining in Ky. It hasn't rained here since I water proofed/stained the deck. I went outside to check it out. The water was in beads......... so the water proofing is working. :O)
I'm off work for the next 3 days. A benefit for the 12 hour shifts..........which usually end up turning into 14 hour shifts.............but anyway, 3 days off.........so I'm happy.
Boyfriend is in Denver and has been for several days. He's visiting his family. I know he was missing his grown sons. He should visit them more often.
We-Ping was aggressive with me this morning. She bit my leg. I actually bled. The only reason for her aggression that I can think of is that she misses boyfriend. He spoils her........feeds her like a pig.......and they nap together. Little fuckers.
Oldest son promised me he'd put up my new side screen door today.
If he doesn't get to it, I'm going to start charging him money to live here..............
Boyfriend had mentioned several times me going to the grave to visit my dead best friend. I like going to graveyards to see the old graves........I don't like going to see graves of people I love..............but boyfriend kept bringing it up.....................It hit me that boyfriend thought my depression may have had something to do with Chuck dying...........it doesn't...........but I'm sure it's what he was thinking.........and maybe he thought that visiting Chucks grave would some how help me.................... I'm sure he's feeling a little helpless & grasping at straws............so we went to the graveyard last week............I was a little saddened to find that my friend doesn't have a headstone..................and I'm about 99% sure his family has no intentions of getting him one. He deserves one. He was a part of this earth..............
He'd get me one. I'll get him one.
I'm tired and am going to take a nap now. Goodnight.
I'm off work for the next 3 days. A benefit for the 12 hour shifts..........which usually end up turning into 14 hour shifts.............but anyway, 3 days off.........so I'm happy.
Boyfriend is in Denver and has been for several days. He's visiting his family. I know he was missing his grown sons. He should visit them more often.
We-Ping was aggressive with me this morning. She bit my leg. I actually bled. The only reason for her aggression that I can think of is that she misses boyfriend. He spoils her........feeds her like a pig.......and they nap together. Little fuckers.
Oldest son promised me he'd put up my new side screen door today.
If he doesn't get to it, I'm going to start charging him money to live here..............
Boyfriend had mentioned several times me going to the grave to visit my dead best friend. I like going to graveyards to see the old graves........I don't like going to see graves of people I love..............but boyfriend kept bringing it up.....................It hit me that boyfriend thought my depression may have had something to do with Chuck dying...........it doesn't...........but I'm sure it's what he was thinking.........and maybe he thought that visiting Chucks grave would some how help me.................... I'm sure he's feeling a little helpless & grasping at straws............so we went to the graveyard last week............I was a little saddened to find that my friend doesn't have a headstone..................and I'm about 99% sure his family has no intentions of getting him one. He deserves one. He was a part of this earth..............
He'd get me one. I'll get him one.
I'm tired and am going to take a nap now. Goodnight.
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