wednesday

It's been busy around here.
Today i'm having the chimney on the new house inspected and
i'm meeting with the owner to go over the list of other things from
the inspection with him.
but first i have to go to the hospital.
i take a new vial of eye drops there everyday, the days doses are kept in a cooler
in his room. i give them during the time i'm there. they give them the other times.
they're too expensive to take more than a days worth to the hospital at a time.
we don't have a date yet for boyfriends next surgery. the surgeon said it will probably
be the end of this week or beginning of next.
i signed up to work this weekend. i signed up before boyfriend was in the hospital, and before i bought the house. i wish i hadn't. it feels overwhelming. i feel like i need to be in multiple places at once.
it's going to be a struggle for awhile but it won't last forever.

saturday

I'm up every morning lately by 3:30 or 4.
The thoughts start coming and it's impossible to
go back to sleep.
I wonder if I'm making a mistake buying
the house.
Is it priced right?
The bathroom location isn't great.
Is the angle of the porch going
to be right for boyfriend to maneuver
a w/c? Am I going to be able to take care of him?
Will I get used to not having as private
a backyard as I have now? Will my cats end up lost
in a new neighborhood?
Will my house sell? When a potential buyer
has it inspected will they find major problems?
These and other thoughts run through my head.

The good news is that I had the new home inspected yesterday.
The guys says the house is in really good shape.
Did I mention it's 110 years old? Did I mention it's a shotgun house? It has a white picket fence! lol I kid you not!
I like the family selling the house. They're really nice people
I think. He had measured the doorway for me for the correct ramp size.
I didn't ask him to measure it. He just did. Some people are just good.

I'm gonna shower and get to the hospital early. I'd like to get home earlier than usual
so that I can get more work done in the garage and basement.
Everything will work out.

thursday

when I came home the day before yesterday from the hospital I went straight to the basement and began throwing away stuff. I only worked on it for 4 hours but I did manage to get many bags and boxes full of crap to toss.
How I'll ever get all of this house packed is beyond me.

they amputated boyfriends foot yesterday. they will do another surgery in about a week where they will amputate the rest of the leg from the knee down. the doctor wanted to allow for swelling to reduce before doing the rest of the leg so that the incision would have a better chance of healing. boyfriend isn't ready to look at it.
i hate that all of this is happening but i do believe boyfriend will finally start to get stronger and feel better physically.

the new house is one level and one step entry.
hopefully we will close next week or soon after and i can get moved in
before boyfriend is discharged from the hospital/rehab.
it dawned on me yesterday that boyfriend will never ever be back at this house. it's sad to me. but i know that things are going to get better.

monday

for a few months i've been checking a neighborhood, actually a specific street that i love, almost daily hoping to find a house listed for sale . i don't have a smart phone so i can't get alerts.  i thought if i drove on the street everyday i'd catch the listing on the first day it was listed and i'd have a chance at getting it. and one day i saw a man putting a for sale sign up. i stopped to talk to him. he said it wouldn't be ready to show for at least a few weeks. he said he was putting the sign up because with the church festival up the street there would be people passing by and he wanted to see if he could generate some interest in the house. we exchanged numbers and i asked if i could be the first to see it. he agreed. said he would call me when the house was ready.........and he did. he called me this past weekend......................i made an offer. they accepted my offer........and that's all she wrote!...........................and then when i got home from doing a contract on the house i called an ambulance for boyfriend to be taken to the hospital.

i've been trying to get him to go for about a week...........finally got to the point where he was too weak to walk..........then he agreed to go...........................so he was admitted and that's where i spent last night...................................................i feel very overwhelmed..........................but it will be ok......and...........things will get better.................

saturday

nothing new here.
spend my day helping boyfriend with activities of daily living.
some of the time it is overwhelming, some of the time not so much.

almost 20 months since i quit smoking. it feels great! i'm very grateful to not be smoking.
i've lost 13 pounds. trying to eat healthier. i feel good.

i'm still looking for a new home. i'd like a one story. the market here sucks....very limited and the prices keep going up............so who knows if i'll ever find what i want.

thursday

I was stressing out about having to work tomorrow.
Boyfriend has dialysis and is not able yet to drive . Plus he has so much equipment to carry
he can't do it alone....................and then coming home and getting back into the house while alone would be impossible for him. To boot, he is on a new eye drop regime that goes on for 8 weeks.......a drop every 2 hours for 6 doses a day. The med is 6000 per week..........luckily his insurance pays all but the co-pay  is  1040. per week. The National Organization for Rare Diseases is paying the co-pay. He is not able to administer them. Doses can not be missed. It's his last chance/treatment for the eye that might allow the eye to be re-opened........and although I tried to figure out a way to get his needs met while I'd be at work, I wasn't able to. Finally I decided to just call my work and let them know what was going on and that I could not work my day in June, and if they decided to fire me then so be it.
HR was very nice, and supportive. They told me not to worry about missing that day and I will work a day in late July.
I am so grateful. I so much did not want to lose my job!

monday

" the flower that smiles today"

saturday

some of the pretties in my yard. the Daffodils were given to me by a co-worker. . i left them in my car, in the hot summer for 3 weeks after she gave them to me. they looked dead but here they are 5 years later still going strong! 

Woody being Woody. lol

little Easter baskets.

boyfriend is hanging in there. this is the longest he's gone without being hospitalized (I guess its been about 3 weeks) since Jan......................he's weak, and unsteady still but  maybe he's on the mend...............................his son was here over memorial day weekend.........................was nice having him here.........................................

friday

Today while waiting in the parking lot to pick up boyfriend from dialysis the garbage man arrived to empty the dumpster.
For some reason it made me remember the dumpster at the grade school  I attended when I was a child. The dumpster sat behind a brown gate close to the front playground. There was almost always a little stream of milk that ran from out of the dumpster to under the gate to just the beginning of the playground. On the warm, sunny, or hot days the milk would sour. The smell was nauseating!                 And that's it.....................lol................

tuesday

I had a wonderful day in the yard yesterday.
It was sunny, warm, and the sky was blue.
I cleaned up some fall and winter mess, and I planted
some flowers and plants.
Woody was at my side the whole time. He followed me from the front to the back yard
and then back again. When I would dig, he'd lay very close by.
 I love that little fur ball!

Saturday

I had a wonderful day with boyfriend today.
We went to the casino for a couple of hours, and out to lunch. He was feeling good. Says he feels a little stronger each day.....

friday

                                               You made us smile, Grumpy cat, and you will be missed.
                                                                                       RIP.

sunday

Happy Mothers Day!

thursday

boyfriend is being discharged from the hospital today if his blood pressure is normal. it was low yesterday so the doctor wouldn't let him leave.
they started dialysis again to remove the fluid.......almost 27 pounds of fluid.......................i don't know if dialysis is permanent or temporary............................there will be numerous doctor appointments to be made, again, because he missed all of them after the last few discharges from the hosp due to being readmitted...............................and then work will be calling me non stop wanting me to fill in..........and I don't know how to explain over and over again without sounding like a broken record, that i'm needed at home..................after you say if for so long i'm sure they just roll their eyes...........but it's the truth................and i've committed to work one day a month as they asked me to do.......i wish it would just be good enough for them for now.........

friday

So boyfriend had a huge weight gain in a very short time. They had discontinued his dialysis. It had been a week. The weight gain was right around 23 pounds. They are giving him multiple diuretics.................but he gained 2 more pounds between yesterday and this morning. I suspect they will start dialysis again..............................I wish the meds  would work..............he's miserable............having trouble breathing..................they use a Bi-Pap to help him, and oxygen........they haven't been able to find the source of his fever. It was 102.6 on and off for a couple of days. They started him on 3 antibiotics, now down to one...........the I.D. doctor says she is discontinuing the last antibiotic since all of the cultures have come back negative.