tuesday

Joplin is still missing. I miss him so badly I can hardly stand it.
Daughter and her friend made "missing cat posters" and "reward posters" to hang around the neighborhood.
My 11 year old nephew who lives a few streets away has his friends keeping an eye out for kitty.
I'll call the shelter, and the pound tomorrow.
We-Ping keeps searching around the house for Joplin.....and seems a little restless. I think she misses him too.

Daughter, daughters friend, and I went shopping and out to lunch today. We all had a few Christmas gifts to return. While we were out, daughter wanted to get her ear pierced. The upper ear......where it's all cartilage. I'm not big on piercings and tattoos. I have single ear piercings, and that's it........though I have given some thought to getting a tattoo, I've never followed through. I think I'd get tired of seeing the same piece of art on my body, everyday, day after day for the rest of my life.
After daughter had her ear pierced, and because she had to buy a pair of earrings to get the piercing, she had an extra earring. So I too had my upper ear cartilage pierced. It hurt like a mother! I screamed. Daughter and her friend laughed till they nearly peed themselves.
I like it, the pierced upper ear. Daughter likes hers too.
We had fun today& It was a distraction from worrying about my Joplin.

milk carton cat

Joplin has been missing since 5:30 pm yesterday.
She ran out the kitchen door while I was bringing in groceries. But that wasn't a big deal because she(she's really a he but I call her a she out of habit) goes outside to play everyday.
I called for her to come in more than several times lastnight. But she never did.
I'm trying not to think about it because it's heart breaking. I keep thinking about Laquisha, another cat I had that went out to play and never came home, ever.
I'm hoping and praying will all of my heart and soul that Joplin returns.

christmas

Christmas Day was busy and fun. It was filled with family, food, gifts, conversation, laughing, and love.
I felt very grateful.

The above picture is of my 2 sons, my daughter, and my parents.

Christmas Eve

I have an apple pie and a cherry pie in the oven. My house smells so good!
Boyfriend, the kids and I are having dinner here today. I bought paper plates so that clean up will be a cinch.
I made the turkey and potato salad lastnight......and I spent the day cleaning house. So all that's left to do is make the bake beans and put ribbons and bows on the gifts.

The rest of my day will be spent soaking in a hot bath, reading one of the 6 books I found sitting on my front porch this morning (I don't know who put them there), and maybe watching a Christmas movie if I can find one on TV. :O)

Monday

I baked cookies today, lots of cookies........ Daughter helped me. It was fun spending time with her. I told her some of the Christmas stories from my childhood. I want her to know me. You know? And she talked a lot about school and her up coming skiing/tubing trip. I like listening to her talk about her life.

There's a lady up the street who has 4 kids. They don't have much money because her husband refuses to keep a job. He smokes weed and parties a lot with his friends. He's one of those irresponsible dicklicks that produces kids....................she tries to be a good mother. I guess her fault is in picking a dicklick of a husband and then making a bunch of babies. She tries to make the best of it. I like her children. So I make them lots of cookies at Christmas.

I keep saying it, but I'm taking a trip soon. I need to get away from the same old boring everything. All I can think about is February in Miami. It's positively wonderful there that time of year................and it's what I keep thinking about.

Sunday

My mom says she's feeling better today.
She still feels weak and tired, but says she feels better.
She absolutly refuses to let me and my sisters cook the Christmas dinner. We tried with every ounce of our being to talk her in to it, but she refuses. Made me feel a little sad cause I know she's not really up to it. My oldest sister and her daughter-in-law are going to moms Tuesday. They think they're going to help mom clean house and wrap gifts. But all of that has been done. So mom says she will let them help her do peeling, cutting, mixing and such so that mom will only have to pop things in the oven on Christmas day. That made me feel better.

My dad called me tonight to ask me if I knew whether or not my sister was doing drugs again. She has roughly 24 years sobriety. But in recent weeks I've wondered the same thing as my dad. I've also thought that maybe something else might be going on with her. None of those things good.
I promised dad I'd talk to her..............and I will.

My middle son is officially a college junior. I'm proud of him for sticking with it.

My oldest son stopped by this evening after he and my middle son did their Christmas shopping. They spent the morning and early afternoon hunting and then went straight to the mall to shop.
I've had a difficult time adjusting to oldest son being out on his own. Or maybe it's just that I miss not seeing him everyday. I'm a dork I guess. But I do miss him some of the time. It always makes me happy to see him.

Sunday

I spent the late afternoon and the evening with my mom yesterday.
She has been sick for a week with some virus I guess.My two older sisters and my dad have been tending to her the past several days. They said she was fine, and I guess she is. But she looked a lot worse than I was expecting. When I got to her house I could hear her in her bed moaning.
Her temp. is up, her blood pressure is down, and she's a tiny bit confused, she's pale and she's weak...........walking from her bed to the bathroom made her pant for breath. I gave her something for her fever, and made her take her heart pill that she hadn't been taking.(she decides what she's going to take, and when. She can be a very stubborn patient.)
And I'm 100% sure she's dehydrated. So I made her eat some jello, and drink some water.
She was worried about her Christmas presents getting wrapped. So she sat in the living room with me while I wrapped her Christmas gifts...........actually I ran to the store and bought a bunch of great big gift bags. So everything has been bagged, and put under her tree. I hope I have the right gifts going to the right people.
The last hour that I was there mom was very talkative and up and about a little. She said she felt like she was over the "hump".........and she was looking a little better. SO I hope she truely is feeling better and on the upswing.
Today mom needs me to run a couple errands. So I'm going to pay my bills, run errands for mom, and then I plan on baking some Christmas treats with my daughter.

12-17-08

2 more days until my vacation!

Tuesday 12-16-08

Three more days to work and then I'm on vacation. Yay!

I'm just going to enjoy my family and the Christmas celebration while on my vacation. Anything else is up in the air.

I love this time of year, the Christmas and New Year holiday season. But during this time of year I worry, more than my usual worrying, about all the people I love being safe. I get scared and worry that someone will get hurt in an accident or die. I don't know why I worry, especially during the holiday season, but I do.

saturday

Yesterday was my off day.

I got up before the sun, went out to breakfast with boyfriend, and then went to the mall.

We shopped until my feet hurt so bad I had to take my shoes off to continue to walk.

I think boyfriend thought I was exaggerating the pain I felt in my feet until we got home and he could see the blood blisters on the back of my heels. I left the shoes in my car and threw them away this morning before leaving to go to work.

All I have left to buy for Christmas is a gift card, and a present for daughters cheerleading coach.........Yay!.............



Boyfriend just called. He's bringing over Chinese food for supper. We have the house to ourselves until 10pm. Wonder what we will do with all that time?



My nephews daughter was born last week. She was transferred to Childrens Hosp. ICU where she's been for the past week.......until today. She's at home. They thought she might have all kinds of fancy sounding diseases because she didn't want to eat, and she didn't have a bowel movement according to their timetable. My nephew was beside himself with fear and worry. He was very emotional......very tearful. I felt badly for him..........and finally, on day two, because I know what I know, I told nephew THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRL! TRUST ME! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG!" He calmed down, and it turns out I was right. Thank goodness. :O) So sweet Taylor is at home in her warm little bed.

wed

State inspectors are at my work.
It's stressful.
When I'm really stressed my jaw hurts.
My jaw is hurting. It hurts to eat, hurts to yawn.....hurts to open my mouth.

I just watched the news. They did a story about the news lady that was beaten to death in her home. Sad story.............&
Now I'm afraid. Son is at his dads house tonight............
I put a chair in front of the door that opens to the basement stairs. Not that it will keep anyone out, but atleast i'll hear them if they open the door.......I have a hammer under my bed...and I called boyfriend to come spend the night.

work

I snapped at the HR lady today at work.
She's vengeful. So i'm a little worried.
On the other hand though I think our new administrator
isn't especially fond of the HR lady.........but i'm pretty sure she likes me.
I hate this type of crap.

weekend

MY weekend in a nutshell.....
grocery shopping and banking
out to breakfast and Christmas shopping with daughter.......(i love spending time with her. she's growing up......part of me wishes they didn't have to grow up.)
Dinner out with my mom and sisters....(we do it once a year at Christmas time. It's one of my favorite nights of the year.)
Wrapped a million and 1 Christmas gifts...(YAY! I'm relieved it's finished....and I enjoyed doing it!)
Dusted and organized dining room ..
Cleaned out broom closet...
hung 3 pictures with help from boyfriend......
Hung outdoor Christmas lights with help from daughter...

Joplin

Tuesday

While driving to pick up my daughter from cheerleading practice tonight I saw a falling star. It was pretty to see.........and yes, I made a wish. :O)

I was thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow. But I won't.

Boyfriend took me out to breakfast this morning, and then we did some Christmas shopping. It was fun.

monday

When I painted my living room last month, I also painted the hallway. It runs between my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. After painting the hallway I bought a full length mirror with a thick black frame. It's pretty. I didn't want nail holes in my wall so I bought double sided velcro and hung the mirror with the velcro. ........................I was sitting in bed the other day munching on turkey, and watching tv. I kept hearing this strange popping noise. I thought it was electrical wires in my wall catching fire. I got up to investigate. While walking down the hallway the noise got louder. I put my ear to the wall and listened. And that's when the mirror fell from the wall and landed on my baby toe. The noise I was hearing was the velcro pulling away from the other velcro strip.

My baby toe is cut, swollen, and purple. :O(

Daughter called me right before I left work for the day. She wanted to know if I'd stop and buy her some foundation on my way home from work. So on my way home from work I stopped at Walgreens and got her some foundation (Loreal Mineral), some soft drinks, and some razors. I get home, unload the things I purchased and find that I also have a bag with 3 packs of Christmas lights. I didn't remember buying them so I checked my receipt. They weren't on the receipt. (woohoo! I got something for nothing!!) Daughter could read my thoughs I suppose because she says to me as a sort of warning "Karma mom!" And then I guess she saw the disappointment in my face so she says " Look, why don't you keep one box and return the other two." I cracked up laughing. (she cracks me up.)
So I have 3 boxes of Christmas lights sitting on my kitchen counter................and I keep thinking how pretty they'd be lighting up my front porch.........and that maybe I could use them and then return them after Christmas.

Friday

I had a turkey sandwich and pumpkin pie for breakfast. :O)


I had Thanksgiving dinner with my sons, daughter, and boyfriend.
We used our new dining room furniture, the furniture from my childhood.
The table looked pretty, and it brought back memories.
I love having all my kids together. It's difficult to do with everyones work and school schedules. But it's important to do, and we had a really nice time.

Both cats are sleeping off their turkey hangovers.

I'm off work today. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to stay in my pajamas, watch tv, and graze on leftovers all day or if I'm going to do some shopping.

Wed.

I've baked the pumpkin pies. They're wrapped in aluminun foil and in the refrigerator.
The veggies have been cleaned, cut, and arranged on the veggie tray....covered with aluminum foil and in the frig.
I've cleaned the turkey, seasoned it, rubbed it down with oil & have it in the cooking bag with onions and celery....... it's in the frig. waiting to be baked.

So while I'm at work tomorrow, boyfriend will put the turkey in the oven. :O)..................and daughter will dust the furniture and clean up the bathroom.
Everything's under control.............and i'm looking forward to a pleasant Thanksgiving with my family.

the weekend

I didn't do much this weekend. I ran all my errands Friday after work. So the whole weekend was mine to do with as I saw fit.
Boyfriend, daughter, and I did a little hiking in the woods today at a park that's close by. It was relaxing and enjoyable.

I dread going back to work tomorrow. I'd rather get a root canal.
I read up on nursing burn out yesterday.
I have almost all of the symptoms. It feels bad.
I need to get help, or change professions. (I'll probably say it a few more times before I actually do anything about it!)

When the new owners of my work took over, they decided each department would wear color coded scrubs. It distinguishes each department from the other making it easier for everyone else to know who is doing what job.............................It's a little depressing to put on the same outfit day after day. Especially when it's not even a pretty color. I hate it!

new lease on life

So I did the work sheet that the IRS sent to me. I sent them a check today for five hundred and eighty bucks.
That ought to put a dent in the federal deficit!

Today was my off day.
I scrubbed my kitchen and bathroom floors. They look pretty good.
I also unloaded a sofa and love seat from my mom and dads house.
They bought new stuff. The old stuff is in perfect condition.
I plan on finishing my family room while on my Christmas vacation so I kept the love seat.
One of my neighbors was in need of a sofa. Hers is beat up and she doesn't have the money to buy a new one. So I gave her the sofa. We're both happy with our new stuff. :O)

Boyfriend went to the doctor yesterday.
The doctor checked the area on boyfriends tongue, and he also found a growth on boyfriends larynx. The doctor believes that both areas are benign, opted to not do a biopsy, and will check them again in 6 weeks.
When boyfriend called to tell me the good news I cried. It was such a relief. Boyfriend feels like he has been given a new lease on life.
I feel very grateful.

Sunday

After a closer look at the letter & worksheet the IRS sent me, I do owe them money. Bummer! Now I just have to figure out how much................it will probably be around 400 bucks, according to my dad. We'll see!

Gas is $1.89/gallon here today. I hope the price continues to drop.

Friday

Today was my off day.
Boyfriend and I went to the mall.
I did most of my Christmas shopping.

I got a letter from the IRS today.
I screwed up my last return by listing my son as a dependent.
It was the only way the program I used would allow me to get the
education credits.
I did a rough draft of the worksheet they sent to me.
When all is said and done, I don't owe them any money........unless of course I'm screwing up the worksheet too. I don't think I'm screwing it up.

Boyfriend has a doctors appointment Monday.
They're going to biopsy an area on the very back of his tongue.
He's very worried.
I'm optimistic, in a guarded sort of way.........so i'm just trying to ignore my nervous gut and wait to see what the results say....

:O)

some of what i love about my boyfriend......



1. he says to me when i come in the door "hi sugar booger!"

2. he laughs when i moon him even though i've mooned him a hundred times.

3.he thinks i'm smart

4. he knows every dirty deed i've ever done and loves me anyway

5. he likes chick flicks

6. he loves we-ping and joplin as much as i do.

7. he lets my daughter twist his ear day after day.....and he's actually listening

Tuesday

Daughters soccer coach wants to take the soccer team to Gatlinburg Tenn. He's planning on going the second week of Dec. It will be two male coaches with about 8-10 teen girls in a cabin.
I don't like it.
I don't like the thought of them being up in the mountains on narrow winding roads in Dec. when it's likely to snow........I don't like that it's adult men with all those teen girls.........I don't like that he's planning the trip over the holiday season..........there's nothing about this trip that I like........so I just told daughter she can't go.

oh christmas tree

I put up my Christmas tree today.
I couldn't help myself.
I have a million and one things to do and places to go over the next 2 months.
I was starting to feel overwhelmed.
So while sitting on the living room floor thinking about all of the things that will
need to be done, I thought maybe I should get a jump on it all. I called the house phone from my cell phone. Daughter answered. She was upstairs listening to music. So I called her and asked if she wanted to put up the tree. She was like "YES!" So she came downstairs and together we went to the basement and brought up the tree, lights, and ornaments. We put the whole thing up.................and then I crossed my fingers and hoped the neighbors won't be able to see it through the front window!
I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore, a little silly maybe......but oh well..... :O)

Joplin

My little guy, Joplin, recovering from his visit with the Vet yesterday.
He laid on the couch with me today and took it easy. (doesn't he have big feet?)

voting day

Today has been a great day.
I got up before daylight and took a very long and almost painfully hot shower. Only it wasn't painful.......just hot, and it felt good.
I dressed and took off to go vote.
I was the 7th person in line, 2 were already in the booth voting. So I really only had to wait about 10 minutes.
I voted my presidential vote last because I wanted to save the best for last.. I paused to check out the goose bumps on my arms before voting. It was really something to see a female and an african american on the ticket. I debated whether or not to yell "WooHoo" while I was in the booth. It's how I felt inside. Ya know? I felt all patriotic, sentimental and proud. And I took a minute while in the voting booth to think about all the people who fought for the rights of women and blacks to vote. So it was like "WooHoo!" Only I decided against expressing myself.
After voting I went to the grocery store, came home, put away the groceries and then dressed back down to my pajamas.
I made myself some pancakes, got on the couch with my comforter thrown over my legs, ate breakfast and laid on the couch and read for a couple hours. I'm reading The Summons by John Grisham. It's not the kind of book that you can't put down, but it's entertaining enough.
I took a two hour nap....got up & chit chatted with, and made lunch for daughter and one of her girlfriends. They took off to go see a movie and to play soccer.
I settled back into the couch with my big comforter and Joplin...............and we watched Stand By Me and Philadelphia. I used to watch Stand By Me with my oldest son. It was one of his favorite movies while he was a kid. So I love it for sentimental reasons, plus it's good.
Boyfriend came over and put away my outdoor furniture, cleaned out and put away my flower pots.............and I think he raked my yard. I made chili cheese coneys for us for dinner while he worked.
It was a relaxing, quiet, lazy day....... AND I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Monday

We took kitty in to be spayed today. An hour after dropping her off at the Vets the vet called us to say he could not spay her........because SHE is a HE........and did we want him neutered.
Cracked me up!
So anyway, Joplin was neutered today..... caught up on all his vaccines.....and is doing quite well. I'm relieved the little guy is home.

I'm off work tomorrow. My plan is to leave the house at 5:30am and be the first in line to vote. We'll see how that works out.

Sunday

I just finished reading "A Time To Kill" by John Grisham. And the whole race issue aside, I wonder what I would do if I had to serve on a jury where a man was on trial for killing the men who raped and tortured his daughter.
I'd like to think I'd follow the law. But I wonder would I have the balls to find him not guilty even though I knew he really was guilty.............because I would understand a parent wanting to kill someone who did that to their child...........and they really would be doing society a favor by killing the bastards. So I wonder what would I do...

Joplin my kitty gets spayed tomorrow. Or atleast that's the plan.
So I treated her to some of the salmon I cooked for dinner this evening and I've given her a little extra attention.

I'm anxious for Tuesday to get here so that we can get this election over with already and get on with things.

saturday

I get an extra hour of sleep tonight. WooHoo! I LOVE when that happens!



One of the girls at work bought my lunch the other day. I don't bring money to work since they started giving us a free lunch. Everyone decided to order a sandwich from the deli down the street rather eat the free lunch. She bought mine. So tomorrow I'm going to pack a lunch for me and her. I'm going to make chicken sandwiches with lettuce and tomatoes. And I'm going to bring pickles and apples. Sounds good, huh?



I bought our Thanksgiving turkey and ham yesterday. I couldn't decide between the two so I got both. I think the traditional Thanksgiving dinner is gross. But I like the leftover turkey....and the pumpkin pie.

trick or treat

We had lots of trick or treaters this evening. They were cute. I ran out of candy before the children stopped coming. So I gave out pop tarts. I closed the door when the pop tarts were gone.

am i sick?

I called my doctors office today from work. I was told that the doctor wants to see me again in his office.
WTF?
I didn't have the privacy or the time to question the person from his office that I spoke to. I planned on calling them back when I got home from work. But by the time I called them the office was already closed.
I'm back and forth between worrying myself sick and thinking it's probably just a little problem.
I'll call them again in the morning and find out what's going on.....

Tuesday (it is Tuesday isn't it?)

So I went to the doctor last week for a routine check up.
Today I had a message on my phone asking me to call the doctors office. They said they needed to speak to me about my lab results.
I didn't get the message until after office hours.
Now I have the whole night to worry, wonder and guess!

Daughters report card arrived in the mail today.
She passed her English class. Yay! She passed all her other classes too! Yay!

Little kitty (Joplin) is definitely in heat. She's been rolling around on her back..........doing a lot of meowing.......and she lunges for the door when opened.

I believe in innocent until proven guilty but...................................Casey Anthony..........William Balfour and Drew Petterson all belong in prison for the rest of their dirty, rotten lives.

Monday

I decided that I hate my living room.
I like the curtains and the newly painted walls. But that's it.
What to do......

Boyfriend and I are thinking/talking about moving in together.

Work was crazy busy today and I'm tired. So I'm going to bed.

Sunday

It's my weekend off from work. Yay!


I didn't do much yesterday.


I can say that we've fininshed painting the living room.........and boyfriend changed all my electrical outlets. The old ones had paint markings on them from years gone bye.


I threw or gave away some of my furniture. So last evening I shopped for a couple things. I've hung my new curtains & replaced outlet covers. All that's left to do is move around the furniture.

I'm happy with the way it turned out.



This afternoon I went to my sisters house for a baby shower. My nephew and his wife are expecting their first child. It was fun seeing my sisters, mom, and old friends. The baby will be the best dressed little girl for atleast her first year.




Boyfriend says Joplin is in heat and he has volunteered to take her to the vet next weekend to be "fixed."


I think she's too young. But we'll see.




I'm looking forward, already, to the holidays.

I'll probably start my Christmas shopping Thursday. I put a vacation request for the week of Christmas in in August. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's approved.

I work Thanksgiving. But that's ok with me. I like the holiday pay, and boyfriend can put the turkey in the oven while I'm at work.



That's about it.

Joplin

She's wore out from playing outside.
She'll be up all night pouncing on my head, or trying to nurse on my ear lobe.
I love her just the same....

Thursday

I took daughter to the doctor yesterday. She has a cold. I was concerned her ears might be infected too. Turns out though that they're ok.
The doctor preached to me cause daughter hasn't had a physical in his office for several years. I take her to the pediatrician when she's ill. I let the school advanced practiced nurse do her yearly physical. It's free, it's thorough, and I don't have to take time from my schedule to get it done. She has it done while in school.
The doctor didn't like my answer. But that's too bad. He's not paying my bills.

My new kitty, Joplin, is keeping me up at night. She stands on my body and kneads me like i'm a big ball of dough. Or she trys to suckle on different parts of my body.
Makes me feel badly for her cause I bet she misses her mom. So I pet her and tuck her beneath the blankets with me in hopes of curing her loneliness or whatever it is she's feeling.
I hope she gets over it soon. She's sitting on my shoulder right now.

I haven't finished painting my living room. What I do have done looks really good. I'm going shopping tomorrow for new curtains, lighting, outlet covers, and a couple new pieces of furniture.

sunday

I'm preparing the living room walls to be painted. I'm painting them a light brown. It should look pretty.
I considered hiring someone else to do the painting but I'd rather spend the money on stuff for the house.

I cleaned windows this morning.......and then I went to the grocery store.
Some of the time when I'm checking out at the grocery the person bagging my stuff will ask "do you want your laundry detergent in a bag?" Or they will ask if I want some other large item bagged. But today the girl asked "do you want your olives bagged?" Made me laugh.

I'm watching the news. They keep showing a clip of Mccain at one of his rallys. In the background to his right is one of my best friends from high school. She cheers for and then takes a picture of him.

I need to quit procrastinating.

plumbing

After my husband and I divorced, my middle son was extremely angry. Most of his anger was directed at me. He needed someone to blame for the break-up I guess, and maybe he was afraid I'd leave him too. He treated me with contempt. He constantly said hurtful things to me and he had fits of angry outbursts.


What he maybe didn't know was the way a mothers mind and heart works. Or atleast my mind and heart.


I wasn't going to give up on him the way I gave up on my marriage. I knew he thought I would, or maybe he was afraid I would. I guess he thought that if I'd give up on the marriage then why wouldn't I give up on him. He was testing me. He was acting out in grand fashion. And he was protesting the divorce.


His behaviors esculated. He put his head through the dining room window while throwing a temper tantrum. He was brought home by the cops for smoking pot in the parking lot of his dads apartment at the time............and while staying the night at a friends house, he ran from the cops when they tried to question him about being out after curfew. ( he ran to a creek in the woods and his boots/feet sunk and stuck in the mud....they caught him) :O)


We tried therapy. We'd go to the therapists office and my son absolutley refused to speak to her. He acknowledged her once, and that was to tell her he wouldn't be speaking to her, ever. The next 5 visits he sat in silence. (I can almost laugh about it now......Almost.)


I involved the school counselor. My son told me he hated my guts for doing that.....


I tried tough love. I tried manipulating him. I tried being patient, and I tried indulging him with love. Nothing seemed to work.


While all of this was going on, I had one plumbing problem after another in our house. The last estimate I had gotten was over 8 grand for a clogged bathroom sink. There was talk of having to remove a bathroom wall & replace well over 12 feet of pipe, ect. I intuitively knew the guy was a liar, and so I had 2 other companies come and give estimates. The 2nd guy said the same thing as guy #1. 3rd guy said he could do it for 1200-3000 bucks. I was overwhelmed, and feeling a little defeated.


I wasn't going to spend thousands of dollars fixing a clogged sink. I'd do without the sink if I had to..................Tantrum fit throwing son decided that with my help, he could probably fix the problem. I didn't have much faith in him at that point, but I went along with him anyway. So together he and I banged with a wrench on all of the exposed pipes in the garage, bathroom sink, and bathroom closet....................Son found the spot where he was certain the clog was....I couldn't hear a difference when we hit that area with the wrench. And I was pretty sure he was just copying something he'd seen on TV. But son insisted it's where the clog would be. Again I went along with him thinking what did I have to lose at this point. My life had fallen apart, and now so was my house. We went to Sears and bought a 5 dollar saw. For hours we sawed through a maybe 3 inch pipe. It was a son-of-a-bitch to cut through..........doesn't seem like it would be, but it was.........and then he moved up about 12 inches and cut through where he thought the clog ended. When that portion of the pipe was removed we noted that that 12 inch of pipe was impacted with dirt. It was as solid as a rock.


We bought a section of rubber pipe and 2 clamps. It cost 10 bucks. We connected the rubber pipe to the existing pipe that hung from the garage ceiling and clamped it at both ends. When we turned on the water it flowed freely and the pipe didn't leak. The several thousand dollar job ended up costing 15 bucks and it only took us 5 or 6 hours to do it.


But here's the thing...............as we were getting closer and closer to fixing the problem, I was secretly wishing it wouldn't end. Because son and I were connecting on a level that we hadn't been able to do for months and months. Even though son thought I was his enemy, he joined forces with me to fight an even bigger enemy...... the clogged pipe, and the rip off plumbers that threatened our family budget.





After we finished the job we high fived each other in a genuine display of affection and victory. We lingered in the garage for awhile talking to each other small talk, neither of us wanting the moment to end, and neither of us wanting to move on.



Eventually we did though...................



Something in our relationship with each other changed that afternoon. We both felt it.......and things have only continued to improve from there.... We both still brag to this day about how we fixed that clog. We even take friends and family downstairs and show them our fancy work. We're proud of it....... We both know we fixed much more than a pipe that day....







PS...............the next day I called all 3 companies that gave me an estimate on the job. I told them son and I did it ourselves for 15 bucks.......and fuck you, but no thanks!


PSS.................the dirt in the pipe was exacly like dirt on a baseball field. Son was playing for the high school baseball team at the time. I'm pretty sure he'd been washing his cleats in the bathroom sink.

monday

I fell alseep today after work. I felt guilty because daughter had cheerleading practice after school and from there she had a soccer game. I told her I'd have a warm supper waiting for her when she got home. But I didn't because I fell asleep. I woke up at 10pm, about half an hour after she got home. She'd already showered and had gone to bed. I went upstairs to check on her. She was in bed text messaging. We talked about her soccer game and her day at school.........and I apologized to her for not having a supper ready..........she's a good person....and I love her.

Work is going pretty good. I like the new owners. They've done a lot to improve the appearance of the building and continue to do so. Our health insurance benefits are better than what they used to be, and they let us keep our senority........the old company didn't contribute to our 401k.......the new owners do..........the new owners provide us with a free lunch........now I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but several of my co-workers went without because they didn't have food at home to pack a lunch and they couldn't afford to eat out.......so for some people a free lunch is a big deal................since i'm a frugal person, and with the economy being what it is......a free lunch is a great thing.

I'm seriously thinking about taking my money out of the bank and hiding it in my house. This economic crisis really has me scared.........and even though the money is insured, I just don't trut that it's safe.
The Wall Street bailout pisses me off. I was dead set against it. There had to be a dozen better solutions.....Washington (mother fuckers) chose to sell us out.

My middle son works at a huge car lot selling cars while going to college. He said banks and finance companies are turning down people with credit scores in the 700's for car loans. He sold 16 cars last month. So far he hasn't sold any cars this month.
The only good news I've heard in regards to the terrible state of our economy is that college tuition prices will plummet..........of course with everything else going up in cost, and the value of a buck being practically nothing, it still may not be affordable.

homecoming

It was a day of drama from the get go and it just continued on and on....I'm too spent to even talk about it................but by the time the kids were ready for the dance, everything had calmed down....and then things went ok......................daughters date is the guy in the white shirt with the gold tie. He was a very polite, well mannered young guy................and his mother was a delight (sounds corny. but it's true.)

It was a fun evening, and hopefully daughter and her friends are having a blast

PS.........daughters in the tan/gold dress

friday

Daughter was in the homecoming day parade this evening.
my sister called me on the phone while i was watching the parade.
she says she can't stand her husband. she said she wishes he'd just "shut the fuck up for a couple of minutes. he never shuts the fuck up!"

my other sister called to tell me that dad told her that mom isn't doing so well. so i called mom to see what's up. she asked if i was calling to check up on her. so i told her what dad told my sister. mom says "i'm feeling fine. the problem is that your dad is an ass. he's a real ASS and i'm not speaking to him. i havent talked to him for 3 days. i'm not sick. i'm just not speaking to your dad."

the parade was sweet. daughter ran over to the side of the street to give me a hug. her cheeks were pink from the cool air and she had a beautiful smile on her face. she seemed so happy. made me feel good.

i told my sister to stick with her marriage.......but only because she asked me if she should......and it's really what i think she should do. plus i think she's just pms.
i told my mom that maybe she should consider getting a divorce. They've been married 52 or 53 years....... and I was hoping she'd see how absurd my advise was and it would make her laugh. it didn't make her laugh but hopefully she felt better just by being able to tell someone how pissed off she is at dad.

my house

Seventeen years ago yesterday I bought my house. Of course I bought it with my husband....who is now my exhusband.......and so I bought the house again 7 years ago from him.
Happy anniversary, house!

saturday

So we went shopping today for a Homecoming dress.
Daughter tried on many dresses. Some of them she tried on just to humor me. :O)
She finally found the "perfect" dress. Only problem was it was a little tight, and there wasn't another one like it in the store, or in any of their other stores. So they ordered it for me from wherever and it will be shipped to our house by tomorrow. Yay!
Daughter and her date are going to the dance with 6 other couples. All of them are coming to our house before the dance for pictures..........and all of their parents have been invited over too. I'm looking forward to meeting them.

day off

It's my weekend off. Yay!
I'm taking daughter shopping for a homecoming dress. We went last week. She tried on many dresses. We found one that was beautiful on her but the zipper was busted. We could have had it fixed but she said no. So we'll try our luck again today.

Week 7 or 8 and no child support. The child support office pretty much said "oh well."
I'm sure I'll recover the money some how. So I'm trying to look at it as money in the bank.

Daughters friend was injured at football practice. The coach thought he was faking and made him crawl off the field. He refused to let the boy call for help, or for his teammates to help him. Instead he let the boy lay on the ground in agonizing pain for the remainder of the practice.
He ended up in the hospital for several weeks with a lacerated liver, brken ribs and punctured lungs. He also lost a kidney.
The football coach is an ex cop with a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas. I can't stand the guy and obviously he has no business coaching. I'm hoping the school decides to fire him.

Boyfriends sitting on my bed. I'm trying to talk him into going shopping and out to breakfast with us. So far his response is a long, drawn out moan. Like the very thought causes him pain......................and now he has become a deaf mute refusing to answer me when I ask. So I pounded on the bed and yelled "HONEY! Get up and shave! Let's go!"......................after further discussion he has agreed to go shopping with us. But only if we make it a short trip. No problem. :O)

parent teacher conference

Last thursday was parent teacher conference night.
Daughter is struggling in her English class. No big surprise. but always gut wrenching because she tries so hard. she devotes more time and effort to getting a C than my sons did to getting an A.
English teacher says to me "your daughters grade is a 59%. she doesn't look like a 59% type person." what the fuck does that mean? what does a 59% student look like? i listened politely as she rambled on, waiting for my turn to speak, question, and to to give her some insight........but before i knew it she was standing and walking toward the door, me following behind like a little puppy, and then being ushered out the door. I walked up the hall to another of daughters classes wondering what the hell just happened?I just left what i think is daughters most important class without being given the opportunity to speak.
I talked to 3 of daughters other teachers all the while wondering how it is I ended up leaving the english teacher when i had things i needed to say and ask. I was pissed at myself for not making her listen to me and pissed at her teacher for not knowing better.I debated in my head whether or not I should go back to her room. I beat myself up for feeling like a passive pansey.........and then I thought fuck her if she doesn't like it, but i'm going back to her class and say what i have to say. So I went back to her room. I watched from the doorway as she spoke to other parents. She did all of the talking. And as she was wrapping up what SHE had to say to each parent, she'd stand, and then walk to the door. The parents would follow, and then be told good-bye.
So I go back in her room prepared to ask questions, make comments and make suggestions. mostly I wanted to clue her in on those things that will help her help my daughter to learn. Daughters brain is wired so that she learns in a way thats different from how you or I might learn. She's very intelligent. She just doesn't learn in the same way we do. Over the years we've learned what works and what doesn't work for her. But we need the cooperation of her teachers. I wanted to fill her teacher in because how else will she know how to help? She immediately interrupted me and began rambling.I was thinking what the hell is wrong with this woman? All I wanted was 5 minutes of her time. She'd already robbed me of more than that...... As she was near the wrap up of her latest ramble she stood. I stood and then she began walking towards the door. I thought this woman is unbelieveable. This time I did not follow. I took a couple steps in the opposite direction. She looked a little confused, and then began another ramble. As she spoke I took a few more steps away from her and away from the door. she followed. When i had her behind her desk I walked back to the chair I'd been sitting in earlier and I sat......and waited for her to sit. .............and from there i was able to clue the teacher in on those things that will help her to help my daughter have a successful year. I don't think she really heard what i said....she's young and probably thinks there's one way to do things.........her way.....and it probably does work for most students......and she probably figures the other students, the ones it doesn't work for, are just bad kids from bad families who don't care.
so daughter and i are probably going to have to come up with another game plan.

tuesday

best part of my day..............waking up to new kittys face directly over my face......I guess she was watching me sleep, or watching for me to wake up......made me smile.

worse part of my day..............not having anyone to talk to at the end of my day today. usually i'm ok with it. today i was not.

Monday

I was having an allergic reaction to my new kitty so I took 2 Benadryl. I'm a little high. It feels good!

The winds from Ike hit Ohio and Ky. yesterday. It was scarey. I've never seen anything like it. Four houses across the street lost parts of their roof, as did the guy who lives next door to me......trees are down everywhere...........and like 800,000 people are without electricity. 3 people died.............all from trees falling on them..................gas stations have lines around the block because most of the stations are out of service due to no electricity.........most of the schools shut down today to protect the children from falling branches and because of power outages...........it's a mess.

Our new owners will soon give notice to the sex offenders who stay at our facility. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worse part of my day.....................getting out of bed to get ready to go to work.
Best part of my day.................getting a buzz off Benadryl

Thursday

Worse part of my day today............going to work.

Best part of my day...................listening to and talking with daughter about one of her nutty teachers. She cracks me up.....

friday

week 3 and no child support. and the only reason i write it here is it's an easy way for me to keep track.
it's probably because he's been off of work since his motorcycle wreck. I havent called the child support office to find out whats going on because it feels overwhelming. it shouldn't but it does. i just ignore it. and i hope it works itself out. eventually i'll deal with it if i have to.
i'm thinking that maybe he isn't getting a weekly disability check. maybe he'll just get one total check when he goes back to work and i'll get the child support all at once. it remains to be seen.

i was off work today. i slept the day away.
i work the weekend and monday.
i dont hate working the weekend so much. it's a different atmosphere all together. it' s usually quiet and a slower pace.
my don asked me if i'd mind being pulled off the floor monday to do some work for her.
i'm looking forward to doing anything other than working the floor. so of course i said yes. my next 3 work days shouldn't be so bad.

my new kitty, joplin, refuses to get out of bed in the morning until i get out first......and when i sit here typing she sits on my right shoulder. she makes me smile. except in the very early morning hours when she's trying to suckle my neck or ear..........but then i just feel a little sorry for her. maybe she misses her mom.

solitude

I just got in from work. I made double time and a half today so I won't complain.
The house is empty. Daughter is swimming at her friends house, and son is out doing god knows what...................so I have peace and quiet. I love it.
I'll probably take this alone time to blog and then I'll soak in a hot bath while listening to music. Boyfriend will be over in awhile. He's going to make us cheese coneys for dinner. So for now i'm going to go and enjoy my time alone.

burn out

I'd give my left kidney to not have to go to work tomorrow.
I hate sounding like a broken record, but I am so burned out on my work.
There's no easy answer to my problem.

Breaking the law........and coming close to being famous

I Break The Law............

I smoke in airport bathrooms.. I hide in a stall and I blow the smoke in towards the toilet water in hopes that the water will absorb the smoke.

I steal a big green olive from the salad bar at the grocery store each time I grocery shop. If I'm not in the mood for the olive, I take a grape.

I was almost famous.... kinda.... sorta......well not really but........

I was on the radio once. I called in to a talk show. I forget the subject of the show. But I called and made it on the air.
I've been in the newspaper 4 times. Once in a work advertisement. Once while at a memorial service. Twice while doing community theatre.
I've been on TV once. I was on maternity leave while pregnant with my daughter. A friend invited me to go to the Jerry Springer show. His show started in Cincinnati. It wasn't trailor trash like when it first started. But anyway, I went........my friend taped the show. I had 3 closeups. :O) It was fun to watch.

Friday

I took daughter, boyfriend and one of daughters girlfriends out to dinner lastnight. I had twin lobster tails, boyfriend had hot wings, and the girls had chicken tenders. It was delicious, and it was an enjoyable evening.

Daughter is back at school and so far no major complaints.

Joplin my new cat has almost doubled in size. She's a playful little thing. It's almost annoying. She goes nuts over table food. Especially mac-n-cheese and eggs. We-Ping has yet to warm up to her. I don't think she ever will.

Work is going well. My DON informed me that I will be the day shift supervisor. We have a meeting next Friday where I'll be given all the details.

The health department was at my door a few days ago. My new neighbors called them to report a mosquito problem. Apparently they(my neighbors) think it has something to do with my property. So the health department came to my house, walked all of my property, and then said something like "I'm sick of these false reports."
The backyards on my side of the street are bordered by the woods. I think that has something to do with the mosquitos. My neighbor thinks it has something to do with my veggie garden. The health department doesn't agree with my neighbor. So fuck em!

Today is my off day. Yay!

this n that

So I was sitting at a table at my daughters sports banquet.......boyfriend was with me......we arrived just a few minutes before the dinner was to start so we really didn't have a choice of where to sit. We were stuck sitting with a couple who I've known casually through the years from attending sporting events and dinners such as the one I'm writing about..............on the drive to the dinner boyfriend and I talked about work sick days, and our philosophy on using those sick days. My philosophy is that life is short, and whether or not you're sick, you should use your sick days. All of them! USE THEM............HAVE SOME FUN..........IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT WORK........PLAYING HOOKY IS FUN!...plus your employer will never be as loyal to you as you may be to them, and if you think they will be, let me tell you you're dead wrong!.....................so we're seated next to this perfectly stuffy couple, who have perfectly neurotic kids, and the topic of conversation is people who call in sick to work.

Stuffy couple believes you should go to work no matter what, and no matter how sick you may be....... Boyfriends giving me the "eye" and kicking me under the table...................and he's daring me to share my philosphy. But I couldn't do it. I wanted to with every ounce of my being. But I was afraid of being judged........kinda like I was judging them. I'm such a puss when it comes to letting people know the real me. I have a deep fear of not being liked. I try to be what I think people want me to be. I'm better about it than I used to be because I've worked on it.........I'm just not all the way there yet!



Daughters birthday party was a success. Fun was had by all..................tomorrow is her birthday. Her cheerleading coach called me to tell me that since daughters birthday is on the first day back to school.....coach has decorated her door at school in honor of daughters birthday. I'm sure it will make daughter smile.



When I turned 16, and when my 4 sisters turned 16, we would wake in the morning to dads stereo playing "16 candles." Dad is out of town for daughters birthday. But when we went to see him last week, dad played "she was only 16" on his stereo, and he sang to daughter as the song played. It was funny, and sweet.



Work is going good. The new owners aren't playing. They mean what they say and say what they mean. I like it.

my day

Today is my moms birthday. Daughter and I spent most of the afternoon with her and my dad. It was a pretty nice day.

This evening boyfriend and I had dinner on the deck. The weather is perfect today. So dinner on the deck was enjoyable.

I spent the morning shopping with daughter. We had to buy some of the stuff needed for her 16th birthday party. She's going to celebrate her birthday this Saturday with a handful of girlfriends that will be spending the night.

I wish I could call off work tomorrow. It's been so beautiful outside. If I'm at work all day I feel like I'm missing out.

shopping, purging, and missing my friend

So after eight and a half hours of shopping, daughter feels like shes hit the lottery, and I'm grateful that she feels that way. I also feel tired!
It was a fun day.
But I'm glad it's over!

I just threw away all of my underwear and socks. My drawer was stuffed. I could barely open it it was so full. I kept two pair of underwear. They were expensive and barely worn so I kept them. I kept a pair of black, brown, tan and blue socks......................but most of my socks are white socks I wear with my work scrubs. I had about a hundred pair.... I had to search every morning through an over stuffed drawer to find mates............... I was tired of it. So I trashed them all........and then I kept 7 pair of my best undies to use for "that time of the month." I threw the remaining 50 or more pairs away & bought all new undies and socks. Now I can get inot my drawer without the drawer getting stuck, and with out crap falling out.............and all of my socks have a mate!

I've been thinking a lot about my friend Chuck lately. He passed away in May. One time he made me a tape with a mix of songs. One of the songs he put on it was a Madonna song. The other day at work one of the housekeepers had a radio playing and that Madonna song came on........it reminded me of the tape Chuck had made for me, and I've been thinking about Chuck ever since. Today I was thinking about him and I could hear him say "I'm dead girl....get over it!" It made me laugh. I know it's what he would say. I just have this feeling that wherever he is, he's happy. I can just feel it. And that makes me feel better. I wish I could give him a kiss and a hug one more time

shopping

I wanted to sleep in today but Joplin woke me chewing on my hair and trying to suckle on my neck. I tossed her from the bed a couple of times but as soon as I'd drift back off to sleep, she'd be right back at it.
I'm taking daughter and one of her girlfriends school clothes shopping today. I'm dreading and looking forward to it all at the same time.
I'm planning on surprising them with a little trip to the beauty shop for haircuts and eyebrow waxings...................and after a long exhaustive day of shopping, I want to take them somewhere nice for a bite to eat. So we'll see how it goes.

Thursday

So I'm standing at the receptionist desk at the end of our work day with 2 other nurses, the 3 of us talking with the receptionist when BAM!........a full blown panic attack from God knows where, hits me. I interrupt the conversation to say "I'm having a full blown panic attack."

The nurse to my left says "I have Xanax, do you want one?" The receptionist says "I have Klonopin in my purse if you want one." And then the 2 of them start discussing their emotional problems and all of the medications they've taken for those problems. The nurse to my right put her arm around my shoulder and asks if my sons 20th birthday is what brought this on...........apparently her son just turned 20 and it caused her to have an anxiety attack. Bless her heart. She's such a nice person and I don't think I've been as nice to her as I could be. That was my thought................and then I started crying.

I'm feeling better now that I'm home and have had a couple hours to relax.

Thursday

Oh to be in Miami Beach sunbathing..................sexy guy massaging suntan oil on my shoulders and back..........great food, music, drinks.......................long night of love making............that's what I wish for. DO YOU HEAR ME, GENIE? HELLO!

bad nurse

I wish I knew how to write. Cause I'd tell you how I have several patients who are sexual predators and I can't stand them. I hate when they speak to me or when I have to speak to them. It makes me cringe. One of them calls me his girlfriend. "How's my girlfriend today?" It makes when want to puke. They whine and complain constantly. One of them yelled and cursed at me today because I refused to give him money. My money, not his money. He doesn't have money because prior to coming to us he was in prison for 18 years. He's a leech on societys back. He has never contributed a thing. He just takes. And when someone tells him NO he throws a tantrum. So today when he yelled and cursed at me I wanted to say to him "FUCK YOU YOU CHILD RAPING BASTARD!"

I'm finding it more and more difficult to remain professional while dealing with these people.

Tuesday

I took a nap after work.
I had a dream that airplanes were crashing into the hotels surrounding the hotel where I was staying.
It's a recurring dream I've had since the divorce. The details change a little from dream to dream. But for the most part it's the same dream. I thought the dream was gone as I haven't had it for several months. I was wrong.
I usually have the dream when my stress level is high.
It was probably brought on from the stress I'm feeling from all the changes at work.

Boyfriend was at my house this morning.
While I was dressing for work he was in the kitchen making coffee.
I yelled to him from my bedroom to ask him the time. But I called him by exhusbands name. Oops! I didn't mean it. I think boyfriend understood that it really didn't mean anything.

Monday

My goal is to go to bed tonight at 7:30 and get ten hours sleep. I'm tired.

I look like a snake shedding its skin. It's from the allergic reaction. Luckily it's just my hands that are shedding. How attractive does that sound?

Ex-husbands girlfriend was at the hospital the day of his motorcycle wreck. It was a little bit uncomfortable though I'm sure no one else was aware of my discomfort. I'm not sure what she was feeling. I do know she wasn't able to look me in the eye. He's been dating her for a couple of months. She's the mother to one of my oldest sons close friends. Back in the day when I was married, exhusbands present girlfriend and I would talk now and then, usually about something in regards to the boys.................and after she started nursing school she'd call me for help with some of her school work, or just to talk about nursing in general......................while I was going through the divorce she'd call now and then to see how things were going. We weren't really friends per say. But I still feel like I've been deceived some how. I wonder how long she's been lurking, and planning to make her move.

She has bleached hair. It's tacky and ugly. I'm just saying....

Sunday

Celebrated middle sons birthday today. We had a nice time. He's a good kid, and I'm proud of him.

I've probably ruined things with the new owners of my work by leaving early Friday.
When son called me to tell me "dad" wrecked his motorcyle, I left work to go to the hospital. So my first day of work with the new owners and I leave early. I'm off to a good start!

The weekend went by way too fast. I wish I had 1 more day. But since I don't, and because I'm tired, I going to bed.

road rash

Ex-husband is okay but he wrecked his Harley on the interstate this morning on his way to work.
Luckily he was driving at a reduced speed through a construction zone. His front tire hit a rock and he was thrown into a divider wall. His arm was broken, and ripped open. It had to be surgically repaired. And he has some pretty bad road rash on his head, face, hip and leg. He also dislocated a toe.
He was pretty lucky considering he wasn't wearing a helmet.

Today was our first day with the new owners at my owrk. I like them. From everything I've heard and observed I think many positive changes are coming. I'm hopeful.

Wed.

Our medical director, Dr. P, called me the other day and asked if I was staying on with the new company. He said he wanted me to stay, he liked my work, and he would tell the new owners. Made me feel good.

To my ex from PA.......fuck you, you big baby!

rambling

I really don't know what to talk about on here anymore. Seems like everything in my life lately has been depressing, and revolves around illness and death........except for the new kitty, and winning the child support hearing........and seeing the cute little brown bear in the mountains.



I suppose I live a relatively boring life. I think after the dust from my divorce settled, which took a couple of years, I've tried really hard to keep my life low key. I was emotionally beat, and physically worn out. Plus I was afraid that if I had to deal with anymore drama, I just wouldn't make it. I let all of my friends go over the past several years....every single one of them.......some that I had had since grade school.....................I examined every single friendship I had, and I ended them all. I stopped returning/answering calls, and eventually they stopped calling. So I guess you could say I really don't have any friends anymore except for my boyfriend. I mean I have pals at work that I refer to as friends and whom I talk and laugh with and say I'll do dinner with.....but when they invite me out I make excuses.

Some of the time I regret what I've done, but I know I did what I had to do at the time....and now it's habit I suppose.

Lisa and Terri were my oldest of friends. Lisa and I met in the second grade and then Terri came to our school when we were in the third grade. We've almost always been a part of each others lives and have seen each other through marriage, divorce, child birth, nursing school, death of parents, broken relationship, first loves, first sexual experiences, first time high/drunk...acne, skipping school.............everything. ............

At any rate I'm friendless. :O)

Some of the time I miss having close girlfriends.

I'm rambling.
I once had a guy friend who said to me "I like when you ramble."
I loved him. Maybe I'll tell you about him someday.

change...dead critters....school

I guess I'm afraid that the new owners at my work won't like me. I know I do a good job, but what if some wicked bitch decides she doesn't like me and makes it her goal in life to get me fired. That kind of stuff happens all the time to people.....................but then I remind myself that if that type thing happens to me, I'll just resign...................and then I remind myself again to just continue to do the best job I can do, stay away from gossip, be positive....and everything will be okay. Right? I'm not so good with change.......I worry about everything.............even when it's what I want.


I had to spray my driveway down when I got home from work. We-Ping has been on a killing spree. I had 3 dead moles and two dead birds in my driveway, plus I had a dead mole on my side porch. It was gross.

Son starts his 4th semester of college in a couple of weeks. It should be his 5th but he took a semester off. I told him to go part time if he wants, but to just do it no matter what...and that he'll never regret it................... he agrees and continues to stick with it.

Friday

Daughter went to cheer camp today and will go tomorrow and Sunday.
They have cute, new, sporty outfits to wear each day.
If my friend Chuck were still alive he'd be jealous of the new outfits....and he'd be wishing he was a cheerleader.
I miss him.....I hope he knew how much I loved him.

I talked to ex-husband today. He regrets going to court over the child support. But only because his attorney fees were greater than the money he will save from the minute child support reduction. I wanted to say I told you so......but I bit my tongue. He's not such a bad guy. Maybe one day we will be friends.

Joplin

This is our new kitty. She's probably 4 or 5 weeks old. She's really smart, affectionate and playful. Right now she's being bottle fed. She won't take anything solid but she did lick a pork chop bone last evening.. She uses her litter box except for the time she pood in my bed and peed on my pillow.

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was WePings 2nd birthday. Happy Birthday, WePing!

work

The new owners of my place of employment officially take over Aug.1. but they had a landscaping crew there today working. I was so happy. Our grounds have been neglected for several months. It looks 100% better already.
We meet with the new owners Thursday to go over our health benefits. Anything they give to us in terms of health benefits will be better than what we presently have................
I'm not going to get too excited about anything until I'm offered a job, and if I'm not offered a job then I'll just get on with my life some place else.

monday

We went to my aunts funeral today.
It was sad.

I got my new kitty today. She's cute. We named her Joplin.


I took a couple Benadryl a little while ago and it's knocking me out. I'm off to bed.

this n that

Tomorrow's my Aunts funeral. I'm going because my family expects me to be there, and because it's the right thing to do, but that means I'll have to call off work again. So I get to spend the next 2 days worrying about missing work.

My rash continues to improve. Only my back, legs, ear canals, jaw line, scalp, fingers and wrists itch.

Daughter goes back to school in about 3 weeks. I have her sports physical out of the way, her cheerleading fees paid, and her school supplies purchased. All that's left to do is school clothes shop. We'll make a full, fun day out of clothes shopping.

Today I plan to clean up my backyard. A couple weeks ago I cut down about a hundred Honey Suckle trees and they're still out there laying on the ground. It's a mess and I need to clean it up............and since scrawy boy didn't come back to cut the grass I need to do that too.

Friday

There was a little scrawny blond haired boy at my front door today. He asked if I wanted him to cut my grass. "I do it for 10 dollars." I talked to him for a few minutes. He was the type of kid that you just know doesn't get the attention he needs from his parents. But he was a likeable little guy.....even though I knew he was probably trouble...........and any kid who offers to work impresses me. So after a couple minutes he asks me "how's Danny?" Danny is my middle son and I was surprised the little boy knew him. He explains to me that Danny taught him how to fight and how he hasn't lost a fight since then. I tell him that maybe it's best to walk away rather than fight. He responds by saying he does walk away unless he is hit first.
Later when I talked to my son Danny about my little visitor, Danny explained that the boy is a foster child to his bestfriends grandmother, that he is unsupervised most of the time, and that he taught the boy how to fight because he was getting his butt kicked daily because he is so little.
I'll call his grandma for permission for the boy to cut my grass. I mean if he's working there's less time for him to get into trouble.......and it may help his self esteem. I just feel sorry for the kid. He looks like he's 9 but he's 14 years old. So we'll see how it goes.

My poison ivy is a little better today. I've been using a prescription steroid cream. Only 95% of my body itches about 96% of the time.

I've adopted a new kitten. The social worker at one of our sister facilities called my DON trying to find a home for a homeless kitten she found in the bushes in her front yard.. My DON called me, I said yes.......and so I get the kitty Monday. I wonder if We-Ping will like having a little kitty around.

life

Boyfriend was discharged from the hospital today. The cardiologist put him on an anticoagulant and will do some out patient testing. I'm happy he's ok. I was worried sick about him.

My aunt passed away today. I loved her and the memories of the times we spent with her family from when I was a child..........but we probably really only visited with her twice a year...........much less since I've been an adult.............mostly I just feel bad for my dad and for my Aunts adult children. I can't imagine losing a sibling or a parent.

My rash isn't any better. Every inch of my body is covered. Son says I have poison ivy. I itch so bad I'm ready to pull my hair out and scream. I've been taking Benadryl. It helps the itch a little, but mostly is just makes me want to sleep. I think I need some steroids. I'll call my doctor tomorrow.

My place of employment was sold. This time it's for real. I hope. I should know by the first or second week of August if I'll still have a job. I really don't care one way or the other. I will miss some of my co-workers though.

wed

I got up to get ready for work this morning and boyfriend said he wanted to go to the hospital.
He had an irregular heart beat. He's the type who could accidentally cut off his leg and insist he'd be fine if I'd just get him a bandaid. So I knew he had to be feeling pretty awful. I replaced myself for work and went with him to the ER.
They admitted him with atrial fib and started him on heparin.
All of his family and friends are in Colorado. He probably feels alone and is scared. He'll be ok but
I replaced myself from work tomorrow so that I could spend the day with him. He'll probably be released tomorrow and scheduled for more tests.

I didn't sleep well lastnight. I was itching. Actually my scalp was itching. Some of the time when I'm in bed watching tv my daughter and her girlfriend come in and lay in the bed with me, or we sit on the bed and talk. I remember thinking "I wonder if daughters friend had lice and got them on my bed and now I have them. When I got out of bed this morning every place on my body was covered with a rash. It's an itchy, blistery, red rash.....everywhere. And I have chills. I think it's an allergic reaction. The only thing I've taken that I've never taken before is a Zantac. I took one lastnight. I look like a freak, and I feel like I'm in hell. Benadryl isn't doing much to help. I may need to see a doctor.

Friday

A co-worker asked me yesterday if I bleach my teeth. I don't. I think it's funny she asked. I had an appoinment with my dentist today and planned on asking him about it. So............
I went to the dentist first thing this morning. It was just a follow up appointment. I asked him about teeth whitening. I'm going to wait and have it done in October. His office knocks a hundred dollars off the price of teeth whitening Nov thru Dec. He said he'd give me the sale price in Oct. @ my next appointment. Yay!

After my dentist appointment I went out to breakfast with my boyfriend, to the grocery, to put gas in my car, and finally to the bank. I'm not doing anything else today. As a matter of fact, I came home and put on my pajamas.

Daughter goes to a summer day camp most of the summer. She helps out with the younger children, and participates in the activities geared towards the older kids. She's not usually home until after 4p. I kind of miss her. Typically she stays with me for a week, then goes to her dads house for a week. Lately she's been staying with me for a week and two days, then goes to her dads. Plus she stayed with me 4 weeks in a row while dad was out of town. I like it. But today her dad will pick her up from here after he gets off work. She'll come home next Wed. The good thing is that one of her best friends lives 2 doors up from me, and it's who she goes with to the day camp. So I still get to see her everyday. Plus her dad lives right down the street and around the corner. So we're close to each other....and she walks back and forth on any given day.


All of the plants I took from the courtyard at work and transplanted to my yard are dying. My corn is waist high, but no corn yet, and my tomato plants don't have any tomatoes yet. I have all the parsley, orageno, and basil you could ask for.....my pumpkins, cantelops, and watermelon plants are growing like crazy. I don't have any beets, carrots,squash or peppers yet. I really don't know what I'm doing I guess. I'll keep trying and learning. Maybe next year I'll do better.

Miami

I'm planning a trip to Miami Beach.
It's one of my favorite places.
It will be a short trip. Maybe 2 or 3 days.
But it will be well worth it.

minus 1

I predict I'll be unemployed by August 14.

I'm not sure where I'm going to go from there or what I'll do.

I should probably be worried or afraid. But I'm not.

What's wrong with me?



When I got home from work the other day there was a bag with something in it on my kitchen counter. I opened the bag and in it was a photo of me and 3 of my sisters from when we were children. My dad had the photo blown up to a 5x7, and framed it. He made one for me and each of my sisters. I don't think he realizes that my oldest sister is not in the photo. I looked at it a couple times before I knew she wasn't in it. I cracked up laughing cause I know she'll be pissed. I called my sister that's a year older than me and told her oldest sisters not in the picture. She died laughing.

It was sweet of my dad to do. He still sends me snail me................and he writes and snail mails the kids too. I think it's cool.

sweet 16

Daughters 16th birthday is in a couple months. I wanted to do something special for her. I asked her what she wanted to do...........she said something about a bon fire, grill out, slip-n-slide, music, and she wants a bedroom make over again. She can't decide between a boy-girl party or just a girl party. She's leaning towards an all girl party. So am I.

joy and happiness

I like when I wake in the morning to a quiet house. Middle son is off work today so he is sleeping late. Daughter had a girlfriend spend the night. They always stay up late and then sleep the morning away. So today I woke to a quiet and empty first floor. :O)

I had a dream lastnight. In the dream I was talking to a girl about her bird. I liked the bird and asked her where I could get one. She instructed me to just grab one from the many flying around us. I grabbed 3 of them (I guess I'm greedy) but ended up with just the one. He was pale blue, and some of the time he was yellow. He turned out to be much more than a bird. He was joy and happiness. Thats the only way I know to explain him. So the rest of the dream was about feeling happiness and joy. I woke from the dream still smiling and feeling a sense of well being.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. I took 8 plants from the courtyard at work to transplant in my yard. I planted them in my front yard yesterday but I'm not pleased with how they look. t I was thinking about moving them.
And I always try to have a big family dinner on Sundays. With my oldest son gone, and my middle son close behind him, and my daughter busy with her teenage social life, it's my way of bringing the whole family together atleast once a week. Hopefully when they're all out on their own, and have their own families, they will continue to come every Sunday for dinner.

We-Ping

dead things

I found this on my front porch this morning. We-Ping catches one everyday in the summer. She usually leaves them in the driveway for me to find when I get home from work. I've been doing some planting in the front yard and so I think that's why she left this one in the front. It always makes me smile and grosses me out all at the same time.

happy 4th

I worked today. That means double time and a half. Yay! After work I stopped off at the grocery to buy steaks for a grill out this evening with my family. I ran inot my middle son on my way home. He was skipping the grill out for a date with some chick named "Sabrina." Oldest son backed out of the grill out to go to the motorcycle show at the Levee. Daughter decided to grill out with her friend/our neighbor.............and boyfriend wasn't feeling well so he backed out.

I'm a little relieved. I'm tired. Sitting back and just relaxing with We-Ping sounds good to me.
The 4th of July used to be a big deal at our house. When I was married we'd spend a small fortune on fireworks. We always took our vacation the last week of June and the first week of July. We'd stop in Tenn. on our way home from the ocean to buy the fireworks. Our favorite thing to buy was the roll of 100,000 firecrackers. Or maybe it was 500,000. We'd start unrolling it at the bottom of our street and it covered the whole length of our street. We'd light it for the finale, the firecracker roll........and it was after the firecracker roll that the police would show up. They were always nice though... All of our neighbors, friends and family would come to our house on the 4th. We didn't send out invitations. Everyone just knew to come, and each year more and more people would show up. We'd grill, have drinks, listen to great music..........and then at dark we'd do the fireworks. It was fun.

work

So it's been 2 days back to work since my vacation.
The facility wasn't sold. The people leasing the business have agreed to stick around until Aug.1
I suspect that if we don't have a buyer by then, the patients will be transferred to other facilities, and we will close. I keep telling myself to feel something, but I don't.

depressed

I feel a little bit depressed about having to go back to work tomorrow. I've racked my brain trying to find a way to not have to go back to work. I can't find one. The best I could come up with is to take some significant time off either this winter or next summer. But it's something I need to plan for.
HR called me today to let me know the new owners to be are fighting with the present owner and as of today, the business has yet to be sold. The people presently running the business are just leasing, and their lease ended as of yesterday. It's a major mess.

1 more day

Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. Bummer. When I go back to work it will be to new owners, and new bosses. I'm not 100% certain I'll have a job waiting for me. Part of me hopes that I don't. A little more time off would be great...........and if that time off was forced on me, I wouldn't have to feel guilty about it.

vacation work stuff

Things I accomplished today:
1. sanded and painted the railing around my front porch and front yard steps.
2. bought and hung new front porch light fixture.
3. hung new side screen door
4. transplanted 3 plants
5. put weather stripping on front door, and on front screen door.
6. finished my required continuing education units for my nursing license renewal.....and paid required fees.

When I see it in writing it doesn't seem like much, but it was a lot of work and I feel good to have it out of the way.

this n that

Work called me twice today. The administrator called to ask me to return my cell phone by 8am tomorrow morning.........and then HR called to ask if one of the nurses had called in a week ago Sunday. Both of these little issues could have waited until I returned to work.
Maybe it's just me, but I think it should be against the law to call an employee while they're on vacation. I'll return the cell phone tomorrow before 8am if hell freezes over between now and then. Otherwise they will have to wait until my vacation is over. Am I wrong?

I didn't do much today. I went to my attorneys office and reviewed the judges decision. I felt validated by much of what he had to say.

Boyfriend is cooking supper for me and daughter. He's making spaghetti and meatballs, salad, garlic bread, and keylime pie. Sounds delicious to me.

After supper I plan on clearing out a little patch of grass and weeds under my side porch........and I'll plant some wild flowers in the cleaned out spot. Then I'm going to make a list of all the crap I need to do around the house so that I can quit thinking about it and just get it done while i'm on vacation.

Our Trip

I had a nice time in Tenn.
Our cabin was comfy.
The hot tub felt great.
I ate too much, but enjoyed it.
The mountains and streams are awesome.

We had hopes of seeing a black bear in the wild.
We spent several hours going up the mountain specifically for that reason.
We saw a group of Turkeys crossing a pasture, and we saw numerous deer.
We got to see farm houses dating back to the 1800's, and churches dating back to
the early 1900's. But no bear. We'd resigned ourselves to the fact that we would not be seeing
one, and feeling a little disappointed headed back down the mountain.
About 3/4 of the way down a black bear crossed directly in front of us. I screamed to boyfriend and the girls "BEAR!"
The bear stopped, looked directly at us, (and I'm sure the 4 of us looked like deer in headlights) and then continued on his way.
It was the absolute highlight of my trip.

Attorney called while I was in Tenn. and left a message to report we won the child support hearing. The judge lowered the child support by 15 bucks, and I owe exhusband no money. I haven't had the opportunity to speak directly with my attorney, but will do so tomorrow. I'm anxious to read the court order/decision.

I was happy to get back and see We-Ping. I missed her like she was one of my children, and worried about her while I was gone.
My sons did a good job of taking care of her, and they kept my flowers/plants alive. Yay!

vacation

Today was my last day of work. I'm officially on vacation! It felt so good to clock out of work today. I drove home listening to and singing Lola with the Kinks. I felt free, relaxed, and happy.



We leave for TN. tomorrow morning. Soon I'll be sitting in the hot tub on the deck looking out at the mountains. I'm psyched!

a piece of my childhood

So this is the dining room furniture from my childhood. I still have to clean it up AND make it "granny chic."............ The pictures don't do it justice. But this is it, and personally I love it. We-Ping has claimed the chairs as her new place to sleep. When I was a kid I had a cat named Frisky. She also slept on the chairs. Dad would host a poker game now and then. Him and his friends would play at this table. I'd bring them their beers, and make them sandwiches. In the morning I'd go crawling under this table looking for quarters that dad and his friends had dropped while playing poker. I always found atleast a few!

counting

Ten days until my vacation!

Twenty days until my place of employment is no more.

Fifteen days since the child support hearing and still no word!

monday

13 days and no word on the child support. I guess I'll call my attorney tomorrow and see if he has heard anything. Maybe my neighbor has a letter to me from the judge sitting on his table?

11 days until my vacation. I'm very much looking forward to the time off. I reserved a cabing in the mountains for me, boyfriend, daughter and daughters friend. I plan on doing some hiking, lots of sitting in the hot tub, lots of reading, some shopping in Gatlinburg, and whatever else everyone wants to do..

screen door

I'm procrastinating getting going this morning.
I'm looking out my bedroom window as I type and I see Crooked Tail, the cat from up the street, walking across my backyard. He comes down here to check for cat food on the deck. I don't like him because he picks on We-Ping. I yelled at him to "get out of my yard you crooked tailed, fucker." He just looks at me and continues his nonchalant walk.

I didn't get the furniture yesterday because today was a better pick for the both of us. I'm supposed to be there at 10 am . I know it's too big for my DR but I can't stand the thought of letting it go. So I'll make it work.

The only other thing I have planned for today is to hang a new kitchen screen door. The other one cost like 400 bucks and was guaranteed not to warp/leak. It did both. So I bought this door for 40 bucks at Lowes. It's a plain, simple, wood frame with a screen. I love it.
I'm also going to have a grill out today for supper with boyfriend and the kids, and their friends if they want to invite them over.