stuff

It's my weekend off. I have to start getting stuff together for the weenie roast and breakfast. So today
I'm going to make a  welcome class of 2011 sign for the yard for the senior class breakfast........fill the pinata...........clean up the deck, and do a little yard work.............and that's about all I can do until the day before the weenie roast and the day before the senior class breakfast.
Daughter invited the cheerleading coaches to her party.
So the coach that called daughter a fucking crybaby bitch will be coming to my house. It's her birthday too. Daughter wants me to get her a birthday cake.
I don't usually hang on to anger.......usually I'm quick to move on.........not sure why I'm hanging on to the anger I feel towards the guy who ran over my son, and the coach who said foul things to my daughter. Probably because of my need to protect my young, even if they aren't so young!
I don't think about these incidents everyday........not even every week..........but when I do think about it, I find that I'm still angry. I don't give the coach the finger every time she speaks to me anymore. I even hugged her(kinda, sorta, halfway awkward hug) at the hospital when she cried when daughter was injured  at cheerleading.     SO.......
If daughter has moved on and put it behind her then I will pretend that I have too. I did tell daughter I'm putting "happy birthday, bitch" on the coaches cake. (i guess I'm not very good at pretending) She laughed. Of course I won't do it. I'll get her a cake,  make nice talk with her at the party........and keep trying to let go of the resentment I feel towards her.

friday

Tired.

wed

Daughter drove herself to physical therapy today.
As she was leaving I started singing to her Kelly Clarksons, Ms. Independent.
Me:  "Miss Independent.....Miss self-sufficient!" Daughter:"shut up mom." But she was trying not to smile..:O)
Why do kids try to not smile some of the time?
Is it the equivalent of an adult trying not to cry?   Ho hum.

So I'm looking out the window. The sun is shining.
I think I'll sit in the pool and soak up the sun. Maybe read one of the books I have in my to read pile.

I payed my car off yesterday......15 months early. So                 yay!

the kitties

Mr. Bojangles enjoys a little outside time. He also enjoys small spaces like the green bowl on the dining room table. (My table is filled with stuff for daughters weiner roast and back to school breakfast.)

We-Ping enjoying a hot summer day.

tuesday

The house is quiet but daughter will be getting up soon. She has cheerleading practice in an hour. She's a little mad at me.
I refuse to pay the $200.00 for cheerleading camp which is essentially nothing more than 3 eight hour practices in our school gym.
Last year they went to The University  of Kentucky.......The year before they went to Northern Kentucky University.......and I didn't mind paying..............this year she is still limping, still in physical therapy,not physically able to participate100%........ and I feel like we're being ripped off.
I'm not paying it! That's the bottom line.
I've given a fortune every year for the past 4 years to pay cheerleading fees. Bite me because
I'm
not
paying
for
camp this year!

Mr. Bojangles GETS me and I think I get him.
I love the little guy.
His new thing is to stand between the shower curtain and shower curtain liner.
He'll disappear and that's where I'll find him some of the time. Just standing there between the 2 fabrics.
I've checked the floor to see if he's peeing there, but he's not.......he's just standing. It cracks me up.

this n that

I have a cricket in my bedroom.
I'm  not sure how he got in, but he did.
Mr. Bojangles sits and stares in the direction that the cricket's
noise is coming from.
I hope he catches it before tonight!


I lost weight while on my medical leave of absence.
My scrubs were getting tight when I took my leave. Like time to throw away and go up a size tight.
The quitting smoking, the depression, the anti depressant, all
contributed to me gaining weight.
So I cut my carb. intake by about 50-75%, increased my fiber and whole grains intake, eating lean meats, and quit all junk food unless I'm really having a craving. (like the Chinese I had the other night.)
Now...............
I look better.
I feel better. My old scrubs are loose on me. Like time to throw away and buy more(I bought a couple before going back) a size down, loose.  So       YAY!

If my attorney told me once, he told me at least 5 times at one of our meetings that once my daughter turns 18 her father has no legal financial obligation to her. PERIOD!
I've known for quite some time that he was wrong. My father told me. (He always makes sure he's informed about just about everything) And then I verified the new info with the office of child support........and have recently filed the necessary papers in order for the support to continue.....not that it's a lot of money (easy for me to say. I'm not paying it, huh?) but it will help(barely) pay for her college education.
In Ky. child support has to be paid until the child graduates from High School or turns 19, which ever comes first. And there are other exceptions that I'm not informed about...... Seems like pretty simple information. You'd think my attorney would have known the law. Is it possible I misunderstood what he was saying to me. It's possible, but that's not what happened. I heard him. I know what he said.......and he said it more than once.

Daughter was enrolled in kindergarten at a later date because her birth date was so close to the cut off date , and I wasn't ready to have her start school. So she will turn 18 just after her Senior year begins.......
When you pay a person $500.00 an hour for information, getting correct information is an expectation. Today I will email my past attorney and INFORM HIM of the law. I'm not doing it to be a smart ass............if he's going to be charging people to tell them the law, he needs to have the correct information.

 I won't bill him.

                 

saturday

When I do the 12 and 1/2 hour shifts I don't have much time for anything else. I'm going to have a bowl of cereal (Cheerios) and then I'm going to listen to music as I drift off to sleep.................................................................or so I thought.
Daughter just asked "does a girl respect herself if she's had sex with 6 guys in a year?"            Dear God, give me a fre3aking break, please!
(at least she's not talking about herself!)..........................................gonna go talk sex, self respect and all that stuff..............THEN I'M GOING TO BED!

Thursday

So yesterday daughter sent out a chain text that went to 75 of her friends with instructions to forward the text. It was their invitation to the back to school breakfast we're hosting in our yard, for the whole (from her school) class of 2011, for the first day of school.
And yesterday we shopped for paper plates, cups, and table cloths for the breakfast.
Daughter is also hosting an end of summer weiner roast/ bon-fire/18th birthday party. It's for the cheerleading squad.
So we also did some shopping for that event.

I've been looking at very used cars hoping to find  a decent one for daughter for her 18th birthday. It's been a trip to say the least. One of the cars even had a booger on the dash.....(ew!)............I give up on the search........and now i'm considering paying off my car, giving it to her, and buying me a different one. At least if I give her my car, I know the car has been taken car of and should last until she finishes college/vocational school.............................. if I get her a car, she will be responsible for the up keep and the insurance......................not sure yet what i'm going to do!

We-Ping

Happy 4th birthday, We-Ping! (Actually it was yesterday. I forgot!)

I was pulling in to my driveway today. A group of people were at the corner of my

driveway( they had parked near my house and were headed a few houses down.) bent towards the ground.

There sat We-Ping. The group was talking to and petting her.

I was more than a little surprised. We-Ping is usually aloof.....and not big on being touched.

It made me smile. I think she was enjoying the attention.

tuesday

I don't want to be a nurse anymore.
That's what I concluded today.
I meant it.
So I said to myself, "Self, what do you want to do to support yourself,
and your daughter?
For  3 or 4 years I've given a lot of thought to what I might want to do other than nursing. I didn't have a realistic answer.
Today it came to me.                             I want to be a Barber.    
 Of course I need to do a little research. But I really think it's what I want to do.
I feel happy and relieved.

I'm off for the next 3 days.
I need to get some more canvas so I can paint.
It's what I want to spend some time doing. It's fun and relaxing.

I'm not used to working 13 hour days anymore. I'm wiped out........going to shower and go to bed.

monday

So I get up this morning to get showered and dressed for work.
I go into the kitchen to set my packed lunch on the kitchen table.
I see a piece of notebook paper on my purse.
It's a letter from daughter.
Just a note to tell me "you're the most amazing mom I know."
Plus a lot of other sweet sentiments.
Teens can be hateful, self centered, and other not so nice things some of the time.....................and then sometimes they do something like write you a loving little note..........and even though it makes you cry......it also makes your day! :O)

Work went OK.
My frustration level is a little more in check compared to where it was before I took my leave...............but if truth be told....my personality is just different since I've been in my 40's. ......
No amt. of time off of work will change that reality.........

my br (i'm proud of it.)

my new bathroom. keep in mind it's only 4x8. the top pic. is the new tile that surrounds my bath tub. 2nd picture  shows my new ceiling and ceiling light/exhaust fan. my new lights and mirror (i went cheap).......and my new "5 star" flushing power toilet (not cheap).......new vanity, new  floor (i love my floor!).........and my favorite part is that all the walls and baseboard are new! 

dream 2

So daughter and I are at an old country store. We're outside walking on the wood front porch preparing to do some shopping inside the store. An alarm sounds and I know the alarm means terrorists have poisoned our atmosphere.
 Daughter and I immediately fall to the ground as do other people at the store, paralyzed by the gas. Daughter is a few steps behind me.
I know it's only a matter of minutes before we die. I desperately want to hold daughters hand. I want to be close to her, to comfort her. I want to tell her one last time I love her. I don't want her to feel as though she is alone dying. I try with every ounce of my being to move my arm so I can hold daughters hand. But am not able to.
 I remind myself that daughter knows I am close to her......and she's probably telling herself I'd be holding her hand if I could. I say a prayer for my daughter as I feel myself losing consciousness.

I remember feeling sad for several days after having this dream.

drug free.....except for caffeine

It's been one year since I've smoked a cigarette. So           YAY!

work

It's my weekend off. Yay!

Yesterday kinda sucked. One of my cna's threatened to "I'll cut you up!" another of my cna's. The d.o.n.
gave them a tongue lashing. The cna who was threatened wasn't happy with the way the d.o.n. handled/failed to handle the incident. She cried to me. I advised her to go above the dons head. It's procedure.
 I told the don how the cna felt and what I advised her to do.
I'm not so sure she's pleased with me. So now I'll worry whether I should have advised the cna to go above the Don's head...................and then I think fuck it. I did what I did..life goes on, so fuck it.....and I remind myself how
........when a family member threatened to harm the d.o.n., the police were called, a restraining order obtained, and the don was given a few days away from the facility. Is her safety more important than the safety of one of her subordinates?
I hate conflict.

Daughter just made me pancakes which would have been great had we any syrup. :O)

"Dirty Dancing" is playing on the TV. The show about the girl on her family vacation.......while on vacation she transitions from "little girl" to all grown up little girl...
When I was growing up our summer and spring vacations were spent at the ocean.
I remember one time, I was 16, sister#3was17, and sister#5 was 15.
We were at the pool where we'd met a few guys our age.
We were doing what teens do.....just hanging out, swimming, getting to know new friends.
Sister age 15 left to use the restroom. While she was away sister17 and I told the group of guys
that sister age 15 had multiple personality disorder, and was probably schizophrenic........ not that we really knew what that was but we'd read Sybil.......or maybe watched a TV show........who knows.........so we told them she jumps from personality to personality & that most of her other personalities were male. We struggled to contain our laughter as we told our lies. We thought it was hysterical what we were doing to our younger sister & we also knew she'd appreciate the joke.
 The guys listened to our story about our sisters different personalities....and about her travels in and out of reality. But they weren't completely convinced. So sister comes out of the BR and the guys being teens,  said to sister age 15 "your sisters tell us you have multiple personality disorder, and that you're paranoid schizophrenic. Is it true?" I think they were intrigued.
Sister age 15, without missing a beat, says "I'm sure they told you I'm a girl too, huh!? I'm a boy damn it!"
It was funny, and fun.
Dirty Dancing being on the TV reminded of that time.

work day

Work went well.
I got lots of hugs and a cake from co-workers, and my old residents
wanted to spend lots of time chit chatting with me. The chit chat part almost stressed me out because
I starting worrying about missing my hourly  deadlines.........then I just told myself to relax  and tried to go with the flow. It helped the stress I was starting to feel.
When all was said and done, I had a nice, fun day. Hopefully I really am "better" and so then work will be too.

last sick day

I go back to work tomorrow.
I'm a little nervous even though
I know it should all work out ok........and if it doesn't
then I move on to something else.

why did the texas mayor have to kill her daughter too?
why do people do that? couldn't she of just killed herself and let the
daughter live? did she think she was doing her a favor.........did she think the 19 y/o
couldn't live without her?
or did she lose her temper, kill the girl.....then kill herself?
how is it that people get so fucked up?

my nanny

1 of my most memorable dreams.

 my nanny, who was my dads mother.....a red head.....probably an alcoholic.......that i loved......she outlined her lips to make them look bigger and filled them in with bright red lipstick...and I think her eyebrows were nothing more than a little eyepencil.............she visited my childhood home maybe 4 or 5 times.  i was always fascinated by how much luggage she'd bring and at how big her purse was........and i thought it was funny that she was afraid of cats....... ........when i was in the 4th grade she sent me a dress for my birthday. it was the prettiest dress I'd ever seen........we'd visit her home in wv on rare occassions......her yard was always perfect, and i remember that she always had bottles upon bottles of bubble baths.....it was in her perfect yard that she taught me to play croquet........................she died from a stroke when i was in the 7th grade. I was sorry she died but the sadness I felt was for my dad.

one night i dreamed i was walking a tree lined, narrow street.......it went towards the sun shining down through the tree tops........the street was empty except......................20 feet ahead of me was my Nanny. She was walking and carrying a large, brown suitcase. I called out for her. She waited for me to catch up to her, and then allowed me to walk with her for awhile. I don't think we talked. I was a shy, quiet child, and we didn't know each other very well. I think we just walked and enjoyed each others company. At some point she put down her suitcase, tuned to look at me, and told me it was time for me to go back, that I could not go any further with her........ I didn't feel sad.  I understood she had to go. We said goodbye. I don't think we even hugged. She picked up her great big suitcase and turned away from me. I stood and watched as she walked into the sunlight and I could no longer see her........

wed

Have I mentioned lately that I love Mr. Bojangles?
He seems to appear from nowhere bringing to me quiet, sweet,
comforting, companionship.
And then he must need some space because just as he seems to appear from nowhere,
he quietly retreats to some dark shadow in the house.
He makes me smile.

Tomorrow morning (Wed.) is my last morning off before returning to work.
I haven't worked for 10 weeks. Once I relaxed, the time off was good.
When I go back to work, I have to remember to have fun/do things I enjoy
on my days off. It can't all be about work.

bp, you've made a mess......you continue to make a mess!
stop it, clean it up....make amends or i'm going to send mel gibson over....

tues.

bp, you suck.

So I read 1 more book.

I wanted to read at least one good book while on

my leave of absence.
It was good. It was "Run For Your Life" by James Patterson.
It was an easy, fun read.

I also did 2 more paintings.
One of them is from a memory I have of my grown children as young
children, standing in front of the Christmas tree, holding hands, all wearing red and black, plaid pajamas.
They were so precious.......still are.........
It turned out cute..............and then I painted a snowman standing in the dark of night with the bright, full moon and a heavy snowfall all around him..........it was fun to do.

for monday

Daughter went back to the ortho doctor.
She has to continue therapy for 4 more weeks.
She also went to physical therapy today.
She said she feels sorry for the therapist
who took care of her today. Apparently the therapist isn't allowed to pick out her own clothes. Her husband doesn't like the way she dresses. He says she shows too much cleavage. He also tells her she's a little fat, and somewhat ugly. So he shops for/picks out her clothing.
Daughter is 17.
"Mom, I was afraid I'd hurt her feelings if I told her the truth. So I didn't say anything."
I asked daughter "what is the truth?" (I know she knows, but I just wanted to make sure.......just in case I forgot to cover the whole abusive spouse thing.) Daughter answered correctly...................... I reminded her it's OK to tell the truth if your intent isn't to hurt.................................I also told her that the physical therapist already knows the truth.....that her husband is an ass and probably undeserving of her..............I don't care how low her self esteem may be..........SHE KNOWS he's not treating her the way she should be treated!....................................and she wants people to tell her ......that's why she tells people about his behavior.............she wants her feelings validated.......the validation helps her find the courage to leave his sorry ass.......................................................................................................................................why daughter's physical therapist is telling daughter about her problems is a whole other issue.

My BR is clean, small, and 97% renovated. It looks beautiful to this Ky. girl.
Tomorrow it should be 100% complete.
Yay!

Daughter and I went shopping today.
As I've said, she's letting me pick her outfits/hair/make-up and jewelry for one set of
her senior class pictures. (do I sound like therapists husband?) I asked her permission. She really did have a choice, and she was all for it so long as she could do the same.
So I have her dress picked out for her "DRESSY PICTURE." It (the dress) kind of has a 60's retro feel to it only it's a 2010 modern dress. Today I was looking for the perfect hoop earrings to wear with it.
I didn't find the perfect earrings.....................but while we were shopping daughter picked up a bracelet and was like "OMG I love it! Isn't it so pretty, mom. Oh my gosh mom........look at it. I love it!" I've never heard her so excited about a piece of jewelry.......
I snuck the bracelet to the checkout girl who rung it up, then put our order on hold until we finished shopping, and I have it tucked away in my room to give to daughter as part of her 18th birthday present. I can't wait to give it to her!

Dude, the guy who ran over son left town.
He was in an alternative program of sorts but my guess is that
he was non-compliant.
He's scheduled to be arraigned towards the end of July.
I'm guessing that since he left town, he doesn't plan on showing for his arraignment.

saturday

I spent time today working on another painting.
It's a painting of the view of my sons Jeep from my living room window.
I look out the window each morning to make sure his Jeep is there........that he made it home from his night job/or his night out with friends.
I smile when I see it because I know he is home, and okay. We-Ping is in the painting napping in the grass.

I also cleaned all my hallway doors in the hallway that houses the BR. I have 4 doors in that hallway and all
of them were covered with dry wall dust.
I vacuumed, dusted the dining room, my bedroom, and cleaned the inside of the refrigerator. I also did the dishes and one load of laundry........and I pickd up a few items from Wal Mart. I feel like I was super productive today!

saturday

Have I said FUCK YOU lately, BP?   

The post office won't deliver to my house.
I moved my mailbox from the front lawn up to the porch.
I was supposed to get permission from the post office.
I didn't know.
The mailman refuses to walk the eight steps up the very little hill of my front yard to my front porch.
The mailman told my daughter he wouldn't be delivering mail to our house.
I called the post office and was told it was up to the mailman.
I told them the mailman was a pussy for telling the teenager of the house rather than the owner/adult.
75% of the mailboxes in our neighborhood are on the porch and require climbing a few stairs.
Once it's been moved from the porch though, too bad.
Boyfriend's going to put in a new mailbox for me.

.
My BR still isn't finished.
I showered in the backyard again this evening.
It felt good. But I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get my bathroom back.

Daughter gave me a pedicure. I'm going to count that as the pedicure on my " things to do before I go back to work list"
I also finished the Dean Koontz book. I love his characters, but overall  the book was a big disappointment, and the first time he's let me down.
All that's left is the filing cabinet, and paper organization. That's probably not going to get done. But I added clean car inside and out to the list......................and I did plant the ornamental grass.

Boy that Mel Gibson is a work of art, don't ya think? Talk about anger issues!
                                                          & then there's Lindsey Lohan....................................drug addicts die. Some of the time they end up in prison, and some of the time they get well..........................I'm guessing she has so many people enabling her, much like M. Jackson did, she'll end up dead. I like happy endings though.............so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her.

friday re wed and thur.

I spent most of my Thursday at home.
I took a long nap. When I'm PMS I tend
to crave more sleep. No big deal. It's not depression.
Emotionally I feel really well.
Time away from a profession I
was burned out on turned out to be
wonderful.
I just hope I continue to feel as well as I do now
after I go  back to work.
I think I have a new, healthier, perspective on my job. &
Today I caught my self thinking "I miss nursing."
It surprised me.
Wed. I bought 2 new sets of scrubs,  new
nursing socks, and a couple ink pens. I have about 1000 ink pens given to me from
ambulance, insurance, and hospice services......but the pens I bought have little peace signs on them.
They're cute.
I kinda feel like I did when I was a kid getting ready to go back to school after
having been off all summer. I'm excited, anxious, looking forward to and dreading it all at once.                                               

There's been a little more progress in my bathroom.
They have all the tile in place.
I'm very pleased. The outcome exceeded my expectations.              YAY!
Tomorrow I will paint the bathroom....and then the guys will
put in the new floor, woodowrk, and trim.
I'm crossing my fingers that Saturday evening I tell these guy
good-bye for good!

monday

Fuck you  BP for all the damage you have done..........................

I haven't done a darn thing today.
NOTHING.
I've been on the couch napping, watching TV, and reading.
I DIDN'T paint, do yard work, sit in the sun, organize papers, fax medical bills to the school insurance company, or vacuum my car.
I slouched.
I've been a sloucher.
A sloucher I am.

My best work friend, Peggy, called me today as she has at least weekly since I've been on leave.
She keeps me informed of anything important going on at work.........and she leaves out all the bullshit I have no desire to hear about.......but she called today to see if I want to go to lunch with her Wed. Of course I want to go.
I'm looking forward to it!

5th of july

My leave of absence will end in 10 days.
I still need to finish reading that book.......
and I also have to get that filing cabinet together and my
papers organized & filed in the cabinet.                          2 little things that I can't seem to manage to do!

I have to get a pedicure, and I'm going to buy a couple new nursing uniforms. We have to wear tan scrubs with our facilities name embroidered on the shirt.
It's the ugliest color scrubs I've ever seen or worn. Nothing about that uniform is complimentary.  We order  them through HR from work. The material feels like the cheapest bed sheet you can buy.
I refer to our uniforms as our 160 thread counts. Now so do some of the other nurses.
So I was going to go to a uniform shop, but tan uniforms, and take the embroidery off one of my work shirts and try to put it on a uniform shop shirt.

Today I might paint my bathroom doors and the trim to the doors and window. It will probably be easier to paint them while they're off the wall.

So I'm gonna go sit in my pool and soak up some rays as I read.

happy 4th!

I spent about 5 hours yesterday working in the yard.
The temp. was in the low 90's, and it was sunny...................that combined with
the fact I cut way back on my fluid intake because I hate having to go upstairs to
use daughters bathroom while mine is being worked on........left me in a bit of a frightening situation.
I felt hot, tired, and I had a horrible cramp in my neck.
As first I thought maybe I was having a heart attack. The cramping stopped though and so did my fear..................but then I started having cramps under both my scapula's, and in my fingers/hands. So I headed to the backyard thinking if I get in the pool to cool off I'll feel better.
I lay on my back in the pool (it's only 3 feet deep and I only have about 6 inches of water in it because I had cleaned it earlier& was refilling it.) and as long as I was perfectly still I wasn't in pain................however after several minutes I was feeling nauseated, wanted to get out of the pool, dry off and get dressed. Trying to sit left me with agonizing cramps in my abdomen and buttocks. It was 10x's worse than any charlie horse I'd ever experienced.
I was unable to sit, but I was able to turn over to my stomach, and get to the kitchen door by crawling through the yard, up the deck steps and to the kitchen door..
I banged on the door and yelled out for boyfriend........but boyfriend was napping, and the central air was going. He didn't hear me.
I had to stand to open the door.
Standing caused excruciating left lower abdominal pain. I've never felt such pain. I screamed. I cried.
Boyfriend heard me and came running.
He helped me to undress, and dress............and helped me to the couch....................I knew I was probably pretty dehydrated.......
I took one of boyfriends potassium pills, and had some water.........then I had a banana, 2 oranges and  a glass of orange juice.......I debated going to the ER but was just too tired................I felt exhausted.....so I slept.............................I woke this morning with sore muscles.
I had no idea I was becoming dehydrated.........even when I began cramping I didn't "get it"
So that was my
big incident.
I never ever want to feel that kind of pain again.

Today I took it easy.
I grocery shopped.
Laid on the couch and tried to read
the book I promised myself I'd read before going back to work.
Only read a couple chapters.........I just can't seem to get through it.............................................and I napped.

I cooked supper for boyfriend, daughter and her friend.......and sons plus one of their friends.............luckily they didn't stick around very long after dinner............THEY ALL HAD 4TH OF July CELEBRATIONS TO GO TO (my caps keep sticking. I'm not yelling.)................&..................I wanted peace and quiet..........................Mr. Bojangles and I watched some TV, and did dishes.

It's taking them a little longer to do my BR than expected.
I think they have about 2 more days worth of work.
I'm getting nervous about my budget.......

friday

I'm on the couch with my legs stretched out across the cushions. Mr. Bojangles is sitting right next to me. He's purring. Every once in awhile I pet him and tell him I love him. He's sweet.

I pulled weeds in the front yard today................and the empty spot where I took down a wall last year, the spot in front of the front porch.......I pulled a bunch of wild flowers/weeds from there........  I sprayed a couple days ago with grass and weed killer making the job a lot easier...............I planted some flowers.........put on some top soil..........and then I bought ornamental grass to plant there too. (it's on tomorrow's list to plant the grass .)
It's the best I can do for this summer.

The bathroom guys were here all day and will be back tomorrow. They probably have about another day and a half to work. I'm excited about seeing the finished product.
Since I've been out on my own( a very long time) I've had "ok" bathrooms, and down right ugly as a horses ass bathrooms. This will be the first time I'll have a pretty one.  WooHoo!

Boyfriend took me out to supper tonight.
We had a nice evening.
He's asked me twice, over the course of our relationship, to marry him.
Twice I've told him no.
I swore I'd never do it again.....................................time heals.
Now I'm back and forth....and then back.....forth.
There's no pressure, no hurry.......and if it never happens, I think
he is ok with that too.

I'm content.

thursday

Hi bp.
Have I told you lately that you suck?

I slept in today even though I had men banging around in my bathroom.
They just left to make a Lowes run.
I get 1/2 hour of quiet time. Yay!

I can check off my list do 1 more painting. It's done.
Today I'm going to sit in the sun, swim, and finish reading that last book I swore I'd read before going back to work.
Tomorrow, or this evening I will start in on my file cabinet. (saved the worse for last)
After the file cabinet and paper organization is complete, I will be able to
go back to work with some peace of mind.           Although there is that crack in the kitchen ceiling................:O)

Son and boyfriend are outside working on my car. The brakes were singing a little song so I took the car in to be checked. Michele Tires quoted me 1300.00 bucks to do the job.............son said "fuck them! I'll do it, mom." (he's never afraid to express his self.) With son doing all that needs to be done it'll only cost a little over 500.00 bucks. I'm thrilled son and boyfriend are willing to do the work. I'm even more thrilled about the money I will save!

Does every man cheat on his spouse?
It seems like all we hear about on TV anymore
is about all these cheaters.
I was a girlfriend and wife to my exhusband for 20 years.
Only once, early on in the marriage did I suspect him
of cheating.
He stayed out all night and would never
tell me where he'd been. "I was just out driving." and refused further discussion.
While going through the phase(maybe not a phase. more like a verbal altercation.) during the divorce where you or at least I outlined for my ex/
 everything he'd ever done wrong over the course of our relationship, I
brought up the night(15 years earlier)& (actually it was 2 consecutive Fridays) he didn't call or come home. 
He told me that he wasn't cheating. That in reality he had done some cocaine and was hyped up......and embarrassed to let me know what he had done.......said he stayed out until he came down................... So
I guess he cheated on me, twice, with cocaine......