friday

this day was filled dealing with red tape and other frustrating  crap. i didn't cry though. i got as much taken care of as the day allowed and then i put it all behind me until monday.

tonight i put away christmas gifts, hung new curtains, went to krogers and made a salad at the salad bar for my supper then came home.

i bought myself a book yesterday.
it's a james patterson book titled The House Next Door. i might try to read some of it tonight. i also have a book that my dad put in my mailbox today. it's a sid roth book titled They Thought For Themselves. in the book was a note from dad asking that i please read chapter 3. so i will.

monday

It's 2 AM and I'm up for the day!

Last night I let the kitties outside for awhile.
When I let them back in the house I noticed, but too late to stop him from coming in, that
Mr. Bojangles had a mouse in his mouth. He went straight to my bedroom and placed it on the floor next to my bed. Thank goodness it was dead. I picked it up by the tail and threw it outside.
 Boyfriend would have been proud of my bravery. lol

monday

I had 2 offers on my house today.
I  accepted one of them.
 I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well.

monday

I have a mouse in my house.
I've never had a mouse before.
I think maybe I brought him in from the garage when I brought in a bag of Christmas lights. I don't know for sure.
I set traps last night.
I'm very careful about where I walk. I don't want to accidentally bump in to him. That would probably give me a heart attack.
I will have to move to a hotel soon if he is not caught...............and....
I told my cats that they need to get on the ball and catch the little intruder but to not bring it to me after they do catch it.

sunday

I went to the city tree lighting last night.
It was pretty.
We  sang Christmas Carols.
Mr. and Mrs. Claus was there. They were cute. I couldn't get a good picture of them.
I imagine that when Woody goes outside he probably comes up to the manger to nap next to baby Jesus, or to play. :O)

monday

I performed CPR on boyfriend even though he had a DNR in place.
We talked several times about the do not resuscitate order. I wanted to make sure he understood what the order meant and that it was really what he wanted. He never wavered in his choice.
He died that morning in my arms. We talked, he had coffee. Everything seemed OK until it wasn't..... I started CPR at first not thinking about the DNR order. But the moment I felt his ribs crack I remembered...........................and then I felt so torn between following his wishes, letting him go, and doing anything to save him.
When 911 arrived they took over.......................after a couple of minutes I informed them of the living will and showed it to them. They stopped the CPR even though I pleaded and begged for them to continue.
I will never know and will always question whether or not he would have survived had I not told about the living will.
I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to live, to stay.
I feel guilt.
Mostly I miss my best friend, my love, my sweetheart.

wed

I went dumpster diving with my big sister today.
I scored 2 large bags full of bras and undies. I have 4 sisters so every ones bra size was in the bag. I personally ended up with 20 new bras and 12 pair of underwear! Also from TJ Max I got a pretty Christmas decoration with a price tag of 24.99 on it. The large bag in the second picture is filled with greeting cards and that's only about 1/10 of them! I also got some cute Halloween decorations. I won't do any of the food. But I did chew on some of the bubble gum!
Dumpster diving was a nice part of the day.

I had a routine appointment with my doctor today. I got my flu shot and had some labs done. All my labs were normal.

sunday

Oldest son met me at the old house this morning.
He checked the roof to see if the roofer came back to fix
his work. He did, and son says it looks much better. While on the roof son cleaned
the gutters for me.

I came home from the old house and took a nap. After my nap I cleaned the inside of my car, stored some stuff in the garage, and pulled dead plants and weeds from the garden.
Boyfriend really enjoyed when tulips would bloom in the spring. He thought they were so pretty. I gave everyone tulip bulbs at boyfriends celebration of life party and asked everyone to plant them in honor of my Ace. And I planted 50 red tulip bulbs here at the new house. I'll add more next fall.

Yesterday I went to middle sons house to have dinner with him and his girlfriend.
He grilled Filet Mignon. It was quite good.
Oldest son and daughter was also there. The bantering between the three of them cracks me up.
 It was a very enjoyable evening.

Son brought my deep freezer from the old house to the new one.
I'm glad to have it here. No way was a turkey going to fit in my regular freezer.

I love my new neighborhood.
I like hearing the church bell ring daily at noon and six. I like that the firemen knock on my door to see if I need new batteries for my smoke detectors, and that the hair dresser up the street leaves dog biscuits, water, and doggie bags on her front step for anyone who may need them while out walking their dog.
It's a nice little community.
I wish boyfriend was here to enjoy it with me.

wed

Sunday I went to a turkey shoot with my son and daughter. 

Last year son won. This year he wasn't so lucky. Daughter participated.

She did pretty good too but didn't win.

 Next year I will participate. I haven't shot in quite some time. So I didn't shoot this year.

 I will do some target shooting before next year!

It was a fun day, and to boot the weather was absolutely beautiful.

The second buyer for my home lost his job. He backed out of the contract. Yesterday I received a check from his realtor. It was the earnest money from the guy who backed out. Initially I wasn't going to take it but my realtor insisted saying he held us up for 8 days and "you are taking it!" Screw it. I took it. 

I voted yesterday.

I'm so disappointed in our elected officials that I almost didn't vote. It all seems so useless. They all seem like liars who only seem to serve themselves. I'm tired of voting for the lesser of the two evils.

It was 2 years Nov 1st that I quit smoking.

Congrats to me!

thursday

I worked today. My first day back since boyfriend passed away.
It went better than I thought it would .
They offered me a full time position. I told them I'd think about it. But I also told them
I wasn't sure if I wanted to work this hard anymore, full time. They were very nice.
The hardest part about working today was driving home after the work day knowing that boyfriend wouldn't be there when I got home.
I miss my love, my best friend. the pain is unbearable some of the time.

Thursday

I gave the kitties a flea treatment today.
Right now my oven is going through the clean cycle, and the dishwasher is running.
I have a load of clothes in the washer, just took out the garbage, and shook out the throw rugs.

I had another offer on the old house day before yesterday. We've countered back and forth three times I think until we finally came to an agreement.
I hope my roof passes inspection. It didn't the last inspection. The roofer said the inspector is wrong, that the roof is fine..........................and now he refuses to answer my calls or texts. I think I got scammed. If it fails inspection I will bite the bullet and have it fixed again and then I'll go after the other roofer, the Bastard in court!

Sons girlfriend is a graphic designer. I think that's what it's called. But anyway, she used Mr. Bojangles image for part of the design for a set of hand towels. Two major department stores are interested in the towels.
I always knew Mr. Bojangles would be a star! :O)
I'm grateful boyfriend knew about the first department store being interested.

I need groceries.
I will probably go shopping for them tonight.

That's all for now.......

tuesday

Didn't sleep last night.
I'll probably sleep today instead.
Some of the time I'm afraid home alone through the night and so I don't sleep.
As I was beginning to drift off this morning I had a memory  of a recent conversation with boyfriend where I told him he was the best friend I ever had. And he was............ I smiled when I thought back to that conversation and then I cried.
My heart aches.

monday

Daughter stayed here the weekend.
It helps when she is here.

I got out of bed today. I didn't want to but I did.

I tried to fix  the leaky tub faucet.
I couldn't find the washer in it. I think I screamed fuck.........probably even cried. Then when I calmed down I called son. He came over today after work to have a look. He couldn't fix it  either. We didn't have the right size washer. I ran to Lowes and got the right size. Son will be back tomorrow if I can't fix it before then.....I think I can .

friday

Some days are ok, other days are painfully horrible. Yesterday was a bad day. I stayed in bed until 3 in the afternoon trying to sleep away the pain. I got up at 3 and sobbed, cried, and wished that boyfriend wasn't really gone.

tuesday

I'm just trying to survive.
I make myself get out of bed everyday, shower, get dressed, cook a meal, take care of business, take a walk, and then sleep and start over.
Daughter has stayed with me the past couple of weekends. It helps to have company, especially at night. My sister stayed with me last night. Tonight it's me and the kitties.

The buyer of my house got cold feet and backed out.
Hopefully I'll find another buyer sooner than later. It worries me.

I miss boyfriend.
I find myself starting to bargain with God and then I stop myself because I know that no matter
what I offer God, if there is one, boyfriends not coming back. I wish so badly that he could. I miss my best friend. It's difficult wrapping my head and heart around the fact that he is gone.

wed

Pictures of my babies, Mr. Bojangles, and Woody.

The morning that boyfriend passed away Woody got into bed with us and rubbed his nose and side of his mouth against boyfriends elbow. Boyfriend was sitting on the side of the bed drinking his coffee. When Woody rubbed against him he smiled and chuckled a little. It was a sweet moment and I'm so grateful for it.

sunday

I've had family from Colorado here for over a week. They went back home today.
We (our families) had a celebration of life party yesterday for boyfriend.
It was beautiful.
He would have been pleased.  :O)

He was my best friend. I love him with all
of my heart and soul.

saturday

My sweet, precious, boyfriend passed away unexpectedly Friday morning at home.
I  can hardly believe it's true.

thursday

Boyfriend had a umbilical hernia repaired, and his peritoneal dialysis catheter put in yesterday. It was all outpatient. He's in quite a bit of pain but doing better today than he did last night.

I finally got my house listed. It was a huge relief. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders!
I used the realtor who handled the paper work
from the sale of the house I recently bought. I really like her. She's on the ball, organized, funny, and competent.
So she listed it yesterday. We had had several showings yesterday and today.  I got two offers today, countered one of them and it was accepted. So if all goes well (knock on wood) we will close by Oct. 15th.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

friday

I was on the elevator with boyfriend yesterday headed up to see one of his doctors. A little boy and his mother was in the elevator with us. I watched as the little boy, probably 4 or 5 years old, was taking in the fact that boyfriends left leg was gone. I worried a little that it would scare him. But
 little boy then got boyfriends attention and pulled his own pants leg up to show a bandaid to his upper thigh.
It was the sweetest thing in the world.
Little boy sharing "war stories" with this big strong man.
Made my whole day.

wed

it's quite a trek for a cat to walk from the new house to the old house and it involves crossing a highway. it worries me to think that Woody made his way from here to there. i haven't allowed him outside since his little adventure. last night he knocked down curtains, a picture off the wall, and knocked over a garbage can. he was acting out over not being allowed outside.
kind of feels like i have a troubled adolescent living with me.

boyfriends son will leave for home this evening.
i'm sorry to see him go but it's been weeks since things here have felt normal AND I still have things I HAVE to get done at the old house.
thursday i hope to have it all done...............the roofer didn't show monday, said he'd be here tuesday........he didn't show tuesday either............he has really screwed with my time......i suppose i will look for another roofer today.

thankfully the furnace people did show, though a day late, and my new furnace is installed.

sunday

Woody didn't come home today after time outside.
He was gone for a couple of hours.
I found him at the old house.
He was relaxing under the big maple tree in the front yard.
He rolled to his back for a belly rub as soon as he saw me.
I gave him a belly rub and a big kiss.

saturday

boyfriends brother and sister-in-law left yesterday morning.
it was a busy week full of doctors appointments and therapies
but they hung with us through it all and we managed to squeeze in some fun.
i will miss having them here!
boyfriends son arrived here last evening.
usually he stays in a hotel but this time he is staying at the house.
woody likes when we have company.
he's very social that way.

we have no appointments or therapies or dialysis this weekend. it will be nice to have the time off!
we still need a kitchen table, and I still have a handful of things to do at the old house. i'm hoping to get it all 100% done this weekend.

the moon was so incredible last night. it's supposed to be tonight too. take a look at it if you can!

thursday

just busy, busy.
company still here from colorado.
appointments everyday plus ot and pt visits.
fired the nurse. she was a no show for 9 days so whats the point?
looking forward to the day when things slow down!

sunday

boyfriends brother and sister-in-law are here from colorado!
i love having them here. she's a great friend. it will be a fun week! except for today.
i hAVE TO go to the old house and get a few things done. luckily my great friend is going to go with to keep me company. 

sunday

yesterday we power washed the deck and some of the brick at the back of the old house. we also power washed the driveway wall. the wall looks good. the deck looks clean but a lot of the stain chipped off. so i don't know. i may or may not stain it.
I took out all of the vent covers, washed and painted them, and i've washed all the ceiling light covers. i'll put all the light covers back after i've finished painting, and the vent covers back after they've had awhile to dry.
took out and threw away a book shelf and cleaned up some clippings from last fall..............also removed a bush that just wasn't very attractive.
 so the old house is almost finished and ready to list. today i'm going to paint my old bedroom. son is going to caulk the frame of the garage door, and paint the frame. he's also going to caulk some areas on the front porch and power wash the driveway.
daughter is going to help me paint the bedroom.
other son is going to make the yard look trimmed and manicured again. right now it is a mess!
so even though i feel like we are almost finished we still have much to do! my goal is to have it all completed by the 10th. and that with 4 doctor appointments this week, and 2 visits from ot and pt.
if we can just get through this next week i will be able to breathe!

friday

Surgery went well yesterday. Boyfriend is home and dealing......says he will never "thumb a ride" again. LOL

My little loft for the kitties. Woody goes up there to sit. Mr. Bojangles hasn't been up there yet as far as I know.

 Son made me the ladder. I like it! I put GI Joe up there to keep an eye on things! :O)

Dad bought me a book from the library called "The Art of Nursing." It has pictures of paintings of nurses. I cut out a few of my favorites and framed them. I like the way they look! I love the middle picture.

Sons old toy car.. and daughters old Jurassic Park dinosaur. I keep them in the office because they make me smile.

Of all the house hold chores, dusting is what I hate to do. Found this little sign that made me laugh. It too is in my office.

thursday

I was at the old house yesterday cleaning carpets and windows. WHile I was in the boys old bedroom, vacuuming the closet I found some  writing on the wall done in crayon and obviously by a child. I don't know. It pulled at my heart strings. Some of the time I can't believe they are all grown and gone.....and that their childhood home will be gone too :O) And some of the time I miss that part of my life. Some of the time I wish I could do it all over again....and I'd try to be an even better mom. I hope I was good enough...really I do.
 I hope they  know how much I love and hope for them.

We have a time capsule under the driveway at the old house. I think I put everything in a Stanley or Coleman thermos. I guess that if or when the new owners to be ever replace the driveway they will set the capsule aside for us! I'm not even sure if daughter was born yet when we buried the time capsule.

Today we go to the surgical center where boyfriend will have part of his thumb amputated. The bone in the thumb is infected.
It sucks..
I can't imagine.

monday

We had a birthday lunch get together  with family for daughter yesterday at Buffalo Wings.  It was a fun time.Then boyfriend and I went to the casino/horse race track. We left one hundred dollars ahead! lol  We had a fun time.
On the way home we stopped for carry out for supper and  later had a quiet meal at home.
It was a good day.


I've allowed both the kitties to go outside. They came home without incident. I was so happy. They've been outside two more times since the first time and have done well.
Hopefully the bad behaviors stop!


I took boyfriend to dialysis this morning. I came home and rearranged his bedroom, and hung curtains. I also called a couple of doctors and rescheduled appointments, ordered medications, and ordered a new kitchen floor.
Now I'm going to get a long, hot shower and then pick up boyfriend from dialysis, go to the old house to collect mail then maybe go to update our driver licenses, do a change of address at post office then go to a doctors appointment.

Thursday

HIS BUTT IS ON FIRE! Is what I sang to boyfriend yesterday to the tune of Alicia Keys' This girl is on fire.
He was complaining that his butt was burning from the upset stomach from the antibiotic.
He laughed.
 He's a good sport!

The kitties are having some behaviors since the move.
We haven't allowed them outside yet so they have a bunch of pent up energy. They run through the house at night, and  sound like a herd of buffalo. I guess that's normal behavior. I'm just not used to it.
Woody urinated in my purse yesterday. That's not normal!
I gave him a stern talking to and I'm doing most of the things all the articles say to do after a move. We will see!

Tuesday

We had OT, PT, and a nurse visit today and a doctor appointment this morning with the doctor taking care of boyfriends hand .
I scheduled an appointment with the infectious disease doctor for his hand. I don't think the guy presently taking care of it is very competent.
 The ID doctor will know what she's looking at when she sees it.

I have a realtor coming over to the old house tomorrow. I don't know for sure yet if I will try to sell it first without her. I just haven't figured it all out yet. I guess I better figure it out!

I love my new little house.
I have tons of storage and so many electrical outlets. My old house was lacking for both of those things.

It's storming here. Lots of rain, thunder, and lightening. Mr. Bojangles is hiding under the bed. Woody is stretched out in boyfriends recliner.

I wish my mom was here to see my new house.
She would like it.

friday

Boyfriend came home from the rehab hosp last Saturday.
It's been one appointment after another since then...
We are both exhausted.
I feel a little overwhelmed.
I work at the old house while boyfriend is at dialysis. My goal is to have it listed
very soon.

The cats are adjusting to the new house.
Mr. Bojangles stay in hiding most of the day but comes out early evening now. Woody stays at
my side most of the time.

Boyfriend loves the new house.

saturday

Boyfriend will be discharged from the rehab hospital today. He's been gone for 6 weeks, 4 in the hosp and 2 in rehab for PT and OT. Since he's been gone I've bought a new house.
There's only 3 stairs to get in to the new house.
Boyfriend hasn't seen the new place. I think he will like it!

My plan is to have my other house ready to be listed for sale by September 1. I tried really hard to have it ready before school started back but just wasn't able to do it!

Today though I'm  going to take the day off from working at either house and just enjoy time at home with boyfriend.

Friday

Tonight will be my last night in my present home.

I've lived here 28 years and 10 months.

It's been a good home.

I brought my daughter here from the hospital after

she was born. I remember my sons gathering around her after we

arrived home. They watched after her, and still do.

We've celebrated birthdays. holidays, and high school graduations here just to mention a few....

We've played, laughed , cried, nursed broken hearts, dreamed, lost, won and loved here. 

It's been a good, warm, and comfy home.

I would hug it good bye if I could!

 Thank you home. 

thursday

So we went to the eye doctor and to the hand specialist.
The ulcer in boyfriends eye is healed and the eye has had some
sensation return though just a little. Hopefully that will improve in the next several weeks
and then they will discuss opening that eye. So that was good news!
The ortho hand specialist says he's not convinced that boyfriend has osteomyelitis in the thumb even though it's what the MRI shows. So for now he is treating him with an antibiotic and ordered a new treatment for the wound. He also wants him to see the Infectious Disease doctor and then return in a week. So at least there's hope even though I believe the MRI results.
. I'm anxious to see the ID doctor. We love and trust her.

I have lots of work to do today.
I need to finish emptying this house. There's not much here but enough to keep me busy. I have neighbors coming over today to take
2 dressers that I no longer want. This helps me a great deal!

The roofer came yesterday.
The rubber roof on the dormer needs to be replaced. He will email me an estimate, and I have another guy coming in the next couple of days to give me an estimate.

I have to block off a crawl space at the new house so that the cats don't use it as a litter box, and I need to hang a couple more curtains. Then for the most part the new house is ready for us to move into.
Boyfriend will be coming home Saturday so long as nothing comes up between now and then!

monday

I got so much done yesterday.
All the furniture from upstairs I brought down to the garbage. A neighbor came over and helped me to get the stuff set up at the curb. I didn't ask for his help but was sure happy to have it!
I was happy to see neighbors took 3 of the tables. I love when stuff is reused.
And I finally got  the stuff from the garage, all the tools etc and took it to the new house. It  took 3 car loads full to get it there.
I have a nice unattached over sized 2 car garage at the new place. I have a lot of stuff in it from my basement and garage that I will go through soon.
At the new house I went through a few piles of paper stuff and either threw it away or put it away. I also hung some more pictures.
In my extra living room there is a nice size ledge/loft type area. I asked son to make me a ladder so that the cats can get to the ledge/loft.
 He made me a really nice one that I think the cats will love. I'll take a picture when I have it set up.

We will see the hand surgeon this Wed and we will see the eye doctor this Tuesday. The eye med boyfriend took 6 times a day for 8 weeks may have done its job. We pray that it did so that the eye can be opened. Right now it's fused part of the way shut.
We are hoping the hand surgery will be scheduled for this Thursday or Friday.

We had a nice birthday lunch for middle son this past Saturday. I met his girlfriend for the first time. She was a very nice and pretty girl.

I love the doorbell at the new house. It goes on and on.... lol......and it's loud but it makes me smile when it rings.

Saturday

Much of the same going on here
I got all the garbage bags from the upstairs and have them in the garage ready for garbage day.
And I took my last bit of stuff from upstairs to the new house.

I met boyfriend at the wound clinic yesterday. The day before he had an MRI of his thumb.He burned it maybe 6 weeks ago and its not healing. He does have infection in the bone. The doctor at the wound clinic said he would definitely need to have a little over half of the thumb removed. We'll see the hand doctor next week.
The news is devastating.
I tell boyfriend to lets just get it taken care of and lets move on to getting him home and to getting on with making good memories.
Easy for me to say I guess. I don't mean to sound callous or to minimize what he must be feeling. And I know he is tired. He's been through so much the last several years.
I just want the hand taken care of so that he might then start to feel better physically and get stronger......and have some joy again. I really do believe he still has many happy and good moments to come. Hopefully those moments will be sooner than later.

Today we will be celebrating middle sons birthday.
I'm meeting him, his girlfriend, brother , brothers girlfriend, sister and grandpa for lunch.
I wish I would have had more time to plan a family grill out.........the time just isn't there right now.......neither is the energy ..........a luncheon should be fine.
I'll be meeting his girlfriend for the 1st time today. I hear a lot of nice things about her. I'm looking forward to meeting her.

Tuesday

So I got the baseboards in the living room, master bedroom, and hallway cleaned. I also took all the giant garbage bags from upstairs out to the curb for the garbage man.
This morning I went to the new house with a load of stuff, put it away and then hung pictures. I also tried out the wheelchair ramps. They're the perfect fit!
I ordered some other equipment today that boyfriend will need.........I called a couple of roofers, and I talked to the floor guy.
This evening I packed my car with another load........almost everything has been moved except for tools and yard equipment.
I do still have a lot of furniture, TVs and computer stuff to throw away.
Does it take everyone this long to move?
I'll never do it again!
The insurance company just approved boyfriend for 10 more days at the rehab hospital. I'm so thankful they did.
Tomorrow he will have an MRI of his thumb. He has a burn on it and the doctor wants to make sure the bone isn't infected. (I can't even play the what if game right now)........
Hopefully in ten days I will have both houses ready! One to sell, and one to move in to!

monday

Yesterday son changed the guts of all my electrical outlets at the new house and put new face plates over them. He also changed the locks!
Both sons brought my new sofa and desk home to the new house.
The place is almost starting to feel like a home.

I took dinner to boyfriend day before yesterday.
He's tired of hospital food.
I brought him some BBQ. He loved it! We ate outside in the courtyard. It was a sunny and pretty day. It was nice having a meal together & boyfriend loved being outside.
We went for a walk together.
We got to the car and talked about how he might transfer from the w/c to the car.
Finally we just tried it. He easily transferred into the car. He was so happy about it that he became tearful. It's been keeping him up at night thinking he wouldn't be able to do it. Now he can relax!

Today the w/c ramps arrived. They're on my front porch. I will take them to the new house this evening. Crossing my fingers that they are the right size!

Today I've been cleaning windows and baseboards at the old house. The baseboards sure are dirty! The windows are not so bad. My goal is to get all of the first floor windows and baseboards clean today and I also have like nine 55 gallon garbage bags on the second floor that I need to take down to the driveway for garbage day for tomorrow.
It's coming along slowly maybe, but I'm getting there!

friday

I was unloading my car while at the new house yesterday. A man carrying a rose bush rounded the street corner. He looked at me and said "don't worry about it! It's MY rose bush."
Dirt was falling from the roots of the bush as the man walked. He was red faced, sweaty, and dirty from digging.
I said to him " Your rose bush is pretty." When I first saw him I thought he was taking the bush to plant in his back yard. I quickly realized he was taking the bush to some place else. " I might be homeless, and the bank might be able to take my house, but they can't have my rose bush!" He cut through the school yard and headed to the highway.
No doubt he was having a really bad day.
I felt for him. Life sucks some of the time.
I'm glad he got his rose bush.
Victory for him!
 I just hope he has a place to plant it, being that he's homeless and all.

thursday

I'm still packing stuff and taking it to the new house.
It never seems to end!
I'm not staying the night there until son changes the front lock. The side door has a key-less lock. I really like it.
I love that the new house has so much sunlight from the big windows, and even though it's a small house it has way more storage than the old house. I'm loving it.

Today I ordered the ramp for the side door so that boyfriend can get into the house.
I have the carpet guy coming to the old house this afternoon to measure for new flooring.
I took a couple of loads of stuff to the new house and put it away. Yesterday I got all the stuff that the movers moved put away, and I got the boxes to the garage. I also cut the lawn at the new place, pulled weeds, and trimmed some hedges.

They transferred boyfriend to the rehab hospital late yesterday afternoon.
So far I'm very impressed. It gives me hope, and it makes me happy for boyfriend
knowing he is getting great care.

When I feel overwhelmed I go outside. That seems to help me for some reason. We will get there. One thing at a time.

I lost 7 more pounds for a total of 20.
I'm trying to eat healthier.
It feels good.

tuesday

It's been a very busy past few days.
Work went well but the 12 hour shift is too long.
After work I did  more packing. Then yesterday I got
up at 4 AM and packed boxes until I used them all up. The movers were here at 8AM and had
me moved by 11 AM.
My sister came over and she helped me do some cleaning around the new house. I also did some unpacking.
Yesterday evening I went to the hospital to see boyfriend.
I helped him with a bath..
He doesn't look good to me.
We're still waiting on approval from the insurance company to send him to the rehab facility.
He's home sick.....................and sick of being in the hosp. I miss having him at home.

I met a new neighbor yesterday.
She's an older (maybe 70) woman, who seems to be very pleasant.

Went to the hospital this morning. I brought clean clothes for in case boyfriend is discharged.
I gave him a shave, and we talked. Mostly we talked about his son that past away last year. He's been very tearful lately re his deceased son. It's been an incredibly difficult time for boyfriend. It is so sad...I wish I could change it...

I worked at the new house until 9 PM. There's so much to do there and here, and at the hospital. I'm trying to just move forward, to get stuff done.......

saturday

I work this weekend.
I signed up for only 6 hours today, 12 hours tomorrow. I didn't work last month so signed up for 2 days this month.
Six hours was a breeze even though it was busy. After work today I came home and did more packing.
I have a problem with throwing things away. The problem is I want to hang on to everything.
I still have my adult childrens' baby teeth. I don't have the heart to throw away their report cards, or trophies, or old Nina Turtle t-shirts as a small example..........and most of the paper stuff isn't organized. It's packed in storage containers from wally world.........and most of it is a disorganized mess.
I've thrown away lots of stuff so far but some things I just can't part with. :O) I'm working on it though!
I will organize it.

Boyfriend is still in the hospital.
I miss him being home.

Friday

I have about 3/4 of the house packed and ready to move.
My roof is leaking.
Son patched it last evening.
I have a call out to a couple of roofers for an estimate.
I have painters coming to the new house Saturday and Sunday to paint.
And I decided to call movers to help me to move.
They will move me this Monday. I feel a little less overwhelmed.
Boyfriend is still in the hospital.
The plan is to move him to a short term stay rehab facility. It's supposed to be
a pretty great place. We're just waiting for approval from the insurance company.
My plan is to get moved to the new house then prepare this house for sale, and to get the roof fixed/replaced.
Kitties will be the last to move to the new house. I'll move them after I'm totally moved in......

Little Boy has been helping me pack, and clean out the junk!

Everyone needs a break, right?

A turkey walking down the street. lol

tuesday

I closed on the house yesterday.
Everything went as planned.
I called to put the utilities in my name.
For the gas and electric, no problem.
The water company says I have to download an application then bring it to
their office. I explained that I already have an account and have had one for years and years.
Doesn't matter said she the evil, angry, resentful, miserable water company woman.
So I fought with my computer and printer for an hour trying to get the damned application printed.
At one point I felt like the most incompetent, loser there has ever been. Eventually after some cursing and self-deprecation I got the darn thing printed.
Then I headed up to the new house.
There was a card from the seller wishing me lots of great times in my new home.
I tried to send her a text thanking her but my phone died while I was typing. I worried she must think I didn't appreciate her note even though I did! (sent the text later)
So went about checking the house.
While in the living room noticed a puddle of water. I couldn't figure out right away
where it was coming from.
Finally figured it was a minute leak from the glass pane in the front door.................and then I went from room to room and noticed anything and everything that was wrong with the house and I wanted to sit down and cry.
Why didn't I see it when I bought it and how can I get this house in order before boyfriend comes home, and how can I get the other house ready to sell.
 I feel in over my head.

monday

I close on the house today.
I'm nervous about it.
I hope I'm making the right decision.
I hope my house will sell quickly.
I hope boyfriend likes the new house. He was in the hospital
and didn't have the chance to see it other than the outside
of it.
My dad tells me I overpaid.
I don't think I did.
As a matter a fact, I think it was priced fairly.

So the plan is to head to the bank when they open and then
head up to my insurance company and take care of insuring the new house. Then I'll head to the
title company to close.

Yesterday my sister came over.
I still had 4 large bags of my moms clothes.
I didn't have the heart at the time to part with them.
So my sister went through them with me. She took what she wanted and we packed the
rest up to give to Goodwill. She's dropping them off for me. I appreciate it. It's a huge help!

She also helped me take multiple bags and boxes of stuff to the curb for the garbage man.
I still have a million things around here to pack but my house is loaded with packed boxes.
I'll start taking them today to the new house.

The chimney guy said he likes my new little city that it reminds him of Mayberry, lol.
The fire station is right down the street, and the Catholic church is right up the street. The church bells are nice to listen to for me. The church I attended as a child is right down the street from the new house as is a grade school . There'a a block party there this weekend. Maybe after work Saturday I'll walk down and check it out.

Boyfriend had his second surgery and is doing well.
He's a little home sick though.
I'm thinking he will be discharged in a day or three and then go to a facility for rehab. It will be at least 5 or 6 weeks before he gets a prosthetic leg. That's assuming the incision heals without complications.
So far it looks good.
He should come home in a few weeks.
He misses the kitties.

Daughter is doing OK. She's bruised and sore. I'm grateful she's OK. She's using my car until she gets a rental. Last time she used it she was rear ended and it had over 5000 in damage.
Hopefully it comes back in one piece this time!

I did not have to work this past weekend. I was confused about my schedule. I do however work this coming weekend, 6 hours Sat and 12 hours Sun.
When I do go back to work full time, I will not go back to nursing I don't think.
I love nursing, really I do even though I complain about it. But I just don't want to work with that kind of stress anymore.

The every 2 hour eye drops that boyfriend has been on for 8 weeks is now complete. It felt like our alarm was going off all day reminding us to give the drops. Even at the hospital I was giving most of them. I'm glad to have it done!

I'm sitting on my bed. My cat Woody is on his hind legs with his front legs on my shoulder. He's rubbing his head against my neck and head. His purring is tickling my ear. lol He's so freaking cute!

saturday

I'm up again this morning at 4 AM. It's become my MO.
Surgery was yesterday. As they were taking boyfriend to the surgical hold area daughter called. She was crying. Some guy ran a red light and  T-Boned her while she was on her way to work. They took her via a life squad to the ER. She had a laceration to the top of her head, a bruised knee, and Whip lash. Nothing too serious......she was scared and shaken up...............I felt torn between her and boyfriend.....of course it was impossible for me to be in two places at once even though I really wanted to be......thankfully middle son was able to go to the other hospital to check on daughter.
Everything went OK in surgery except for some breathing difficulties. They gave him some breathing treatments and steroids which eventually helped.
It was a very long and stressful day yesterday.
It seems everything needed my attention all at once.
The broker working on the new house sale was calling, and I had to make calls to the insurance company, and bank while dealing with all the other stuff. And of course I was wondering to myself how I was ever going to get moved to the new house and prepare my house to sell.
Today is a new day.
I'm going to head up the hospital to check on boyfriend, help him with a bath, and take the eye drops to him..............................................if everything is OK there I'll run over to check on sister bear (daughter). Then I'll go home and start packing.
It's all going to be OK.

friday

Boyfriends second surgery is this morning.

He says he's not worried or afraid.

I'm going to dress in a few minutes and head up to the hospital.

I close on the house Monday.

A little nervous about the whole thing.

wednesday

It's been busy around here.
Today i'm having the chimney on the new house inspected and
i'm meeting with the owner to go over the list of other things from
the inspection with him.
but first i have to go to the hospital.
i take a new vial of eye drops there everyday, the days doses are kept in a cooler
in his room. i give them during the time i'm there. they give them the other times.
they're too expensive to take more than a days worth to the hospital at a time.
we don't have a date yet for boyfriends next surgery. the surgeon said it will probably
be the end of this week or beginning of next.
i signed up to work this weekend. i signed up before boyfriend was in the hospital, and before i bought the house. i wish i hadn't. it feels overwhelming. i feel like i need to be in multiple places at once.
it's going to be a struggle for awhile but it won't last forever.

saturday

I'm up every morning lately by 3:30 or 4.
The thoughts start coming and it's impossible to
go back to sleep.
I wonder if I'm making a mistake buying
the house.
Is it priced right?
The bathroom location isn't great.
Is the angle of the porch going
to be right for boyfriend to maneuver
a w/c? Am I going to be able to take care of him?
Will I get used to not having as private
a backyard as I have now? Will my cats end up lost
in a new neighborhood?
Will my house sell? When a potential buyer
has it inspected will they find major problems?
These and other thoughts run through my head.

The good news is that I had the new home inspected yesterday.
The guys says the house is in really good shape.
Did I mention it's 110 years old? Did I mention it's a shotgun house? It has a white picket fence! lol I kid you not!
I like the family selling the house. They're really nice people
I think. He had measured the doorway for me for the correct ramp size.
I didn't ask him to measure it. He just did. Some people are just good.

I'm gonna shower and get to the hospital early. I'd like to get home earlier than usual
so that I can get more work done in the garage and basement.
Everything will work out.

thursday

when I came home the day before yesterday from the hospital I went straight to the basement and began throwing away stuff. I only worked on it for 4 hours but I did manage to get many bags and boxes full of crap to toss.
How I'll ever get all of this house packed is beyond me.

they amputated boyfriends foot yesterday. they will do another surgery in about a week where they will amputate the rest of the leg from the knee down. the doctor wanted to allow for swelling to reduce before doing the rest of the leg so that the incision would have a better chance of healing. boyfriend isn't ready to look at it.
i hate that all of this is happening but i do believe boyfriend will finally start to get stronger and feel better physically.

the new house is one level and one step entry.
hopefully we will close next week or soon after and i can get moved in
before boyfriend is discharged from the hospital/rehab.
it dawned on me yesterday that boyfriend will never ever be back at this house. it's sad to me. but i know that things are going to get better.

monday

for a few months i've been checking a neighborhood, actually a specific street that i love, almost daily hoping to find a house listed for sale . i don't have a smart phone so i can't get alerts.  i thought if i drove on the street everyday i'd catch the listing on the first day it was listed and i'd have a chance at getting it. and one day i saw a man putting a for sale sign up. i stopped to talk to him. he said it wouldn't be ready to show for at least a few weeks. he said he was putting the sign up because with the church festival up the street there would be people passing by and he wanted to see if he could generate some interest in the house. we exchanged numbers and i asked if i could be the first to see it. he agreed. said he would call me when the house was ready.........and he did. he called me this past weekend......................i made an offer. they accepted my offer........and that's all she wrote!...........................and then when i got home from doing a contract on the house i called an ambulance for boyfriend to be taken to the hospital.

i've been trying to get him to go for about a week...........finally got to the point where he was too weak to walk..........then he agreed to go...........................so he was admitted and that's where i spent last night...................................................i feel very overwhelmed..........................but it will be ok......and...........things will get better.................

saturday

nothing new here.
spend my day helping boyfriend with activities of daily living.
some of the time it is overwhelming, some of the time not so much.

almost 20 months since i quit smoking. it feels great! i'm very grateful to not be smoking.
i've lost 13 pounds. trying to eat healthier. i feel good.

i'm still looking for a new home. i'd like a one story. the market here sucks....very limited and the prices keep going up............so who knows if i'll ever find what i want.

thursday

I was stressing out about having to work tomorrow.
Boyfriend has dialysis and is not able yet to drive . Plus he has so much equipment to carry
he can't do it alone....................and then coming home and getting back into the house while alone would be impossible for him. To boot, he is on a new eye drop regime that goes on for 8 weeks.......a drop every 2 hours for 6 doses a day. The med is 6000 per week..........luckily his insurance pays all but the co-pay  is  1040. per week. The National Organization for Rare Diseases is paying the co-pay. He is not able to administer them. Doses can not be missed. It's his last chance/treatment for the eye that might allow the eye to be re-opened........and although I tried to figure out a way to get his needs met while I'd be at work, I wasn't able to. Finally I decided to just call my work and let them know what was going on and that I could not work my day in June, and if they decided to fire me then so be it.
HR was very nice, and supportive. They told me not to worry about missing that day and I will work a day in late July.
I am so grateful. I so much did not want to lose my job!

monday

" the flower that smiles today"

saturday

some of the pretties in my yard. the Daffodils were given to me by a co-worker. . i left them in my car, in the hot summer for 3 weeks after she gave them to me. they looked dead but here they are 5 years later still going strong! 

Woody being Woody. lol

little Easter baskets.

boyfriend is hanging in there. this is the longest he's gone without being hospitalized (I guess its been about 3 weeks) since Jan......................he's weak, and unsteady still but  maybe he's on the mend...............................his son was here over memorial day weekend.........................was nice having him here.........................................

friday

Today while waiting in the parking lot to pick up boyfriend from dialysis the garbage man arrived to empty the dumpster.
For some reason it made me remember the dumpster at the grade school  I attended when I was a child. The dumpster sat behind a brown gate close to the front playground. There was almost always a little stream of milk that ran from out of the dumpster to under the gate to just the beginning of the playground. On the warm, sunny, or hot days the milk would sour. The smell was nauseating!                 And that's it.....................lol................

tuesday

I had a wonderful day in the yard yesterday.
It was sunny, warm, and the sky was blue.
I cleaned up some fall and winter mess, and I planted
some flowers and plants.
Woody was at my side the whole time. He followed me from the front to the back yard
and then back again. When I would dig, he'd lay very close by.
 I love that little fur ball!

Saturday

I had a wonderful day with boyfriend today.
We went to the casino for a couple of hours, and out to lunch. He was feeling good. Says he feels a little stronger each day.....

friday

                                               You made us smile, Grumpy cat, and you will be missed.
                                                                                       RIP.

sunday

Happy Mothers Day!

thursday

boyfriend is being discharged from the hospital today if his blood pressure is normal. it was low yesterday so the doctor wouldn't let him leave.
they started dialysis again to remove the fluid.......almost 27 pounds of fluid.......................i don't know if dialysis is permanent or temporary............................there will be numerous doctor appointments to be made, again, because he missed all of them after the last few discharges from the hosp due to being readmitted...............................and then work will be calling me non stop wanting me to fill in..........and I don't know how to explain over and over again without sounding like a broken record, that i'm needed at home..................after you say if for so long i'm sure they just roll their eyes...........but it's the truth................and i've committed to work one day a month as they asked me to do.......i wish it would just be good enough for them for now.........

friday

So boyfriend had a huge weight gain in a very short time. They had discontinued his dialysis. It had been a week. The weight gain was right around 23 pounds. They are giving him multiple diuretics.................but he gained 2 more pounds between yesterday and this morning. I suspect they will start dialysis again..............................I wish the meds  would work..............he's miserable............having trouble breathing..................they use a Bi-Pap to help him, and oxygen........they haven't been able to find the source of his fever. It was 102.6 on and off for a couple of days. They started him on 3 antibiotics, now down to one...........the I.D. doctor says she is discontinuing the last antibiotic since all of the cultures have come back negative.

tuesday

called the life squad yesterday for boyfriend who was short of breath, chilling, and weak. he was admitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of congestive heart failure and an infection...........waiting on cultures and other reports to determine where the infection is........................they assisted him with his breathing yesterday because he was working so hard to breathe they worried he would stop breathing........................i was so scared.
 he's doing better today though. they're moving him out of the icu tonight or tomorrow.............
we had just had a great day out with boyfriends sister and nephew...........................we'd gone to the opening day at the horse track, and out for lunch.........................it was fun.............was boyfriends first time out since december i think....................was a great day! it almost felt like normal was right around the corner........................................................i took his nephew and sister to the airport this evening.............boyfriend cried when they told him good-bye.......................................

Tuesday

The kidney doctor was in to see boyfriend yesterday at dialysis.
She has changed the dialysis from 3  times per week to 2 times per week. She said his labs are really good....................................................my hope is that soon he can stop dialysis all together.
He's doing better.  Yesterday he was up and down the basement steps twice, and he walked from the lobby to the elevator to the doctors office yesterday afternoon. The last couple of times there I had to take him in a wheelchair. So that's a big improvement!

I went to look at a house today. I was so hopeful that it would be the one. It wasn't..............................not even close!

Boyfriends sister and nephew are  coming for a visit this week.
I don't want to entertain.
 I don't want to prepare meals for visitors.
I just want our old life back!

sunday

It's 230 AM.
I can't sleep.
Boyfriend is up too.

Yesterday we celebrated oldest sons birthday.
I took him, his girlfriend, and his brother and sister
out for lunch. We went to a pizza place.
It was fun!

When I got home we had to run up to the ER
to have boyfriends IV replaced. His came out and we weren't
able to get a new one in. 4 more days and the IV can come out for good!

I'm not having the family over for Easter.
I'm tired and just want a quiet day at home.

Happy Easter.        :O)

thursday

Boyfriend was discharged from the hospital day before yesterday at 9 PM.
It was midnight before I had everything taken care of that needed to be taken care of........the next day started super early as I had to have him up, dressed, and to dialysis by 7, and I had an appointment with the cardiologist at 745.........I felt stressed, and overwhelmed but from there the day only got more hectic and stressful......................I had multiple doctors to schedule appointments with, the pharmacy sent someone elses medications to us, they didn't send an IV pole and then forgot to send it at the next delivery, and the wound vac didn't get delivered. The visiting nurse was here from 4 - 730...........at one point I almost asked her to just get out..........my head was pounding, and boyfriend was exhausted.....................we had dinner at 8 pm and then boyfriend crashed...............it was my birthday and it kind of sucked.
Today should be better. We have no appointments and no one is supposed to come to the house. We got up at 330......................................................I organized, again, all of the equipment, bandages, medications, and paper work.............folded a load of laundry and threw a load in the washer........and threw out a bunch of crap.....
boyfriend is napping.
I probably will in a little bit.

sunday

I didn't sleep last night. It just wouldn't come to me. Finally at 6 AM I crashed and slept until 10 AM. When I got up I went to the hospital to see boyfriend. I gave him a haircut, trimmed his eyebrows, bathed him, shaved him, and lotioned his skin.
He's doing better. I'm optimistic they will discharge him this week.
They've been doing dialysis.
I still think his kidneys will rebound. Two of the doctors have told him they won't but I think they are wrong, young, green, impatient........................
Watched the Masters Tournament today with boyfriend.
I was rooting for Tiger!

hjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj (<<

17 months since I quit smoking. :O)
It feels so good.....so liberating!

It's 3 am.
I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed
and folded a load of laundry, vacuumed, cleaned the litter boxes, paid bills,
and organized my purse.

I wasn't able to get to my car to clean it until yesterday..........feels good to have a clean car. I also went to the city bldg and paid property taxes on my car, and renewed my plates....glad to have that out of the way!   And then yesterday we filled out the form for boyfriend  for an extension for his taxes........nice to have that little task off of our backs!

I've been listening to sounds of rain on You Tube for when I fall asleep at night...................it's soothing and relaxing.

monday

My younger (a year younger) sister came to town yesterday to take me out to lunch for my birthday which is in a little over a week. She took me to the hamburger stand that is pretty popular around here this time of year. They only have outside seating. So it's what we did......sat outside at one of the picnic tables.............is was a nice sunny day, a good day to be outside.
It was a good day.

saturday

daughter came home from the hospital with me last evening and we had supper together.........she also went to the store with me..............we had fun listening and singing to one of our favorite country girl bands from way back when..........we had ourselves cracking up laughing.......it was fun!

saturday

I got up this morning at 3am......couldn't sleep..............organized and cleaned up the medical equipment and papers on the buffet, dining room table, and dining room floor. It looks a lot more tidy......I also vacuumed, dusted the living room, changed the dining room table, table cloth, folded a load of laundry, and threw a new load in the washer. Oh, and I cleaned out the litter boxes and went through the mail................
I did get up early yesterday and did my taxes, finally. I probably screwed them up because I rushed through them.....but still I'm glad to have them filed on time.......
My goal today is to vacuum both cars and run them through the car wash before I head up to the hospital.
It's 5:15 am.
I'm going to take a little nap then get going again.

thursday

boyfriend's back in the hospital since tuesday.

he is in acute renal failure.

he has received dialysis twice since then.

they are hoping the kidneys will begin to work again......

he was very sick the first couple of days......had issues with his breathing, nausea and vomiting, and tonic clonic movements all over his body.

he was miserable.

he was certain he was dying.

i spent the night with him.

today he is doing much better i think though he is 

very emotional.

he had a niece visit from colorado today.

he was very happy to see her, and cried when it was time to tell

her good-bye.

i got home tonight after 10......had salad for dinner.......listened to phone messages............brought the box in off the porch that ups was supposed to pick up today but didn't and kissed the kitties.

my house needs to be cleaned.

i did clean the bathroom and kitchen this morning before going to the hospital, and i am caught up on laundry, but the rest of the house needs to be cleaned.................and i still have to file my taxes....i just can't seem to find the time or energy to file them.......

sunday

the days fly by and before i know it its been 10 days since i last posted to my blog! crazy.....
boyfriend is hanging in there. i give him his daily iv antibiotic, check his blood sugars, weight, vitals, and give him insulin,  pills, and breathing treatments, and foley catheter care............and then   i reinforce his wound vac dressing when it is leaking..................a nurse visits 3 times a week and PT visits 3 times a week. my living room looks more like a hosp. room than a living room............and i'm kind of getting used to strangers in my house............................all of them like my cat Woody......they giggle/ewe and awe when they first see his little face. lol
getting to our doctor visits is the most difficult part.....carrying a portable oxygen tank, and a wound vac while wearing a surgical boot and using a walker to get from the house to the car sometimes feels like a major task.............once we get to our location we transfer from the car to a w/c which is much easier because the walker is left behind and all the equipment can sit in the w/c with boyfriend.
boyfriend thinks all of this is permanent.
he gets very depressed and anxious.
i try to be his rock.
i reassure, and encourage.
i'm not always sure myself how all of this
will play out.
it's stressful some of the time.
some of the time we fight/argue mostly because he is bull headed, lol.....but we don't do that very often!
i always try to be patient and kind, and he is almost always grateful.
i tell him that we will get through this.......

thursday

boyfriends brother stayed at the hospital with boyfriend all day the other day. i left them after a few
hours and went to a antique store with boyfriends SIL. We had a blast together. We also went out for lunch. It was great spending time with a girlfriend talking about stuff girls talk about with each other and it was good to get away from the hospital.
yesterday i stayed home and got a few things done around the house. boyfriend was being discharged so his brother and SIL volunteered to do what needed to be done at the hospital and to bring him home. i can't even begin to say how grateful i am for their help!....and their friendship!!