New Years Eve

I called the administrator of my work today and declined the job offer. I have no regrets. :O)

I have no big party plans for tonight. I have to work in the morning, and I'm on call. So it will be a quiet night at home. I've already showered, and have on my new fleece Christmas pajamas. I guess I'll get in my warm, comfy bed and read.

The calls from work have already started. One of the 3-11 nurse asst. just called from work to see if she can leave at 8pm. She said she has a party to go to. I told her no and that she should have requested the day off.......................but in the spirit of the holiday, I told her if she became ill during her shift then she should call me back, and I'd see what I could do for her.

The kids are at their dads house. Daughter is having her boyfriend over, middle son isn't sure yet what his plans are, and oldest son is at his apt. with his girlfriend and they aren't sure how they're going to bring in the New Year. I called them all to wish them a happy nEW yEAR AND to remind the boys not to drink and drive, that I was available to pick them up after 12mn, or at anytime if need be.

I wanted to call my parents and tell them Happy New Year but I can't do it..................I feel on the verge of tears and I'm afraid they'll say just the thing to break that emotional dam......and I can't even explain where it's coming from. I guess it's a holiday thing.............. So Happy New Years mom and dad. I love you both.

I havent given much thought to New Years resolutions.
What I'd really like is to learn how to be honest with myself and to quit justifying/making excuses for those things/people who I allow to bring me down. Life is short. I deserve to have my needs and thoughts, and wants and wishes to be acknowledged, and met...............rather than be made to feel like I am somehow selfish, or like I should be punished, or ignored because of those needs, thoughts, wants and wishes. I'll explain it someday.

shallow jane

On the drive home from work today I was thinking about all the reasons I should take the job that was offered to me at work. And the only reason I could come up with for taking the job, was bragging rights. I wanted to be able to brag inside my own little head about getting the job. The other reason I want to take the job is so other people at work know it was offered to me.......not to them, but to me. How shallow is that........and it's not very good reasons for taking a job. Usually when a challenge presents itself, or is handed to me, I feel so alive, and charged up and ready to go..................I LOVE A GOOD CHALLENGE...............and this job may be exactly that...........but I just can't get excited about it. No matter how had I try, it just doesn't excite me. I know I can do it (atleast I think I can) and I'd do it well.............and a part of me wants to show everyone just that....................but a bigger part of me thinks fuck it, do I really need the headache. I have to give them an answer tomorrow. I hope they don't hold it against me if I tell them I don't want the job.

I read 2 of the 3 books that I bought the other day. Both were entertaining..............i'm presently reading the classic.........it's ok. I don't think I was meant to read the classics. I try so hard to like them that they become a chore...............and then I end up feeling like there's something lacking in my intellect.......screw it!

Last Vacation Day

Today is the last day of my vacation. Work called. I ignored the call. My DON called awhile later. I called her back, even though I didn't want to. But she left a message apologizing for calling while I'm on vacation and then went on to say she had an important question. A question I would like. So I called her. She told me to call the Administrator. That he had called to offer me a new position...a promotion.......and not to mention she had called me. So I called the Administrator.............he offered the position, told me to take the weekend to think about it, offered me a couple compliments about my work performance........and that was it......so we'll see.

I went to Barnes and Nobles today to spend the gift certificate my sister gave to me. I was going to order online but the delivery cost was a little over 9 bucks...........so I went to the store instead. I want to read all the classics...........so each time I go, I buy one or two of them........this time I boughtPride and Prejudice. I also got a couple Mary Higgins Clark books. I like her stuff. It's fun.

Lazy Day

Christmas is over. Yay!.................and we had a nice time but, Yay! So now it's time to start thinking about filing my income taxes and organizing all the papers I should have kept organized throughout the year................and paying another semesters worth of tuition........and painting the living room.........and looking at the job ads.............but today I'm going to go to the movies with my friend, and out for a nice dinner.....................and I'm going to order some books online from Barnes and Nobles with the gift certificate my sister gave to me for Christmas.
Son and daughter went shopping yesterday to return Christmas gifts that didn't fit, or that they didn't like. It was cool seeing them hang out together. They don't usually get along so well. Daughter idolizes her older brother..........he can do no wrong in her eyes. I think middle son feels a little left out and he's been trying to improve his relationship with his sister. Maybe because they're closer in age they have a more difficult time getting along with each other? Whatever the case, it was good seeing them make an effort.......and it's soooooo great that I didn't have to do any post Christmas shopping!
My mom looks healthy. It wasn't too long ago that she weighed a mere 90 something pounds, was pale and weak.............this year she was able to put up her Christmas tree without help, cook for an army of people, and of course do Christmas shopping.............she's gained weight.................she's even a little chubby..lol.....cracks me up. She's taking a new cardiac med. and apparently she feels pretty good. She hasn't had any GI bleeding since the last time.......I'm optimistic that she's going to be okay for awhile.
I've had several invites to travel for the new year. I've been invited to go to the following places:
1. Las Vegas. My boss invited me to go with her in Feb. I doubt I'll go. We'll see.
2. I've been invited to visit my friend, Fatou, in Dubai. She moved there many months ago. I miss her, and would love to go. The place looks beautiful in pictures.
3.Taiwan. One of the NPs I work with wants me to go with her. I have no desire to go......is that terrible?
4. Colorado. My friend wants me to meet his family, and I'd like to meet them..............I've been putting it off because we've been on again, off again so often that's its been difficult making a commitment to taking the trip........as of now, looks like we'll be going in June or July.

this n that

Yesterday at 3:30 p I officially started my Christmas vacation. Yay!
My shopping is done, and I've finished wrapping all the gifts.
I have banana bread and pumpkin bread baking as I type, and I have brownies ready to go in the oven. I'll bake the cookies tomorrow.
Son painted my bathroom.................boyfriend and I painted the dining room. All that's left to do is buy and hang new dining room curtains, and hang the new shower curtain and liner. The living room will have to wait until after Christmas to be painted.
Son cleaned up the yard and deck, and vacuumed and washed my car...............and he promised to take the treadmill to the basement for me.
I took daughter to the mall this morning so that she could do her Christmas shopping.....and I swear I'll never shop again!
I feel like I'm caught up with all the holiday preparations. All that's left to do is clean the house and then I'm good to go!

The census at my work is at an all time low.............they laid off another nurse yesterday.........I don't think things will turn around. So now I'm debating if I should bail out or stay with the sinking ship.........either way it will be ok........things almost always work out for the best in the end.

I've been fighting a god awful cold, or maybe the flu, for a little over a week. Today I feel human again.......maybe tomorrow I'll be even better.

I'm excited about the holidays. I love the whole Christmas thing.............all of it.......and I feel so grateful for everything.......

I had We-Pings present in a bag on the dining room floor. I was in my bedroom and could hear her walking over the bags. She found her cat nip mouse and took it out of the bag........I guess she could smell the catnip?

overwhelmed

Yesterday was my day off. I always request the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas off.......so that I can "recover.".............................and I did absolutely nothing! It felt good! But this morning, the guilt at having done nothing all day yesterday is starting to creep up on me.
Son has patched a hole that I had in the dining room wall and he also patched all the nail holes where I had previously had pictures hanging. SO I need to clean the white dust off the walls, apply primer and paint. I'm also going to paint the living room..................and I need to get it done this weekend because I also need to get the Christmas decorations up, and my Christmas shopping out of the way. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed!

Thanksgiving

It's snowing. We-Ping is alternating between sitting at the dining room window watching the flakes fall and running to the kitchen door scratching to get out.

I worked Thanksgiving. I didn't mind. The double time is nice and I still had time to get home and cook a nice dinner. It was just me, boyfriend, and the kids. The boys spent the day hunting with their dad. When I got home from work they were crashed on the living room floor. I covered them and hoped they'd sleep a while longer while I got some work done.Daughter had head lice. Boyfriend took her to the store since I was at work and bought her some lice medicine. Ew! Her boyfriends mom runs a daycare. Daughter hangs out there after school until I pick her up on my way home from work. I'm sure it's where she got the lice. SO I got home from work and cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I always hope to make the atmosphere nice. And I guess I always hope for a "Brady Bunch" type family. But when someone at the table, durimg ourr Thanksgiving meal, let a fart, and the others started laughing and then trying to out do the first persons fart I knew there was no hope. Then everyone started eating pumpkin pie except my middle son. I asked him if he wanted a piece and he said "no way! I have to dump a duece before I can eat another bite!" I pray that when they are guests at another persons house that they use better manners than they sometimes use while at home.

There's an ongoing argument going on at my house reguarding the cats. The kids think I give We-Ping preferential treatment over Clarabell. Clarabell is our outdoor Tom cat. My middle son especially, resents that We-Ping gets more attention. We've even argued over it. (Lord!) So lastnight my oldest son, middle son and myself are on the front porch. Middle son goes in the house and brings some turkey outside for Clarabell. Clarabell doesn't like human food....and ignores the turkey. So me and sons are watching to see if he'll eat it. Daughter comes to the door and reports that We-Ping is in my bed and is eating turkey. It was funny because it was cold outside, turkey was on the ground for Clarabell, and yet We-Ping was in the warm house, in bed eating turkey. Middle son says "SEE! and I bet she's sipping a Martini too!" I couldn't help but laugh.

Stuff

Moms Cardiologist wants my mom to go to the Mayo CLinic in Minnesota so that they can diag. where and why she's bleeding. I trust her Cardiologist. Mom was his Kindergarden teacher and he was her favorite student. Atleast 40 years later she was refered to him for heart problems. She didn't realize he had been her student until she met him, again, face to face. They have a history.......and either he goes that extra mile for mom because of their history, or he's just a great doctor. Or both. Either way, I trust his judgement.

Mom is undecided about what she's going to do.....so I just wait and go with the up and downs best as I can.

I ran into an old friend yesterday. I felt better in the five minutes I spent talking to my friend then I've felt in a really long time. WHy is it that old friends have a way of making me feel grounded and optimistic?

The other night my son picked daughter up from her pep rally. He also drove daughters boyfriend home. WHen son stopped at daughters boyfriends house, daughters boyfriend leaned towards daughter to hug her good-bye. It's what they do when they say good-bye. They hug. I've seen it a dozen times. So daughter gets home, comes through the door, slams the door, yells something about hating her brother, then stomps up the steps towards her bedroom. Son in the meantime doesn't come in the house as he was headed to his dads to get stuff reading for hunting. But he calls me right around the time daughter is cursing him under her breath. He says to me "Before Emily says ANYTHING to you I want you to know that her boyfriend made the move and I told him if he EVER does it again I will strangle him! Then I told him, I'm SERIOUS! I WILL strangle you!" I couldn't help but laugh. I feel a little bad for sis but still, deep down I'm glad that he did what he did!

20 more minutes, please!

SOn is bored again so he has agreed to pick his sister up from her friends house and take her to her pep rally. I'm so greatful he's doing it for me. When he gets home from taking sister to her pep rally, he's going to put new brakes on my car. Yay! I like when he's bored!

It's my week to take call offs for work.. I alternate weeks with the DON and Administrator. Someone called me this morning at 5am. I was too tired to take the call, and I just wasn't ready to start my day!I wanted to stay in dream land where things can be perfect if we want them to be. I just let my phone ring and ring, and ring...until finally they hung up! The policy says that if the call off person doesn't answer your call, you're to call them back in 20 minutes...So I was thinking I'd atleast get 20 more minutes of sleep. But they didn't wait 20 minutes. They called right back! I buried my head under my comforter, curled up in the fetal position, and prayed to God to PLEASE Dear God, PLEASE make them quit calling so I can get 20 more minutes of sleep! I ignored their 2nd call rationalizing that I had ever right to ignore it since they didn't wait the 20 minutes. I mean what if I was in the middle of having sex, or taking a shower, or having my car towed? That's why the policy says they should call back in 20 minutes....not 10 seconds! So I ignored the 2nd call. They didn't call me back.....nope, sure didn't. Instead they called and woke the Administrator who in turn instructed them to call the DON. WHat he should have done was ask them if they tried calling me again in 20 minutes, like they're supposed to....and when they told him "NO" he should have instructed them to do so. Right? So anyway, the DON calls me, and I ignored her call. I knew why she was calling, and I didn't want to appear anxious like I was guilty of something, or something........She hung up. I waited about 1 minute and returned her call. I tried to sound all cheery, refreshed and awake.Like I had just taken a shower. I explained that I had been in the shower when she called, and that I must have been in the shower when the person calling off called....and I asked her "why would they call Administrator rather than call me back in 20 minutes like the policy says to do?" She agreed, and she was pissed at the calling off person for not following procedure, and even more pissed at the Administrator for being a "stupid son-of-a-bitch!" :O).........and so it goes...life in the big city.

The lake where I do my walking.

can't sleep

I couldn't sleep. My head was hurting so I got out of bed, dressed and went to the store for Motrin. When I got home I sat in the driveway in my car for awhile listening to the radio and praying that my head would quit pounding. The prayer or the Motrin worked because my head feels much better.
I'm munching on pickles and chips. And I'm thinking about eating one of the reese cups that I have in the freezer.
I think i'm depressed. I'm not one of those people who are born depressed. I was born a happy person and have been happy most of my life. I don't enjoy being depressed. I believe that some people do. I think I'm depressed by some of the things going on in my life. Some that I can talk about, some that I can't. I have a difficult time talking about things that make me unhappy& SOme things I can't talk about until I clean them up.....because they make me feeel like a failure....and I don't want to be the type of person who talks about a problem but never does anything to fix the problem. So I'd rather fix a problem and then talk about it after it's in the past. DOes that make any sense?

Nicknames I've had throughout my life:
1. Pandle. It's the name my dad gave to me.....he still uses it.
2. One Armed Bandit. It's what the other kids called me. A dozen of us played baseball every weekend for a few years while growing up. I had a broken arm every summer and had to bat with 1 arm.
3.Sissy Girl............my best friend at the time called me that.....I was in love with him.
4. PITA Girl. A guy I use to date that I met onlinecalled me that.......... We met online and discovered we knew each other from high school.
5. Sugar Booger.....it's what my boyfriend used to call me.
6. Sandra Sue......what my boss calls me.
I like nicknames. I have one for most people even if I don't use it outloud.

lets make a deal?

My bosses coffee maker is broken. I have a coffee maker in my storage room at work. I don't drink coffee. I wonder if he'd take it in trade for a new chair?

On Quitting Smoking

I took the Chantix for about 3 weeks. You're supposed to smoke while taking the Chantix until you decide to quit....or something like that. I noticed that I didn't feel the need to take a smoke break at work as my cravings for ciggs decreased a little. I also noticed that when I smoked it kinda tasted like I was smoking a piece of a cardboard box. What also happened was I felt angry all the time.........anything aND everything pissed me off.....not just a little pissed, but I felt furious...........and the fury I felt kept escalating...... at the end of the third week I had 1001 angry thoughts racing through& jumping in my brain. I couldn't turn them off, and it started to freak me out! I stopped the Chantix and within a couple days I was feeling normal again.
I'm going to give the Chantix one more try, I think. I don't know what else to do...

Teenage Son & Grocery Shopping

SO son did the grocery shopping yesterday for me. He agreed to do it so long as he didn't have to buy tampons. I told him to get what he though we'd need for the next week, week and a half. He did pretty good considering I didn't make a list. I sent him with 200 bucks. He shopped the grocery store twice. When the cart started to fill up, he worried he wouldn't have enough money and would embarress himself at the checkout line. So rahter than do anymore shopping, he checked out. The bill was 93 bucks. He unloaded the cart into the trunk, then went back into the store to shop some more. He spent a total of 153. He bought 2 dozen eggs, 4 boxes of waffles, 3 boxes of cereal and 8 muffins........I think we'll be ok for breakfast! Oh!.....and he bought 3 12 packs of toilet paper!

friday

Son just stopped over. He said he was bored, so I sent him to do my grocery shopping. I told him to pick up whatever he thinks we might need for the next week or two. It will be interesting to see what he brings home.

Today was my off day. I had planned on working in my bathroom. I bought paint and new wood work, and other crap almost a year ago, and have yet to do the work. So today I had planned on getting it started. I ended up taking a 4 hour nap instead. I feel guilty.

thursday

showered
dressed
medicated we-ping
worked
went out for dinner
shopped
checked phone messages
read favorite blogs

going to bed

I See Dead People

My moms colonoscopy was normal. No cancer! She checked herself out of the hospital this evening rather than staying another day or two as suggested by her doctor...........we'll see.

One of my patients died early this morning before my shift started. His body hadn't been picked up yet and so I went in to see him......I'd taken care of him for atleast 4 years and I wanted to pay my respects..............he didn't look dead. He wasn't even pale. So I looked a little closer and thought I saw him take a breath. I went back to the nurses station to grab my stethoscope. I was trying to do it without letting the 11-7 shift nurse see me. I didn't want her to think I didn't trust her judgement....but on the other hand I was the one who would be releasing the body to the funeral home.........so I got my stethoscope, went back to his room, listened fo ra heartbeat......didn't hear one.....confirmed to myself that he was in fact dead....turned to leave the room, and there stood the 11-7 nurse........I could feel my face turning red........ I explained to her that I didn't want to be on the 5 oclock news for releasing a live man to the funeral home, that he didn't look dead...&....I had to make sure since I was the one who'd be releasing the body. She wasn't offended. She knows me. She even laughed. :O)~ SO that's how I started my day, looking at a dead man.........Illness and death surround me these days....at home and at work. I need a happy diversion.

sick kitty

We-Ping has had what we thought was leg pain. Yesterday we found a mass on her left side. It was the size of a lemon. I took her to the Vet today. He shaved some of her fur and we noted bite marks on her skin. The Vet said the bite was probably from another cat. The area was abscessed. The Vet incised and drained the abscess and then irrigated it with betadine. He gave her an injection of antibiotic, and sent her home with oral antibiotics. Kitty handled it like a pro. I bought her a pillow filled with cat nip. She chewed on it on the way home from the doctor. I think it helped to ease her pain. :O)

words unspoken

I woke in a panic this morning certain I'd made a medication error Thursday at work. The panic woke me from a sound sleep. I was like, OMG, the dose she ordered was way to high and I didn't pay attention to it! I got out of bed and called the nurse on duty. I was scared to death she was going to tell me the patient had died, or I was in big trouble, or both. The nurse on duty told me the dose was actually a low dose of the med. and aside from the patient saying "I ain't doing shit until Sandy comes back!" he is doing fine. I was sure I'd screwed up but so relieved to hear I didn't!

Friday night I was at the hospital with my mom. I was sitting in the chair next to her bed. She looks at me and says I'm sorry for being a bad mom. I asked her what she was talking about. She said "I couldn't clean up yours and your sisters vomit. It made me sick and I just couldn't do it." I asked her who cleaned it up. She said "I know I use to cover it up. I'd throw a towel over it. I could cover it up really good. I guess I made you guys clean it up." I said "mom, I don't ever remember having to clean up my vomit when I was a kid." But what I really wanted to say was that I remember waking up in the night with a snotty nose, sore throat and cough........and you would crawl out of bed to give me cough medicine, baby aspirin, and you'd rub Vicks Salve on my chest and back........and then you would put sheets on the couch, wipe away my tears, hug and kiss me.....and then tuck me in on the couch because it was closer to your bedroom.......and I always felt loved and cared for..............................................................but I didn't say any of that because I was afraid I'd cry........and I didn't want to cry in front of her. ANd now I feel guilty for not saying it. I need to say it, and she probably needs to hear it.............

Thursday

Mom is back in the hospital. They're giving her more blood, and will be doing some tests to find out why she's bleeding again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's not cancer.
MY dad spent some of his childhood in a catholic orphanage. They were mean to him. I don't think he's ever forgiven them. Whenever my mom is in the hospital, dad parks in the clergy parking space. I think he started doing it because of his unresolved anger towards nuns and priests.It was his way of saying F You! He continues to do it though, I think, because he knows we (my sisters and I) laugh about it. He's such a trip. I remember one time we were in the waiting room while mom was having heart surgery. A nun introduced herself, offered her services and before leaving asked if we had any questions. Dad asked her what she thought of those pedophile priests. Maybe it was mean, I don't know.........I do know I almost choked on the soft drink I was drinking.

Tuesday

I checked the sign while daughter was in the orthodontists office. I guess they've decided not to correct it!

Off Day

Today is my off day. I woke to the sound of rain. It was pouring down, so I stayed in bed and just listened.

WePing has a sore leg or hip. She growls/meows when I try to have a look. I'll give it a couple days and then decide if she needs the vet.

I have to take daughter to the orthodontist today to pick up her retainer. I also need to ask him about her bottom 2 front teeth. They have a slight overlap. Hopefully the retainer will correct it.

Daughter got roses for Sweetest Day from her boyfriend. She was happy. The guys I dated in high school were too poor to afford flowers.............and my husband thought they were a waste of money. He started buying them for me towards the end of our marriage......which was sweet in a sad sort of way...............I went to his house on Sweetest Day to drop off a photo album I made for my daughter as a Sweetest Day gift. It included all the pictures we'd taken of the homecoming day parade, football game and homecoming dance. Exhusband said "Happy Sweetest Day." I knew that his wasn't, as his girlfriend is a drunk, and is still in jail for whatever reason.................and when he asked me if my boyfriend got me diamonds/flowers/chocolates, I wondered if he would take pleasure in knowing that boyfriend hadn't acknowledged Sweetest Day. I wondered if it would please him to know that I prepare myself not to be hurt/not to have any expectations when it comes to days like valentines/sweetest day.............and I try to tell myself that they really dont mean a thing and I shouldn't fall for the hype.BUt I do anyway. I don't know how to not, try as I may...................I want good things for my ex. He's my kids dad and if I wish him bad, it's like wishing bad things for my kids....................................I hope he feels the same.

Wed.

Daughter got her braces off yesterday. SInce I couldn't be there with her we text messaged a couple times throughout the procedure. SO I was kind of there with her. They gave her the pieces of her braces because she wants to put them in her memory box. Bless her heart. But anyway, her teeth really do look good. Yay!

Boyfriend isn't speaking to me. I guess it's been 3 days of being given the silent treatment. I asked him today why we aren't talking and he said "there's nothing to talk about." Um, okay. Whatever.

My work has spent a fortune on pumpkins, hay stacks, scarecrows, mums, cornstalks and ect. for an up coming community open house. My feeling is that you don't buy pumpkins if your employees dont have chairs at their desks to sit in...............

Chairless

I need a new chair at work. Both of the chairs at my desk are broken. One is a stool that is supposed to have 4 wheels, or whatever they're called. But one of the wheels is missing and so it threatens to tip over. Every time I sit on it I see myself falling forward and breaking my front teeth on the desk. The other chair is missing an arm which really isn't a big deal, I can live without the arm. But it also has a broken back. So when you're involved in your paper work and forget about the back being broken, relax and lean, and then practically topple backwards out of the chair, that's a big deal. I hinted about needing a new chair. That didn't do any good. I've told my boss that I need a new chair. Didn't do any good. I've stolen/exchanged my chair for chairs out of other peoples offices. I got yelled at.......................I'm at a loss.........

Monday

My mom spent Friday night in the hospital. Her blood count had dropped so low that she couldn't breathe. They gave her some blood and then she went home. I went to see her yesterday and was shocked at how pale she is......but she says she feels way better, and the shortness of breath is gone. So that's good! I don't want her to die. I try really hard not to think about it, but I do anyway...........



Daughter gets her braces off her teeth tomorrow. Boyfriend is taking her because I have to work. It's a really big deal to her, and so I wish I could be there. I'm thinking about calling in to work........but I know I shouldn't. So even if I'm not there when she gets them off, doesn't mean I can't make a big deal out of it when I get home from work and see her beautiful teeth for the first time. Right? I like her braces. They look like pretty jewels. I'm gonna miss them.

quitting smoking

I just took my first dose of Chantix. Quitting – CHANTIX Official Site – CHANTIX is a Prescription Medicine to Help I'm trying to keep busy hoping I'll forget that I just took a pill I've never taken before. I HATE TAKING NEW DRUGS. I get anxious about the POSSIBLE side effects. Nausea is one of the poss. side effects and more than anything I hate feeling sick to my stomach!
I have to quit smoking. I want to quit smoking. I hope and pray that this medicine will help me to reach my goal. I don't have a plan B.

Today is my off day. I wanted to sleep in but received 4 work related calls between 4am and 7:10am. I gave up!

I wish I was in a better mood. I wish I had something cheerful to say.

PS

I don't like Tyra Banks

Too Tired To Come Up With A Title!

I guess I'm not dying.
The3 tumors on my abd. are lipomas.Lipoma - CNN.com
The tumor on the backside of my left arm is a cyst.
The difficulty breathing and fatigue are both the result of a little cardiac problem that medicine should take care of.

I don't have anything to blog about. I asked boyfriend what I should write about and he said I should write about how I'm taking him out tomorrow for lunch and to buy a diamond ring. It's news to me!

HomecomingDance

I hope she's having the time of her life. :O)

homecoming (continue)

homecoming game and parade

Lastnight was the homecoming football game. It started with a parade to the stadium, and then we played our biggest rivals. They killed us but it was still lots of fun............................

i think i'm sick. i hope it isn't cancer

I don't want to die just yet, you know? I still have my daughter to raise and my sons still need me. But because I feel so terribly sick, and because I still have those little nodule like areas on my abdomen(you can't see them, but you can feel them, and they are tender to touch) and now on the back side of my arm, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to find out why the heck I'm so exhausted , and what the heck all these nodule like areas are...........and why I'm having trouble breathing..................call me a sissy, but I'm scared.

Bleeding, PSA, Stock and Dresses

Took daughter shopping yesterday for her homecoming dress. She tried on maybe 25 dresses once, 10 dresses twice and another 3 dresses 3 or 4 times. She picked a shorter, pale purple dress and some pretty silver colored shoes. I love the dress. We also bought earrings and a necklace to go with her outfit. She's going to look pretty!

I recently inquired about stock that I own through my Ex-husbands place of employment. I want to sell my stock, pay off my house, and reinvest. I don't have a good feeling about it just sitting where it is until retirement. I want to invest it in more secure options. I've called twice & spoke to the HR lady who is also one of the stock plan administrators. Both times that I called she cut me off, told me that ExHusband and I were considered one in the same, and that I couldn't touch my stock until he retired or was 6 years separated from the company. I knew she was wrong.When we were divorced the stock was divided in half. My stock has nothing to do with him. But when I'd try to talk to her about it, she'd just cut me off. She seems like a very angry person. I was like WTF? I read and reread the stock hand book and my interpretation of the rules was totally different from what she was telling me. But I don't know much about this kind of stuff so I was second guessing myself, and really didn't know what to do. So I went to my dad. He read the handbook, agreed with my interpretation, wrote the president of the company and plan administration a letter...............THe bitch that I tried talking to twice responded to our letter, and I have a feeling it killed her to do so....(too bad!)...............to make a long story short, I was correct in my interpretation of the rules and I am entitled to cash my stock in 4 years, and what my exhusband does or doesn't do has no bearing what so ever with what I can or cant do..........I feel like I can see the light at the end of a really long tunnel! I'm very happy!
What Is a PSA Test?
Dads PSA is down ..........Maybe the cancer treatment is doing its job!.....I'm optimistic in a guarded sort of way!
Moms having some GI bleeding again. She hasn't bled, that we know of, since her colon cancer surgery...............usually when she bleeds, because her blood count gets so low, she ends up in congestive heart failure. She had rectal bleeding for about a week, was feeling short of breath, refused to go to the hospital the day she was short of breath, promised to go the next day if she wasn't feeling better, called her the next day to see if she was ready to go to the hospital or to her doctor, didn't get an answer at her home, called her cell, her and dad were taking a drive in the country........she said she was feeling better........called her the next day to see how she was feeling...............she was at TaRGET shopping with her best friend. I guess she's ok?

Free dress

Yesterday was pay day. They paid me for my 80 hours plus for an extra 8 hours at time and a half that I didn't work. I reported the error to the HR person. When I got home from work I got a call from the "big boss" or as I call her, The Terminator. Basically she told me she loves honesty, thanked me for being honest, told me to keep the money and she did not want me to pay it back. Yay!



I'm taking daughter to the mall today to buy a homecoming dress. I'm using the "honesty" money. So I'm kinda getting the dress for free. :O)

Make your own God Damn bed

Middle son played football last night. Before he left to play I made him promise not to break his neck. He promised. He ended up in the ER getting his eyebrow stitched. I guess I didn't cover all the bases.

I feel sorry for the boy at the University of FLorida who was tasered after asking Kerry a question and making a statement that was deemed too long.........they tasered him after he'd already been tackled to the floor. WTF? I hope he sues those son of a bitches.

One of my patients said to me today "my god damned bed needs to be made, you bitch, you slut, you whore!" Under my breath, to myself, I said ... "Fuck you you mother fucker! Make it yourself!" DEar God, Please please please let me win the lottery.

"If mothers of the world were in charge, there'd be no god damned wars!" Sally Fields
I like her!

Monday

There's a 3 way tie in our work football pool. Tonights game between Philly and Washington will be the tie breaker. Barb has Washington over Philly.......Dave and I have Philly over Washington... 40 total game points is my pick and he picked 41 total game points..........so if Philly wins and total game points is 40 or less, I win! Yay!

OJ's a piece of work, huh? I wonder when Al Sharpton will rear his ugly head.

Sunday

I've wasted a whole weekend.
The only productive thing I've done is gone to the grocery store and car wash.
I'd kinda like to call in sick tomorrow so as to prolong my weekend. But I can't. I'm still working on being the perfect employee.

The weather today was perfect. It felt like February in Miami Beach. I wish I'd have taken advantage of it and spent the day outside.

I have an on-line friend that I've been chatting with for several years. He's from LA, an artist, writer and musician. He thinks I'm Sandra Bullock, and he is in love with her. No matter what I say to convince him otherwise, he's certain I'm her. He also claims to have written The Sixth Sense, and that the script was stolen from him. I think he might be Schizophrenic and Bi-Polar. But that's just a guess. I'm pretty sure he's harmless.

Football Pool

I'm in on the football pool at work. I know NOTHING about football! I like high school football when my son was playing, or when my daughters cheering. I like to watch the super bowl for the commercials and the half time show.........but the only thing I really understand about the game is when someone makes a touch down, or a fumble.......I wanted to feel a part of something, plus I'm hoping to pick more wins than my boss picks, so I joined the pool!
My picks for this weekend, or this week (i'm not sure how it works) are as follows:
Pittsburg over Buffalo
Indianapolis over Tenn
Green Bay over NY Giants
Carolina over Houston
San Francisco over St Louis
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
Jacksonville over Atlanta
Dallas over Miami
Minnesota over Detriot
Arizona over Seattle
Kansas City over Chicago
NY Jets over Baltimore
Denver over Oakland
New England over SAnDiego
Philadelphia over Washington.........total game points 40
We'll see...

Friday

I wish I was in Miami with my one night lover.
Speaking of lovers, I bet Woody Harrelson would be a good lover. I bet he's a wild thing. :O)

My boss has been super nice to me. I wonder what's up?

Wed

We're in the process of our city inspection at work. It makes for a long, stressful day.

I wish I was in Miami for a weekend of fun. :O)

Friday

I've had a horrible, freakin cold for several days.My body is tired. My head feels like it's in a pressure chamber. My ribs hurt from coughing. Its killing me going to work & working short staffed while sick........but I'm commmitted to being the perfect employee until Christmas.

Exhusband is on his third trip to China.He comes home for a couple weeks and then goes back for weeks on end. His girlfriend there is 20. I suppose she has her mind/heart set on American citizenship?

Exhusbands American girlfriend was arrested for public intoxication(again) and terroristic threats. Can you say jail?

KENTCUKY

Boyfriend is leaving tomorrow for Colorado. He'll be gone a week. Last time he went I was glad to see him go for a bit. This time I wish he wasn't going.......and I kinda miss him already.



I took daughter to the orthodontist yesterday to have her braces adjusted. I dropped her off at the front door, and then I parked at the next office over, in front of the Pediatricians office.......The sign over their front door read "Northern Kentcuky Pediatric Group"............I debated in my head whether or not I should call them about the spelling in their sign. I mean the sign's been there for atleast 20 years. Certainly someone has noticed before now?...........and then I thought maybe they don't know and since it's a business they'd appreciate knowing so that they could correct it?...........so I called and asked the lady who answered the phone about the sign....at first she didn't believe me .... & then .......she laughed her butt off......seems they didn't know......................I wonder if they'll fix it?

No Title

Work is killing me. I have to many patients. But I'm being good and pretending to have a good attitude,,,,,,,,,,,even when boss man talks to me, and I think he talks to me just to piss me off, but when he talks to me I just smile and pretend not to dislike him.

Daughter cheered at her first high school football game this past Saturday. She was a little nervous and forgot a couple of the cheers. So she just kinda stood there while the other girls did the routine.............I don't think anyone noticed. :O)

WHen I was a teenager my dad hired me to work in one of his stores......... on my first day, Stretch, one of the other employees says, so as to notify some of the other employees, "son of a bitch is here!" The back of the building was glass and it overlooked the employee parking lot. I turned to look outside to see who Stretch was referring to and was surprised to see my dad. I was 15....young, naive, and had never considered that someone would think of my dad as a son of a bitch. The comment just made me feel protective of my dad, and it hurt my feelings.
It wasn't until I was older that I understood where Stretch was coming from, not that I agreed with his comment, but I understood..........and it wasn't until I was older that I told dad what Stretch had said. Dad laughed.

Last WIll

This is my oldest sisters dog. I feel a little guilty because I can't remember his name. My sister has willed him to me should he out live her.

Friday

Daughter likes high school, kinda, sorta....................she stayed after school yesterday to make posters for the big football game on Saturday. It will be her first high school football game, so she's pretty excited.



Son started back to college last week. Yay! We'll see how it goes...



Middle son and daughter are mad at their dad right now...... It's difficult when they are venting to me about him. Part of me wants to join in and bitch right along with them but I know it's not the right thing to do...so I just keep my mouth shut and listen.

I went shopping today and bought a pumpkin scented candle, some candy corn, and a few other things..........they had a health fair at the little shopping center so I went ahead and had my blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, body mass index, and bone density checked for free...........everything was normal except for my bone density. He said I should be taking calcium to prevent further bone loss...

I think the temp. was 103 today. When I got home from shopping I went swimming, in the buff.......it felt good!

Short People Got........

Boyfriend and I were out the other day running some errands. As we drove through the parking lot of the store we had just left, boyfriend pointed out a red, convertible, VW bug. He said to me "You'd look good in that..... it would be great for your short legs." HUH? Did he just say I have short legs? My mom's 5'2.....and my 4 sisters are all 5'6 or shorter. I'm 5'7.....so I've always considered myself as tall.........and while there's not much about my physical appearance that I'd brag about, I've always thought of my legs as being long, well defined and tone. So when boyfriend referred to my legs as short, I took it as an insult.................not that there's anything wrong with having short legs.......but to me it felt like an insult disguised as a compliment.................... oh well...

My Troll Rings

We celebrated my moms 70th birthday weekend before this past weekend. She looks good and is doing well. I still can't believe she's doing so well. xox to my mom!

Today is daughters birthday. Her dad canceled her cell phone because she went over her minutes for a 2nd time, plus there was the time she had 240.00 in download charges..........so she spent her birthday money on a new pre-paid phone.
She was a pretty baby.......I was certain I was going to have another boy but was pleasantly surprised when I delivered and the doctor said it was a girl........I wanted to name her Claire after my husbands grandma but husband said no............and so we agreed to name her Emily. When I left home to go to the hosp. to have the baby, my sons, 4&8 at the time, gave me these troll rings to wear for good luck. They looked just like troll dolls with a huge head of hair. They gave me 8 of them.....one for each finger.......I'd never been away from my boys before. I missed them terribly and felt sad not having them with me. I put a troll ring on each of my fingers and corny as it sounds, the rings comforted me. ................the lady from vital statistics came up to have me feel out the birth certificate. I'd forgotten that I was wearing a troll ring on each finger. The lady kept looking at me like I was some kind of weirdo.........whne I finally figured out why she treated me and was looking at me like you might look at a psych patient, she had already left my room.........made me laugh.

not the cook

I cooked supper this evening for boyfriend.I was a little embarressed when boyfriend found the code sticker still on one of the tomatoes. lol...oops!

Pot Luck

I heard a song on the radio that I like. I think it's called Teardrops on My Guitar....or something like that. It's a sweet little song and I think most of us can relate to it...................and then there's another song I like....a country song.....I have no idea the name of it....but it's about 2 boys who find a shoebox hidden in their moms closet. It has pictures in it of her before she was their mom....pictures of her on the beach, wearing a bikini and a tattoo on her hip that the boys didn't know she had. It's a cute song. It makes me smile.

Daughter started gymnastics this week and has learned how to do a back handspring. Yay for her!.........and oldest son called in to a radio show and won a 3 day all expense paid trip to Vegas. Yay for him!

Ex-husband will never forgive me for the divorce. I really wish he could find it in his heart to do so, I just do........but it's never going to happen.

Took daughter school clothes shopping today, and took her for a haircut and eyebrow waxing............we had a great time.........she's a good kid and I love her!

first "make out" kiss

I think I've mentioned before that my daughter is a chatter box and she's seldom at a loss for words........today she was at a loss for words..........on the way to cheerleading practice our conversation went something like this....Daughter: Shay and Trevor went to a 9pm movie lastnight. 9 oclock, mom!(meaning there's no reason that she shouldn't be allowed to go to a 9 oclock movie with a boy) Trevors the first boy Shay has kissed....no! it wasn't Trevor! She kissed Brad first but he wanted a make out session so Shay dumped him. Trevor wasn't her first kiss. Trevor was her first MAKE OUT kiss! Yeah that's right cause after they had their first make out kiss she was so excited and couldn't wait to tell all of us about it. Allie hasn't been kissed yet. I like Allie. She's so nice, Mom. Allies mom wants me and Allie to be best friends. We're good friends but Mariah is my best friend. Allies dad is funny. He's really nice, and he calls me Girlie. He reminds me of dad. Him and dad sat together at one of our football games last year and they both stood up and danced.It was funny. Me and Allie laughed. Do you remember the first guy you had a make out kiss with, Mom?
Me: Allies dad.

Sunday

Tomorrow is my middle sons birthday. We had everyone over this afternoon for an early dinner and cake. Son celebrated his day by sky diving for the first time this morning. He said it was the biggest rush he's ever had.......he wants me to go with him the next time. I don't think I could do it.

Daughter will be in high school this year. We're going to go school clothes shopping Friday. She was quick to let me know that she will need more school clothes than usual since she's now in high school. Lordy!

Employee of the next few months

One of the day shift nurses resigned. Her last day was a couple weeks ago. Work isn't going to replace her. They decided that me and the other nurse, in addition to our own patients, will split resigned nurses patients. I guess I won't complain out loud. As a matter of fact, I'm going to be the best employee from now until Christmas. I'm not going to call in sick, or be tardy. I'll volunteer to stay over when someone calls off...if we have 6 feet of snow, I'll make it to work.....I'll cross every T and dot every I...........and then I'm calling off on Christmas Day and the day after Christmas if my Christmas vacation request isn't granted. Is that wrong?

Ex-husband is cheating on his girlfriend. I know I will sound like a mean person when I say this, but I was glad when I found out. I don't like his girlfriend.

Monday

I lost 2 more pounds for a total of 6 lbs. in about 11 weeks? At this rate I'll be dead before I reach my 20 pound goal.

News

Story - Gruesome Details in Connecticut Murders - AOL News


I will never understand such violence and cruelty. This story breaks my heart.

Happy Birthday

Happy 1st Birthday We-Ping!

joys of parenting

Middle son called me the other evening. He told me that he has been giving his future a lot of thought. He said that he has decided he DOES want to go back to college after all and that he is sorry for not doing as well last semester as he could have done. He also informed me that he has anger issues that he's working through and one of the ways he's dealing with his anger is by jogging each night, usually to his brothers apartment, so that they can hang out and talk.....and then he jogs back home. Then he said he loves me and he thanked me for always being there for him.
He has always been an intense, walking the edge type of guy....and he's the type of kid always testing the boundaries.....and I love him for it......raising him has required a little more creative parenting on my part ...what worked for my other 2 children in terms of parenting them, doesn't necessarily work for him........some of the time I feel helpless though......I wish I knew what to do to make things feel easier to him............I wish I knew how to help him to let go of some of the anger that he feels.........it was easier when they were little......you'd kiss their boo boo and all in the world was okay again. I'm proud of him for taking the time to think things through......and I'm happy he's going back to school if it's what he really wants to do......

reading and stuff

I have nothing to write about but I want to write. So i'll just see where this takes me, if anywhere.
Lets see.......work was slow and boring today so I did lots of reading. I read a book about the history of Niagra Falls....and it was very interesting.....I'll have to visit them......I don't know the name of the book, and the book is in my car, so.........

I read the books(but not today) I bought with the gift card my son gave to me........To Kill A Mockingbird......I loved it...even better than when I was a kid. The Memory Keeper's Daughter......I hated it. It went on forever....and all I could think was "why dont they get divorce already?" .......and then there was eat pray love.....I liked the whole idea of the book but it dragged on forever......it made me want to learn to meditate, learn a different language, and travel more........but I dont think she really learned much along her journey of self discovery....if she had, she wouldnt have given in to the need or desire to cling to the father figure who offered to take care of her forever. Atleast that's what I think. I was disappointed in her.


I dated a father figure once. But our relationship ended. My friends and I went to a friends cabin on the lake for a weekend of fun, and it was right after the break up.On the drive to the lake we got in to a discussion about my relationship with this older guy..........and because my emotions were still raw, I started to cry.........and they were like "don't cry. We'll be your daddy!" So now we all call each other "DADDY".....it's like "hi Daddy!" and "Daddy, what are you doing Friday?" I guess we're retarded. :O)~

Charlie

I emailed some baby pictures of Charlie to her new owner. He emailed me some pictures of Charlie at her new home. He changed Charlies name to Daisy. The name doesn't suit her. I think it's queer & I think she looks a little depressed. I hope she's ok.

Excuses for calling off sick

It was a bummer going back to work today. I used a backache as an excuse for calling off yesterday. I need some new and improved excuses.
I've been tardy the last 3 days that I've worked. I guess I'm kinda going for a 3 day suspension. That way I don't have to use all my sick days.

I remember one time when I was in my very early 20's out partying with my older sister. We had been drinking and before we knew it it was like 3am and my sister had to be at work by 7am. We decided that I'd call in for her. So I called and talked to the guy who took call offs and I explained to him that she had a sick stomach and wouldn't be in to work......and to convince him that she really was sick, and to explain why she wasn't making the call, I explained how I took her to the emergency room and that it was probably her appendix..... and they'd be taking her into surgery in just a few minutes to take a little peek around. Luckily the guy on call was a friend to my sister.....and he was able to gather from my somewhat slurred speech, and my failed attemtps to block mine and my sisters laughter by holding my hand over the phone receiver, that I was full of shit, and probably a little drunk. He marked my sister down as having a stomach flu. :O)

We-Ping

I just let her outside. She scratches at the kitchen door in the morning to let us know she's ready to go outside. Cats are so much easier than dogs. I hope Charlie isn't homesick.

Charlie has a new home

I called off work today. Daughter and I are going to lay out in the sun.

I adopted out Charlie. She's a great , loving, big hearted dog but I was't able/willing to give her what she needs and deserves............which is lots of attention. The man who adopted her already has a Lab. Charlie and the Lab took to each other right away. They acted like old friends............and Charlie, being the sweet, affectionate dog that she is, acted like she'd known and loved her new owner forever. I hope he is good to her, and provides her with a good home. She deserves it. I'm going to check up on her in about a week. Part of me wants to go get her, hug her and bring her back home.

SUnday

Boyfriend is on his way over with breakfast from McDonalds. Then we're going to take Charlie to the park for a walk.
My plans for today are to finish the yard work. I don't have much left to do since I mowed yesterday.................I'm also going to go see what oldest son has done with his apartment so far...........and since I didn't get to touch up the kitchen yesterday, I'll try to get to it today.

Weekend

I got to see sons apartment yesterday. It's in an older apt. complex. But the place seems well maintained, clean, and has lots of closet space. It made me want to sell my house and go apartment hunting.
He chickened out buying the house. I think he made the right decision. He should test the waters first.
Did I mention his girlfriend is moving in with him? She's a nice girl. She's one of the neighborhood kids who grew up with my sons. I've known her since she was in grade school. Her and son have been dating for a little over a year.
It would be nice if we could pick who our children date, marry, or live with. But we can't..............and so all we can do is trust our childs judgement and keep our fingers crossed........and try to keep our mouth shut.
Son won't be taking charlie with him. The place allows cats but not dogs. I think Charlie is mine for the long haul. I should have known better!

My weekend plans are to get some sun, do some touch up work in the kitchen, and help son move.

Showing off uniform for mom

because they are beautiful

I didn't really quit my job after my boss said I was a "3". I wanted to but I didn't! I lied and I feel guilty for lying. I can't tell my boss off, and I can't live with a lie. Fuck me running! AND, I'm sorry. It felt good for a minute to pretend I was able to do something that I thought about doing but couldn't bring myself to do. So there you have it! I'm a pussy AND a liar!



One of my patients died today. She did a good job raising her family. Her children seem to be wonderful people. I told her so this morning. She smiled and nodded "yes"



I'm thinking about going to Colorado with boyfriend in Sept. He wants me to meet his family, and I'd like to meet them............so we shall see...

Mostly my pets

As I was driving up my street today I saw two familiar little animals on my neighbors front steps. My cat, We-Ping, was on the top step, and on the step below her was my dog, Charlie. It made me laugh because I had just been at Lowes buying a fence to put on the deck so that Charlie couldn't escape the back yard..................she had never done it before but I could see it coming..............on the drive home I told boyfriend that I bet We-Ping was probably at that very moment enticing Charlie to make his escape. I guess I was right.

The racoons knocked over most of my potted plants. Atleast I think it was the coons. It could have been kitty?

My outdoor, tom cat, Clarabell was gone for several weeks. I wasn't to concerned because he has taken off before. Never for quite so long, but still. He finally came home a couple days ago. He looked like someone bathed and groomed him............and he had on a new black collar. To be honest, he's never looked so good. Go figure.

Saying Good-Bye (kinda)

My oldest son is moving into his own place next Sunday.
I was shopping and thought I'd pick him up some dishes, as he has never lived on his own and doesn't have any of the things you need to live. So I bought him some dishes and thought "what the heck" go ahead and get him some pots and pans.....and then I thought that maybe I should get him some silverware, pizza cutter,spatula, pot holders and some dish towels, and a cute little rug for his kitchen.............and then I worried that he'd be drying his body with an old tee-shirt after his bath so I picked up some bath towels and wash cloths and thought I might as well get him a nice shower curtain, tooth brush and soap holder that matched, and some cute little shower curtain holders........while I was at it I got him a toaster, coffee maker, can opener, toilet plunger and toilet brush..........and I went ahead and got him some pretty wine glasses, broom, mop and a salt and pepper shaker. I just love him and wanted to make his transition a little easier. Plus (wiping tears from my eyes) I kinda felt like I needed to do this one last thing for him while he's still my at home son, ya know?

diet

SIx weeks or so of dieting with co-workers and I've lost 4 lbs. :O)~ My goal is to lose 20....

Sat.

I went out to dinner with boyfriend, oldest son and sons girlfriend. We went to a little place called The Green Derby. It's been around for years. It's "famous" for it's fish sandwich and cole slaw. I've never had either...........I like their cat fish and stuffed sole.......tonight I had Greek Salad and it was delicious!



We-Ping is feeling a lot better evident by her appetite for food, and she has left 3 dead moles on the front porch for us in the past 2 days.......bless her heart.

SIck Kitty

We-Ping is sick. She's had a significant weight loss this past week. She's vomiting, coughing, sneezing, and her eye looks infected. She's also a little lethargic. The doctor checked for HIV or maybe it was FIV..........and he put green stuff in her eye to check for a tear or scratch.......he also did xrays of her stomach to check for a foreign object. All the tests were negative. So he gave her an oral anitbiotic for a resp. infection, an antibiotic eye ointment, and reglan for the vomiting. The medicines seem to be doing their job. She looks better today.
I love that cat. I can't help it, I just do!

This N That

I started painting my kitchen yesterday and ended up removing the trim around the floor, all the cabinet door handles, the ceiling fan, the range fan/light thing majigger.............bought a sweet new ceiling light & range hood (or whatever you call it), soaked and scrubbed all the cabinet handles, and cleaned up all the base boards/floor trim.............the first coat of paint has been applied..................I think it will look nice when all is done!

We had a nice time on our camping trip. There wasn't much to do except relax............I kept feeling like I was forgetting to do something, or like I should be doing something................but eventually I relaxed and just enjoyed the pretty surroundings. We built camp fires, fished, swam, roasted weiners and marshmallows..........nothing exciting, but it was fun just the same!

I love my boyfriend. I never tire of talking to and just hanging out with him. We worked our asses off in my kitchen today for over 8 hours, but because of the bantering and laughing, it felt like 30 minutes............

lost opportunity

My college son informed me yesterday that he's not going back to college. He wants to move to another state to go to a tech. school to be a welder. I'm disappointed. I wanted my 3 kids each to have a college education. I was willing to do just about anything to make sure they got it.........and now it looks as if neither of my sons will take advantage of the opportunity........I've encouraged, I've pushed, I've preached, and I've tried to lead by example. It's just not going to happen..........and although I don't see my sons as failures, I feel as though I have failed as a parent.

Vacation and Dieting

Tomorrow's my last day of work and then it's vacation time! Yay!
I grocery shopped after work today for some thick steaks to grill while we camp ......boyfriend's gonna get some last minute stuff tomorrow(fire wood, bait, and bottled water) while I'm at work.....................I CAN'T WAIT TO GO!


I've been dieting(kinda, sorta) with a group of girls at my work..........the first week I gained 2lbs...........second week I lost 2lbs.......third week we decided not to weight ourselves........and the 4th week I lost 1 lb...................so one month of dieting and I've lost 1lb! :O)

vacation time soon

Three more days of work and then I'm on vacation! Yay!
Boyfriend and I are taking daughter and her best friend camping, fishing, and boating for a few days. I'm very much looking forward to it.

My sons have been staying at their dads house while he is in China, so I haven't seen much of them lately. Oldest son invited me over the other day for supper. He cooked while I sat in the hot tub and relaxed. He made huge meatballs in tomato sauce and salad. He's a pretty good cook.........he must be tired of partying to have invited me over?

Shopping

I took daughter summer clothes shopping yesterday and to OCharleys for lunch. She's a non stop talker. It makes me smile.

She picked out 6 pair of shorts, 10 shirts, a bathing suit, 2 pair of sandles, beach towel, sun tan oil, 9 pair of undies, and 2 bras! I bought myself yet another nurses uniform, 2 bottles of nail polish, 1 bottle of perfume, lipstick, pair of shorts, and 2 tops.........spending money is fun, but it's something I've had to work at.........I feel more secure if I hold on to it. I'm practicing at letting go a little. I only feel about this much guilt (teeny teeny) for spending.

My mom and dad bought their first computer and cell phone. I've given them about 8 hours of computer training so far,and all they have mastered is turning ON the computer.Dad's taking a computer night class but it hasn't been much help........apparently I haven't either.............Dad said that if I call their house and the phone is busy( they have dial up) to call moms cell phone.........so I asked mom if she knows how to answer her cell phone and she said "no." Lordy.

Turn the page.

Last night daughter came downstairs to ask me if I had an envelope. Her eyes were red and her nose was congested. I asked her if she had been crying. She said yes. She had been writing a good-bye/thank you letter to her favorite 8th grade teacher. AWWW! Bless her heart.

Today was daughters graduation from Middle School. She received honors in math, an award for attendance, and an award for "excellent behavior." Yes they give awards now for good behavior.
After the graduation/awards ceremony the PTA hosted a party for the graduates, parents and friends at the High School stadium. They had a wonderful DJ, dancing, great food, corn hole, basketball and other activities. It was fun!

The roofers are finished and it looks good. The only thing I'm not happy with is on one of the down spouts where it turns, they used part of my old spout for the turn. When the boss comes to inspect the job I'll tell him I want it replaced. Otherwise I'm pleased with their work. Charlie, my dog, bonded with the workers. They couldn't speak English but they'd smile at Charlie and say "Charlie!" Charlie would respond by barking.

New Roof

The roofers started on replacing my roof today. They arrived at 2:30PM. I got home from work at 4pm to find one of them sleeping on the ground in my sideyard.....the other 2 were sitting on the ground. At first I thought maybe the sleeper was dead or injured so I asked the 2 live ones if the sleeper was ok.......they didn't speak English, but they smiled, so I figured everything was A-okaY! They stayed on the ground until 5:30. I guess they're not in any hurry to complete the job?
I'm also having all my gutters and down spouts replaced. Yay! It's going to look nice!

30 years ago

I received snail mail from my dad the other day. He sent an article from the post that talked of the upcoming(Memorial Day) 30 year anniversary of the tragic fire at the Beverly Hills supper club. 165 people died that night.

At the top of the article dad wrote "Sandy, we were taking our evening walk that night. Do you remember?"

I do remember.......I remember making myself visible to my dad that evening in hopes that he'd invite me to join him on his walk. Shortly after we left the house I remember hearing sirens from the fire trucks and hearing the city siren that notifies volunteer firemen and women that their asst. is needed..............the sirens seemed to go on forever.The Cincinnati Post - The Beverly Hills fire: Indelible tragedy

Dad and I walked our usual route.........but this evening was different. Neighbors were gathering on their front yards and porches.........and I could tell that the adults were tense........dad stopped to talk briefly to some of those neighbors.......... as we continued our walk dad told me that Beverly Hills was on fire.................................We walked to Highland Ave. and crossed to a then wooded hillside that overlook the supper club.....We watched as firemen and others fought the fire. I'll never forget the flames shooting out through the roof and then up towards the firemen poised on their ladders over those flames.......................But

The thing that stands out most in my mind about that night was when dad and I reached Highland Ave and I observed a man running down the Ave., towards the supper club, with a look of fear, and panic on his face. The fear I saw on his face scared me............................and for all of these years my thoughts have been of him, & wondering if his loved one survived.

Charlie enjoying her day

I'm off work today and daughter is off from school. Boyfriend and I are taking her out for breakfast to kinda celebrate her making cheerleading. Let me just say one thing about the whole cheerleading situation and then i'll shut up...........3 of the girls who beat daughter out for the varsity squad happen to be daughters of 2 of the coaches, and one of them is the niece to one of the coaches........one of those girls is far better than the rest.....and no matter who may have been judging, she would have made varsity..........the other 2 girls made varsity because of who was judging.......life is not always fair and most of us learn this lesson at an early age.......but because I am her mom it pisses me off that she is sad..................... i'm positive she should have beat those other 2 girls had their aunt and mom not been a part of the judging process................I told daughter there is no shame in making JV and not varsity.....most freshmans to be don't make the varsity squad, it's usually the juniors and seniors who take those positions........and I would never tell her that I thought the other girls beat her out because their aunt and moms were part of the judging process............and deep down i'm glad she made the jv squad because I don't like the idea of her hanging out with girls so much older than her.............................but still, it pisses me off that life isn't always fair.....especially when it's unfair to my daughter.

I called in sick to work today. It's not something I do very often. I woke up this morning thinking of all the things I need to do today and going to work wasn't one of them.
I did manage to power wash the deck and clean the grill.
Daugher had her cheerleading tryouts thsi evening. After tryouts we went home and waited for the call to see if she made it. For several hours her and her friends text messaged each other to see if anyone had gotten THE call yet, and they speculated on who they thought would make Varsity/Junior Varsity.
Daughter got the call that she had made JV. She was heart broken. Her goal was to make the varsity squad......and to make matters worse, her 2 best friends made Varsity.
She hid out in her bedroom ........I went up to talk with her........while we laid in bed talking the coach text messaged daughter and then called her. She kinda gave daughter a pep talk.........it was very sweet of her to call. Daughter is adjusting to the idea of not cheering with her best friends.....and I think that deep down she's a little happy that she made one of the teams.

I'm thinking about going back to school..........we'll see.

Sunday

X-husband went to China today. He called a couple nights ago to let me know where all the emergency info. is and to chit chat about the kids. He's been super nice the last couple times he's called. I think he's worried about going so far away. He wrote a beautiful note on the graduation card he got for daughters graduation from middle school. Daughter cried when she read it. It was sweet, and he can be too some of the time.

Cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow evening..........they were originally scheduled for last Friday but for whatever reason it was changed. Daughter has been working on her cheers and gymnastics for several days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I've been thinking about marriage lately and whether or not I'd ever do it again.......I've always said I'd never do it again, and I meant it when I said it.........but now i'm not so sure.......the marriage part isn't so bad........it's the divorce that puts a damper on things.....

My New Hero

Steakhouse refuses to serve O.J. Simpson


Story Highlights• Owner of Kentucky steakhouse asks O.J. Simpson to leave• Simpson was in town for Kentucky Derby• During 1990s, he was acquitted of murder, but found liable in civil court• "I didn't want to serve him," owner Jeff Ruby says.

Shopping

I went to Barnes & Nobles today to spend the gift card my son gave to me for Mothers Day. I bought 4 books.........eat, pray, and love............The Memory Keeper's Daughter...........To Kill a Mockingbird and Where Are The Children. I felt like a kid in the candy store while picking out my books. It was fun!.............and then

I shopped all day. This is what I bought......
Dog house for Charlie
Kiddie pool for Charlie
Black shorts, white t-Shirt, sports bra, red hair ribbon and white socks for daughter for cheerleading tryouts.
Stick thingys to hold up my tomato plants and bread tie like things to hold the plants to the sticks.
underwear
nursing uniform
sports bra
hair products
licorice
chocolate
freezer &
lunch for boyfriend(Mexican food) for him following me around the stores all day.
All I have left to buy is a charm bracelet for my daughter as a gift for her graduation from Middle School.
I'm all shopped out!

I got up early this morning and balanced my check book and paid my bills.........picked daughter up at her dads house and took her to school........went and woke boyfriend up and convinced him to go shopping with me.

I've been sleeping like a baby lately, and I wake up feeling rested. I think it's the blood pressure medicine.............feels good to sleep well........just wish the medicine didn't make me so tired...my blood pressure has been perfect.

I've Lost That loving Feeling

It use to be that I didn't understand/couldn't relate to girlfriends when they'd talk about not wanting to have sex with their husbands or boyfriends. They'd be going through a phase that usually didn't last. A phase where they just didn't want sex. Even while going through my divorce, I still enjoyed sex with my soon to be xhusband................. I've never gone through "one of those phases" ........until now. My sexual desire is gone, totally and completely GONE! I'm not sure why ......I just know it is.......and I don't care. Go figure.

Stuff

I think it's a toss up between Blake and Lakisha on who will be sent home this week..........but........if I had it my way I'd send the 17 y/o home this week and Lakisha next week..........I like Blake. He's different, and I always look forward to seeing what he's going to do with a song.................Paula is prettier this year. I don't know if it's her make-up, or if it's because she's not high.......she looks good.

Daughter trys out for high school cheerleading May 18. She'll be a freshman. I've been encouraging her to start practicing, and stretching, and all that stuff but she hasn't..........55 girls were at the meeting.......only 15 will make the varsity squad.....they don't have a freshman squad........daughter doesn't seem too concerned. I predict a broken heart, but hope for the best.

We-Ping rarely meows, and it use to be that she didn't purr. I always thought it weird that she didn't purr. Now that we allow her to play outside, she purrs all the time. She's much happier being an indoor outdoor cat. :O)

this n that

The Kentucky Derbys winning Jockeys reaction to winning the Derby was priceless. I'm glad he won!

I planted my pumpkin and cantelope seeds yesterday. Crossing my fingers that I actually get some pumpkins this year.


Charlie the new pup is doing horrible with his potty training. He pees and poops everywhere. He's a cute little guy and loveable but I'm about ready to give him to a foster family.

The census at work keeps dropping. Grapevine has it that we will be closed in 6 months. I'm gonna ride it out and see what happens.

Ky Derby

My pick for the Kentucky Derby is Sam P. I just know he's going to win. I can't tell you how I know, but I do! Check out a picutre of him if you want to see a truly beautiful horse!

my neighbors

I was driving down my street the other morning headed to work. I get about 1/2 way down the street and I note 2 of my neighbors, both women, 1 in her late 50's, the other in her mid60's, one lives on my side of the street, the other lives on the other side..........so i'm driving down the street and there they stand in the middle of the street, embracing each other and lost in a deep, kiss. Both of them were still dressed in their pajamas. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I considered pulling the map out of my glove box, opening the map, holding the map up and in front of my face and pretending I was busy reading the map and way too busy to notice what was happening between the 2 of them......but I didn't. They finished their kiss, turned away from each other and both headed to their respective houses.
I felt sorry for them. I couldn't help but wonder if they've had to hide their relationship for a good part of their time together...............and I wondered if they purposely bought houses across the streeet from each other? Did they start dating when they were young women?Have they had to live a lie most of their lives? Were they ostracized from another neighborhood and then move here? Do they spend the night at each others house everynight and then sneak home in the early hours?
I always kinda figured that the 50 something lady was an x nun who tended to her garden and avoided other people..................and I guessed the 60 something woman to be a widow living out the later part of her life in the home where she'd raised her kids. Ha! ....... I'm glad they have each other.